Very lucky but so afraid

[Dannika]

Let me give a little history about my situation.
Wife and I have been married almost 20 years. About 8 years ago she returned home unexpected and caught me dressed in her lingerie and heels pleasuring my self. That was a bad day to say the least.
She left again for the day and I felt so shamed as no one has ever known my little fetish. She even called me told me to get out that I was a sick man.
I did not leave and we argued off and on the next day. I decided I would leave her a hale merry letter and I did explaining all of my sexual desires I would like to experience with her but did not go down the CD road.
As it turned out over the next couple of years she fulfilled my desires as we had a lot of wild nights and weekends all the while me still sneaking around semi dressing in my little safe haven and losing interest in her.
She has even suggested that we attend a very upscale party some gay friends of ours host and go as Sonny and Sher me being Sher. I still did not take her up why I don't know. I guess I'm afraid to be called queer or something.
I have wanted to feel the whole sensation of being a women since I was 10 or 11 wearing my moms sexy heels in the attic and I guess the reality of the unknown is scary.
We are very fit and I am 5'9 and have a 32" waist come in at 160. I wear a mans 9 shoe so I think I would make a good dresser.
I am all guy with ruff hands and hairy chest and legs so I need a lot of work.
I have been reading here for 2 days and pretty much got the support of a wild wife I just don't know where to start.
I hope this did not bore you.
Thanks
Dannika

[hope springs]

So as i understand she still doesnt know your dressing? But you lived out some other sexual fantasies? Im guessig you want to come out to her but are afraid from the first round, round two wont go well.
If that info is correct then id suggest asking her again how she feels about it. Then talk each others ear off. My wife said she felt her masculie image of me got damaged. So she is slowly incorporating dressing as a part of me. It really depends on how open minded she is, how much she associates "masculine" with you and whether she can separate your femminine and masculine from her husband.
Either way if the dressing is key your identity then you have to throw another hail mary, this time with CD as its focus. But you know your wife better than I. If your sure she she will walk, then you have take a deep breathe and decide if you can keep this under wraps

[Katey888]

Welcome Dannika!

Certainly not boring... but probably not so unusual either. While you may not have a fully accepting wife, at least she seems happy to experiment and push the envelope a bit... who knows where that might lead... :)

It's sad to hear that you seem to have lost interest in each other - the stuff of relationships can be like that - but you've found a friendly and supportive place to explore here, plenty to read and interact with...

You could start by posting a brief intro - although this really is it - and do have a good browse around here, it's difficult to know where to suggest you start, but it seems like this might be a bit more than just a fetish for you - why not take her up on one of the party dressing opportunities? It seems like a easy and safe way to start - deniable too, if you decide you don't want to take it further...

And yes it can be scary - for any of us - so just take your time in learning and discovering things...

As a new member (less than 10 posts) there are limits on where you can view and post across the forum - which means that some subjects (like Clothing, Shopping & Beauty) which are only allowed to be discussed in the relevant sections of the forum, won't be open for you to discuss until you have 10 posts (replies) in the areas that are open to you. It means that you have to contribute a little bit of your experience and opinions before you are able to access the wealth of information and discussion that resides on those closed parts of the forum. A quid pro quo, if you will. :)

So, my recommendation for etiquette here - read some of the posts on the main forum to get a feel for how things operate, before you dive in with starting your own thread, that way you'll see what other folk do and what the subjects are about. When you find a subject you feel you have an opinion you want to share - hit reply - tell everyone what you feel, think, or have experienced - keep within the rules, of course..
You'll get 10 posts in very little time and then you can check out the other areas - please always search before asking a question - we do delete threads if others on the same subject are already open, but we'll try and point you in some sort of direction to help out.

Do also please, please, read the Forum FAQs, rules and stickies in each section - they'll help you get around and provide useful guidelines for posting.
Enjoy the forum!
Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Well, you can get a lot of advice here for sure but no one can really take the "plunge" except you.:)

[Jaylyn]

Women seem to all go thru a very hot spell if I may that as they do get more sexually wild in that time period. Some last around five years some last a life time. I have had a very similar situation. Mine definitely went thru it when the last child moved out on their own, she was 44 at the time. We tried every wild fantasy we ever dreamed. Including swinging, group parties, and threesomes. (Always two guys and my my wife) and I told her I wanted to try two women another and her. I can tell you that doesn't work as well and should remain a fantasy. I told my wife at the peak I wanted to dress and let's play lesbian. She had already knew that I enjoyed it I feel thru the floor when she go for it. She even helped me dress.. We were both in heat wild sexy gals going at it hot and heavy. Today there is nothing we don't talk about. because of the times we've been thru together. We are still in love very deeply and get this are in our mid sixties. If after reading this you don't know where to start then have someone read it to you..... This was the best times of our life and because of the experiences we had we love each other stronger than ever. By living out as many fantasies you have and being open with each other about your feelings, I can say will make for some great memories in our old age. I just hope I don't get senile and tell our kids in my nursing home one day.... Go for it is my advice.

[Nadya]

It sounds like she's at least willing to compromise or work with you. Her initial reaction, which I bet was awful for you, could be from the shock of seeing her husband dressed up as a woman. I know for me, the desire doesn't go away. You can't will it away. You should talk with your wife and explain it to her. While you could have a repeat of what happened when she caught you, it sounds like it is more likely to be at least somewhat positive. Good luck.

[Dannika]

Thank you all for the quick replies. My wife is very understanding about anything that gets me or us going. I plan to get some dress cloths or costume for the party but its later in the year.
I have just been hiding the inevitable. It's time to explore the real me and she knows its their and loves seeing me in sexy lingerie already.
The more I read and write I'm getting more confident.
It's time for me to quit worrying and get out of the little boy closet.
I already feel better about it.
Still got a learning how to release the tension and get dressed.
Thanks again!

[Beverley Sims]

Dannika,
A two day read here is not really enough to test the waters or even see how you will get on, I would read for a month, get some insight into how we work here and then ask questions.
You need to consider your wife of 20 years and how accepting she is of you and will she accept you upping the level of your activities.
You need to get a measure of what we are about
Good luck.

[Dannika]

Women seem to all go thru a very hot spell if I may that as they do get more sexually wild in that time period. Some last around five years some last a life time. I have had a very similar situation. Mine definitely went thru it when the last child moved out on their own, she was 44 at the time. We tried every wild fantasy we ever dreamed. Including swinging, group parties, and threesomes. (Always two guys and my my wife) and I told her I wanted to try two women another and her. I can tell you that doesn't work as well and should remain a fantasy. I told my wife at the peak I wanted to dress and let's play lesbian. She had already knew that I enjoyed it I feel thru the floor when she go for it. She even helped me dress.. We were both in heat wild sexy gals going at it hot and heavy. Today there is nothing we don't talk about. because of the times we've been thru together. We are still in love very deeply and get this are in our mid sixties. If after reading this you don't know where to start then have someone read it to you..... This was the best times of our life and because of the experiences we had we love each other stronger than ever. By living out as many fantasies you have and being open with each other about your feelings, I can say will make for some great memories in our old age. I just hope I don't get senile and tell our kids in my nursing home one day.... Go for it is my advice.

Your story inspires me Yes I'm getting it. Been through some crap one time with her and I know she still likes to play. I was scared for me inside that I was screwed up, going out in full dress would make me feel queer/gay. I have just kept it repressed to long, 30 plus years and yes I feel as normal and complete now as I have in while just letting this out to you all.
I plan on making some memories soon. Got to do some shopping and practice as I would like to be real confident when we go out in the public. This has been a long time coming and I'm ready to get started.
Thanks
Dannika

[Tracii G]

How can a piece of clothing make you feel queer or gay? I'm totally lost with that comment.
If you enjoy dressing as a woman that doesn't have anything to do with what sex you are attracted too think about it.
You need to dig deep and find out what your goals are with this.

[Dannika]

I was raised in a strict Baptist family and was told for years if I touch myself, dress like a girl, think any dirty thoughts I would become queer all the while I was feeling all those things, touching, dressing and thinking dirty. In my mind CD meant one had a problem. Not any more.
I simply like feeling femme with some hose and heels and after finding this forum I realize for the 1st time in my life its ok I'm not going blind I am going to turn this around and have fun with my darkest side or what was the dark side.
Point taken thanks

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Dannika, You have come to the right place someone will have answers to all of your questions.

[EllenJo]

Dannika you stated "all the while me still sneaking around semi dressing in my little safe haven and losing interest in her." So which is it? You want to dress with your wife or is your dressing competeing with your marriage? I am not judging, just trying to understand.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[UNDERDRESSER]

This bit


I am all guy with ruff hands and hairy chest and legs so I need a lot of work.

DannikaThen this bit
I have just been hiding the inevitable. It's time to explore the real me and she knows its their and loves seeing me in sexy lingerie already.
DannikaJust a word of caution, seeing you in lingerie, but still male, is not the same as seeing you try to become very feminine. I get the feeling that she would be OK with it, but it's going to be a bit different. definitely ask first, don't just get a full wax job then a makeover and come home dressed. See how she feels about you getting all smooth.

Talk, talk, talk.

[Dannika]

I agree being open is best, it's going good already. She's quite the curious person. I had forgotten that about her.

[Tabithatoogood]

Hi Dannika,

Your thread has hit something with me. I am in a different situation in that I am single and have never been caught by a significant other while dressing. Part of that is the fear I have at being outed if I get caught. I hope everything works out for you. I will keep an eye on this thread to see how you get on.

Best of luck

Tabitha

[Dannika]

Made the first step, she wants to go to the red dress walk in N Orleans so I get a red dress but she's not real comfortable with me going fully dressed. I'm pushing for for heels now. Hope she comes around!

[Michelle (Oz)]

Something to think about ... there is a big difference between a fetish dresser and one who wants to go out fully presenting femme. Both are equally valid in our CD world. How you present this side of yourself to your wife could be important to her expectations and limits that she may wish to set. It would be wise to understand what you might want (which may also evolve) and not mislead your wife.

[Dannika]

Im working with her slowly. I hate that I already had a chance to get in a full dress up and going to a party (her idea) but haven't really thought about fetish dressing. Sounds a little softer to ears and we do a little of that already in the bedroom.
Personally I want to do some full dress and get out on the town with her but that's going to have to evolve on her terms I hope. Today went good when I mentioned the red dress walk. It was a good positive start for us.

[Dannika]

Hi Dannika,

Your thread has hit something with me. I am in a different situation in that I am single and have never been caught by a significant other while dressing. Part of that is the fear I have at being outed if I get caught. I hope everything works out for you. I will keep an eye on this thread to see how you get on.

Best of luck

Tabitha

I have been hiding since I was kid looking at women's apparel in the sears catalogue and its time to take a stand and live out these desires. The getting caught part was very stimulating for me and her a few days after the initial shock but I was wearing lingerie only.
It was an experience we both never will forget. Heck it is was so good I have thought about doing it again in full dress!
Only problem is I ain't got no full dress but I'm working on that!

[Badwolf]

Dannika, while you do have a lot to figure out (including why you are losing interest, is it your intense nerves or is it something else).

This isn't a judgement, but going to a gay party dressed, will do the opposite in that circle. Being in public exponentially raises the risk that non-friendly people will find out, and that is something that if you are more of a fetishist CD, may not be worth it at all. For some the fetish is even being treated as a woman in public.

You've got a lot of work ahead of you, good luck, but at least you have someone who is trying at this point. You did the right thing in laying all your cards on the table though.

[Stephanie47]

In your original comment at #1 you indicate your wife had negative comments concerning cross dressing, but, then fulfilled some wild desires. It sounded as if she broke lose from the same yoke of biblical oppression under which you were raised. If she suggests experimenting with some degree of cross dressing or fetish dressing, if I were you I'd take her up on it. I will agree attending a party as a woman may be counter productive in other areas of your life. Exploring some mutual interest may be something to do on Halloween.

As to the hairy chest and legs I saw the results of a pole on a television news program that many younger women like their man to be hairless. Check it out what your wife thinks. Having a smooth hairless body does not equate to cross dressing.

[Dannika]

Hi again all who have replied. Trust me I take the replies serious and appreciate the support.
What can I say other than this has been a plutonic burst of intense emotions since I discovered who I really am or who I think I am. I like to move to fast on things as Ive always have taken what I want, when I want it so I'm trying to do as most of you suggested and slow down a little. Smell the roses if you will.
That being said I'm going to stay in the comfort zone as I continue to grow into this new lifestyle and treat myself to a new pair of heels to show off to wife when her guard is down.
Please feel comfortable to chime in anytime I have enjoyed the ride thus far!
Dannika

[DonnaT]

You can't do both: (1) slow down; and (2) surprise your wife with a new pair of heels.

I suggest you involve your wife on all decisions regarding CDing and spending money on CDing.

[Dannika]

Without giving TMI that's what is so funny about my situation she loves for me to get into sexy lingerie and heels during our time in the bedroom. That is what I was referring to as my safe haven because I could also do that alone.
I guess that's the lucky part for me but where I got all mixed up is where I wanted to take it to the next level. So much more to deal with for me and her. And after all that I've learned in the last week it shouldn't be that difficult to overcome as someone stated in an earlier post its just clothing it don't change your sexual preference which was my scared part.
Hope this makes since

[giuseppina]

...treat myself to a new pair of heels to show off to wife when her guard is down. ...

You know your wife better than the rest of us here, but I don't think this is a good idea. IMHO, you're taking advantage of your wife when you do this sort of thing.

[Dannika]

I'm tired of fretting about it. I'm a grown man of the house and enough age to do as I please for the most part, she may just have to put on her big girl panties and deal with it! Certainly ain't the first time I've made a career change in how I or she get our rocks off together. Change is good and variety is a spice of life. Ask me how I know.
I think I answered my own question in post no 1. And yes it's dangerous but after reading here for a week now seems most everyone is on dangerous grounds in oneway or another.
New heels in the mail and looking for some knock around femme attire at the moment. Stumped on the make up as I have not experimented with that yet.
Will definitely keep you posted.

[MelanieAnne]

Rule Number One: get your own stuff. Wearing your wifes or girlfriends underwear or lingerie never ends well.

[Dannika]

Rule Number One: get your own stuff. Wearing your wifes or girlfriends underwear or lingerie never ends well.
Uh Huh
Sorry dear I promise it has ended well for both of us many times. More than one can imagine.:tongueout
Rule#2: Let her go without while you have some fun wearing her stuff. She will come around.

[MelanieAnne]

There's always an exception to the rule.

[Badwolf]

My SO wears my stuff, I rarely use any of hers. We're close in size, but she's just small enough that a lot of it doesn't fit right, and I run the risk of stretching it out or worse.

[Teresa]

Dannika some wise words have been spoken ! You know your own situation best but don't destroy your marriage by being too reckless, your wife may just take two steps backwards and ask WTF is going on ? Just be ready for it !!

[Dannika]

One might stop and think who partook of the forbidden fruit in the garden.
A real women. Go figure, was it because she had more skeletons in the closet than he did?
Be my first guess.