Snips and snails vs. Sugar and spice

[VickiTheGamer]

The following is my opinion.

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails
And puppy-dogs' tails,
That's what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice
And everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.

When growing up, some of us are taught this or heard it. I know I did. Today, this morning to be more precise, I came to realize how true this can be but with a different selection of words. Words that today, helped me understand Vicki better and helped me understand why I really love being Vicki.

What are men made of?
What are men made of?
Violence, strength, power, and control,
That's what men are made of.

No, this is not necessarily all true, BUT, it is what is instilled in me as a male. It is instilled in me this way because to survive, it is necessary. Men are brought up that WE are the protectors. We are the front line against any danger. Be it to us, to someone we love, or to anyone else. So we are brought up to be strong. We grow up wearing this thing on our shoulders that say, "F_ _ k with me and I will kick your A_s". Sure, we can be scared, but we are really expected to be brave, tough, and ready to fight. Not be "Sissies". We are brought up with the idea that WE are in control, and as such, our egos tell us to take control and exert our Power over others so they know who is boss. Who to fear. We might not be like this, but look around. Look how boys grow up with the idea they NEED to be tough. (Football, Rugby, and so on in sports). CEO's who are Sharkes ready to eat the competition. AND, we are brought up to accept violence as a part of who we are. We might not be violent, but it's seen more as a Male trait than not. (In movies, who is traditionally the killer? In the Military, who is traditionally expected to do the killing? In any environment, be it fantasy or reality, who is expected to be the violent one?). Or here is one some of you might remember happening. Your mother saying (in an angry voice), "What till your father gets home", because that meant you were going to get your ass handed to you.

Is this what makes a man? No, but, it's what being Male is about. It has to be so that you, as a Man will have the necessary power over others who will try to cause trouble. You don't have to be violent, being a man means it is assumed you can be (with little to no effort).

Yet, then you have women.

What are Women made of?
What are Women made of?
Kindness, Caring, Warmth and love.
That is what Women are made of.

Again, this may not be the truth. But in the world I grew up with, it is. I grew up in a world where to be a women you are not violent. If your husband beat you to help you understand who is boss you just took it, and make sure you were kind, caring, warm and loving to him and the kids. If you were in the military, you didn't go to the front line, you helped take care of those that needed care, warmth, love and kindness. You might have been trained to use a gun, and you might even have to use it, but you were last to get sent to the front line to fight....to kill.
Instead, in my world, women grew up to be the Teachers, the Nurses, and anything else that had to do with Love, Care, Kindness, and Warmth. The soft fluffy stuff.
For those women who didn't grow up that way, often it was due to themselves having to train themselves to defend themselves. Most that are tough, had it tough enough that they HAD to bring themselves up and in so doing, became hard (hard like a MAN).

I now understand why I feel better being Vicki. Why I really want to be Vicki. At least, I understand a major factor.

As Vicki, I don't have to carry the weight of having to be tough. I don't have to be ready to fight, walking around with a semi tough quality to me so that people don't mess with me or those I am with. I don't have to be willing to hurt others just because they are looking to start trouble. Instead, I truly got to relax and not care. I got to instead smile, be happy and the LAST thing in my mind was having to present a Tough, Violent (if needed), Controlled, powerful male. Instead, I was me. A person who is soft, caring, loving and tender. I got to be ME.

Now, the only thing I wonder is, if I were to become Vicki for good. If I were to go from Cross Dressing to Transexual to fully female. Would I carry the Male side with me AND would it eventually come back out because of it being instilled in me. Will I still step up and be the Male or wait to see if some other (Man) does it?

Again, this is my opinion and what I experienced. I would be curious as to your opinion and what you experienced in relation to all this?

Love you all,
Vic

[Kate Simmons]

Fulfilling all the verses of the song, we have to manage and direct all of our feelings and emotions into a positive direction.:)

[sometimes_miss]

From an old Star Trek episode, as Kirk explained: We are all killers. We just won't kill......today. I grew up as a very scared kid; beaten up by all opponents (all older, bigger and stronger) from a toddler on, I quickly was conditioned not to fight back or I'd get my head handed to me. So I gradually learned all the skills to avoid conflict of any kind, as well as avoiding other boys who would pick on me. Once I thought I was a girl, I thought it was all gone, all the violent, homocidal ideas that men must have to survive. And yet, when it became clear that I could not avoid one particular situation, I learned that I too had the potential to kill just like anyone else. Backed into a corner, with no other alternative, I think the beast within will emerge once again, no matter how long it's been dormant.

[Amanda L.]

Reading your insightful post Vicki reminded me that I too have thought those things. Sometimes Miss I feel saddened by your story. When I was growing up the lessons taught to me to be a man were very much in the vain of "kill or be killed". So I grew up as a dominant male, but not one who was stroked by his own ego. I listen to people and make informed decisions (at least I think I do). As a child and teenager I was not so much a bully but I did recognise weakness and used it for my own dominance. As I have gotten older, wiser and dare I say it more caring through developing my female self I believe I have become a more rounded leader with in my industry. Don't get me wrong if a tough decision needs to be made I will do it and if someone is not engaged with the program I am happy to deliver the swift kick up the a--e. But tough women do the same. As I embrace my feminie self I have developed greater understanding and I think I have become a more rounded individual (especially in the chest region). I amaze myself as to how I could become the person I have become. I feel terrible for those I have treated badly (not many I am sure).
I believe Amanda has made me a better and I love her for it.
Amanda
xx

[Alice Torn]

Very good thread, Vicki! I have been dealing with these issues a lifetime, too. And like Sometimes Miss, was targeted as a child, picked on, and even on the job later on. I am passive, and have always been a peacemaker, or people pleaser, but i know i have the beast within, if pushed too far, also. It grieves me deeply, that everything in this cruel world, is based on competition, keeping up with the Jones's, having more money, and good things. I have never played the game, always been content with a little, having used things mostly, never owned a house or newer car. So, I disqualified myself from ever having a wife or kids. Some wise man once said, that everything under the sun, is done out of competition with one's fellows. Sad, sad. A better world based on the opposite is ahead, i hope.

[Zoe B]

This is a good one and I could not resist throwing in my thoughts too.

I certainly remember the rhyme in question, my mother used to tell it me on a fairly frequent basis. Now as a child of the 1970's I was reminded of all the usual expectations of the male line, such as:

Men never show their emotions
Men are strong
Men make the money and bring it home
Men are the protectors
Men are expected to take the following approved careers

I realised early on that I was not fulfilling those expectations very well (I cried at films a lot). Naturally I went and took a suitable profession (Gas Engineer) and really didn't enjoy it at all, naturally I went looking for another career that I enjoyed but was definitely not on the male employment side of the street. As it happened I ended up being a children's nurse.
Eventually I realised that you don't have to conform to the classic societies view of men and maleness and it was acceptable to be kind and gentle and basically nice. After I realised this I was far more comfortable with myself and the person that would eventually become Zoe. I actually owe her a lot as she allowed me to be the kind and caring person with no need to second guess myself and end up in the deep and loving relationship that I have with my SO.

I still have the male me but it is only there for those really rare occasions that I absolutely must use it which thankfully are rare occasions indeed.

I really hope this makes sense :)

Zoe x

[Nadya]

I often don't identify with a lot of the male stereotypes. I'm very sensitive by nature and often empathize with others. Maybe what you've said is part of the reason why some of us dress. We don't conform to the traditional concepts of men and have caring, gentle, and nurturing natures. Maybe that could lead to a manifestation of wanting to dress the part or be a person that is allowed to feel the way we do.

[VickiTheGamer]

Zoe and Ryce, I feel very much the way you do. Dressing, being Vicki permits me to leave behind baggage that I otherwise just don't feel comfortable letting go. Growing up, in our household, the more emotion I showed, the more I was targeted and taken advantage of. If I showed I cared or was soft, it was a tool to get me to do stuff that I didn't want to do but was led towards guilt for not doing. Yet, when I learned soon enough to close up, be tough, hard, and just not care, family (primarily father and brothers) stopped taking advantage of me. Stopped using me. And best of all, stopped the Emotional torment (fathers part). I learned to be a "stereotype" male. Don't cry, beat the sh_t out of other kids. I was not a bully. I was the bully's enemy. I was very tiny (kept getting mistaken for being a kindergardener when in 6th grade) so I was picked on. I turned that around and hunted down any bullies and just beat them up ALL the time. The Bully's bully.

And now as a male, I am still short (5'5") but I walk with a sense of "don't F_ _ k with me" carried on my shoulders. I avoid ALL conflict as much as possible. But pretty much every friend I have is always fearful that if I let it loose, someone will be in the hospital and I will be in Jail. I learned to carry myself like that to keep others away and to give the women in my life a sense of safety. Yet, every women I dated knows the REAL me. The emotional (cries at movies), soft, caring me. I am that guy that animals love. Even the mean ones show me love. I am the guy that is also determined to be Chivalrous, Honorable, Respectful, and Trusting. I fantasize about the idea of the Knight in Shining Armor. So all the women I have dated all know how soft and caring I am. The world how ever knows I am the guy that wants to be Ghost Rider and Constantine combined. (Spirit of Vengeance, and Champion of Valor).

Yet, as Vicki, I can be 100% me instead of caring an image to keep the hard mean people away. I can instead just be a loving, caring, warm women whom feels good inside and does not care about being hard, unemotional, and tough (world view). What is funny is, even my GF finds she likes Vicki around a lot. Her words will be in me for a long time. "Your so much more relaxed. It's as if your.....healthier". I think it's because when Vicki comes to visit, a lot of heavy baggage gets to be put away for a while.

Don't get me wrong. If push comes to shove and the danger level hits the top, the baggage will find it's way back in quick.
I just hope I don't go to jail if that happens. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone. At least, not any more. When I was a kid, I reveled it it. It made my Dad and brothers proud of me. Today, I only feel guilt. Even about what I did to others as a kid. (especially about that).

Side note. Not sure if this adds to what I am like but I am a Leo and a Dragon if this tells you anything about my personality (when not Vicki).

Oh oh oh, this leads to a cool thread. I will have to start that one now.

Love you all
Vic

[Beverley Sims]

Vicki,
What you say is essentially correct, the inverse also applies.

There are some very agressive women out there and a lot of soft hearted men too.

[Desirae]

I've seen just about as much violence by women as I have men. I remember once, I was at some store or some place with a male friend (this was way back in my early twenties). We were walking to our car in the parking lot and just getting in when all of a sudden 2 women jumped out from behind a parked car. One ran up and stabbed my friend in the leg a couple times, while the other one knocked him repeatedly over the head with something in a bag. The whole thing took less than 5 seconds and they ran away as fast as they appeared. I guess my friend had done something to one of their friends or something.

During high school, there were many girls who were constantly getting into fights. They were the bad-as*es of the school. They were bullies and they could whip any of the other girls. They lived for fighting. Heck, I even think that a few of them could have whipped most of the boys or, at least, given them a good run.

My cousin's wife is a scrappy woman. She doesn't take crap from anyone and I have witnessed her wrath, along with her 5 sisters' wrath, first hand, when they went over to the home (duplex) of one of the sisters and literally beat the h*ll out of the downstairs tenant because she disrespected the sister. This was probably about 13 years ago, so all the sisters were at least 40 at the time, some years older than me. My cousin and I went along to make sure nothing worse happened. We weren't directly involved in any of it. Unrelated, but coincidentally interesting, is that this was the sister I used to babysit for when I was younger, and when the kids went to bed, I used to "play" in her closet. She had some of the BEST, slinkiest dresses and outfits, very "Studio 54-ish". But, I digress.

My only point is that violence is not just a male characteristic. Actually, I believe that woman can get set off easier than men and for what would be considered more petty and normally insignificant reasons. They're certainly not all made from sugar and spice and everything nice.