Pretty Confused

[Roxie]

Here's a short back ground of my life lately . Was in a relationship for the last 6 yrs ,we decided to end it on friendly terms and have remain on good terms. A lot of my reason for ending it was because I"m a CDer through and through and I needed to figure out how to handle that aspect of my life.
Now the confusion has set in : I find myself not wanting forms anymore , no make up ,wigs etc. Here I am living on my own basically can do as I please and have lost a lot of my desire to dress.I dress around the house when I want, however I find no need to go any further. This has got me in a state of confusion I so desired breast forms at one point ,couldn't wait to order them and now I don't even look at them. blah blah blah.
do others find themselves in this position? will the "pink fog"set in again? Should I just be happy where I'm at? Just can't figure out how I hit a wall on this when I didn't want to .This has been a huge struggle for me lately and I'm looking for some input from all you girls out there. Thanks for listening to me .

NOT so rockin lately,


Roxie

[Michelle (Oz)]

Roxie, complexity seems part and parcel of a CDers life. One experience of mine perhaps relevant to your situation occurred when my wife left me supposedly because of my CDing. I stopped dressing for almost 4 years. And, yes, the pink fog (although a wiser and more experienced version) returned.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Roxie, Hang in there it will come back with a vengeances.
Just don't do something dumb like purging.

[Beverley Sims]

It is a bit like writers block.
But dressing returns with more of a vengeance.

Don't worry it will come back. :)

[cdinmd206]

Ending a relationship is a very upsetting thing. Even ending on friendly terms plays on your mind. My wife and I were married for one month shy of our 25th weeding anniversary when she walked out the door. I won't go into reasons why but CDing had nothing to do with it and neither was cheating. We are on cordial terms with each other and have not had any major disagreements since the separation. I dressed quit a bit while we were married and we occasionally went out together with me dressed and she also bought me lady things, like a very high end purse and also lingerie. However since she has been gone my desire to go out dressed has diminished drastically. I have bought a few new items but like you my desire to dress has changed immensely. I have no idea why, it just is I guess. Maybe I will find someone else but at 62 that is highly doubtful

[Marcelle]

Hi Roxie . . . it could be your mind is just processing the new found freedom and some of the edge of dressing when you had a partner may not be there anymore. Give it time as one thing I have discovered from other's experiences posted here, the feeling will return. Just box you stuff, store it in the closet go on with your boy life and I bet the feeing will return when you least expect it.

Hugs

Isha

[hope springs]

You can wait it out, not question the wall you hit and see what happens.

But the first question that came to mind was your internal motivations for dressing. For some its stress relief, so maybe there isnt as much stress right now. It can be a fetish, so maybe the thrill isnt what it once was. If its part of a gender dysphoria, perhaps your happy with your "manly" side right now. Whatever purpose it served for you has been satisfied. Id take a close look at other circumstances in your life and see whats different.

[Erica Marie]

Roxie I am pretty much at the same point in life. Now its time to be happy with who you are and not with what you wear. For me I found that if I cant be a girl I will just be less of a man and just be me. I am somewhat slim and going for a somewhat gender neutral appearance. Changed my hairstyle and so far it hasnt caused any real adverse reactions among family or coworkers. Actually even got a few comments that I look alot younger than I am, so I guess that is a good thing.
Be you and be proud.

[Donna June]

Just try to be happy where you're at. If or when the desire comes back I think you will enjoy the freedom of being on your own to do as you like.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Roxie, Hang in there it will come back with a vengeances.
Just don't do something dumb like purging.

It is interesting and says something positive that your reply is not to worry. I only wish the rest of the world could see that we as CD'ers are not a threat to humanity because we enjoy something a bit different the the rest of the population.

[Amy Fakley]

But the first question that came to mind was your internal motivations for dressing.

I dunno, her long term relationship just ended. After 6 years that probably entails a lot of changes. Even on friendly terms, that's a huge change in day-to-day life, not to mention making any kind of long term view of the future very blurry. I think it's understandable to feel unsure and not yourself in a situation like that. One thing I've learned the hard way in life (several times now) ... never try to reach big conclusions in the midst of chaos. At times when my life has been falling apart, that is almost always the worst possible time to sit down and try to understand it. True understanding can rarely be reached without perspective, and at least for me, that only seems to come with time. Your mileage may vary of course :-)


For some its stress relief, so maybe there isnt as much stress right now.

That's interesting because it's a mirror image of the same point I was going to make. For me, while I certainly feel at peace and very blissed out while I'm dressed, and one way you could describe that would be "stress relief" ... there's also a dampening effect. When I feel truly stressed ... when things are out of control and life just doesn't feel "right", that completely kills my desire to dress. Internally, I feel like I have to put other things right before I can be in a mental place even compatible with the emotions I feel when I'm dressed. Could be that it works similarly for the OP.


You can wait it out, not question the wall you hit and see what happens.

Yes I completely agree. That is an attitude I've been working hard to adopt in most aspects of my life. When you hit walls, don't sweat it. Keep on truckin' and see where it leads. The important thing is that you find peace, then happiness will follow. Be open. That road doesn't always go where you thought it did, but that's ok too y'know ?

[Alice Torn]

I can relate some. I have lost more friends lately, than i ever had before, had about 7 tramatic near death evperiences, and several people blow up at me, and several people on here, let me have it. Shell shock. I decided to cut back to a 200 minute a month plan , instead of unlimited, because i have almost no friends now, and save money. Losing a relationship like yours Roxie, has to be very tough, even if on pretty good terms. When i have lost friends or relationships, it leaves quite a vacuum and sadness, even if it was not a good one. In my case, my dressing was the factor that turned my friends off, and cause them to lose all respect for me. The near violent incidents with other men, last week, really scared me. i was not CD'd when these occurred, however. it scared me from thinking of going out all pretty, as i see people ready to get mean and nasty way too often lately. I nearly met admirers, too, and find they just want sex right away. I think i will back off from dresing for a while, even though i just bought another dress on ebay. It may be very good, to abstain from CDing for a while, and get balanced, and healthy.

[Katey888]

Roxie - first of all I'm sorry about your past relationship - 6 years is a fair while for two people to be together, so I'm sure it's still pretty raw in your feelings... :hugs:

And perhaps that's the biggest thing going through your mind? If that was part of your break-up, it's only natural you'd have some regrets related to the known or apparent causes of what made you decide to finish the relationship... It's probably just that...

There's no real 'cure' for how bad a break-up makes you feel - though I admit, it's been a few years for me since going through that.. but have been through it a few times and I doubt the feelings change much over time... ;)

Do something new - something you've wanted to do but perhaps have felt held back doing? I learned to sail after finishing a long-term relationship quite a few years ago... I always wanted to do it but the ex would never let me.. and I totally loved every aspect of it, just wish I could afford to do more of it now... :(

I think you're facing an emotional and moral challenge that so many of us have taken completely divergent perspectives on: when you reveal this part of your personality to a current or potential SO it can have very positive or very negative results... I'm sure that's in the back of your mind as well and may take a long time to resolve - so don't rush to conclusions with this.. :) Take your time, find some new things to do, make some new friends and discover some other aspect of yourself as an individual... make the most of that 'unattached' time...

Good luck - enjoy life, for we get but one...

Katey x

[Stephanie47]

Is there are reason one must force himself to get dolled up with all the enhancements or even wear one article of clothing? Not really! It sounds as if you're going through the "blahs." It must be weighing in your mind that you chose to end a relationship because you're choosing cross dressing over the relationship. You did not say whether your partner knows of your cross dressing. I suspect she did not know of it or maybe she did not know the extent of it. Were you protecting her or yourself? Any traumatic event or major change in life will alter the state of mind. Go with the flow. If you do not want to be en femme, don't! When I retired I had all the time in the world when my wife was at work to be en femme. It was like a kid had free reign in a candy store. After awhile I realized the other side of me needed some attention also. I'd reassess the termination of your relationship.

[Nadya]

I know I've been through phases like that. I tried to give up on crossdressing completely to date seriously. I thought I could just give it up and never do it again. I purged (stupid thing to do) everything I had and started dating. I dated for about a year before I started getting the feelings of wanting to dress again. I imagine that your desire to dress will come back. Life changes can cause you to lose your need to dress for a little bit but it will likely be back.

[devida]

Roxie, it really is OK to be exactly as you are right now. Yeah, your urge to cross dress may have subsided because of the stress of your break up. Yeah, your cross dressing may even have had something to do with your relationship. But does the reason actually matter? Here's the thing: whenever people get together to discuss a topic there is a very human tendency to want to develop a storyline that describes the thing as precisely as possible. Cross dressers like to develop a storyline where there is this steady progression to going out fully en femme, make up, dresses, forms etc. If you are mtf TS the storyline would be successfully transitioning to a fully functioning and essentially female (the maleness being invisible). This is just the way people act in groups. They always want to develop and adopt a uniform code of behavior. But life is much more complex, rich, varied and interesting. People inhabit all sorts of places on the gender spectrum in all kinds of emotional states. All these places, all these emotional states are valid. Don't believe the hype. There's no Cross Dressers Manual. There's no Transgender Manual. You are who you are, and, if you carefully examine yourself you will discover you are kind of wonderful, lusting after forms or disdaining them. Both states are, actually, equally interesting. Don't believe the story of life other people tell you you ought to live or the story you think other people are telling you you ought to live. Live your own life and enjoy your own story. Have fun. Enjoy living on your own. Try to be happy. Be your own strange self.

[Stephaniew]

Roxie, I agree totally with the other sisters... box it up(do not purge). I purged 3 times over 25 years,,, threw away some great items,,,

[KellyJameson]

I wonder if the desire to crossdress for men is stronger when they are in a relationship with a woman.

Some on the forum have mentioned they crossdress almost to replace the missing woman in their life but I think they are in the minority.

Crossdressing certainly seems for many to be sexually driven and while in a sexual relationship, this active sex life could increase his desire to dress while also being prevented by the relationship which makes the desire grow from this frustrated or limited desire as the natural desire to want what we cannot have.

Gender based relationships, which are pretty much all relationships, also increase pre existing gender identity conflicts.

By the sound of your words you ended the relationship so did your desire collapse because of the absence of a woman in your life or because you need more than the clothes can deliver?

Being in a relationship often keeps people from finding their identity on many levels.

Crossdressing is also potentially dangerous to those who are unsure of their gender identity or for some reason have an unformed or fluid gender identity because the mind believes what it sees even when reason tells it otherwise.

You can find your gender identity through crossdressing but also lose it and I'm surprised by how cavalier some are with these risks.

[laura.lapinski]

Gender based relationships, which are pretty much all relationships, also increase pre existing gender identity conflicts.

Being in a relationship often keeps people from finding their identity on many levels.

Crossdressing is also potentially dangerous to those who are unsure of their gender identity or for some reason have an unformed or fluid gender identity because the mind believes what it sees even when reason tells it otherwise.

You can find your gender identity through crossdressing but also lose it and I'm surprised by how cavalier some are with these risks.

I am impressed with this response. I hadn't thought of these possibilities. Thanks

[Desirae]

I wonder if the desire to crossdress for men is stronger when they are in a relationship with a woman.
Some on the forum have mentioned they crossdress almost to replace the missing woman in their life but I think they are in the minority.


Obviously, I can only speak for myself, but when I have been in relationships, and I was truly and completely in love, my desire to CD completely diminished. Then, at the first start of problems in the relationships, I found my CDing desire return and grow in intensity as the relationships deteriorated further. Eventually, at the tail end of the relationships, I was CDing all the time, as I had no desire for sex with my gf, or in one case fiance, because I was despising them so much and was not in love anymore. I'm sure I'm the odd one out in this regard.

[traci_k]

For me too, the desire seemed to wane when I wasn't in a relationship. Urges subsided while I looked for a new relationship. Eventually they came back and now I want to transition.

Still trying to figure it out.