Need Insight!

[BeccaClark]

Ever since I was about 5, I've always been intrigued by putting on women's clothes. Years have gone by since I first discovered it, sometimes with me trying to push the urge deep down to where it doesn't come up again, but it always seems to come back. Since I was about 16, I kind of just started learning to live with it (secretly of course). I met my girlfriend when I was 17 (still with her today).

Well here's where my real problem starts. All these urges to dress up and pretend to be a woman got me wanting to tell SOMEBODY and share it with them. Well, I sure as hell wasn't gonna tell my girlfriend! So I posted an ad on Craigslist, looking for somebody who wanted to see pics of me in drag. This guy responded, and I sent a few pics of me dressed up. Welllllll, after a year of dating my girlfriend, she had stumbled upon the emails with the pics of me. She was distraught. Said she couldn't be with me anymore, asked if I was gay (I'm not), she was just in shock. I told her that it was nothing, and just to forget about it. She did exactly what I said. For the next 3 to 4 years, she hadn't said a word about the pictures.

Last fall (after we had broken up for a short amount of time and decided to get back together) I found out that she had slept with a few people while we were apart. She kept lying about it, but she finally realized I knew, so she admitted. That's when I felt the need to admit about my dressing up. She was still worried I was gay, but after researching crossdressing, she started to kind of understand. Since I came clean to her, I feel so much better that she knows. I don't have to hide it from her, ya know? We were shopping in des moines a couple months ago and she wanted to go to Victorias Secret for something, and I said "I'll take you there if you'll let me buy some underwear.." and surprisingly, she said okay!

So we walk into Victorias Secret together, and that big panty sale was going on (like 7 for $25), so we dug through them and she'd ask "do you like these?", and I'd either say yes or no. She picked out 5 for her and I picked out 2 for me. We went and rang out as if they were all hers.

I wore them under my pants a couple times, then when it was time for bed, I'd kinda crouch behind the bed when I took my pants off, so she wouldn't see me in them (even though she knew I was wearing them). Well, she got upset and said "if you're gonna do this, you have to at least let me see", so I wore them to bed that night and let her see.

I can tell she's still not okay with it, but doesn't want to tell me. A few months go by, and we go shopping again, and they have a bunch of panties on sale again. So I ask if I could buy some for me, and she said "okay?" So we go in and I pick out about 5. When we got home that night, she told me to try them on, so I did (it's still uncomfortable to wear stuff in front of her). I keep all the underwear at her apartment, so whenever I stay there, I'll wear my underwear to bed about 1/4 of the nights. She's knows I do it, but doesn't say anything. Well I wanted a bra to go with the panties, so I ordered a pushup bra on eBay.
I showed her it when I received it, asking if it was a nice bra. And she said "its not bad, it's a major Victorias Secret ripoff though". I didn't wear the bra to bed, simply because I don't think she's ready for it yet.
We'll I was surfing eBay a couple weeks later, and this woman (about my size) was selling a bunch of Victorias Secret stuff for cheap, and I found a night gown id like to have, It was in a Medium, so I texted my girlfriend asking if a medium night gown would fit me, and she called back and flipped out on me, saying I already have enough stuff, and then flipped out about a bunch of other stuff going on with her life. The part about me wasn't much, but in my opinion, it was a glimpse of how she really feels..

Since then, I took all my woman stuff back from her apartment and put it in my house, without her knowing. When she realized it wasn't at her apartment, she asked why I took it, and I said "because you flipped out on me for having too much stuff" which she replied "well you do, but I'm sorry baby, I was just having a really bad day and that was the first thing you said to me all day. I just got upset"..

I just wish she was completely comfortable with it and would support me. It doesn't do any harm. Before I came out to her, I figured she'd be really supportive. She is really supportive of the gay community. Idk :( hopefully you took the time to read this far. Thank you so much if you did. What should I do?

[mykell]

hi becca, your relationship ifs still in its infancy, when i read it the clothes could of been substituted with video games, golf clubs, fishing poles, ect, she said she was upset.
just keep in mind that you are her "BOY" friend and she has to see him also, most of all you must be brutally honest with her even if you fear you might lose her,
she seems to be talking this all in stride though, buying panties with the mrs. has yet to be an outing for myself yet,
i wish you kids continued success.....

[kimdl93]

For starters, You need to be more patient, more open and more considerate. The two of you need to talk more...not text. And not just about CDing....about life and where the two of you are going as a couple. Yes, CDing is going to be a part of it if you stay together and she seems capable of accepting this to some degree. But you can let her find out by accident or by suddenly buying stuff. Before you shop on eBay or in person, be up front with her about what you want and try to listen more than you talk. And by the way, what she did when the two of you broke up is none of your business beyond making sure that neither she nor you picked up something unwanted from another partner.

And please stay off Craig's list, stay out of the chat rooms and other places that frankly only will reinforce her fears.

[Katey888]

Hi Becca,

You're both still relatively young and learning about relationships as well as accommodating the strangeness of CDing... but I think you've already identified some of the issue yourself... perhaps you just need confirmation that it is what it is? :hugs:

For instance, you say: "I can tell she's still not okay with it, but doesn't want to tell me." and maybe that's true but she seems to be trying to understand and accept - perhaps you just need to talk more and buy less? :) That might seem simplistic but you should try to see things from her perspective... while she may support the gay community there is less understanding and more stigma associated with CDing - she is unlikely to find the same amount of support over this than if you were gay (if you see what I mean).

Just take it more slowly and keep talking - you're doing the right thing - but you also should be prepared for her not to accept this side of you... there are no guarantees, unfortunately...

Good luck!

Katey x

[BeccaClark]

Thanks for the responses! You all have valid points. And you're all correct. We're only 22, and I plan to be with her for the rest of my life. I know how much I mean to her, so I have no fears of her ever leaving me (unless the CDing becomes too much for her). I don't think it ever will. I think the worst that will happen is she'll ask me to keep it to myself.

I want to be open with her and talk about the urges with her, and about CDing in general, but even if I wait a couple weeks between bringing it up, She's mentioned that I talk about it "too much". I don't want to drive her away, but I DO want to expose her to it, so she can warm up to it little by little. I feel like I'm just at a wall with her. I want to scale this wall and get over it. She's always been my best friend, and I just want to share this with her.

[shawnsheila]

Becca, I kinda know how you feel because I share a similar story with growing up and wanting to dress and pushing it down and resisting it until I got a bit older. I resumed dressing at 14 then 19 then 23 then more and more as I got older (i'm 37 now) my wife stumbled upon my stash of clothes and freaked out thinking i was cheating, I told her I sometimes like to dress and threw the clothes away... To make a long story short, I learned to accept and embrace my crossdressing. My wife is still workig through things but no where near where your girl friend is at (my wife has no interest in seeing me dressed at all yet other then a picture) She understands I need to do it and is sort of supportive but is not interested in knowing about it too much.

I think you have a very understanding woman on your side and it did sound like you caught her at a bad time... She may have little to no issues with your dressing (with in some reason but it is up to you two to explore how far she is comfortable with you taking it) it sounded like she was irritated because the first thing you contacted her about was for something for you (it could have even been a power drill and I think she would have been mad) most ladies like it when the first contact you have with them is "hey how are you?" "I miss you how is your day?" "I'm thinking about you, and I hoe you are having a good day" I've noticed when I put my wife first on anything it always helps.

So just put her first and I think you guys will be ok :)

[BeccaClark]

That is something I should work on, I need to start putting her first in my actions. And bout her being supportive, I wouldn't necessarily say that she "supports" my crossdressing, its more of her "tolerating" it. But like I said, we're both young, and have enough time to take this slowly. Taking it slowly is probably the best thing I can do. :) Thanks for the responses!

[Beverley Sims]

There is that.
"Ok for others, but not in my back yard."

Therein lies a problem for us all.

[hope springs]

There is that.
"Ok for others, but not in my back yard."

Therein lies a problem for us all.

Indeed. My wife went through this stage at first. She was ok with it for anyone else but me. Time is helping with this.
Good luck Becca, just give her some time

[Tracii G]

Wishful thinking saying she will never leave you.
I learned that after 15 years of marriage and two kids.
Keep going slow and maybe she will be fine with it after all.

[Badwolf]

Overall she seems to be trying, which is more than a lot of girls.

[Nadine Spirit]

The best advice my wife gave to me was "if ypu are going to do this, then own it."

What she was referring to was me lacking confidence while I dressed. Confidence is a very attractive thing and I had always been very confident around her until I began dressing, in various stages, around her.

I looked to her for approval, which is what I think you are doing. She may be perfectly fine with you cross dressing, it sounds as if that is what she has said, but it appears she is not comfortable with your behavior. I totally get that you want her to support you, it is scary to reveal this part of us to others. But openness, honesty, and straight forward communication, on your part, sounds as though it could really help you.

I get the impression that it could be your behavior that is pushing her away and not the crossdressing at all. If you knew she was undeniably in support of your cross dressing from the start would ypu have do things differently?