Mistakes CDs make.

[Candice Mae]

These are not directed at anyone, its just constructive criticism and helpful suggestions. Its hard for us to give direct criticism on here, as we like to support each other and not be the bearer of bad news. Although there really is no right are wrong way to CD, just as long as the clothes/accessories you are wearing are intended to be worn by a woman you are a CD.

-Not being truthful/hiding Cding from their SO, if your in a serious relationship your SO should know about your hobby and you should respect their feedback.
-Purging, why spend all that money just to throw it away? Get a big plastic bin put everything in there and put it some where that's an inconvenience to get to.
-Don't over extend yourself, dress in moderation. Spread your time out over other hobbies.
-Wearing clothes that are way too small, that little top looks great stretched across your beer gut. Clothes are made in a range of sizes for a reason, dress to your body type/shape and age.
-Wearing a bra band that's too small with the straps as tight as they go, and complain about "red marks" Measure and trail and error make huge differences.
-Wearing patterned bras that show through tops, they make nude colored bras for a reason.
-Forms and push up bras, if their glued on you might see some lift. But other wise its a waste as forms to not react to a push up bra like real breasts do.
-Stores that cater to CDs are great but are often have higher prices and lower quality, only buy things you can't get else where example being forms.
-Having their wig too far forward, it should be around where your hair line is or used to be.
-Trying to be sexy or over the top, moderation is usually a more presentable look.
-Posting bikini pictures, if you got the body for it great. If not keep it private, same goes for lingerie pictures.
-Too much shape wear, use only what you need and don't rely on a girdle. Be active and get in shape, at least you will be healthier.
-Stripper heels, having a pair is fine but due to how impractical they are they should not be your go to shoe.
-Taking hormones with out medical or therapists advice, self medicating is very dangerous.
-Leaving pictures on computers or browsing history, its not hard to delete and put good pictures portable hard drive.
-Freaking out when they think they outed themselves, but yet they do everything but shout that they CD from the roof tops.
-Under dressing in public, it won't be long till your outed better be prepared to own it.
-General photography, take pictures in clean uncluttered places and clean the mirror if your taking a selfie.

That's about all I can think of off the top of my head.

[Katy120]

A brilliant list which applies to some degree to all of us. Thank you for putting it together.

[Jessy Jamz]

These are all good. I have definitely been guilty of some in the past. Poor wig wearing technique drives me crazy!

[Alice_2014_B]

Wearing my wig too forward was a big one for me.
Now after I put it on I remember to lift it up some; I could probably notch it some more though.
Thanks for the list.

[Bria]

Great list, now all I have to do is remember it!! Thanks for posting!

Hugs, Bria

[Genny B]

I need to know what a stripper heel is? I had a GG share with me that my heels where too thick as I was after support for my weight and was informed the narrow heel is more appropriate for social gatherings...

Genny B

[Sara Jessica]

Nice list, mind if we make some additions???

How about...

Treating pantyhose like they're one of the four food groups.

[Ressie]

-Not being truthful/hiding Cding from their SO, if your in a serious relationship your SO should know about your hobby and you should respect their feedback.

You're right but this one doesn't work for everyone. I know a CD that's been married for close to 50 years and knows that if the wife finds out (about the crossdressing) the marriage will end in divorce. But there are plenty of threads on that so don't let this cause the topic to stray.

Here's a few -
Too much make up or just lack of skill in applying it.
Washing lingerie in the washing machine.
shaving to close and getting razor burn
Limited fashion sense (not knowing how to put together outfits)
Not knowing how to effectively use bobby pins

Just guidelines. After all, we learn from mistakes don't we?

[NicoleScott]

Although there really is no right are wrong way to CD...

..followed by a long list of right and wrong ways to CD.

[Tracii G]

I will add one for the wig wearers.
PLEASE take care of your wigs. Wash them every so often and comb or brush it out when you are done wearing it.

[Desirae]

It's a good list. I'm sure there are many more. One, though, that I take a little exception with is:

-Stores that cater to CDs are great but are often have higher prices and lower quality, only buy things you can't get else where example being forms.

Generally, I do believe that to be true, but I think there should be another consideration. For the ones that are owned/run by CDs (or TSs), I think we should be patronizing them all we can. I say this because we all know how much discrimination our little clique encounters in the real world. Oftentimes, even in today's world, CDs and TSs who come out have a hard time finding a job or keeping a job. You have to really admire, at least I do, and especially those of us who are not out, CDs who put themselves out there in the real world. I think we should support them as best we can, and if that means buying some slightly more expensive items from them at their stores, well that's what we should do then, IMHO.

[Beverley Sims]

Candice,
You are practicing for serious and I wish you well.

I also have made most of these mistakes except the technology ones.

Most have been for comic effect and worked well.

I do tone it down a great deal when I am serious about life too.

I like your list, it is good advice.

[sandra-leigh]

Being able to see the bra through the top is a fashion choice, not a CD problem. However, it should be a deliberate fashion choice, rather than something not thought about. For example white bra under white top can really show up a lot, which does not fit our intuition. So feel free to do it deliberately but avoid doing it accidentally (and if you do it deliberately don't complain that other people noticed your bra.)

Underdressing in panties in public does not seem to be an issue in practice for most people. In 9 years, the only person who has ever said anything about mine was my SO. However, if you wear panties with ruffles at the top and you are a plumber who suffers from the traditional "Plumber's crack" problem, then Yes, people are going to notice. But SpongeBob Squarepants panties... even if the pattern is noticed, people are less likely to pay attention to whether they are men's or women's. Something like a microfibre solid color can be found in men's as well as women's. ("I was having some skin problems, so someone suggested that I switch to microfibre underwear; that's been working pretty well for me.")

[sometimes_miss]

You're right but this one doesn't work for everyone. I know a CD that's been married for close to 50 years and knows that if the wife finds out (about the crossdressing) the marriage will end in divorce.
Absolutely. For a lot of us, there will never be anyone if we wait until finding someone who likes a guy who crossdresses. The closet is often the only option. Either that or spending our lives alone waiting for a relationship that will never happen. As the old saying goes, better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. At this point, short relationships will have to do until something longer becomes possible. In the meantime, I will keep feeling out the potential for a GF being accepting of crossdressing.

Now then a few solutions.


Washing lingerie in the washing machine.
I've had success with the gentle cycle, keeping everything in lingerie bags, slow spin, and then hanging to dry. Handwashing everything drove me nuts.

shaving too close and getting razor burn
The new Schick hydro five blade razors, a hot shower, and shaving gel made for sensitive skin has solved that for me.

[Zylia]

Another one: Using the exact same pose in all of your pictures. You're a person, not a dress-up doll. :D

[Adriana Moretti]

Great List !!!! I cant stand tacky....it urks me....racoon eyes get under my skin ( easy on the eyeliner) ....lace pattern stockings......the word panties...... posing and putting your hands in front of your beer gut for a photo ( we can tell what you are hiding), cheap party store blonde wigs, i could go all day...hmmm ...

[Kate Simmons]

I get this but you can never get that good. Believe me, over the years I've made most of these "mistakes" plus a lot more. The problem is that is how we learn by doing and finding out what works best for us but not some "pie in the sky" impossible ideal. Having fun along the way doing that is what makes us who we are as individuals.:)

[AllieSF]

How about not making Do's and Don'ts lists? As someone said above, we usually learn better by making our own mistakes, and what may be a mistake for one may be a success and right choice for another.

[Emi_]

The "Dos and Don'ts Lists" seem to be some of the most popular content on sites like this. Every CDer wants to know exactly how to "get away with it." There is almost this notion that there is some kind of magic recipe for being able to dress fabulously, look convincingly female, and have a happy life. Likewise, there are just as many people who think they have the perfect magic recipe and are extremely eager to make the rest of us aware of it.

[Katey888]

Candice - you know I think you're a gorgeous person... :) but.... nice as it might be to have a check list before we all go to the mall, lounge in our back garden or just get ready for that selfie in the bathroom (complete with overflowing laundry basket, radiator and novelty toilet roll cover in the background...) doesn't this all smack a little of the 'you're not doing it right' feeling? :thinking:

I'm right with Ressie and Lexi on the 'not being truthful' stance again - that's a moral perspective, not a simplistic mistake in most cases, so 'nuff said...

We all dress for different reasons even if we fall into a few categories or boxes (let's leave labels until Isha's back :)) - many of us do dress to emulate so your fashion tips are well judged and reasonable... but actually, if you dress for a different reason and you want to wear a bikini complete with beer belly, but you do so in the privacy of your own pool area, isn't that a personal choice...?

And even if you insist on posting albums of pictures featuring plumber's cleavage, frilly pink knickers (the preferred UK nomenclature), furry legs (that'll bring Moose out of hiding..) and 6" FM heels, we're still under no obligation to either look at them (although I admit it's hard not to indulge in a little voyeurism sometimes) and certainly not to pass judgment unless someone's asking for it... that's literally, not metaphorically... :)

Honestly... it's not like there's an ISO standard for us... is there...? :eek:

So, thanks for the tips, although I think we all should have a reminder of what you said yourself in a recent post... "But I'm not really a CD..."

:)

Katey x

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Candice, The whole program is a total learning experience forever.

[CDhusband-Coping2014]

I just came out to my SO a few months ago so a few tips are always helpful. Thanks for the post.

[Violetgray]

Some of the reactions here confuse me. Every single one of these tips is a good idea individually, but someone posts them all at the same time and she's being judgemental? It's a list or a reference guide not an indictment. You don't look at a dictionary and say "How am I supposed to remember all these words?" No one is expecting you to, because you're not going to need every single word in the dictionary. similarly, no one cd is making all the mistakes on this list.

[Judith96a]

Honestly... it's not like there's an ISO standard for us... is there...? :eek:



Have you not heard of the ISO 4344 "Alternative Gender Expressions" a.k.a "Pink Book" series? ;)
I believe that ANSI is going to adopt them as ANSI 6566. IETF didn't think that issuing them as a series of RFCs was appropriate.
I think that the relevant parts are:-
ISO 4344-1, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Emulation Protocol MtF" &
ISO 4344-3, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Presentation Layer MtF". :heehee:

[hope springs]

I disagree with the nay-sayers. Most of whats on the list is reasonable. Some is opinion and some experience. But some a really new to CD and may want some tips. Some havnt gone in public yet (like me) and appreciate all the tips they can get. Some may not have SOs who can help.
Anyway, i think a sticky of common "mistakes" might be useful with a huge disclaimer that feel free to ignore all of it.

Edit: btw Violetgrey you look great. I just happened to glance at your avatar and had to pause

[falcongts]

Mistakes CDs make ?
For me I have been trying to find someone to help dress up and have a good friendship with online for awhile now We all have styles we like So I hope I will not hurt any ones likes or dislikes
this is what I shared with a person who asked me for help online As well as share this site is a nice place to meet people , G rated where people going through the same thing as I am

First find someone to emulate , Keep everything appropriate everything that looks out of place ordinary will be notice = non pass remember it is impossible for people to notice your flaws or problems for that matter if they are looking at something else on you

I said about a dress or skirt to 2" above or 2" below the knees is best to far above the knees makes you look bigger in the mid section and to far below the knees makes your feet look bigger
is the range that is best

High heels classic Pump close toe and heel round toe is the best choice to hide a males BIG FOOT
a strappy gladiator shoe makes feet look even bigger and ankle fatter but if you want to show skin a peep toe or sling back at best

dress your age . have Class and be sexy at the same time without looking like a man in a dress

[Simone_40]

Great list, love it! Re: "Trying to be sexy or over the top, moderation is usually a more presentable look":
I've seen some CD's that dress like Hookers, looking cheap and easy. Their entire wardrobe is nothing but 'Streetwalker' attire. Their skirts BARELY cover their junk.
*I reckon we can all guess WHAT they are looking for. It's like the song, " Lookin' for Love in all the wrong places".
:2c:

[Ressie]

I actually like those cheap blonde halloween wigs, but wearing one in public would be a mistake, at least for me. I'm sure we can think of lots more that could be considered blunders.

Trying to talk in a fem voice without practicing enough first.
Overdoing female gestures such as trying too hard to walk like a lady
sitting with legs open (like a man haha)

BTW, I'm perfect at emulating a lovely female…. Not!

[Nadya]

There is a difference between dressing how you want and dressing to pass. This list would be good for those of us who want to pass in public. You want to blend in rather than stick out like a sore thumb. The style I like is a bit more flashy so if I want blend in public I'll have to tone it down. :( For those that just want to dress how they want, who cares what anyone else thinks? This is your life, do what makes you happy. I say that knowing it is easier said than done and attitudes can change drastically in public depending on where you live.

[Erica Thorn]

-Not being truthful/hiding Cding from their SO, if your in a serious relationship your SO should know about your hobby and you should respect their feedback.
-Purging, why spend all that money just to throw it away? Get a big plastic bin put everything in there and put it some where that's an inconvenience to get to.
-Having their wig too far forward, it should be around where your hair line is or used to be.
-Trying to be sexy or over the top, moderation is usually a more presentable look.
-Stripper heels, having a pair is fine but due to how impractical they are they should not be your go to shoe.


I think it's a great list and can't see any problems with having one... I recognized a couple at once that I've been guilty of! I hid it from my GF for a couple of years and when she found out everything went fubar. Now a few years later I absolutely wish I had told her at once instead of having to live with the guilty feelings!

Totally agree on the purging part, since my SO is ok with it I've just kept everything in my wardrobe, untouched but still there!

I realized I have to get more colors in my clothes to, my GF was going to borrow something and complained that the only color I had was black and I guess that's true, same thing with the heels... I don't think I have more then 1 or 2 pairs that's lower then 4" :D

Great list, keep them coming!

[Wildaboutheels]

Not very shocking that your list ruffled some feathers...

I can only assume though that you [and likely many others] participate at this site on a cell phone?

And/or seldom look at pics at the P&V gallery?

You left out the most egregious of them all.

Maybe it's just a Florida thing?????????? I have lived here 55 years and have yet to see a female over ten sporting a "Trucker's Tan" and wearing a short sleeve or sleeveless top... and yet TT is par for the course in the P&V gallery.

In Florida you might as well carry around a giant 3X5 foot sign proclaiming "I'm a CDer"

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Another big mistake is telling people that you are a CD who do not need to know even if you're very good friends. Friendships can sour. You might have an old or new friend you felt you could trust and then find out differently. That smiling face doesn't mean you can trust them with your secret because of the strong possibility that person will share your secret with others. I've had some tell me that I could tell them anything. RED FLAG! Maybe they had suspicions? Best to tell only other CD friends, spouse, relationship partner if the relationship is going somewhere and ONLY on a "need to know basis"

Cheryl

[Adriana Moretti]

Hi Candice, The whole program is a total learning experience forever.

I like this...cause it is true...you never stop learning

[Erica Thorn]

Maybe it's just a Florida thing?????????? I have lived here 55 years and have yet to see a female over ten sporting a "Trucker's Tan" and wearing a short sleeve or sleeveless top... and yet TT is par for the course in the P&V gallery.

In Florida you might as well carry around a giant 3X5 foot sign proclaiming "I'm a CDer"

Oh that's not just a florida thing... exactly the same even here in Sweden... and looking on my own arms I realize I need to go topless from now on ;)

[reb.femme]

Have you not heard of the ISO 4344 "Alternative Gender Expressions" a.k.a "Pink Book" series? ;)
I believe that ANSI is going to adopt them as ANSI 6566. IETF didn't think that issuing them as a series of RFCs was appropriate.
I think that the relevant parts are:-
ISO 4344-1, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Emulation Protocol MtF" &
ISO 4344-3, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Presentation Layer MtF". :heehee:

Spot the computer bod! Takes one to know one though :).

I'm taking the thread as intended. I think everyone can do with a mentally waved red flag now and then (allarme rosso as they say in Italian.....apparently) and just to be mindful of our all round presentation. I had to take one photo down after posting, when I noticed a stack of foundation blotches all over the black settee I was on. Looked like a right grubby tart! Tried to cover an arm tattoo, but the settee took it well....oh and cleaned up nicely.

Whether people tell or not though, is in their prerogative and not for us....but lets not derail either. My big one is on the list though....the untidy room. Eeek! I've even hoovered and dusted before taking pics.

All in Candice, a good post but if I discover any of the list applies to me......I'll soon find out where you live and I'll be armed with all my boring holiday pics :devil:.

Rebecca

[Michelle789]

The new Schick hydro five blade razors, a hot shower, and shaving gel made for sensitive skin has solved that for me.

I second this one. I use a Gillette Fusion 5 blade razors, hot shower, and shaving gel made for sensitive skin. Wetting the beard with hot water makes a huge difference. But what is really necessary is a 5 blade razor, hot shower, and shaving gel for sensitive skin.

Sorry, the electric razor and cheap 2 or 3 blade razors have got to go. Btw, a good 5 blade razor can last you for 1-2 weeks if you shave every day, and 2-3 weeks if you shave every other day. I don't need to spend more than $12 a month on razors.




-Purging, why spend all that money just to throw it away? Get a big plastic bin put everything in there and put it some where that's an inconvenience to get to.


8 years ago I left California to take a job in Virginia, and I threw away all my clothes, wigs, forms, and accessories. I thought I could give up CDing, and within a few months I was longing to buy women's clothes again, only to find out that there was no CD specialty store in the DC area, and that stores just outside of DC, like Alexandria, were not as CD/TG friendly as stores in L.A. were, so I got a few rude remarks when trying to buy clothes out there. I ultimately moved back to L.A. less than a year later, and am much happier here, and I learned the hard way never to purge. I found that the desire really never goes away, so if you feel like not dressing for a while just hide the clothes in a box somewhere and pick up when you're ready to use them again.



-Stripper heels, having a pair is fine but due to how impractical they are they should not be your go to shoe.


I agree with this one. I find that you can most certainly push the limits of CDing and wear skirts, dresses, hose, and heels in public, but I would avoid heels that are obviously not what other women would wear, like 5, 6, or 7 inch heels, platform shoes. 2-3 inch heels, and even 4 inch heels, are totally appropriate, just remember that walking around in 3-4 inch heels for long periods of time can be taxing. I personally wear skirts or dresses, hose, and flats in public. Flats are totally feminine, totally in, totally cute, and totally acceptable.


-Taking hormones with out medical or therapists advice, self medicating is very dangerous.


I couldn't agree with this more. Hormones are intended for permanent body modification, and they also have strong mental effects. They also can have side effects too like any medication. They are intended for TSes, and to be taken only after consulting a therapist and endocrinologist. I am going for my hormones appointment on Thursday, after months of therapy. The clinic is going to show me a mandatory video that everyone must see before a doctor will prescribe hormones. Then again, I am TS.


-Under dressing in public, it won't be long till your outed better be prepared to own it.


I'd say it depends on the situation. If you're going to be sitting at a desk all day, then you probably won't be outed. If you're going to be doing lots of lifting and bending, then you risk you're underwear being shown.

A few more things I'd like to add.

- Never, never buy a wig online. Always buy your wigs in person at a wig shop. I've suffered through a few wig disasters to learn the hard way. You have a much better feel for how a wig looks on you when you try it on in person, and a S.A. at the shop can give you their opinion too. The only way I'd ever condone buying wigs online is if you live in a remote area, and there is no way you can get to a wig shop easily - like if you live in Mississippi or Idaho. If you live in or near major cities like L.A., San Francisco, Dallas, New York, or Chicago you'll have options. I'm not so sure about Washington DC, given my bad experiences out there. Maybe Alexandria is the wrong place to look.

- Know that the size difference between your man's and woman's shoe size may vary for up to 2 sizes. But it's not a hard, set in stone rule. Always measure your feet first at a shoe store, they can give you a Brannock Device. If you're too shy to ask for one, Naturalizer has one that you can print out, and it is as accurate as any device used in a shoe store. Just make sure you print it at the right size, you may need to adjust your printer settings. Their printable device has markings on it that you can line up against a ruler and make sure that 1 inch on the device equals 1 inch on a ruler. I wear size 10 in men's, and size 11 in women's. Some shoes I might fit better in a 12 or a 10, but usually I wear 11.

- You're always better off buying clothes and shoes in an actual store, and trying them on first, to make sure they fit properly, look good on you, and that you can walk comfortably in your shoes. If you must order online for whatever reason, such as you live in a remote area, CD/TG unfriendly area, or you require larger sizes than any local store can get you, then learn the return policy, and be patient, since it may take a few days or a few weeks for you clothes or shoes to arrive. I would try exhausting every other option before shopping online, though. Sometimes a store's online catalog offers you more options than shopping in person. This is especially true for larger sizes.

- When you dress, it is important you are happy with yourself. Make sure you are comfortable in your clothes, and like the way they look on you, and you wear what makes you happy. Don't wear uncomfortable 6 inch stripper shoes just to show off, but be struggling to walk in them. Don't wear jeans when you really want to wear a dress or skirt with hose. To me, wearing what you don't want to wear just because you're worried about what others in public think can make you more miserable. Plus if you only dress every once in a while, why not wear what makes you happy?

- We clock ourselves first. We really do. Passing is much more than physical appearance, in fact physical appearance is only 1/3 of passing. Confidence is another 1/3, and behavior is the other 1/3. So even if you have too many masculine features, you can compensate by "owning it" and being confident about yourself in public, and by acting like a lady in public. No need to overexxaggerate feminine mannerisms, as that might get you clocked, but observe how women behave and carry themselves, and try to mimic that. More importantly, just be yourself.

- CD/TG acceptance also depends on geographic region. Remember that on this forum we come from a wide variety of geographic regions, some being more CD/TG friendly and others being not so friendly. Remember that you matter where you live, there will always be a transphobe in a generally accepting big city, and accepting people in not so accepting small towns. Some small towns might surprise you and be more accepting than you think - I personally know of two transwomen who transitioned living in small towns.

- Accept yourself, where ever you fall on the TG spectrum. Whether you are an underdresser, fetish dresser, dress fully from head to toe but dress in private only, dress fully from head to toe out in public, or are TS and need to transition, it is okay to be who you are.

-If you are TS and need to transition, there is no right or wrong way to transition. No one says you need to do all the surgeries. You need to find out what is best for you. Some TSes elect to take hormones and do hair removal, but no FFS or SRS or breast augmentation. Others really need SRS or FFS. Some transwomen just live as women in public but never get hair removal or take hormones.

- Only transition if you need to, but if you need to then let nothing stop you. If you are TS, don't let anyone tell you you are not TS. You know yourself better than anyone else, and self discovery about where we fall on the gender spectrum is part of the process.

- Most transphobia doesn't come when you're in a public venue like a grocery store, shopping mall, restaurant, movie theater, or clothing or shoe store. Everybody in crowded places is really too busy and self-absorbed to care if some crossdresser is nearby. Most transphobia comes from people we interact with on a regular basis, and especially true if they knew us as a male. 99% of transphobia comes from work, our families, S.O.'s, and friends.

- It is okay to be genderqueer, a "dude in a dress", androgynous, bigender, genderfluid, or any other gender identity or gender expression.

- When it comes to dating, men are generally more accepting of dating CD, TG, and TSes than women are, but generally men want one night stands with us rather than actual relationships. When it comes to friendships, women are generally more accepting of having CD, TG, or TS friends than men are. Your wife might not accept your CDing, but your female friends likely will.

[NicoleScott]

There is a difference between dressing how you want and dressing to pass. This list would be good for those of us who want to pass in public.

A great point, one that many miss, thinking that all CDers have the same objective to pass, blend in public, appear indistinguishable from GG's. It just ain't so. Many of us dress for reasons other than blending. If that's the case, one by one nearly all of those "non-judgmental suggestions" (HA!) are shot down. If the list had been prefaced with "mistakes CDers who want to blend make", most of the suggestions are pretty good.

[Badwolf]

I agree all of them can be mistakes, but some of them really aren't ALWAYS mistakes.

1. You can't be open to everyone in the world so when you just starting to date that isn't always a mistake.
2. Agree on this one. I am not a fan of purging, although the same logic applies as above. There are cases where the option for long term storage isn't available.
3. Depends on the type of CD you are.
4. A lot of GG's wear a size or cup size smaller to push the girls together. This is only a small exception, especially since you also mentioned the straps. The straps being tight is a folly even for young GG's since a lot of people think that's where the support comes from. The band should be doing most of the work,not the straps.
5. Patterned bras that show through tops can be a style choice. There was just a really cute picture of a pink lacy bra through an unexpectedly sheer pink top that I think looked good. There is a different issue which is not being as well educated in the rules of transparency as GG's. Especially with whites (don't wear white under white being the easiest rule to put out there.
6. Somewhat agree, but quality can make a huge difference. I couldn't afford them until recently, but I purchased mastectomy breast forms with adhesive backs, and while the re-usable adhesive doesn't really hold them up on their own it does help the push up bra do more of it's proper job.
7. I agree with you and the person who posted why we should support them. I even disagree that breast forms are best bought there as well though if your looking for the best quality. There are a few full chest prothesis that are designed for us that are normally really high quality, but they are an exception to the rule in breast forms.
8.Agree completely, there is a secondary issue which is that many wigs don't cover the hair on the sides of the forehead that are sometimes too far forward compared to women's. So I understand the limitations.
9. Agree IF pass ability is the goal. Still a lot of GG's will get over dressed (to a point), just to do it. Normally classier goes over better or the "searching for love in all the wrong places" idea should be expected.
10. Women always tend to have some thought into looking sexy. There is one big difference though, doing it ALL your life tends to demand comfort quite a bit as well. That combined with the fact that many men still find women sexy, even in what they consider casual clothes is not purely by mistake. Women still look for things that flatter them even in casual clothes. So while I agree we may be overdressed for many occasions, it is what it is.
11. There are fetishes for larger women, so to each their own. A ranking system would help us not look at the ones we don't want to look at, but on the other hand it'd go against the support of the community so I wouldn't recommend it.
12. If you want to be passable sometimes this would be the opposite. I would say a healthier lifestyle is all around better, it doesn't make it a mistake when it's needed. When it's needed is entirely subjective though, so this is one of the few I'd argue isn't really worth putting on the list.
13. Stripper heels are a big NO NO for passing, but your passing judgement on what people post on here. I wear almost exclusively heels en-femme, but pretty much none qualify as "stripper" heels.
14. Self medication is a BIG problem, but this one is a complicated one that falls in-between CDing and Transitioning. For now most of the policies that allow for medical aid is based on full transitioning as a goal. This means that labeling it a CD problem actually falls outside of the current medical definitions, and while plenty of people transitioning make this mistake, it's based on entirely different reasons than anyone who is by definition just a CrossDresser, since they actually are accepted within the medical community as candidates for the treatments.
15-19: Being outed by our actions is a conflicted set of issues. For one we want to feel like we don't have to hide, but we also don't want to face the negative effects. I think the bigger mistake (since it's something that can be fixed), is the lack of acceptance that there CAN be real consequences and owning up and planning for them. Waiting for the consequences without planning for them takes all control out of your hands and leaves you only the opportunity of being a victim.


Michelle789
All of Cali is more LGBT friendly than 99% of the world. If that's your benchmark you won't find too many places that will work for you. It's good that you can stay out there though - enjoy it!

[Princess Chantal]

Was this list of "mistakes" composed mainly on your observation of others or by self experience?

[Michelle789]

3. Depends on the type of CD you are.

7. I agree with you and the person who posted why we should support them. I even disagree that breast forms are best bought there as well though if your looking for the best quality. There are a few full chest prothesis that are designed for us that are normally really high quality, but they are an exception to the rule in breast forms.

9. Agree IF pass ability is the goal. Still a lot of GG's will get over dressed (to a point), just to do it. Normally classier goes over better or the "searching for love in all the wrong places" idea should be expected.

10. Women always tend to have some thought into looking sexy. There is one big difference though, doing it ALL your life tends to demand comfort quite a bit as well. That combined with the fact that many men still find women sexy, even in what they consider casual clothes is not purely by mistake. Women still look for things that flatter them even in casual clothes. So while I agree we may be overdressed for many occasions, it is what it is.

Michelle789
All of Cali is more LGBT friendly than 99% of the world. If that's your benchmark you won't find too many places that will work for you. It's good that you can stay out there though - enjoy it!

3. Also what do you define as moderation? Is moderation once a month, or once a week, or something in between? Some CDers can get by dressing only once a month, while other CDers need to dress several times a week, and are still CDers and not TS.

7. It depends on the store too. My experience with Suddenly Fem is they always somehow manage to run out of stock, and takes forever to restock their items. They will advertise items on their website that are out of stock for four months, and others that are being permanently discontinued. Glamour Boutique is far better. I bought my breast forms and bras from them, and they're very reliable. I don't buy anything else from CD specialty stores, although you are more than welcome to buy from them. I buy most of my clothes and shoes from Target and Ross. I buy my makeup from MAC and Target. I get my wigs from Godiva's Secret Wigs in Thousand Oaks. It really depends on your needs - how accepting is your geographic location to seeing men buy women's clothes, or seeing CDers en femme shopping? Do local stores carry clothes in your size? Maybe you really like a specific item from a CD specialty store.

9. There are lots of things you'll get clocked for aside from your clothes. You can still dress up but not too over the top. No one says that you must go casual to pass or blend in. You can also try to find venues where dressing over the top is more appropriate. Nighttime venues, nice dinner, and TG events you can dress more "over the top" and fit in fine, while daytime tends to be more casual. But it is your perogative on how you are going to dress. I am not the fashion police, nor do I care what the fashion police say.

10. If a CDer dresses only once every two weeks, why go with jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops, when you can wear that in drab. GG's often dress only for special occasions, so if you're CDing is only occasional than why not dress as if it's a special occasion?

I agree that California is far better for CD/TG/TS than most other places. Some of my opinions may be biased because of where I live, so please forgive me if I sound too positive sometimes, and my apologies to those who live in less accepting places.

[Tina_gm]

Trying to hard. Feminine and masculine differences are much more subtle than most people think. Chances
are you already have them. Just be yourself

[Rhonda Jean]

Even after decades of doing this, I have to frequently remind myself that over-emphasizing (or over sexualizing) what we (I) perceive as feminine does not diminish the masculine. Just the opposite, in fact. I'll make an exception for cleavage (probably because I just love cleavage so damn much!).

The first time I ever knew I had been read I was in my early 20's. I promptly bought an electric blue spandex mini dress, thinking that there would be no way anyone would suspect I wasn't a girl in that. That backfired big time!

Now 30+ years later I tend more so than ever to wear short skirts and dresses. I know better, but I love 'em! Some of these other "mistakes" I do intentionally. White bra under a white shirt? Guilty, and love every minute of it!

[Krystenw]

I totally agree.
Since I quit dressing up like a guy, my daughter keeps telling me that "Less is More".
I still have a tendency to wear too much makeup to just go to the mall.
And at 65 she thinks my skirts are a bit too short.
So although it may not always be possible, I try to ask how I look before I go anywhere.
My wife has been great at being honest with me when I get carried away.

[laurie01]

I have done most of these mistakes when I first started CDing. Now I know what body wear and clothes work for me now. When i do get outed its mostly compliments from GGs in the general public.

Another thing is that CDs should have a good style like dress like what other GGs wear when in public.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Another one: Using the exact same pose in all of your pictures. You're a person, not a dress-up doll. :D

Hey, Hey, Hey, always doing the same exact same, pose, in the exact same room, with the exact same chair, steps, bed, with the exact same hair style, make up etc, does have it's merits, think a CD edition Barbie Doll.:D

[Badwolf]

You bring up some great points, some of which I didn't address in order to not drone on longer than I did.

3. Agree.

7. I tend not to buy from them personally but I understand the GM's point of view that viewing it as supporting the community is a good thing.


9. Feels like a reworded version of my point with the addition of some hopelessness since we'll get clocked anyways (which theres some truth to).

10. You can fem up jeans and a t-shirt quite a bit. I agree though, there's no reason to force yourself to ONLY dress casually. The part about pass ability I was focusing on is to make sure that you dress appropriately for the venue.

For going to the movies, I tend to a simple dress, and heels at most. I go a hours and to places where people can guess if I was doing something before or after. I've grown up in Florida as well which has some higher proportions of acceptability than most, but overall it transports well here, and I can see it transporting well to most large city centers (except those that are crumbling).


3. Also what do you define as moderation? Is moderation once a month, or once a week, or something in between? Some CDers can get by dressing only once a month, while other CDers need to dress several times a week, and are still CDers and not TS.

7. It depends on the store too. My experience with Suddenly Fem is they always somehow manage to run out of stock, and takes forever to restock their items. They will advertise items on their website that are out of stock for four months, and others that are being permanently discontinued. Glamour Boutique is far better. I bought my breast forms and bras from them, and they're very reliable. I don't buy anything else from CD specialty stores, although you are more than welcome to buy from them. I buy most of my clothes and shoes from Target and Ross. I buy my makeup from MAC and Target. I get my wigs from Godiva's Secret Wigs in Thousand Oaks. It really depends on your needs - how accepting is your geographic location to seeing men buy women's clothes, or seeing CDers en femme shopping? Do local stores carry clothes in your size? Maybe you really like a specific item from a CD specialty store.

9. There are lots of things you'll get clocked for aside from your clothes. You can still dress up but not too over the top. No one says that you must go casual to pass or blend in. You can also try to find venues where dressing over the top is more appropriate. Nighttime venues, nice dinner, and TG events you can dress more "over the top" and fit in fine, while daytime tends to be more casual. But it is your perogative on how you are going to dress. I am not the fashion police, nor do I care what the fashion police say.

10. If a CDer dresses only once every two weeks, why go with jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops, when you can wear that in drab. GG's often dress only for special occasions, so if you're CDing is only occasional than why not dress as if it's a special occasion?

I agree that California is far better for CD/TG/TS than most other places. Some of my opinions may be biased because of where I live, so please forgive me if I sound too positive sometimes, and my apologies to those who live in less accepting places.

[Davida Kay]

Adriana dear, I'm new here. Please help a girl out. What then, pray tell, do I call my panties? :o. And what do I say if I get them in a wad?

[Miss Interpretation]

Great ongoing list! I definitely suffer from some of these pitfalls, though I hope to get better, especially in regards to fashion and what fits me well!

[Ally 2112]

Also even if you do have to hide your stash find time to wash it if you can .It does feel so much better lol

[jenny_cd]

The makeup thing was the toughest for me...not that I WANTED to overdo it, but having never done it before, all the youtube vids in the world are no substitute for just practicing and getting better...something that I have yet to accomplish! ;)

[BethanyAnn]

Great list, Candice!

[tammie]

Add one more , many CDs want desperately to show off that they are wearing womens clothing often at a bad time or to people who dont want to know about their

"proclivities" altho we think of it as a hobby or cute non conformist little tick , they often dont care but feel it is too much information.

[StephanieR]

Wow! What a great list! Just became part of my CD Bible.

[HelenR2]

Surely one of the worst must be posting a video on Youtube with your back to the camera, hands flat against the wall and shaking your butt. That always makes me cringe.

[Tiffany Jane]

Love the list and if I had only had that box for storing my stuff six months ago. In process of reacquiring items to wear, as I fully dress only at home. Realized as I was throwing out everything, that I was one flirtatious looking cder. Surprised me when asked by my wife about it recently, Where is your little denim skirt. Had to come clean. With her support I have accepted this part of me a little more.

[victoriamwilliams1]

It is a good list however each person has a different environment. For me this is not know to my spouse and is not no longer a hobby, this is who I am. However my situation for not coming out is not the same. Being of the black race this is not a thing you can spring on anyone in your family lightly. The black american couture is a ALPHA male dog eat dog world where you may have a few who accept you in public however if it was their child they would not be so accepting. In our couture it is a feeling that the black man is endangered and for this I tend to stay out of predominately black communities for my safety.

Now the rest of the list I can agree with however because some of us have moved past the "hobby" stage that is the only change I would recommend to be a bit more inclusive with those of us who consider ourselves pre-transition. Now for those just starting this journey this list is helpful.

One of the important items is not having your make up color matched is important. You have to do this twice BTW! Summer and Fall/Winter.

also

Hose must complement your skin tone or accent an outfit.

[susmitha]

Good and relevant advice.

[charlenesomeone]

It is a good list however each person has a different environment. For me this is not know to my spouse and is not no longer a hobby, this is who I am. However my situation for not coming out is not the same. Being of the black race this is not a thing you can spring on anyone in your family lightly. The black american couture is a ALPHA male dog eat dog world where you may have a few who accept you in public however if it was their child they would not be so accepting. In our couture it is a feeling that the black man is endangered and for this I tend to stay out of predominately black communities for my safety.

Now the rest of the list I can agree with however because some of us have moved past the "hobby" stage that is the only change I would recommend to be a bit more inclusive with those of us who consider ourselves pre-transition. Now for those just starting this journey this list is helpful.

One of the important items is not having your make up color matched is important. You have to do this twice BTW! Summer and Fall/Winter.

also

Hose must complement your skin tone or accent an outfit.

Great advice all around, morally and technically

[antonia_bee]

All good advice, but I would guess we have all been "guilty" of these in the past. And there should be no shame in that. We all have to start somewhere, and plenty of "real" girls make many of the same mistakes.

[lexivanderpump]

IMHO, you just described the same "mistakes" that women/females make too. "I guess its a girl thing." The feedback is appreciated.

Love,
Lexi

[Talisker]

Great advice Candice !
- If you don't want to get huge amounts of attention dressing you age, body type and situation seems the most important. Keep the fantasy for the bedroom.

[Diana1517]

TOTALLY AGREE 😉😉😉😉😉
The same mistakes 😊😊😊😊




A great point, one that many miss, thinking that all CDers have the same objective to pass, blend in public, appear indistinguishable from GG's. It just ain't so. Many of us dress for reasons other than blending. If that's the case, one by one nearly all of those "non-judgmental suggestions" (HA!) are shot down. If the list had been prefaced with "mistakes CDers who want to blend make", most of the suggestions are pretty good.

[Margot Emerson]

Certainly lots of good advice here. Like most of us, I've guilty over time of many of the no-nos. One thing that I found that helps immensely is to learn to be a good observer. In my case, I've learned a lot by watching women's mannerisms. Even something as simple as crossing your arms. Someone told me to cross my arms for a photo pose, and it suddenly dawned on me that the only cross armed pose I knew made me look like Mr. Clean in a dress. So I made a point of watching to see how women cross there arms. I guess little by little, we add to our skills.

[Megan Thomas]

Kudos to the OP this thread. Great list, so true in so many ways too. People no more have to read it or be swayed by it than they have to read some of the more questionable personal (voyeuristic in nature) posts that also appear here, so well done for writing it and if it bothers you or it doesn't apply to you then just move on to the next thread surely?

While I agree that we're all on a learning curve, those of us who are transitioning and don't have role models or friends/partners to help guide us, a list such as that can be an invaluable resource. I was particularly surprised to routinely come across transitioners attending a major gender clinic who clearly would have benefited from the advice in it. It beggars belief that the NHS (UK) after funding expensive procedures such as psychiatric sessions, voice coaching and surgery why the clinics don't offer basic life coaching sessions to help avoid simple mistakes - especially as the consequences can have real impact on the confidence and possibly mental health of the person.

So a little live and let live perhaps? We all need support and we all give and get it in different ways...

[Maria 60]

Pretty good list, look like you covered most of the main issue. Very good well thought out.

[cassandra54]

That's a pretty good list. I would disagree somewhat about the placement of the wig in relationship to your hairline or where it used to be. Having it down just ever so slightly gives you a shallower forehead and is just more feminine. The key word is slightly. If it touches your eyebrows, then it is too low.

Pictures. Right on. I keep mine on an SD card in a private place. Also delete your browsing history every time you leave the house.

Purging. You're right. It does cost a lot of money. I've resisted the urge to purge. It leads me to new outfits that I never thought of. Usually I don't wear new clothes when I get them. I wear something that I've had for a while first.

As far as clothes that don't fit right, bras that show through, stripper heels, padding, etc. I would have to agree with a few exceptions. Like wearing a black (solid) black bra with a white top is kind of sexy and something that GGs too.

Under dressing is something I would agree with. I either dress all the way or not at all. INMHO, I think dressing completely is far more acceptable than to see a man wearing a bra under a tee shirt or something like that.

Overall it's a good post, which leads me to my last and final point. I dress to blend, not to stand out. I try to look cute and sexy, but not over the top. Stripper heels are not for me. The most important thing about blending in is not to look too perfect. I see GGs all the time with messy hair, or hair that is just not perfect. Their makeup is not always great and sometimes they don't even have any on. And not all women have curves, and nice butts. Some women don't have much of a figure at all.

I will close by something I saw at Target years ago in the lingerie department. "Find a fit that flatters."

[carahawkwind]

-General photography, take pictures in clean uncluttered places and clean the mirror if your taking a selfie.

I do this a lot more than I should but I'm always very conscious about doing it when I am. I have one series photos I took like this, but last in the series is me holding a bottle of windex in front of the much cleaner mirror. I think a lot of it is because my living situation I always feel rushed with my dressing and don't feel like cleaning even though I know it will make for better pictures.

[Natasha1974]

A great list, and I have been guilty about things in the past on there too.

[Samantha_Smile]

It's no secret that I'm guilty of a few of these.
I think we all are - nice satire :D

[Mia Brankovic]

Hi Candice;
All good points...and the whole idea behind 'fitting in', is NOT to stand out.

Sometimes I push the envelope to far to the edge? However, Mia's public rules are to remain under the radar. I haven't been out yet...I'm figuring baggy jeans and a turtle neck (lol)...thankful it's not summer!

Ciao Bella,
Mia

[wiwaw]

Wonderful input all!

[Mia Brankovic]

Upon considering this point further: I have one possible solution and one personal concern.

A solution: If applicable, go out with your SO and/or friends, have them catch some/most of the attention. Have your cohorts wear the nicer, risqué, slightly more provocative clothing. Thus, in effect: 'jammin' the radar'.

I have yet to play with Make-up application: I'm really interested in the tips, pointers and pitfalls. Would one of be kind enough to point me to that thread?

Make-up application: tips, pointers and pitfalls...I'm also interested in the length of time it takes (quick job & photo finish)

Thank you,
Mia