Gender issues

[Zoeeee]

Been thinking for a while about my life, especially after i just got accepted to be an apprentice mechanic. Sometimes i feel like i'm trying to be someone else and yet i'm not . I always get this feeling in me that i want to be a girl .... i look at myself and hate how i look and all i can see is the female inside me. Tempted to go to the doctor to see if he can point me in the right direction but i don't want to hurt people whilst i try and work out who i really am, guess i'm just scared of being the bad person again.

I don't want to pretend anymore, sorry rant over :P just needed to get it off my chest.

Zoe X

P.S. thats not me in the picture :P far from it :O

[Jenniferathome]

Women can be mechanics too!

[Teresa]

Zoe I don't know your age but I guess you've got to the point where your future needs sorting and you've got CDing stuck in your brain and you 're struggling to work round it ! If you've been offered an apprentice mechanic's job take it, you don't know when you could be offered an opportunity again ! Besides you are always in a better position when in work to make changes later ! You see far more girls now in those sort of jobs so it's not going to make that much difference if you want to transition . I would guess that you haven't come to terms with your CDing that will happen just give it time and take in what members here have to say !
You're more likely to regret not taking the job than taking it believe me !!

[mechamoose]

Engineer? (http://firefly.wikia.com/wiki/Kaywinnet_Lee_Frye)

Gender != skill

- MM

[Kate Simmons]

Really getting to know yourself and getting in touch with your feelings is the first step Hon. :)

[wanda66]

Male or female you still have to make a liveing. Be the best you can be , focus... first things first.. Don't dwell on , take charge of yourself . Life is a a big jucey apple , take a big bite and enjoy. Good luck .

[reb.femme]

Hi Zoe,

I'm an ex aircraft engineering tech (smelly jet engine and fuel systems but now in IT) so work life is no barrier to being the girl you wish to be, but it can wreck your nails :heehee:. I knew 3 engineering tech girls on one squadron back in the late eighties, so I'd grab the opportunity on offer and let your life unfold in its own time.

You are young and perspectives change, I think I can remember that far back anyway, but take a deep breath and assess your gender requirements over hopefully, the many years that you have before you. Oh...and with money in your pocket or purse (delete as appropriate).

Rebecca - another south east girl too!

[Katey888]

Zoe - I think this is just one of those moments we all have in life... :)

Something significant happens in one part of your life (your career) and it causes you to evaluate other aspects of your life (your gender feelings) - life is full of intended and unintended events that trigger some of us to think and feel a little more deeply about our objectives and directions...

I wouldn't sweat it too much for now.. take your time over how you feel - have a good rant every now and then! - and plan how you spend that first paycheck... :yahoo:

Congratz on getting offered the place - everything is so competitive today, you've done well...

Katey x

[adrienner99]

I don't think you're trying to be someone else. You're trying to balance two conflicting forces--the necessity to function as a male in a society that demands it and the overpowering urge to dress or perhaps to become TS....I oftenthink CDing is like being a spy..there is just a big part of yourself have to hide...or disclose at great risk...I have no answer other than be a man when you have to and be girly when you can.....

[Erica Marie]

Zoe, girl dont get too worked up. Its time to find out who you want to be, not who you are. Any one can be anything now a days. I work in a new car dealership in the parts dept. Trust me I am no manly man and I seem to fit in fine. Been in this occupation for 21 yrs. And guess what, we have a young lady who is a lube tech and she can hold her own with any of the guys. Dont let gender decide what occupation you go into. If you like cars or what ever you want to work on and you feel in time you want to present in the female gender then more power to you.
Be strong and be yourself.

[Pippa A]

I reckon you should take the apprenticeship if you're interested in it, and bring a bit of zoeeee to the job - not outwardly, but in your head.

Trust me, it'll give you an edge - a different way of looking at things, extra to the typical male outlook.

Thats my 2 cent's worth anyway :)

[Christen]

Rants are good! Take the job and let the other bits of you life work themselves out as they will.
Just that you think about being scared of being the bad person makes me think you are definitely not that.
Good luck,

Christen x

[Jorja]

Sugar and spice and everything nice is not the only thing little girls are made of. Engine oil and transmission fluid. I can bake you a pie and give you a brake job too. A man likes a versatile girl these days.

[CrossJess]

Zeo you are very young still, reading your topic there reminded me of how i was when i was your age, sounds like a carbon copy to be honest, also i was a mechanic when i left school thats what i went into, took me a while to find my self, i was a very confused teen and was the same until about 25, i always knew i was different inside and feel the same as you, now i dont worry about it i simply put it done to a gender miss match i always feel like i was given the wrong body, when i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw in the early years, my biggest problem was tackling the issue of being gay just didnt know how to handle it and was some what ashamed, but that all sorted it self in the end as i grew older, everything comes together with time, now im very happy being a gay guy that always dresses as a girl and spent a long time working on my body to get it looking a fem as poss, now im happy and i really hope you can find your self sweet

[Adriana Moretti]

I don't think you're trying to be someone else. You're trying to balance two conflicting forces--the necessity to function as a male in a society that demands it and the overpowering urge to dress or perhaps to become TS........

That is exactly what I was gunna say....find the balance between the two...and be happy with the skin you are in

[Desirae]

I think taking the job and figuring out yourself while working is a much better option than not taking the job and possibly obsessing about what you are/what you're not. I think you'll make better decisions if you've got some grounding, something "else" going on in your life going on. And there are plenty of female mechanics nowadays. I wish one would come over and change my oil and coolant in my car. Then I wouldn't have to.

[Karren J]

Even if your not planning to be a tech forever those are good skills to have. I was a mechanic for 8 years before I found my true love. Computers.

[DQ Tanya]

Been thinking for a while about my life, (...snip)


another option that may be of help to you is specialist counselling - if you google Pink Therapy, you will find lots of qualified counsellors with experience of gender identity that can help you. These days you can do it by video call for a pretty reasonable price. (typically $50 for just under an hour)

[Beverley Sims]

Zoeeee,
You have had a rant and this has illicited diverse replies.
Weigh these all up and maybe you can still be a "pretty mechanic" someday. :)

You may find the mechanic's life fits with other activities anyway.

[Marcelle]

Hi Zoeee . . . IMHO you have two issues going on (1) Getting started in your career; (2) finding out who you are. You should not let the two intertwine at this juncture in your life. If you want to be a mechanic then take the apprenticeship and move on with your chosen vocation in life. If you decided later you want to transition to become a woman well as Jennifer and others have pointed out "Women can be mechanics too".

Regarding finding yourself, to be honest sweetie this thing we do can be very confusing and can at times lead one to believe that transition is the way ahead. If it is, then that is fine. However, you really should seek out the guidance of a gender identity therapist to help bring order to chaos before you make any life altering decisions. Continue with your apprenticeship, find yourself and move forward in the direction life takes you. If you do decide to transition and feel being a mechanic is not for you, you can always move in whatever direction you need to go later in life. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Ivie]

Definitely! Take the job, you've far more options if you've got an income.
Then take your time and find the balance, looking to express yourself is never a bad thing; you just need to be considerate of the feelings of those effected (which you evidently are in expressing your concern).
BTW an entirely unscientific, annecdotal assessment seems to suggest that are very well represented here!
Love
Ivie

[tman2001]

take the job and see if you even like that kind of work. than you can figure out the rest while learning a trade that there is a lot of women in.

[flatlander_48]

One of the things that I have noticed about getting older is you get to see the difference between what you thought and how things actually worked out. Younger people (I'm 65) have this tendency to do-know-figure out NOW. What age has shown me is that often what we fretted about and ran around in a panic about is really something that needs time and consideration. Sorting out one's sexuality (term used in the broadest context) is a topic that lends itself to that approach. It is a work in progress, and should be treated as such.

Foremost in this equation is one's livelihood. Regardless of whether you are, or will be, male, female or somewhere in between, very little happens unless we have a source of income. Since you have been accepted into the program, obviously people believe that you can make it through successfully. This is not insignificant because we never know when an opportunity will present itself again. While I don't know the specifics around what future employment the apprenticeship might lead to, but it opens the possibility that perhaps there could be situations with medical coverage beyond the national system. This could be useful for additional counseling coverage or maybe even steps leading to actually transitioning.

Anyway, the idea is to create and maintain possibilities. When we don't do that, in effect, decisions get made for us.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Zoeeee, Your not alone. I feel more and more that I was meant to be female. I did fix one part of the issue. I did not become a mechanic even though in my younger days I was a carpenter and even worked in a restoration shop restoring vintage cars. At 42 I returned to college to get another degree, this time in nursing. I got my RN August 4th, 1994 at 45. The best thing I ever did. I feel like I am in the right place working with other nurses that I admire. I get to use skills that are expected of women but usually left alone by most men and I am encouraged to hone those skills rather than push them aside. So one part of the problem is resolved and it does help me feel somewhat complete. However, being around all the women and listening to dirl talk that I cannot join in on, even though I could give some of the girls good advice on makeup and fashion, is a bit frustrating.

[Nadya]

I'm sure many, if not all of us have had the same feeling. Sometimes I struggle with where I want to go with this if anywhere further. I think that being honest with yourself is a good thing to start with even though it is easier said than done. There's a lot of factors that can influence how we feel about it especially if we think that we'll disappoint family members or loved ones with where we end up going. I've heard that therapy can be a go way to go to help you find your way through the confusion. Don't let opportunities pass you by because you don't think you fit the mold. I'm sure there are many more of us out there than people think. Good Luck!

[Zoeeee]

Hey everyone, sorry been away for a couple days but i'm back now .... thank you all so much for your advice, think i might have a lot to think about but i will definitely talk to someone about how i feel not sure if it will be my GF at first ( shes not the most understanding) :sad: and all of you will be pleased to know i have now signed my contract so soon i will be a Mechanic Apprentice!

Zoe x

[devida]

That is wonderful, I am so glad that you did not allow the strange ideas about gender that many people have distract you from pursuing a career. There are very very few careers that are really gender specific (sperm donor certainly, male stripper maybe, can't think of any others, oh yeah surrogate mother). The rest are all the delusions of gender power plays. Also you did something really great. You recognized that your interest in exploring your gender was not what was important for you to concentrate on when you were thinking about how to make a living. Gender issues are very important but, thankfully, they are not so important that everything else in life has to be subsumed by them. Congratulations!

[Christen]

Well done Zoe! When you get your qualifications you can offer discounted prices to the girls in South East England. Could be a good side business.

Christen x

[mechamoose]

Take a look at "Project Runway".. how many fashion designers are men?

No limits sweetie, your brain is your brain...which has nothing to do with your bits. If you feel like a female, then that is who you are.

Do what you are GOOD at, and don't make apologies or excuses for it. Have the courage to stand on your merits, gender (identity or otherwise) be damned.

I had to spend years 'untraining' my daughter from the helpless mindset my ex taught her. Now she is confident and fierce (I <3 my she-spawn!!) and scares off the 'traditional' guy. The 'traditional guy' doesn't deserve her.. she is a force of nature, and I'm insanely proud of that!!

You are ENTIRELY entitled to get grease under your nails while wearing Jimmy Choos. Did you fix it or not? Let your skills speak for you hon!!!

<3

- MM