My Sister now knows!!

[AnntoAnn]

Something has happened so I thought I would share and ask your opinion on the situation.

Last Sunday my wife and I were sitting in the conservatory thinking what we could do for the day. When a figure appeared at the back door. The door was open to let some air in and before I knew it my Sister stepped through the opening. "I hope you don't mind but I have been knocking and ringing the bell with no answer ........" I was looking at her and she was looking at me. I just sat there with my heart going ten to the dozen. "Is D***** in? I want him to look at my Lap Top......" Sis just kept staring at me. "Is that you D******? What's happening? Why are you dressed like that?" My wife got up and said "I think its time you met Ann, you have a talk while I put the Kettle on" with that my wife left and my sister sat in her chair all the time still staring at me.

The rest seems a bit of a blur, but did my best to explain everything. She asked the usual questions "are you gay?", "are you going to have a sex change?" "who else Knows?" etc..... she started to get upset and seemed to be angry with my wife when she came in with tea. After a while she calmed down. She confessed she knew nothing of this side of me and wished I had told her as we have never kept secrets from each other.

This is the first member of my family too "meet" Ann. What now? My sister has promised to tell no one, but it has put me on edge and has somewhat dampened the joy of being Ann.

[kimdl93]

Well, that was an abrupt and unscripted introduction. I'm glad your sister worked through those initial stages of shock and surprise. I loved the calm way your wife responded and, of course your composure in the moment...had to be a few minutes of racing hearts all around!

Now the real period of your sisters education and adjustment begins. I hope you can invite her over occasionally in the near future to help her fully appreciate how fundamental Ann is to your life and comfortably integrated into your marriage, as it seems to be. There's little need to worry about the rest of the family for the moment, unless your sister misspeaks.

And let this be a period of clarification for you. How would you feel about being more open?

[Jorja]

Look at the bright side, you were going to tell her sometime. Now you won't have to. ;)

Just allow things to happen naturally and see where they go. Explain and educate as necessary. Continue to be yourself and show her it really doesn't matter whether she knows or not. You need to be yourself.

[AnntoAnn]

Thanks Kim for that, but I'm happy with how "open" I am at this time.

[Alice_2014_B]

I can imagine that heart-sinking feeling like, "this is NOT happening!", like seeing a car crash or something.
Amazing how your wife calmly handled the situation, not making it any more akward.
And yourself explaining everything, probs.

[Zoe B]

I suspect you had that moment where everything goes into slow motion, although think you and your wife handled it really well, I don't know what I would have done in your situation.

I would just take it one step at a time and make sure that your sister understands that you are still the same person.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ann, That's a tricky one I hope that it goes well for you.

Please keep us advised.

[Maria 60]

WOW! WOW! That's crazy, I am going to lock my door now, but wait a minute, maybe it's good to get some feedback from a family member. I don't know your sister, is she good with keeping secrets? If she is good for it, it must of kind of felt a little relief that someone in your family now knows and maybe her next visit you can both open up and get some feelings. I know for myself I would ask my sister if she ever had any idea about the dressing, and I would love to explain to her how it all started and how it became what it is today. I hope it all works out and she puts this in the vault and she gets a better understanding. Good luck and keep us informed.

[Beverley Sims]

Ann,
If your sister is true to you, I see a better relationship ahead.

Just don't let her see you dressed too often, if she is approving she may bring the subject up again.

[AnntoAnn]

Thanks for all the advice greatly appreciated. The latest is my sister Called me this morning to see how I was and could I still look at her laptop, seeing how last time she brought it round we didn't get around to it. I said bring it round later and I'll look at it. Then she asked if I would be dressed up! to which I replied would it matter? there was a long pause on the phone, then she said "not really". I said "I was planning to do so" with that she said "OK" and hung up. My wife had planned to meet up with her friends as she does once a month for drinks in town. When my sister came later I answered the door as Ann, my sister looked at me and said "Hi Ann" and walked in, giving me her laptop as she went past.

We talked some more while I looked at her laptop and later I showed her some photos of Ann. She has confessed she is not comfortable with me dressing, but will get used to it and supports it. She has also promised not to tell anybody, which I believe she will not say anything. She left my house about an hour ago, but not before giving me a big hug and saying "Good night Ann"

[Roxie]

sounds like you have a great sister Ann!

[Princess Grandpa]

"I'm not comfortable but I will get used to it" is perfectly fair. A wonderful tale of sibling love!

Hug
Rita

[Stephanie Miller]

Have you thought of maybe having a small bouquet of flowers delivered with a note that says something like " Just wanted to thank you for your loving support and promise to keep it between ourselves"
Might help subliminally enforce the "between ourselves" ;)

[Marcelle]

Hi Ann . . . albeit an abrupt introduction to your sister it seems to have gone well.

Hugs

Isha

[Badwolf]

It was under less "accidental" circumstances but I got blindsided with how my mom found out, and I know the fear. Unless you have a reason to believe she'll behave irrationally, it looks like she's taking it overall pretty well.

Respect the boundaries she sets when she sets them, and make sure she gets the time to tell you how she feels on EVERY level.

[Amymonroe]

I remember the day i asked my step sister to walk with me to the store. I had gone back and fourth with telling her for about a year and had also discussed it with my wife. So finally while we walked i told her about my cross dressing and she didn't believe me at first then i showed her the waistband of my Victoria Secret panties. she was very cool with the idea and she also confessed a secret to me as well. No one else in the family knows as they would not understand.

amy

[reb.femme]

Hi Ann,

Glad it's going well considering the accidental outing. Any chance I can borrow your sister? :heehee: Mine would be anything but understanding.
Nice avatar and profile pic by the way.

Rebecca

[trishacd]

If your sister can keep quiet about it and accept it i think its a plus. Some people just cant keep a secret. I would tell her if the cat gets out of the bag it would crush you to lose her friendship. With that being said i bet she will keep it to herself.
Good luck
Trish

[Jenny Doolittle]

Have you thought of maybe having a small bouquet of flowers delivered with a note that says something like " Just wanted to thank you for your loving support and promise to keep it between ourselves"
Might help subliminally enforce the "between ourselves" ;)

Great Idea!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

For what it's worth, I'll share my experience with another woman friend in my life. After about 40 years since I last saw her in high school and hardly knowing her then, we reconnected through Facebook. She lives in another state and we saw each other a couple years ago and at various points in between. We got caught up on many things and shared all that has happend over the years. She is divorced. I knew her husband back then. She told me that she found me to be a gentle and compassionate person. Well, I did tell her why I got divorced in the first place and told her about my feelings about my identity and that I CD'd because of it. Somehow I had a gut feeling that I could trust her. I really had nothing to lose. She told me that she suspected something different about me yet she still to this day loves me as a great friend. She shared feelings with me that I listened to and helped her define to help her feel better.

During our last phone conversation I realized something. She again remarked how much of a nice guy I was and how gentle and understanding I was. I said, "Well, after all these years I think I've overcompensated to be the best person I could be so that anyone will or can like me first."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can gain greater acceptance just by being the best we can be toward others. Then if it comes out that we CD, we can still be accepted. Ya know, go above and beyond. Do the dishes for your wife instead of sitting around dressed. Do the vacuuming. Listen. Work to understand someone. Get rid of attitudes. Help people however you can. Put your heart into fixing a sister's laptop. You get the picture?

A couple times I've heard someone say that "John" crossdresses but he's such a nice guy. It just makes it easier.

Sending a bouquet of flowers or asking your sister if she wants to sit down and talk are a plus. Forcining anyone to accept is a mistake. Like I said, for what it's worth.

Cheryl

[bridget thronton]

You have a good sister

[donnalee]

The fact that your sister didn't realize that it was you at breakfast speaks well for your presentation, even when at home. Also for keeping your doors secured; even just hooking the screen door closed.
Years ago I had my sister pull the same kind of stunt early in the morning, dragging some guy with her (I worked nights at the time). She not only woke me up, she also woke up my boss (also nights), his wife and their 2 very small kids who lived behind me, putting my job in jeaopardy. I read her the riot act and told her that if anything at all like that happened again, she would not see me again, period.
We live hundreds of miles away from each other; I can manage about 3 days in her company once a year before I get totally POed with her behavior, but she is the last living member of my immediate family and you don't get to pick your relatives.
She called me 7/1 and left a somewhat tearful message concerning our late sister, who passed away 4 years ago The 1st would have been her 71st birthday. When I called her back she said she wished she'd been nicer to her while she was alive (they lived in the same city, where I grew up). I didn't disagree, but in my family one learns very quickly to not step between 2 women who are having a disagreement. Things get nasty pretty quickly and they'll both wind up blaming you for the whole thing.
As for yours, she intruded where and when she was not wanted in order to avail herself of your free professional services. Not even considering that you might not want visitors at the time or that it might apply to her as well as to others. This is beyond rude and should never be tolerated or accepted. She also has no right to an explanation of anything. That being said, you are probably taking the wisest course, although I'd be very careful about what you tell her and monitor her behavior closely. She obviously has little compunction about the methods she uses in getting her way and might see this as an opportunity to get a little leverage on you.
By the way, your wife's response was great and very sensible; you are a lucky girl!

"A guy falls out a window on the 80th floor of a high-rise; passing the 50th floor, someone asks "Are you OK?". He replies "So far, so good!".

So, anyway, so far, so good!

[Tora]

Great story, very good Flicker site.... Well done. Good luck with your sister.

[chanie]

My sister found out about Chanie by accident too. After a couple of weeks we had a loooong chat. We have met a few times as sisters and skype when we can. She is now my biggest fan 😍

[Franki Kate]

How very special for you, Ann. You are truly fortunate to have such a sister. Thank you for sharing.

[Rachel137]

Hi Ann, Try to relax and just be who you really are.

[Rhonda Jean]

You have a conservatory??? And a wife that lets you dress like a chick?? Ahhh, the unfairness of life!

Your sister can just get over it. You've got the world by the tail!

[AnntoAnn]

Have you thought of maybe having a small bouquet of flowers delivered with a note that says something like " Just wanted to thank you for your loving support and promise to keep it between ourselves"
Might help subliminally enforce the "between ourselves" ;)

Stephanie, I did think of doing that, but it would have been out character for me to do that and I did not want my sisters partner asking awkward questions. My sister is also not the flower type, a good bottle of red would have been more appreciated.

Ann x

[kimdl93]

From your follow up,MIT seems your sister is making a conscious effort, and is committed to getting comfortable with you as Anne. I hope you both have more opportunities for her to spend time getting adjusted. She's off to a great start!

[AnntoAnn]

Just an update if anyone was interested.
Sunday morning just past my wife suggested we went for Sunday lunch at a pub we went to some time ago as she had booked a table Saturday and suggested that Ann should come this time. So I changed into something casual/dressy and off we went. When we got there we were met by my Sister, who had arrange this with the wife. She wanted to meet Ann in a public setting to see how others reacted and how she also felt to be seen out with me. I was annoyed at first for the deception but remembered I had been deceiving her also for some time!
We had a great time and chatted about shopping and fashion etc... my sister kept looking around at first to see if anyone was staring and after a wile she seemed to relax and even went to the ladies with me!
Again we parted company and promised to do it again. When I got home she had texted me "Thanks, had a lovey day with my Sister Ann XX"

Ann x

[Badwolf]

Wow that's a fast turnaround! haha

See we all had the right vibe, she's going to adore you either way!

[DonnaT]

Sounds like y'all will be spending more time out together. Possibly a shopping excursion soon. Nice!

[giuseppina]

It's real nice to hear that your sister accepts you as you are. :)

[Eringirl]

Hello Ann. I read your post last night and I almost cried with joy. I am so happy that it was a positive experience for you. You are both brave and beautiful - good for you.
Erin
P.S. - just joined the forum, so looking forward to getting to know all y'all. I did post a brief bio in the introduction forum...

[Vala]

You and your sister will be ok :) it's Verry nice reading that.

[Celina]

Glad that I was not me who got caught, I can only imagine your heart rate! So nice to hear everything has turned out positive so far, and you have one awesome sister :)