Man in Dress - Yuk or Nice?

[Ineke Vashon]

I am confused. My dilemma consist of being turned off by pictures of a man wearing a dress. Yet as I type these words I am wearing a medium long skirt, a bikini top, satin panties, otherwise just male. I am not turned off by myself, although I admit I do not often look in a mirror. It just feels good to wear feminine, even if only in the “closet”.

I might explain that I am a retired senior, and have vigorously denied my crossdressing until just two years ago, at 78, when I joined this forum. I grew up with the usual, but fortunately not all, of the prejudices, and limitations, of my generation. By the way, I live alone, no family issues here. Should I consider myself still prejudiced, or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Since acknowledging my fondness for feminine clothes my mind has gone through enormous changes and adaptations. All for the good by the way, but it still is a struggle, like all growth, as I consider it. However, I’d like to leave some of that for a later post.

I’ll appreciate some input.

Ineke

[NicoleScott]

There is no right or wrong way to crossdress, and there is no right or wrong attractions nor repulsions. There's a difference between preferences and prejudices. Don't fret about what yours are.

[Alice_2014_B]

I agree with Nicole.
In my opinion, one's own mind can be the most judgemental.

[mikiSJ]

The only thing I would caution you about would be to laugh at 'the man in the dress' you might see on the street somewhere. That would be kinda tacky if you then went home on put on your long skirt.

Other than that, what the hell - do what you like!

[Alice Torn]

Ineke, At 78, i see your are much older and more experincdd in life, than the vast majority on here. Like you, i am alone, with no close family or friends. Have you ever been married, or had children? I grieve that i have not, and that i am a loner, and my nighbors avoid me, won't even say hi. Some may know i dress, as shortly having moved here, i returned at night dressed, and i think the flood lights exposed me, the one neighbor who will talk, said things, and i was spotted. Enough on that. I am gulity, too, of not liking seeing a man in a dress, no wig. I just do not like it, thought the man may be a great soul.

[kathrynt21]

Ineke-
I think many of us who are older struggles with similar issues.
I try to look at it this way:
It's more important to me how I feel than how I look.

[Ineke Vashon]

The only thing I would caution you about would be to laugh at 'the man in the dress' you might see on the street somewhere. That would be kinda tacky if you then went home on put on your long skirt.

Other than that, what the hell - do what you like!

I did once or twice in the past. That is why I put the extra paragraph in my post, about how I am happy with my rapidly improving views and opinions. They're changing for the better. It's quite an education and I like it. I guess one is never too old to learn

Alice Torn - I was married in a previous life, re: long time ago. No children, raised by foster families. Fortunately, so far no one I know has avoided me as a single. I would call myself alone by habit if not by desire. And, frankly, being a closeted crossdresser does increase that situation. C'est la vie.

Ineke

[Wildaboutheels]

Man in a dress...with a beard? Or cleanly shaven? THE Crossdressers Handbook is quite clear on this matter. Bearded Crossdressers MUST stick with skirts AND the skirts must be "fingertip" length or longer. If I remember right, a beard is anything more than 7 days growth.

Seriously, MEN wearing ["obviously"] FEmale attire out in public are THE people who will make CDing easier for all because they ARE easy to notice. Despite what so many here think/wish to claim, JD Public is not out looking to bust anyone, ESPECIALLY those "ladies" doing their best to simply "blend in".

However, Human Nature is well studied and well understood. If a man "dressed as a woman" slinks around like a criminal with their head on a swivel "looking guilty", people WILL notice. It's ingrained in us [to protect ourselves] to notice odd behavior.

"Passing" is very simple. Dress how one feels comfortable with, "act normal" in public and treat people right that one interacts with.

Hundreds here abide by this simple formula.

And no doubt about it, being single certainly has it's benefits.

[Katey888]

Ineke - you are an inspiration! :cheer:

But don't sweat this one... I don't think there's anything prescriptive about what has to turn us on or not... I do not believe that is in the least connected with what drives us to this shared passion... :)

How many 'normal' folk, after all, would be turned on by looking in the mirror at themselves, whatever they were wearing...? :thinking:

There are bigger issues in anyone's world to worry about.. :cool:

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

I'd say just go with whatever works for you Hon. :)

[devida]

Really why do you care about other men in dresses? If you like yourself in a dress really that is all you need. As long as you are not going out and declaiming about how awful it is for older men to wear dresses why be bothered at all? You are not required to like the way other people present themselves, just to accept that they have the right, as you do, to present themselves any way they please. Just like you they are doing it for their own satisfaction, not yours. Why create a problem that actually is not there?

[Ineke Vashon]

Really why do you care about other men in dresses?

Just like you they are doing it for their own satisfaction, not yours. Why create a problem that actually is not there?

I do not care about other men in dresses - I don't condemn other men's dressing. They can do all they want, they do not need my approval. What I care about is my negative reaction to it, and how to change that into a positive, or at least neutral, feeling. It is my personal feeling about it that I am examining and wishing to change.

Ineke

[Sc0rp10N]

Man in a dress... I'm not attracted to him either... And he's me also... And I'm also perfectly comfortable wearing the dress (in the house) but I'm a little more narcissistic and actually DO check myself out in the mirror. I think part of the difference is this- when its YOU you're looking at in a dress, you also have all the other sensations of BEING the image you're looking at, feeling the clothing, the mood, etc. While when you look at a picture or see the "man in a dress" all you have to go on is the visual representation. I know, when I step back from the mirror a little, I'm just a dude in a dress, but I FEEL like more than that at the time, when the mood is right and I've got the whole get-up on. I'm not attracted to completely unpassable guys in dresses, but my self image in a dress is a little more pleasing to my own eye, because I'm emotionally attached. Don't know if that helps, but its my 2 cents.

[mechamoose]

Your visual responses to people are different than how you feel about yourself or your identity.

What you like and who you identify as are separate things, sweetie. Most CD folks here are 'straight'. (I'm an exception, I'm 'flexible')

You feel more at home in frilly things, I get that. I LOVE the feel of skirts instead of 'man bags'. Try to understand that what you are feeling has -nothing- to with sexual orientation or your genetic baggage. A lot of us here struggle with being in the wrong body vs how we feel about ourselves.

I wear girl clothes every day, while being a big furry beast with a beard and tree trunk thighs. You feel like who you feel. It doesn't always link up with your birthed gear.

This is a great place to expand your view of the world. You have a lot of co-travellers here.

Read up the threads. I promise you won't feel so isolated.

<3

- MM

[Frédérique]

Man in Dress - Yuk or Nice? Should I consider myself still prejudiced, or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Kinda yuk, I’d say, which may explain my take on things. For me it’s less about appearance and more about feelings or sensations, but I try my best to neutralize the “yuk” factor…

You’re not making a mountain out of a molehill – you’re just making an observation… :sigh:

[noeleena]

Hi.

Had you been born in the Renaissance times of 1400 to 1700, you would not have ? ;d your self as many men wore dress;s and or skirts, and lovely coloured fabrics and tights wigs and other garb = clothes, plus makeup.

Our men in our = The S C A groups around the world do just that to day, at our meetings and camps. Do our men get ? ;d or thought of as strange not as far as I can see, and I invite people in to see what we do, plus tell them as to why, and we reinact those times as close to how it was then,

Im a female and look more male because of my facial features yet I have no issue;s,

Though in mundane world normal day wear , my normal female clothes, I will be seen or perceived as like a male though the many who know me know different, as my avatar show,s .

To those male;s if it's just about the clothes only then that's not an issue its when male;s wont to look like us women then that's a very different matter,

The clothes I wear are not just your normal day wear I wear quite different styles and different periods plus uniforms and my mind set is not govenered by western thinking of the fashion that persist;s to day ,

I wear what im happy wearing and..... wont..... conform..... to others thinking,
Though im different im still accepted for who I am , so something to think about ,

...noeleena...

[Amanda22]

Ineke, I think your reaction to seeing others crossdressing and finding it a turn off is just normal at this stage. I think that'll go away as you become more comfortable with yourself. Two years is very recent in my opinion. You've been subjected to 76 years of social conditioning, so give yourself a break if you can. I'm looking forward to more posts from you!

[kimdl93]

Another agreement with Nicole's post. CDing has something unique for each of us.

[bobbimo]

Why not work on shedding the man in the dress and try some makeup, a wig, and see how the girl inside presents her self.
You may find a new and exciting friend!
Bobbi

[Beverley Sims]

You may look yuk to others but if you only dress for yourself let your imagination run wild.

Fantasy is a wonderful thing.

Don't spoil the illusion by letting others see you and if you do just work on improving your appearance.

It is a worthwhile cause. :)

[Martha G]

When I dress, I dress. I do not want to look like a man in a dress.

I become the character that I am dressing as, male or female.

When I dress as a woman I become a woman and want to perfect my dressing in every way to look as a very passable woman.

Period!

[bobbimo]

When I dress, I dress. I do not want to look like a man in a dress.

I become the character that I am dressing as, male or female.

When I dress as a woman I become a woman and want to perfect my dressing in every way to look as a very passable woman.

Period!

Well said Martha!
Sometimes I look at the women around me and they are quite casual. I have been enjoying light makeup, earrings and a sundress. Just enough to let the girl look back at me from the mirror.
Since my 100yo mom has moved down to live with us, I have toned that down to girl shorts and girl V neck tees. with my long hair it looks and feels feminine enough to hold back the pink fog.
I do have a rule that I must at least shave my face. Thats a boy part that needs to be hidden.
Bobbi

[Lynn Marie]

I started this silly obsession with lingerie and gradually moved to outerwear and heels also. The "clothing" area of this forum was all I was interested in. It was all about the "feeling" of the clothing and I continually avoided full length mirror views.

Then I finally tried hair and makeup. That changed everything. Now there was a completely realistic illusion of my dream girl staring back at me in that mirror that I had so assiduously avoided! I was in love and began to understand the other parts of the forum. It's no longer just the clothes, it's the illusion and the whole package.

[Oh Stella]

I dont like the look of a guy in a dress but I do like it when a guy does a great job of dressing and looks like a woman. Even if I can tell its a guy, as long as he looks mostly like a girl it doesnt bother me. When I dress I try my best at looking like a girl sometimes better than others but I try every time.

Thats just me and my personal preferences. Dont take this as the norm.

[Kyrianna]

I like it. I have seen a few and technically wore one at my wedding (Scottish Kilt). It is not that fact of how he looks in only that he is wearing it. It makes me feel good to see that we are starting to be a society where we accept people for who they are. Maybe it is just up here in Canada but looking back 20 years it has only gotten better.

This being said, I have yet to be attracted to a man in a dress (I have yet to be attracted to a man in general). I can say that I have found some CD and TS very attractive. (If i was not married, I would hope that i would have the courage to ask them out!)
Kyrianna

[hazel]

Always nice.

[Desirae]

Depends. Do you mean a man in a dress with "obviously" man features like a mustache or beard? If so, then no. I don't want to use the word yuk, though. A little effort put forth is nice.

[Majella St Gerard]

that's the way I roll. as of yet, i have not had a bad experience going out in public as a "man in a dress".

[LelaK]

A lot of women look yuk too. Since I joined this forum, my judgment seems to have improved. I don't see anyone as below 6. I'm a 6 too, hoping to be a 7 before long.

[Bethany38]

I agree with Nicole.
In my opinion, one's own mind can be the most judgemental.

I find this to be so very true.

[sometimes_miss]

I am confused. My dilemma consist of being turned off by pictures of a man wearing a dress.
I don't understand why it's a problem. Who we are, and what we are turned on or turned off by, are two entirely separate things. I'm an old bald overweight guy in a dress and a cheap wig, and I would not find myself sexually attractive, however I do find young slim women with long hair (even if it's dyed bizarre colors) tremendously hot, no matter what they're wearing, or even when wearing nothing at all.

[Andy66]

You've been subjected to 76 years of social conditioning, so give yourself a break if you can.

Thats what I think. Youve had a ton of social conditioning, and your feelings may be a knee jerk reaction... according to alot of society, youre SUPPOSED to think yuk.

[Brenn]

There are a few people who pull it off quite well in very different ways:

http://www.laweekly.com/informer/2014/02/13/brian-and-debbie-mccloskey-he-wears-a-dress-shes-fine-with-that

http://www.hisblackdress.com/

Wish I had both the look and guts to pull this off.

[Wallinger]

Not always that nice

[Ineke Vashon]

There are a few people who pull it off quite well in very different ways:

http://www.laweekly.com/informer/2014/02/13/brian-and-debbie-mccloskey-he-wears-a-dress-shes-fine-with-that

http://www.hisblackdress.com/

Wish I had both the look and guts to pull this off.

Me too. I am totally comfortable with the first one (laweekly). She looks femme. But the minute I looked at the shiny silvery dress of SO I thought: "OMG, I so want that dress. Love the slinky look."

As for 'hisblackdress' - while I admire his guts I am still uncomfortable with it. But what he choses to wear is really none of my concern. More power to him. Perhaps, one of these days.....

Thanks everyone for your input. I am aware that 76+ years of social conditioning has left its imprint. Fortunately, it is not too late for this old dog to learn new tricks, or I would not be participating in this forum.

Ineke