Dressing en femme at your wedding

[Nikki 1984]

Has anyone dressed en femme at their wedding? What to do about your male friends standing next to you at the ceremony? Would they be dressed up as bridesmaids as well? I hope that the wife I end up getting married to let's me be able to dress up as a bride as well. I'll have to wait and see.

Huggs, Nikki

[Beverley Sims]

I did not dress at my wedding.
I expect it would be a big coming out party. :)

[Zoe B]

I am getting married in a few months from now, but we are sticking to the traditional bride and grooms outfit. I think anything else would be a little too much for everyone attending.

[Sandra]

Isn't the day supposed to be all about the bride? sorry but unless she is totally accepting and then it might not come off you ain't got a chance. When it happens let her have her day, you can always have another ceremony with you as the bride.

[susmitha]

I agree to ADMINISTRATOR. My marriage was nany years ago, in the traditional way. I would like to have one more private ceremony with me as the bride and my actual wife as the groom.

[Aprilrain]

:battingeyelashes:One thing is for sure the next wedding I go to I will be wearing a dress. Ironically that very well may be my ex-wife's upcoming wedding:heehee:

Sandra, what if the wedding involves two husbands? I think a wedding should be about two people committing themselves to each other. If it's just about "her" what's the point of "him" even being there?

[PaulaQ]

As much as I'd love to be a bride in a beautiful dress - the whole princess fantasy, I don't expect to marry ever again. I've done it twice now, and I don't seem to be very good at it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Nikki. As much as I am about expressing the CDing part of me if I were to say have a "renewal of vows" ceremony with my wife . . . it would be as "boy me". While completely supportive of Isha, my wife married a man and a man will stand next to her for such things. However, if your intended is fully supportive of the idea then I don't see the harm in it so long as you are prepared to let the entire wedding party know about Nikki.

Hugs

Isha

[emma-louise]

When i married my now ex wife i didnt wear the dress at the wedding but wore it with all the underwear etc as soon as we got back from our honeymoon

[Teresa]

Nikki it does raise a few questions, if your partner is happy maybe it's not a problem, but assuming family and friends are not all like minded you could get a few unpleasant moments which could spoil your day !
If immediate family aren't accepting and don't turn up that can really hurt and maybe cause a family rift !
I photographed weddings for thirty years but retired from it before same sex weddings were allowed, despite being a CDer I think I would have struggled to put together plausible wedding pictures if traditional dressing was ignored !
It was a real pleasure to photograph a stunning bride in a beautiful dress, you shouldn't really consider taking that away from your partner !!

[larry07]

I was wearing panties at my wedding, but otherwise all male apparel. My bride fell in love with a man and I didn't feel that our wedding was the place to push the envelope.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki, That kind of thing just wasn't done 50 years ago.

[pinklilly211]

My wife insisted that we both wear matching white satin undies (as she calls them LOL) during our wedding. We had to make a special shopping trip just for them!

[Kate Simmons]

That would have to be totally up to the Bride I believe.:)

[Nadya]

I'd say as long as your SO is OK with it, why not? It depends on you family situation and whether it would cause drama with family not so accepting.

[Sandra]

Sandra, what if the wedding involves two husbands? I think a wedding should be about two people committing themselves to each other. If it's just about "her" what's the point of "him" even being there?

I agree.... but you knew that was coming didn't you :) The OP says nothing about it being two husbands, of course a wedding should be about both people, but in a traditional wedding the bride is the center of attention. By all means if the OP wants to be the bride then they should if their partner is ok with this, but if she isn't ok with it but is ok with the idea of her SO being the bride then IMHO it could be done with another ceremony.

[Desirae]

I'd venture to say that 99% of women would NEVER go along with this. No, I don't have any evidence to back that up. Just say its a very educated guess. A wedding is THEIR day. most of them have been dreaming of that day since they were little girls. They certainly wouldn't accept being "upstaged" by their "to be spouse" being the center of attention. Just my :2c:.

[bridget thronton]

Only if my SO suggested it

[Aprilrain]

Sandra, There is no way in hell I'd let my husband get away with it, I was just playing devils advocate!:devil:

[Sandra]

Oh April I thought you were being serious :p

[MatildaJ.]

What to do about your male friends standing next to you at the ceremony? Would they be dressed up as bridesmaids as well?

Unless they're also transgender, it seems very odd to ask them to wear clothes they're not comfortable wearing. Today both brides and grooms often have their close friends stand up for them, whatever their gender, wearing whatever they agree is appropriate. See, for instance:

http://weddingplans.livejournal.com/19660853.html
http://offbeatbride.com/2012/08/texas-karaoke-wedding

[Emi_]

Not even engaged and already putting selfish demands on the future wife?

[sylviatv]

i am not married but if i get married some day. i dont think i will be wearing a dress

[ArleneRaquel]

If I should ever marry it will be enfemme. :battingeyelashes:

[juliew]

My bride picked out matching black silk shirts and black jeans for our wedding. Don't remember if the little rose colored satin things were matching but I do remember that my bra was prettier than hers and I made sure I pointed that out to her. :D

A cold front had just blown through New Orleans the day before (Christmas) and the temp was brrr when we got off the plane in our silks. Headlight time!!!! It was a fun day. :hugs:

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I had a very traditional wedding four decades ago. I thought I had expunged my cross dressing desires years prior to that. If I were to remarry, if my wife passed on, I still would not wear a dress even if she was accepting. At my age I'm content to peruse a website of cross dressers in bridal white. Those beauties make any old man come to his senses.

[Nikki 1984]

I'm sorry that I got carried away. I'll go as the groom for the wedding. To find an acceptable significant other is fine by me. Anyways I shouldn't be overshadowing the future wife. I was being selfish without realizing it.

Take care, Nikki

[Sabrina133]

I got married on the 14th of June. My wife and I were both brides. One of my bridesmaids was a CD. I have been out to my family, friends and at work since January so no issues. If a guess didn't feel comfortable with it, they simply didn't need to come. And yes, my dad walked me down the aisle.

Bree

[Steffi McAlister]

Hey people, I am getting married in September, We are having a Steampunk Wedding on a farm, it is a 3 day event, we was having two transgendered girls as bridesmaids but my partners family kicked up, even though they know about me, so to keep the peace the two girls are now just coming as guests and we have another bridesmaid. I would dearly love to wear a dress as I have 4 that fit nicely lol... I have a little sideline in making Corpse Bride and Zombie Bride dresses from used and sometimes new wedding dresses... but I bought one the other day which is sooooo nice, a fishtail with a superb ruched body, strapless and champagne in colour. In a size 14 which fits me like a glove!! yeahhh!:) I will probably wear this one to a private ceremony we are having with our tv friends in a house near where we live... Sarah will probably wear hers again so we will both be in very glamourous dresses... Just letting you know that there are ways and means to outsmart people that dont agree with our ways of thinking, come to think of it we and I have never had any bad comments from anybody, yes I get clocked occasionally but nothing is said. We go shopping, we go on the beach and I do walk in and out of my home dressed. I have been to the local working mens club a few times to a disco and they all want to come up and talk about normal things, there is no awkward moments at all, so what I am saying is go for it, you only live once! or so I am told lol... yes we have changed our wedding to keep the inlaws happy but thats just normal to keep them happy isn't it haha... Steffi

[Jennifer in CO]

She wore the white dress, I wore the white tux; but the differences stopped there. She bought us matching trusos for the wedding so that she had on a white lace bra, I had on the same bra. She had on white lace panties, I had on the same lace panties. Continue through the waist nipper, matching garter/hose, and...ok she had on 4" spike heels and I had on white patent flats (she did make me wear the heels later just so I'd know what she did so she could be the same height as me). After the wedding? our going away outfits were also matching...but in a kinky way. Since we changed together post the wedding (and is was dang near 20 degrees outside) our outfits were matching white satin with lace yoke blouses with long chiffon sleeves to satin 4 button cuffs, red bell-bottom slacks (no pockets/side zippers), matching red bra/panties, matching red garter/hose and matching white shoes. Oh...and matching white down coats that covered our tops. It was great at least till we got to the airport and it wasn't 20 degrees anymore...but thats a another story

[KarenNY]

My wedding with my wife was very traditional -- me in the black tux, her in the wedding dress. The one difference was I walked her down the aisle -- her father wasn't part of her life at the time, so we had that one departure from tradition. I had done a mock wedding as a bride about 3 years earlier where I wore my full bridal regalia, walked down the aisle and got "married" to a male family friend in a tux, with all the traditional vows, rings and all. So I got that out of my system and wanted to be the groom for my wife.

[Krisi]

I would like to think that a wedding would be more serious, more about the commitment of two people to love each other. Your idea sounds like something for the Jerry Springer TV show.

[Amanda L.]

Do you need a bridesmaid? I'll gladly help
Amanda

[Jackie7]

We married in 2010, second time each and late in life as we are both in our 60s. We married three times in all. First, before 140 family and friends at our country digs, big tent in the yard, of course I wore panties but otherwise traditional man in new suit with woman in lovely dress. Two days later, just the two of us for a quiet legal wedding with a local judge, similarly dressed as before, because our original officiant was not actually certified in our state. Then two weeks later a cross-dress wedding at a weekend festival not far away, but this time with me as the bride in a white dress and my sweetie in her business suit, 35 guests, I think seven or eight of them were at both 'public' weddings. All three weddings were rich and meaningful to both of us in their different ways. I loved being the bride and cherish my bridal photos.

Not to derail the thread, but I would like to add that this was possible because I was out as a CD to my wife the first time I met her in 2002, and dressed en femme the second time, before our first actual date. there were no surprises, she knew from the start, and she had the chance to decide it was fine with her before we became entangled. I realize this is not the situation of most folks here, but if you was to ask my advice on how to proceed it would be to get out front with the news and skip the deep and fretful secret.

[Michelle789]

This is something that has to be discussed between the bride and the groom. I would think that the bride should have the final say, since after all she wants a groom. If you really want to be a bride at your wedding, this is something I would discuss fairly early in in your relationship before getting engaged. How far do you want to take your CDing?

[patti.jean]

When Katherine and I where married five years ago we had two weddings. The first wedding was a traditional wedding then two weeks later we had a second wedding. The second wedding was at TG Weekend at the Dunes Resort, where we both wore wedding dresses. It was a great experience that still makes me emotional as I type this. Here are a few photos of me in my wedding dress.

[Rhonda Jean]

I wore a tux. I rolled my hair, but just wore it in a ponytail, so it was just straighter than usual. Not really noticeable in a ponytail.

Years ago I happened on to a website chronicling a couple's commitment ceremony. They'd had a traditional wedding weeks earlier, but had another for the husband to be the bride. They went all out with the whole bride and wedding experience. Many family and friends attending, including children. It was beautifully photographed. She had long hair, and it showed her arriving from the salon with her hair in an updo and makeup done. The photos that struck me were of her mother helping her with her dress and hair. It was just beautiful!

[Claire Cook]

We were married in a small traditional ceremony 46 years ago. Most of our family could not attend. When we reach the big Five-Oh, I've been thinking of renewing our vows and doing it big with having our family and friends. Out of consideration for my family, who do not know Claire, we'd do it the traditional way.

But if the occasion arose, I've love to wear a dress to someone else's wedding!

[Jenny Elwood]

I don't want to be the spoilsport or anything but this whole debate is a bit silly to me. Personally I will never wear a wedding dress. Sure I will look at wedding dresses and appreciate their beauty. And maybe at times in my life I would have like to try one on. But I will never do it. Why? Because of the significance of it when my wife wore hers 12 years ago. It was the gift wrapping when she gave herself to me. If I now wear a wedding dress who am I "giving" myself to? Marriage to me is sacred and should not be cheapened. Sorry, but my beautiful wife will always be the only bride in our house.

[KarenNY]

When Katherine and I where married five years ago we had two weddings. The first wedding was a traditional wedding then two weeks later we had a second weeding. The second wedding was at TG Weekend at the Dunes Resort, where we both wore wedding dresses. It was a great experience that still makes me emotional as I type this. Here are a few photos of me in my wedding dress.

You look absolutely beautiful and so happy, Patti Jean! :)

[CynthiaD]

I've only been married once. I bought the ring, which essentially ended my active involvement in the affair. My wife, her mother, and her sisters planned an executed everything else. My duty was to show up when and where I was told. My feeling was WTF have I gotten into? We've been married for over 30 years, so I guess it was OK. No, I wasn't en femme. I wore what my wife told me to wear. Sigh.

[Jennifer in CO]

I have to add a note - when I transitioned, my wife bought me a nice ladies ring set. When I transitioned back, it was the last thing I quit wearing. Actually, most of the time I just wore the wedding band half till we could get my "male" ring resized.

[Sally24]

I posed this question to my wife in that we are planning a renewal ceremony sometime in our future. Her response was "I married you, not her". She and Sally are friends but I am her husband. I had to ask! lol

[giuseppina]

I would be opposed unless I was satisfied it would not be a point of conflict in the future. Quite a few genetic ladies would feel as though their toes are being stepped on on this one.

[BillieAnneJean]

Amazing how the wedding has become the bride's event. The ring, the dress, the ceremony, the reception. When and how did it get so far under the control of the marketing people? The adverts say that the groom should spend three months salary on the ring! The total amount spent is really out of proportion.

But the reality is some GGs are totally swept up in "their day" and the groom may later on wish he had let her have that day with her as the focus. My advice would be to keep it traditional as that leaves less chance that anything non traditional might be regretted later.

BTW my SO is the whole world to me and I would never consider anything but her and me-he at any function like a renewing of the vows or anything that could be done traditionally. But I much prefer being in guy when with her because then I can enjoy her femininity and openly do all the hugging, kissing, holding, and girl/guy things that personally I prefer to do with her as a guy. Yes we do girl-gurl occasionally mostly because it is a Grand Rapids Crossdresser Social Group event that is open to SOs. But if I was getting married to her again or for the first time, which I would happily do, I would keep it traditional. All my preferences.

[Abbyru1]

when my wife and I married, it was very traditional except I wore women's pants that looked male , panty hose and other great women's clothing under the guy stuff. until just now ,no one else knew!

[char GG]

My husband wore a white tux and looked amazing (like a blonde James Bond) - very cool and sexy. He took my breath away just to look at him. I will always cherish the sight of him standing at the alter. I wouldn't have changed a thing except to marry him sooner.

Nikki, I hope when you marry, you have the wedding of your dreams. It's the beginning of a journey and it's the journey that counts.

[celeste26]

It seems that given a large very expensive wedding with guests coming from many places, and few of them in on the secret, that tells me a groom should be dressed in regular formal attire, far too many factors to figure out and it wont create a scene.

Small weddings with only a few people who are all in on the secret and accepting could easily be a venue for two brides. It just adjusts upward the price for everything, wedding gowns can be very expensive. Also factor in who is buying the gown.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

When my wife and I married, I was in my Dress Blues (formal Army uniform) and she was in a gorgeous gown with some amazing foundation garments below. If (hopefully when) we rededicate ourselves to each other (likely the 20-year mark, in a few years), I'm thinking it would be kinky for us to wear matching lingerie and stockings. Nobody would be any the wiser, and I think it would somewhat ironic and thrilling to juxtapose a macho military façade with feminine finery underneath. Back in the "honeymoon" suite I would of course have a matching pair of heels, peignoir, etc. stashed. I may have to run the concept by her...hoping she will think the private and illicit nature of this outweighs breaking gender norms...

[Renee Elise]

Interesting idea....Amanda love that thought of being a bridesmaid lol. I agree with many of the posts that the wedding day is totally about the wife and groom...if my honey was comfortable with my femme persona then maybe she and I could gave a girls night out or something in secret. Thing is I like being a guy when I'm with girls...on the other hand though I can see the allure of all the silky finery and the glamorous aspect of it all :). Maybe a secret photoshoot...her in the gown, me in the bridesmaid dress :).


When my wife and I married, I was in my Dress Blues (formal Army uniform) and she was in a gorgeous gown with some amazing foundation garments below. If (hopefully when) we rededicate ourselves to each other (likely the 20-year mark, in a few years), I'm thinking it would be kinky for us to wear matching lingerie and stockings. Nobody would be any the wiser, and I think it would somewhat ironic and thrilling to juxtapose a macho military façade...
Shibumi, first thank you for your service :). Secondly this gave me a hearty chuckle...no one would have a clue, it would be great! Your wife is a special lady you're both blessed :).

[MsVal]

[...] when my wife wore hers 12 years ago. It was the gift wrapping when she gave herself to me. If I now wear a wedding dress who am I "giving" myself to? Marriage to me is sacred and should not be cheapened. Sorry, but my beautiful wife will always be the only bride in our house.

<sniff>
That is soooo sweet.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Lady Catherine]

My wedding to my present wife was all for her, so it was traditional. She promises me if we have a renewal ceremony, I can wear the dress.

[Charla McBee]

We plan on doing some sort of vow renewal every year and kind of want a do-over wedding at the ten year mark (thanks to enough drama to make a hit movie the first time). At least once I might do it in girl mode, especially if I turn out to be as far along the transgender spectrum as I suspect.

[Carolina]

I tend to agree that it all depends on your SO, but even so, it tends to be her day.
I'd love to attend a wedding en femme, but my own, or the renewal of vows would be a major stretch. Nice fantasy, but just that.

[Krististeph]

Much as it would be fun, I do not think it is the venue for 'coming out', nor simply even indulging in dressing up. Goes both ways, too, and here is why:

Actually, we did not even have a wedding. We got married. 25 years ago. We pledged to each other- no distractions. Nor did i give her a diamond engagement ring- I bought her a car, and then a condo. The condo appreciated, and we moved up. The car lasted for 13 years with no breakdowns. We invested in each other continuing education, and real items- not traditional baubles- rings, parties... The upshot is that now at 50, we own our single family home in a good neighborhood free and clear, own our cars (recent, higher end luxury /sport models) free and clear. My wife has 3 more degrees than when we got married, and is working on #4, I have close to a dozen degrees, certificates, and licenses hence.

Had plenty of other parties, went to plenty of others' weddings, and my wife never even got into the 'girl in a big white dress' thing, though she has lots of nice party gowns. Actually, for a while, she felt guilty about us not having a wedding, knowing i have a thing for bridal gowns. I sat her down and explained to her that it is essentially a fetish, not necessarily sexual, but not a deep need. The wedding is just a vehicle for the dress, in my case. Now she gets it. How could you possibly ask for anything more in a wife?

Wedding receptions or parties should be as fun as possible, but only if they do not stress out either the bride or groom. We married, took care of the necessities for each other and the relationship, then, after we had the means, celebrated. Going extremely strong at 25 years, yes we drive each other crazy at times, but i would not trade her love and friendship f or anything in the world. Statistically speaking, i was lucky to find her, and when you are given a extraordinary gift, you do not treat it as ordinary- following the crowd

I see bridal gowns essentially as princess or fairy-tale princess gowns. Fun to play in, looks a feels quite unique, makes a heck of a statement, and occasionally, gets one laid. But I think it detracts from the focus of the marriage, for either female or TG bride, along with the reception and even the honeymoon.

It's too much, and a huge let down. I know this is not a popular view, but it works for us. i do not even wear a ring. Aside from it getting damaged (i fix biomedical, industrial, and scientific equipment), I do not need it to remind me nor ward off other females. there is an old oriental saying that <paraphrased> "The best knots and ties are not made with any rope or chain, and therefore cannot be undone by any man."

That said....

If you wanted to hold a ceremony after the real marriage- (we had a small informal one, i did not CD) a celebratory symbol, party, reception, then YES by all means! Get and work that dress young lady! Have fun. Go ape.

For me, the mairrage is more important than crossdressing, much as I will never ever stop crossdressing- one must focus on the most important points first.

-kristin

[Jennifer Devine]

Don't think it is such a good idea myself.
Even if your future wife to be was accepting of your dressing, your family and some friends might not be ready to see the Groom dressed as a Bride.
Kinda takes the focus of her a bit.

[Erica Bite]

Ive come out to my closest friends and my wife's sisters. We recently did a small wedding in Las Vegas with a ceremony with just six guests Neither of our were there but they know we are married. I got to wear the dress and be treated like a bride and she rented a tux and looked stunning. We are planning on having a "show wedding" for the rest of our families at a later date.
232935

[Maria 60]

My wife always tells me that if I would have told her before we were married, she would have expected me to wear pantyhose under my suit. I told her I wished I would have told her, I probably would have enjoyed that.

[carahawkwind]

My wife helps me with makeup, helps me shop for clothes and is very supportive in general, but she probably would have stabbed me if I suggested that I where I dress to our wedding.

[Badwolf]

I haven't really had the full bride fantasy that strongly, and I know my SO wants a man next to her. I may ask for some time somewhere within the honeymoon etc.

[Ally 2112]

I did not even touch on the subject when i got married even thou my wife knew about my CDing .To me it was her day and that was the least i could do for her ..Even thou 2 years after we divorced she sold me her wedding dress for 100 dollers .Sadly it did not fit very well

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm getting married on Halloween and I plan to wear a wedding dress, if I can find one cheap . Either way I will be in a dress of some kind.

[Robyne Rocks]

My husband & I got married in the courthouse last year, with just us & immediate family. I don't think any of them knew about his crossdressing at the time. I wore a dress, he wore slacks & a nice shirt. It was a lovely little ceremony.

This November, we'll be having our big wedding. I will be wearing my wedding dress, he will be in a tux or other such ensemble, but I wouldn't be surprised if he wore panties underneath. :-)

We'll be having another wedding in another year or so, a much smaller one, & he will be the one in a wedding dress, walking down the isle to me.

I think we both deserve to have a day being the bride. A big party full of friends & extended family might not be a comfortable setting for my husband to announce this part of himself, but I would be proud to walk down the isle with him, both of us each other's beautiful bride. If coming out to family weren't an issue, that would be ideal. :-)

[Amanda M]

If she agrees to a second ceremony - fine. Otherwise stop being selfish.