Do you tell your family

[Ashley Wray]

Hello,

While I have been secretive about my crossdressing I have a slight situation where I had some things in a backpack and forgot about them. My brother borrowed the bag to use while riding his bike without asking. He apparently took the items out used it and put them back in. Which I realized when he said oh by the way I borrowed your backpack. Now I know what was in there and he now knows but has not said a word to me and acts like it was nothing, which is great that he did not make it more awkward.

However I have this feeling that I need to explain things now that the cat is out of the bag so to speak and I want to make sure he is not social about it with any of his friends that come around cause that would be more embarrassing.

Question is how do you handle this situation and approach discussing it when I'm still confused about it myself (The Crossdressing).

[Kate Simmons]

Offhand I would say find a better hiding place for starters. ;):)

[Jessy Jamz]

Personally I'd just let it go. Just the way he handled it, it sounds unlikely he's going to blab about, and given the way he reacted maybe it isn't as much of a secret as you thought! Of course I don't know what your bro is like so can't really say too much. If you think he's the kind of person who would be accepting maybe it would be a good thing to talk to him about. It's definitely a positive thing to have someone in your life that is accepting. You could feel it out with little comments here and there.

[tifftg]

As I read this, I want thru a range of reactions thinking about what makes sense. Some of this depends on what was in the bag. Let's say for instance that what you had were a couple of pairs of panties and a bra, he may think they are trophies from girls you know. Our brains always go to clues that represent crossdressing but that is not true of everybody else. Now if you tell me that there was a wig, makeup, heels, etc then that is a different story.

Also I agree with Kate, find a better place.

[Princess Grandpa]

As Tiff says, it largely depends on what's in the bag. Anything short of pictures of you dressed up and he may not know.

Let us know how you decide to proceed.

Hug
Rita

[Katey888]

Presumably, Ashley, if your brother is close enough to you to borrow your backpack without you knowing he will most likely know whether you have a girlfriend...? Or not...? And if not, then he is probably able to put two and two together... :)

If that is the case and you don't want him to speak to anyone else then you need to speak to him... If you say nothing then he will not know what your wishes are and may or may not say anything...

A lot depends on your relationship with him - and how you want to proceed...?

I'm curious (and a little confused) that you seem worried about this when you have already posted ads with pictures, hooked up with strangers and seem to be quite experimental with how you approach this... :confused:

Without moralising, I think you have more to be concerned about than where to keep part of your stash... perhaps there's more you're not telling us...?

Katey x

[Badwolf]

I passed it off as a cousins clothes to my live in girlfriend for a while, so the power of assumptions may play a factor, but it sounds like he's respecting your right to privacy to a point.

I know I have someone that has respected it by NEVER bringing up any of the clues even though they have had many. They are from a more religious country, plus a few other things that make me not really the person to broach the subject either out of fear of her gut reactions.

[bridget thronton]

My wife and adults were told some time ago. The rest of my extended family really does not need to know.

[Dianne S]

It depends on your family and on why you want to tell them. I told my wife before we were married, but only recently told my mother, sisters and kids. For me, it was the best move possible... everyone is fine with it and now I can change at home when I go to a T-* support group event. I also don't need to sneak around hiding my stuff from my kids.

But you need to try to gauge the reactions of your family members and act accordingly.

[SusanaO]

I had a similar situation... I was moving to a new apartment and my mother came to help me pack some things... one box I had pre-packed but did the mistake of not sealing it with tape. She ended up opening it to stuff more things inside, and it's impossible to have not seen the contents (women's clothes, lingerie, makeup). Afterwards I thought about either coming up with an explanation (things girls have left at my place) or simply telling her the truth.

She's a little contradicting when it comes to these things... she thinks such things are ok to do, but she opposes same-sex marriage, to name one example. In the end I decided not to come out to her as 1. she knows I date women 2. knowing her I think she'd believe I'm confused 3. she wants grandchildren from me. Should she ever confront me about it I'll tell her it was left by an ex girlfriend. But I've also decided to use it in my favor in case she ever does find out one way or another; if she thinks something is up and ends up finding out, the news will be a little more bearable.

I agree with Jesse, sounds like he didn't give it any importance, so let it go. If he asks about it, give him a plausible explanation.

[Ashley Wray]

I think I will just leave it alone for now. To answer katey back I agree I may have more to worry about than that but the pics I posted on line really show no recognizable face pics so no one would know from that. Other than him finding it I felt a potential need to explain less the 2 encounters I had but at least the wig and shoes in the bag (which answers that question also. Yes I should have had a better stash spot and will in the future but for now I will just leave it alone, though I'm sure he will eventually bring it up when he sees anymore signs like shaving really close etc. thanks for all the replies it helped a lot and is good to have a place to bounce things off people in similar situations.

[Beverley Sims]

I have never let any family know other than my wife.
Works well for me.

[Maria 60]

Why we do the things we do? It feels like at times we are hiding things in the snow and sooner or later the snow is going to melt, and it always melts. One night I went out driving and got changed in the car, when I got home I left the bag in the garage so I could bring it in when no one was around. Well I forgot about that bag and my son was washing his car and was looking for a rag and when I got there I seen him with that bag in his hand and when he seen me he put the bag down and didn't ask or say anything. We have to be careful and double check all the time, sometimes I think I Am going to get busted over the stupidest thing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ashley, Only my wife knows , I see no need to share this with the rest of my family.

[blinggurlcd]

Only my wife knows (as far as I am aware anyway). She is basically supportive of it but she also does not know I also do it when she is not around. For now it is a closed-door activity but someday I would like to make the leap to going 'out' - maybe in a different city or location at first.

[Desirae]

I also say play the waiting game and see what happens. Wait to see if he drops any "left handed" hints at you or even if he ever comes right out and confronts you about it. In the meantime, you can work out what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Most people are smart enough, even brothers, to know this is not something to blab about to the family. Only you know the relationship you have with your brother. Is he a blabber? I don't pick up on that from your post.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Only my wife, both ex's and everyone they ( the 2 ex's ) have told know about me. Other than that......... i don't think any of my family knows. :D

[hazel]

My elder brother has a hint of me being a crossdresser, but I know he is and pity on him as he had to stop doing it. I wish I can go ahead and help me get here, the feeling of not able to get dressed is gloomy and depressing :(

[cg2002bolt]

with my family my aunt is the only one for now who knows and has been very supportive and likes my feminine side, she see the happiness it has brought out in my life to be able to express freely something that she for a while had a hint of. But as for the rest of my family no one else knows. For now that is how it will be