Were you destined to become a crossdresser?

[Frédérique]

Do you believe in destiny? I don’t. Not one little bit. But, do YOU think you were destined to become a MtF crossdresser? Is crossdressing your ultimate fate, doom, lot, fortune or destination? Do you feel it was inevitable, or an inevitable necessity? You tell me…

Was it predetermined that you would end up this way? I don’t see how that can happen, but others insist that there is a fixed order of things established either by a divine decree or by an indissoluble connection of causes and effects. On this site, and in this section, we can discuss the latter and not the former, so please keep that in mind…

Things happen, and that’s why I became a crossdresser, why I remain a crossdresser, and why I’m on this site dumping these little CD missives in front of everyone. Am I destined to become a writer? No. Am I destined to keep wasting my time like this? No. That is a choice I’ve made, one in a series of choices that have led me to this place, this existence, and this state of mind. I am the master of my own destiny, just like you are…

Things are not predetermined, IMHO. Instead, things are self-determined, meaning you reach a decision about something after thought and investigation. It may be genetic, but in my case, and for many of is, we decided to crossdress. You can direct your own life, and steer your own destiny – the ultimate destination is unknown, but the journey is rewarding in the extreme…

I suppose I subscribe to the existentialist view that I exist as an individual in a purposeless universe, and that I must oppose my hostile environment by exercising my own free will. There is no doubt that I crossdress to oppose the world around me, by doing something I’m not supposed to be doing, a free choice I made. I called my own shots and came up with this. There’s nobody to blame, nobody telling me what I can or cannot do, and nobody pulling my strings in a predetermined manner – I just WANTED to crossdress…

Of course, I was predisposed to crossdress, for a myriad of reasons and situations I have already discussed ad nauseum. As such, I don’t believe in fate, meaning I don’t believe it was inevitable that I became a crossdresser. It just happened, much like my conception just happened, my place in the world just happened, and my convoluted journey from point A to point B just happened, and is still happening. There’s a fork in the road up ahead, and nobody is telling me which path to take – I wouldn’t let that happen you know…

So, I take responsibility for my crossdressing. It’s not fate, not destiny, and not inevitable. I could be doing something else, but I chose THIS road. I should add that, in my case, I don’t believe in CD manifest destiny, i.e. going completely from male to female. I determined a long time ago that I’m not transgendered, even though everyone insists I must be. No, I stand alone, just an ordinary MtF crossdresser, my skirt blowing in the wind atop this here plateau. I was quite a climb to get here, but I’m glad I made the effort…

Oops…wait a minute…incoming call…

Guess what? That was NOT destiny calling… :doh:

[Kate Simmons]

There were no specifics or details involved as they are mostly determined by personal choices. It was agreed, however, that I would become a full spectrum person.:)

[kimdl93]

I do suspect that there is a predisposition at the very least. I see myself as TG. CDing is a way that I have expressed that identity since early childhood. Nothing in my early life lead me to this, actually, the facts of my life would simply not fit with the inner sense of a mixed gender. No pivotal moment caused it, and if anything for most of my life I tried to suppress the desire.

I will take responsibility for accepting who I am and what I am, and in doing so, no longer feel the shame or the obligation to deny myself.

[PaulaQ]

I believe that a large percentage of girls on this forum were destined to become CDs - that some of you were born with an identity that's predominantly male, but a need to express femininity that is simply beyond your ability to completely control.

I think it's largely biological in origin and therefore destiny of a sort.

Many of us on this forum would've chosen not to be CDs if we could have. I'd personally have stopped in a New York minute if I could have. The cycle of purges most of us experience suggest that this behavior is beyond our control.

[Melissa_59]

While I don't believe in destiny, I do think there might be genetic factors that make us predispositioned to crossdressing. The generation before me (my parents) had a much larger social stigma than we do (as hard as it is to believe) and there are a lot of markers for crossdressing, such as taking up dangerous, male oriented professions (example: Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, football, etc) as a method to deny what we're feeling inside.

Mind you, I am NOT saying "anyone who plays football is a crossdresser" - balderdash! Although... it would explain the 'yoga pants' they all wear... <snicker>

Anyway:

My father was a Marine, and my mother once confided in me (long after he died) that she suspected he wore her underclothes under his uniforms. She never caught him, but she would have things that would go missing and then suddenly reappear much later on - in the clothes hamper, after she'd done a few loads of laundry and so forth. She thought maybe she was just misplacing them but started tracking it and sure enough, things would simply "disappear" when Dad went out on maneuvers and then reappear when he returned. Waaaaaay too much coincidence there.

Since that little "revelation" about my father, I've often wondered if there was some sort of genetic thing going on here. I know I'm not alone in being a crossdresser who had a father that probably dressed (on the sly), so that really makes me wonder. I never saw him dressing - no "leading by example" there, and he always exhibited the hyper-macho male attitude to everyone, and I wonder now if that was just him hiding his other self. Obviously there haven't been a lot of conclusive studies on this, not too many men who were born in the 1930s are going fess up that they dress - either in private or public.

Not a lot of men TODAY will come straight out and fess up either. A few, sure. But not the majority. In fact until we find forums like this, most of us think we're all alone in the world, and online groups were not available back in the 40s, 50s, 60s, and most of the 70s.

~Mel

[Beverley Sims]

Frédérique,
You are thinking too hard again. :)

I was destined to become rich and famous.

My destiny still awaits me.

[Lorileah]

so you are arguing free will over fate over karma?

[Confucius]

Just to keep you thinking...

There is an unusual prevalence of cross-dressing among children with Asperger's. Do you really think they were not predisposed toward cross-dressing?

Patients with Parkinson's are sometimes given medication to increase their level of dopamine (a neurotransmitter) and help control their muscles. Some of these patients have develop cross-dressing as a result of this treatment. When the medication is stopped, their cross-dressing stops. Do you believe they really decided to cross-dress on their own initiative?

When a cross-dresser wears women's clothing he experiences sensations such as; well-being, comfort, pleasure, gratification and bonding. Some people think these sensations are just imagined, that we are just fooling ourselves. If they are real (and I am sure they are), then they must be caused by neural connections in our brain. These sensations are also identical with the "contact with a female" response of the brain, and science has well documented this response. So it may well be that our brains are hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female - a sort of synesthesia.

Most likely cross-dressing does not have a simple cause, but combines biology (the hard-wiring of our brains), psychology (female envy), and some sort of trigger mechanism. I don't believe we have no control over our cross-dressing. We can stop for a while, we can limit our cross-dressing. However, cross-dressing still makes us happy.

[Eryn]

I was destined to become rich and famous.

My destiny still awaits me.

Mine too, but I just want the rich part. Being famous quickly leads to being infamous.

Many seeds lie dormant for years until conditions are just right for them to germinate. I think that describes my situation. Given other circumstances I might have reached the end of my days without having the need to explore this side of myself become stronger than my other responsbilities.

[NicoleScott]

I think that things happened in my very early childhood (subtle things, like something I saw, not a mom putting me in a dress, etc.). My brain got wired a certain way, and my life has been about reinforcing those connections.

[DonnaT]

I believe being trans in some degree is genetically predisposed, and how one handles that predisposition is one's destiny.

[janetcgtv]

I feel that when we all are in the womb, that things happen there. Everyone starts out the same way. Depending on the chromosomes we are born female or male or inter-sexed. the next step decides if we are going to think as a woman, man, or both. the last step decides if we will love a man, woman, or both.

[sabrinaedwards]

Frederique, you have such deep and thought provoking posts. I wish I knew the answer to why I crossdress and of course I embrace crossdressing so much. I do take responsibility for my actions, but I am so drawn to it. I do not feel that I have a choice to discontinue crossdressing; it is certainly imprinted upon my personality.
Love, Sabrina

[franlee]

so you are arguing free will over fate over karma?
I have seen to many times that the "fate" of anyone is set in place by one or more of their own actions sometimes forced and by far their own choices, fate is simply the end results. And as far as Karma goes it is a nice way of saying "what goes around comes around" and that is as far as it goes because a lot of times we know that just aint true. So no I wasn't destined to CD but I did chose to and now it has become my destiny, I don't realy want to change.

[stephNE]

I started dressing before the age of 6. For some reason I was fascinated in my mothers clothes and jewelry, and I tried them on as often as I could. I remember many times putting on her bra and panties, over top of my little boy clothes, and going off to play.
So I don't think it was outside forces, but a genetic disposition to be this way. My teens were very confusing, but now I am very happy about this aspect of my life.

[Melissa_59]

I don't believe we have no control over our cross-dressing. We can stop for a while, we can limit our cross-dressing. However, cross-dressing still makes us happy.

For some of us, and I'm intentionally not speaking for ALL of us because I can't, we can stop cross dressing just as easily as we can stop eating and drinking. "We can stop for a while, we can limit..." our eating and drinking. And for some of us, stopping dressing is just as destructive in the long run as stopping eating and drinking.

I, too, stopped for long periods of time - when I was deployed to war zones, when my daughter (who knows but does not want to see it) visits for months, etc. But the longer I go, the more some ... destructive behavior starts to creep back into my life. Like alcohol, for example. I 'can' go about as long as one year now without dressing, but that's about my limit. And for me, it's like trying to force a trout to breathe air.

I can't explain it, I just know this is how I feel. And I doubt very seriously that I'm alone in this. My eyes were opened a few years ago to the fact that I am not alone anymore, that there are other people out there who feel exactly as I do in many respects.

It's not a matter of "making us happy" like seeing a good movie is or watching your daughter graduate from college. It is NOT the same thing. To me, saying that trivializes what happens when we dress.

For some of us, it really is a need. And when deprived, we go into deep depression.

Don't ask me to explain it. If I could, I'd be insanely rich.

~Mel

[sometimes_miss]

Just one more attempt to find 'the one true reason why we crossdress'. And it's going to fail, again. Sexuality, sexual preference, and gender are all on separate bell curves, in every combination. Some are at one end, some are at the other, the rest are somewhere along the middle. The causes are many, and varied; I suspect more different combinations of causes than most here can imagine.

[AnnaBMarie]

The one thing we all share in common is that there is a single point in our lives that drove us to put on a piece of women's clothing. The exact circumstances of that moment are quite varied and complex. I have to think that on an order of magnitude there are more males who tried it one time out of curiosity and never did it another time. But for the rest of us, the lure just never went away.

[Alice Torn]

As a boy, I was attracted to my mom's legs in nylons, skirts, shoes. Also, attracted to tall women teachers in grade school. And, also the dresses some teachers wore. There really was a time women techers wore dresses! I know, some look good in slacks, also. But, i always wondered what nylons would feel like. At age 14, i "borrowed" my mom's hose, and sister's hose, and one dress. I did it about ten times, felt so guilty, I quit, for decades, but occasionally would order pantyhose by mail order. Finally bought a dress and all the rest, in 2005. I really think it is part fetish, part heredity.

[Wildaboutheels]

ANY male, whether he waters at this site or any of those [hundreds of?] other CDing sites becomes destined to become a CDer once he has that first O while "dressed".

And IF he goes on to have a few more trips [or a few hundred or a few thousand] to Oville while dressed? He is now likely ADDICTED forever. Our brains simply are NOT going to forget that ASSOCIATION and will from that period forward always release just enough "feel good" chemicals to make CDing enJOYyable. This is widely documented by the vast majority of the "older" members here that no longer enjoy visiting Oville. Almost w/o exception, most still report getting some form of high from merely being/staying dressed. It's a MAN'S most basic programming to "release the hounds" as often as possible to as many females as possible. Our male brains don't know or care where the hounds go. We get a nice 7 second or so reward EVERY time we release them. It's our VISION that enables this which is why CDers just luvvvv flats and granny dresses and why there are so many threads and pics about them. Who needs heels or hose when you can wear granny dresses and flats?

Of course there ARE folks born in the wrong bodies. Just not very many. And I once dated a nurse, who had worked at All Children's Hospital for many years and told me that "more kids are born as hermaphrodites than most people realize". Parents are obviously quite capable of making the "wrong" choice when they make those decisions. That was 10 years ago. Perhaps there are better ways now to decide? Perhaps some of the members here were born as hermaphrodites? Would there be any reason for their parents to ever tell them?

But even if we disregard all those other sites, I think this very site alone, post enough FACTS in enough places to make it pretty obvious that most became ADDICTED to CDing while in their teens.

Of course if none of this ^^^ applies to a member, they are likely to have transitioned or be on their way.

[sometimes_miss]

And IF he goes on to have a few more trips [or a few hundred or a few thousand] to Oville while dressed? He is now likely ADDICTED forever. Our brains simply are NOT going to forget that ASSOCIATION and will from that period forward always release just enough "feel good" chemicals to make CDing enJOYyable. <snip>
And of course, it doesn't have to be sexual. One can wind up associating anything with being dressed as a girl, and wind up forever linking the two feelings. Mine wasn't sex, as I was too young....it was simply physical touch, the affection that I wasn't getting anywhere else. And another crossdresser was created.

[Katey888]

I think this is as preordained as the colour of my eyes, whatever natural degree of intelligence I was born with or a pre-disposition to diabetes or MS (sadly for those who develop any sort of awful condition...).

You may choose to be an existentialist, but you can't will away something that is pre-programmed genetically...

The belief that free-will trumps an otherwise purposeless existence is the province of a bunch of hedonistic, wine-swilling, garlic-crunching intellectuals and academics who developed a philosophy to support their own indolent and bohemian lifestyle... you can use it to justify anything you want it to, regarding your own motivations...

In any case, you're all just a figment of my imagination although why I'd want to come up with such an odd gathering of folk, goodness knows... at least you're all fairly friendly... :)

Oh - and you can stand on a table and pronounce that you're a table lamp as long as you like, you'll still be what you are to the rest of the world...

And Wild... speak for yourself... :D

Katey x

[CONSUELO]

I was first dressed at a very early age. From that time on my sexual exploration and growth was via cross dressing. I was fascinated by females; their clothes, smell and the things they did. I never enjoyed group sports and took up solo sport.
Why I was like this is still a mystery. Was it nature or nurture or some complex interplay of the two. Was it fate? I don't know and I have no idea how to answer the question in any definitive way.

[AnnaBMarie]

To reply to Wildaboutheels' view, if indeed the most powerful of positive reinforcements cements the bond with dressing, how is it that hetero sex, occurring with much higher frequency with most of us, doesn't cancel out the CD influence? My view on this is really complicated by the fact that my very first O was wearing my mother's undergarments so I can't truly be unbiased. Add to this that I've gone through periods of many years when I didn't dress, so without the constant reinforcement why didn't the urge simply wain?

[Ally 2112]

I used to have dreams when i was very young and way before i started crossdressing and of course they were about cding .Years later there are 2 that i still remember clearly and for the most part i can not remember what i dreamed about 10 mins after i wake up .So for me it seems like something was already there .It was like a switch turning on , one day i could care less about womens cloths the next i was obsessed about them and started cding and have not stopped since

[Julie Gaum]

First I would like to tell Freddy that I'm happy to see her --- thought you had fallen off the edge of the world (Or was that theory debunked some 500 years ago?). Never thought you had joined forces with Gov. Perry who last week proclaimed for all his followers ro note that being gay is just another addiction that one can shed if you put your mind to it.
In 59 blogs and many more to come I've assembled theories along with just plain opinions, from professionals to CDs like you and me; of chromosomes, genetics, wiring, imprinting, chemicals, the trigger, H. Benjamin Syndrome to some environment factors and all of them are both valid and not depending on the recipient. Point? I've no more ability to pick and choose than you do whether you really believe it or not. Nevertheless, glad to see you are back stirring the pot again --- missed you.
Julie

[Desirae]

Frankly, I agree with Wild for the most part. Once that connection is made, its there forever. You can still exercise your free will and remove yourself from the CDing, but the connection is still there. If you dress again, I would bet that your connection would be "refreshed". Also, I don't really see a higher frequency of male heterosexual sex canceling out a CD influence. I think people can have multiple sexual proclivities, some at the same time, some at different times. Some may even wane for a while and come around full circle later in life. We have all read the stories from members on this forum highlighting the diversity of this CDing phenomenon. There really shouldn't be any great mystery here regarding that. No one knows the why of it.

I think one of the biggest things that everyone, including myself, fails to remember is that clothing, or more specifically, what type of clothing is to be associated with which gender, is a decree of man, not a divine decree. If there wasn't this man-made decree, none of us would be crossdressers, would we? So, how could it be destiny then for any of us to be crossdressers?

I don't know if my brain was washed with too many female hormone when I was in the womb, if my mother (or father for that matter) "wished" that "I" would be a girl during procreation (mother and/or father), or if my mother wished I would be a girl during gestation, or if my father's lawyer's exclamation to my mother of what a beautiful little girl I was ended up going into my ears and making a connection when I was an infant, or if my sister secretly dressed me in her baby clothes when she babysat me while my mother was at work, or if all of the hours of cartoons that I watched when I was a toddler had any effect on me becoming a crossdresser. Chances are I'll never know. We'll never know.

But, I submit that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because, for better or for worse, it is who I am. It is a part of me. It's part of my identity. It makes me who I am. If I take that part away, I am not me anymore. Without it, I become someone less than me. I lose something. I don't feel whole. Something will be missing. I don't really want to know what it would feel like to have a part of me missing. Do you?

[Mia27]

I believe that things worked in a way to help shape my crossdressing. My mom was the head of the house hold, i have 4 sisters and 1 step brother. I always saw my sisters get spoiled and have way more fun than i did. We lived on a ranch so i was stuck doing all the work most the time. i didnt mind it, i loved being the manly man and doing everything. But my dressing up really started a long time ago. When i was about 4 my sisters would dress me up and video tape it for fun. We had a box full of girls clothes, from dresses to tu tu's. It was so fun!!! i remember being excited at all the options and wigs and dresses. I was told to stop when i was around 7. I never gave it another thought. Till i was about 10. My older sister and i had the two rooms downstairs, her room was right next to mine. I remember walking upstairs and looking over, her door was wide open. I saw a pink thong sitting there, for whatever reason i wanted to try them on. So i did. And it took off from there! I then started stealing more and more clothes. Whole outfits! I would fantasize about being dressed up completely as a girl with my sisters and doing all the stuff they did:) I then stopped dressing up around 13, no idea why.
I still had urges from time to time, but never acted on it. Then i turned about 15, dressed up a few times, couldnt help myself. Then stopped again. Didnt want to risk getting caught. I did find one of my old staches though. I dressed up and it felt so wonderful!!!! But i didnt dress up again till i was 19. I told my girlfriend about it and she said i could do it if it was right for me. She wants me to be happy and always lets me dress up when i need to:):) i can now pick out cute outfits (i wasnt so good at that before), i do all my own make up. My girlfriend says 1 to 10, 1 being super hideous make up, and 10 being as good as she can do haha. She said i was an 8!!!:D im doing great now:) im almost completely passable. I wouldnt change who i am. Im coming to terms of who i am:) All thanks to my girlfriend and some of my friends who know. I guess you could say its destiny... but i'd say i was pretty much born this way. Crossdressing makes me a more open person, and gives me a perspective of what women have to deal with (clothes, and make up, and getting ready). And how much fun it is!!:):):):) im so happy with the way i am:)

[SusanaO]

I'm quite the logical type, so I don't believe in destiny. I would say for those of use who have taken upon crossdressing ourselves from a very early age, our brains are wired in such a way that allows us to be very into femininity. Are you very detail oriented and sometimes (or all the time) think too much about things of little importance? Yeah, me too, and I also love looking like a woman.

[hazel]

I believe once you start loving something, its not easy to give up on it. You can forget it for some time, but not forever. Same is with me for crossdressing which I started several years ago as a teen and stopped for a couple of years. Trust me, now am back with more passion towards crossdressing than I used be.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Destiny is a fuzzy concept without much merit. Like you Freddy, I am a firm believer in free will and I believe that we make choices about our behavior, sometimes consciously and sometimes not.

But whatever mysterious genetic or environmental processes have defined my ever-evolving neurophysical state of being has created a lifelong desire to crossdress and to express the feminine side of my personality. I have no control over that fundamental desire or that craving whereas I do control if I choose to give into it. That’s not to trivialize those people that have a gender dysphoria so strong that they have to do something to resolve it or else live a miserable existence of feeling in the wrong body.

Like many here, the existence of the crossdressing architecture in my mind became apparent at an early age. I remember very clearly (at a young age I don’t remember exactly but it would be around 1960) the moment I first heard about men called transvestites that at that time were associated with dark and sleazy places called “homosexual bars”. Well I knew immediately that I somehow had a strong desire, maybe even a “need”, to be a transvestite and if I ever came close to that behavior I would embrace it. That moment, unfortunately, began a decade’s long internal struggle to resist that desire and deny its existence driven by the influence of the society around me.

I contend that if there is any so called “destiny” at work, then we here folks are destined to not be allowed to freely crossdress and live a life of mediocre drabness. It’s only through our sheer willpower and determination that we can swim against the strong current of conventional behavior and be the crossdressers we need to be, whether in public or private.

So, no, I was destined to not crossdress, but somehow I managed to anyway!

Hugs,
Stephanie