Thoughts on coming out to my SO...

[colleen_cd]

Lately, I have begun to realize that my feelings for crossdressing are not something that will simply disappear someday, never to return. I initially decided to explore these feelings when they surfaced, or resurfaced rather, and not than simply ignore them. That was a few months ago, and while some days I feel the desire more than others, it always seems to be there in the back of my mind, kicking up its high heels.

I've always intended on telling my SO should my desire to CD start to grow. I'm beginning to think that the time is coming up quickly. Hiding things, covering my tracks and living in fear of imminent discovery is not a sustainable way to live for me nor is it fair to my SO.

I've read through several threads on the topic, including Greenie's "Tricks to an SO's acceptance (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?198824-Tips-to-an-SO-s-acceptance)", and all have been very helpful. I think I'm really struggling with how to begin the conversation. Any advice here would be appreciated.

[Presh GG]

Hello,

So you're 43 , how long have you been married?

How is "life" together otherwise ? Are you happy ?
What kind of lady is your wife ?

There is no " one size fits all " .
So many women know but haven't a clue what it means, so be prepared with truthful answers.

Best,
Presh

[Jenniferathome]

In my signature is how I did it. Write your thoughts down so you get your ideas clear. Memorize the brief statement. Less is more, there will be plenty of questions. Get it out then be open for conversation. It starts with, "Honey, I need to tell you something...."

best of luck

[Beverley Sims]

Colleen,
There are many ways to do it, the biggest step is telling and you have to try an work out what reaction you will get.
Tell your SO personally, not with a letter.

[colleen_cd]

Thank you for the responses :) Definitely no letter writing. I want to be there when she has questions so I can answer them immediately. It's our seven year anniversary this year, and overall I feel that our relationship is good. We do talk and try to keep the lines of communication open. My wife is a very open minded person and very supportive of the LGBT community, so I'm pretty sure the idea of me being a CD is not something that would shock her in the sense that the idea of crossdressing might potentially shock the average spouse. Now the idea that I enjoy crossdressing? well, that could be a bit of a shock :)

I don't know, basically I want to set aside some time to really talk about it and not just drop it on her and not be available for a full discussion.

[Jolynn Harrison]

I don't think it may be a good idea in a long term marriage. When I told my now ex wife after 15 years of marriage, it went well for 2 years. It feels real good getting that off your shoulders, you begin to do everything a little different. She noticed that too, and said that its explains a lot. she liked the person that was buryed inside me for many years, but the she felt cheated, she felt like there was another women in the relationship and this new girl was getting all my attention. She would say that she didn't sign up for that, or I been lying to her our entire marriage. I realized later on, after the divorce that she was right, it really wasn't fair to her. Unless you feel that she will keep loving you, then maybe let it slip out and see her reaction. Maybe comment on a dress in a window. NEVER COMMEMT ON A DRESS SOME LITTLE HOTTIE IS WEARING, BIG NO BUENO!! You need to start talking real deep with her about whatever, life, love, children, trust, etc.... a lot to strengthen your bonding... trust, that's a deal breaker.

ANYWAY... To all that feel they want to tell their wife's, your mind is racing to tell her about you, BUT you need to remember you need to think about HER FIRST, Hey, you may get lucky and she will love you more for being the girl you are inside. Just be carefull. I read all the time, people want to tell their SO, and others totally agree with you and say GO FOR IT, just to be nice, but you need to remember. This is your wife, you are the only one that really knows her.... Use an open mind, ALWAYS be concerned for HER feelings, if she says its ok, don't just think about yourself and crossdress all the time......Remember....Baby Steps......

I say this from experience....trust me.... good luck whatever you decide....

[Jenniferathome]

... BUT you need to remember you need to think about HER FIRST, ....

And THAT is why you tell her.

[colleen_cd]

I don't think it may be a good idea in a long term marriage. When I told my now ex wife after 15 years of marriage, it went well for 2 years. It feels real good getting that off your shoulders, you begin to do everything a little different. She noticed that too, and said that its explains a lot. she liked the person that was buryed inside me for many years, but the she felt cheated, she felt like there was another women in the relationship and this new girl was getting all my attention...

Thanks for the response, Jolynn. Personally, I feel that hiding something like this from my SO would potentially be more hurrtful to her. I guess we never know what would happen, but for me, personally, I would not feel right not telling her. If she did find out that I was hiding something like this, I'm pretty sure that she would be even more upset with the idea that I felt I needed to hide it from her. It would really create those major trust issues that many other CDs mention in these situations.

I can't see something like this breaking up our marriage. My wife is not one to bite her tongue either, so if things did start to get out of hand she would let me know that it's time to talk about it.

Ultimately, I know I will tell her. There are no sure bets, but from what I've seen, the one thing that comes up again and again in situations similar to mine is to keep talking with your SO and be honest.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Colleen

The letter writing is not a bad idea as long as you are there beside her when she reads it.

It may also make sure you don't miss anything

Also the link in my signature might help you plan how to tell her in more detail

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Colleen, Only you know your wife well enough to know how she will react to this, See my signature line below.

[CDhusband-Coping2014]

I just came out to my SO not that long ago. Best advice I can give is get your thoughts as straight as you can and be prepared. There have been a lot of questions and concerns. Be as honest as you can and once you start this conversation there is no going back.

[Rachael Leigh]

Unless your 100 percent sure she will accept it don't do it because it will just make both of you miserable if she can't accept it or your not willing or can let go of it.

[colleen_cd]

Hi Colleen

The letter writing is not a bad idea as long as you are there beside her when she reads it.

It may also make sure you don't miss anything

Also the link in my signature might help you plan how to tell her in more detail

That link has some really great information and advice - thanks!



Unless your 100 percent sure she will accept it don't do it because it will just make both of you miserable if she can't accept it or your not willing or can let go of it.

Thanks, Leigh. I guess nothing in life is 100% sure, but I can't see hiding something like this from her - nor would I want to, really. It also seems that once the CD genie is out of the bottle that it does not so readily go back in. I'm totally willing to work with whatever limitations will make her comfortable, to not overwhelm her, and to keep talking and communicate about it (and us).