Why do i not accept myself

[Megan.]

Hi there it's megan i don't do alot of posting on here as i am always too busy but i want to ask a question i am hoping that someone can give me some advice on acceptance i love dressing so much but i feel when i go to my local support group people are staring and looking at me it makes me feel very uncomfortable but deep down i know they are not because they are there for the same reason as i am as an outlet for dressing.

it is because i do not accept myself or am i just being stupid any advice would be great thanks

megan.

[Kate Simmons]

Those are questions only you can answer Hon. Sometimes consulting a counselor can help. :)

[Katey888]

Hi Megan,

I think it would be a bit unfair of anyone to say you're 'just being stupid'... :) Your feelings are totally valid for you...

As I recall, you've not been going very long to support meetings, so maybe it's just something that will change over time? Feeling self-conscious would not be unusual, I think - in fact, sometimes for some inexplicable reason I can feel self-conscious when I'm at home, and I think that has to do with self-acceptance.

Just keep going, be patient and I'm sure the feelings will diminish as you become more comfortable being out with the folk at the group.. :)

Katey x

[hope springs]

They may just be checking out how you put yourself together. Its very common for girls to eyeball each other and compare how they do outfits and makeup. Unless you look like a troll, i doubt its anything malicious

[Beverley Sims]

You are not being stupid, maybe a little self conscious that is all.

Next time out try interacting more with the rest of the members of the group.

[Gardener]

Megan I wonder if you are being tough on yourself. It feels quite a brave thing to go out dressed to meet other people. I have to say that when I look at some of the pictures on this site there are some fantastic looking people dressed as women. Most people staring out would be a bit unsure, don't you think?

[Confucius]

The fact that you acknowledge that you "love dressing", and you are stepping forward by joining a support group all indicates that you ARE actively accepting yourself. However, you are outside your comfort zone when people stare at you because the situation is still new to you and you lack of self-confidence.

When people stare at you try starting a conversation with them. Talk about hobbies and interests outside of cross-dressing. Alternatively you may learn to crack a few jokes about cross-dressing. "This outfit isn't feminine enough for me." "I don't know if you noticed this, but you are wearing women's clothes." "My body thinks I'm a sumo wrestler, but I disagree." "I just dress this way to challenge social convention and expand my personal freedoms." I am sure you'd be able to come up with some other statements that would raise eyebrows and get conversations rolling. Good luck to you.

[carhill2mn]

My reaction to your post is that you have not yet accepted yourself and thus are feeling that others are not accepting you either. It does take some time and effort to learn to accept that you are a good person regardless of how you are presenting.

[devida]

Hey Megan: Try this before you go out: stand in front of the mirror, dressed if you like, or naked if you like, and say, "Honey I accept you exactly as you are." If you don't believe it, do it again, and again, until you do. Remember you are not doing this for other people. You are doing it for yourself. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, and allow yourself to be whoever you feel you are from moment to moment (cause, you know, you can't be anything else). Presenting yourself as somebody other than the person other people told you you were is kind of difficult, but only because we are valuing other people's opinions over our own, and, ultimately, what do they know? They don't live in your skin. You do and wanting to present as somebody other than what people said you were is your business and yours alone. Dressing in the clothes of a gender other than the one assigned to you at birth hurts absolutely no one. Just be you, and anyone who gives you a stink eye, just give it back slowly, wig to heel!

[CynthiaD]

Just because they're staring and looking at you doesn't mean they're thinking bad things about you.

Discussing this with a professional would be a good idea.

[kimdl93]

I agree with the suggestion that by going out to group events, you are taking very significant steps towards self acceptance. That isn't the same as being unsure or self conscious but it's related. We all want others to think well of us, but as Eleanor Roosevelt said, they so seldom think of us at all.

My guess is that not many people notice you. And it's fruitless to speculate on what people think about you, particularly strangers.