I am not Justin Bieber!

[Xrys]

I have been racking my brain trying to find a way to explain things to my mother in a way that she might actually get it. It has been hard for me to put my thoughts into words.

Imagine when you were born you looked exactly like Justin Bieber, and your whole life, you looked like he did at your age. Everyone who saw you expected you to act like him, and walk like him, and talk like him. Everywhere you went, they would ask you to sing his songs. You were expected to have his haircut and his voice, and if you didn't meet their expectations they would chastize you and call you names, they would treat you like there was something wrong with you for not being, or especially not wanting to be, just like him. No matter how many times you said you weren't him, they would argue and say that you were him, and if you werent just like him then you should be and were wrong for not being him. What lengths would go to so you could just be your self and live in peace?

This is how i feel. I was born looking like something i wasn't. Everyone expected me to behave like what i looked like, and there were verry real consequences for not meeting those expectations. I became a slave to thos expectations, fearing the consequences if I didnt, but it wasn't me. This is not about me trying to pretend to be something I am not. This is about me eliminating false expectations based on my apearance so i can be me.

I am not Justin Bieber.
I am not a man.
I am a woman,
and my name is Xrystiana.

[KellyJameson]

We are born lumps of clay that the world tries to shape into its own image. Echos of what has come before molded into shapes to carry on the future.

We are handed our identities and for some this is not a problem because the identity they are given is the one that matches their own self perception.

The transsexual stands against the world and screams No! even when this scream is never shouted.

We search for a truth that is hidden from us but can only feel as we move through life.

This truth is cut physically into us, deep in our minds and never goes away because it is a part of us so cannot be escaped.

It takes incredible courage to stand against the world and say they are wrong and I am right and only pain can give you this courage because the suffering tells you your truth while compelling you to escape the suffering of living an unlived self.

No one escapes their real identity without consequences but also no one ever finds their real identity without consequences because others are invested in keeping it from you. Everyone must choose their poison.

"This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man"

[Eryn]

That seems like a good analogy to the way that many of us feel. I've made similar attempts to explain my nature to GGs, but it is very difficult to explain a life experience to those who never experience it themselves. I think that I would have a similarly difficult time understanding their deep motivations about having children.

[Rachel Smith]

Great analogy Xrys.