Does everyone over analyse things?

[becky77]

Last weekend I went away for a caravan weekend with my brothers, 4 days and it went pretty well to be fair. I'm sure my brothers are still adapting but they never made me feel anything other than things where normal.
I had a good time but I did notice a few stares and it started to make me self conscious, it was hot and I wasn't in jeans so a bit out of my comfort zone.
Didn't help that I jumped into a picture (I usually avoid pictures) and I just can't see anything but all the bad bits, I tell my self I have a right to me be me and I shouldn't care but it's that constant battle, usually it doesn't bother me.
Here is the picture I put it on just because how I see things isn't always how others see it, I see my big feet, horrid facial expression and I seem so damn tall and blokey. Btw my brother that is in the pirture has autism, so please no comments about him.
228620
By Monday I have to return to work and it's like an avalanche of all my demons and anxiety hit me hard, I just want to cry. I felt so low and yet I had actually had a good weekend.
Going through the week the doubts creep back in, doubts if I can face a life of constantly being different and being stared at, yet I could never go back again. I can't be that person ever again those of you that are at this stage and beyond will know what I mean by that.
Once again my hang-up about my height drives me crazy, so Saturday I go to the hairdresser with my ex and just sit and wait for her, convinced the world thinks i'm an odd bod. The girl that brings me tea looks uncomfortable like she doesn't know how to speak to me, I get bored in the end and go to the shop. You have to shrug this stuff off and carry on, there is no other option. I try on some stuff that actually fits nicely and that helps my mood.
Anyway i'm digressing, my ex comes out (I agreed she could tell them I'm TS, I don't ever like to be outed but I didn't care for this).
Her hairdresser said, your friend is lovely and tall! When my ex told her I was TS she couldn't believe it and the tea girl was new, so probaly felt unsure of herself.
I tell this story as I believe it highlights maybe that it's not always what we think, how much of it is in the mind? How much do we analyse stuff and it's just not happening? And is being tall a problem then?

[stefan37]

Why would your ex feel compelled to tell people especially strangers you're trans. I don't out myself unless people specifically ask. We are our own worst critics. Many times I am sure I have been clocked only to find they think I am female.

[kimdl93]

Becky, it's human nature to see the worst in oneself, unless one is truly a narcissist. It's especially so when making such a big change. You look great, relax!

[becky77]

Why would your ex feel compelled to tell people especially strangers you're trans.
She can't seem to explain quite why, something to do with me having been in there before as her husband and heading off any questions. She has gone through a lot with me, if that helped her in this situation then I can make some concessions for her. She has never done it before.

[I Am Paula]

Becky, those are not stares of distaste. They are simply saying to themselves, 'I wish I were tall' or the like. We are our worst critics, and that takes some getting over, but remember GG's come in every size, and shape. People size you up in a millisecond. If they see any sign, lipstick, breasts, skirt etc their mind had already said 'girl'. If they continue looking at you, it is because their mind has gone into screen saver mode, and they are essentially comatose, still looking at the last thing they saw.

[Anne2345]

Do I over analyze things?

Hmmm. Let me analyze this.

<<twenty hours later>>

Yes. Yes I do.

But not nearly to the degree I used to. For me, it's been a function of time and experience. I have found that the more *real* I become and feel, the less over-analysis I perform. In other words, things just become more natural, things flow more easily and with significantly less effort and thought, things just become, and things just "are" the farther and deeper into this I go.

It's part of the evolution of the TS life. It's a pretty big f'ing deal going through it. And it's an amazing thing when you learn to just let it all go and leave all the crap behind. That's what confidence, comfort, and a good, healthy sense of "normalcy" is all about.

[PretzelGirl]

This is one of the reasons why it is called Dysphoria. Keep at it Becky. If you are getting therapy, it should be a regular topic if it is working at you like this. But keep getting out and taking pictures as repetition may help personal acceptance (it works for me). And I agree that you don't need to tell anyone your trans. There are some that will figure it out and that is too many to deal with already. So you don't have to start stacking the deck against yourself and adding to it.

You are beautiful! You will realize it at some point.

[emma30]

Why have so many cares when you look like you do, i am so jealous. You are a woman and i thought nothing else at your pic. You are gorgeous.
Emma x

[LeaP]

Me? Over-analyze?

Nah ...

[Leah Lynn]

Becky, I just see a lovely woman out with her brother. BTW, I have a granddaughter who's autistic; I am fiercely defensive of all with autism...

Hugs,

Leah

[Aprilrain]

How tall are you? I'm 6',at least that's what I tell myself, probably more like 6'1"
Anyway you look good especially considering how early on in transition you are. Cute skirt BTW.
This is a process that will take years.
How's your hair?

[Badtranny]

Listen, everyone. This shit takes time.

Transitions are measured in years, not months or weeks. My name change was ratified on July 12 2012 and I started transition in the summer of 2010. It was just the other day when I realized that putting on makeup every morning had begun to feel completely normal. It's not something I have to plan for any more, it's just a regular part of my normal running late routine.

How long did that take? That's more than 2 solid years of putting on makeup every single morning before it's as normal as getting dressed. (don't get me started on getting dressed!)

Give yourself a break. Follow your heart and relax, this is gonna take awhile.

[Sallee]

I think the simple answer is YES we do over analyse things. The bottom line is most people 98% probably just don't care they are to busy analysing their own problems and self doubts

[Frances]

Listen, everyone. This s*** takes time. Transitions are measured in years, not months or weeks.

I have a friend who is post-op, but who transitioned really quickly. She was remarking that her legs and arms were really muscular. She was upset about it, and commented on my build, which she thought was slighter and more appropriate. Her entire transition from starting HRT to surgery was a year and a half. I showed pictures of me from 6 or 7 years ago, showing my big arms and apple shaped build. She got even sadder and lamented that she was already 52 and that she did not have enough time left or something along those lines. I respondly rather coldly that she should not have done it then. She realised that complaining about it had no value.

Transition is a process, not an event.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hey I'm 52!!!!! And I'm 6'2". Whoops.

And yes it takes time.

And it only fixes ONE thing. But it's very effective at fixing that one thing

[Patty B.]

You look fantastic, and yes it is easy to overanalyze, but you look great, love the skirt and your hair looks great also.

[Frances]

Hey I'm 52!!!!! And I'm 6'2". Whoops.

You did not transition at 52. The point, though, was that it takes years for muscle to atrophy and for the body to change, not weeks, or months. You cannot start a process with tons of empical data to support the expectations and then complain about the results even before they can manifest themselves. Well, you can, but it's annoying.

The height thing is tricky. I lost an inch, but height reduction is not common and should not be expected. Post-ops keep telling early transitioners about this stuff, but the information is rarely believed. You look good Becky. You are tall Becky. Do these propositions cancel each other out? We do over-analyze and project our internalized transphobia onto others. Eventually, we stop.

[becky77]

You are tall Becky. Do these propositions cancel each other out? We do over-analyze and project our internalized transphobia onto others. Eventually, we stop.

Just something to deal with, but it was interesting to hear it as a positive from someone neutral, having had issue with it my whole life, btw i'm 6ft.
I'm not sure of the messages relating to time in transition as I am very much prepared for the long run, I don't believe I mentioned any impatience? I was just relating the thought processes and potential misconceptions.
On projecting internal transphobia I think you are spot on, i'm not usualy guilty of this but it rears it's head every now and then. Something that will only disappear when it becomes my everyday way of life, as for expectations I would say it's more about managing my ability to cope to continue as normal life as possible. I have little expectations of horomones, for my mental state they are achieving what I hoped for, physical is a bonus i'm not depending on, that way anything positive is welcomed and there isn't any disappointment. I reckon I have realistic expectations but that can be clouded by negativity. Perhaps Melissa was correct in a previous thread, that you need a little delusion to keep you pushing ahead.

Sue, I'm out all the time and i'm pretty stable generally. It's possible I was a little hormonal Monday, but the contrast in feelings was worth exploring here. I see it as part and parcel of the process, i'm going to have bad days. I don't think personal acceptance can come while I am still working as a guy, all in good time.
I think of it as 'i'm a work in progress' :)

[Wildaboutheels]

Some of the members that water here at this site want labels [of some sort] and some don't. Regardless, one thing stands out at this site. Most all members, regardless of flavor are their own worst enemy.

NGC's Brain Games resumes this week with new episodes. It should be required watching for CDers of every flavor. It shows in every single episode what our Human Brains do constantly EVERY day dozens of times to protect us...

From OURSELVES!

And being tall is not a problem unless you make it one.

[Bria]

Just looks like a guy and a girl in the picture to me, nuf said!

Hugs Bria

[arbon]

I can be very insecure about how I look and in some situations where being ts is known by people I am around.

[Starling]

...it takes years for muscle to atrophy and for the body to change, not weeks, or months. You cannot start a process with tons of [empirical] data to support the expectations and then complain about the results even before they can manifest themselves. Well, you can, but it's annoying...

I'm really old, and I still look better as myself than this dude whose life I borrowed more than sixty years ago. My only problems with transition are practical, as one does need to make a cost/benefit analysis. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have been born when saying you were really a girl would land you in the psych ward for electroshock--which doesn't even remove hair--and, if you persisted in your disgusting "delusion," would relegate you to what was once called the demimonde.

:) Lallie

[Randi_TGFM]

You are so pretty:). If I could look half as pretty as you, I would start transitioning today..:).

[LeaP]

Randi, that is one loaded answer. I'm sure you focused on the compliment, which is well-founded and with which I agree, but the phrasing smacks strongly of typical fantasies. Transition need isn't based on appearances, even if some of the angst over it is.

That typical form is: "If I only had/was/in a position/looked/... I'd transition in a heartbeat!" Two things - 1) there aren't a lot of ifs in the transition decision, and 2) BS.

[Michelle789]

I overanalyze everything too. I am the queen of overanalyzing and overthinking. My boyfriend told me that it's normal for trans people to overanalyze and overthink. I wouldn't be surprised if overthinking and overanalyzing is more common in people in general.

You look pretty to me. Btw women come in all shapes and sizes. Many tall woman are drop dead gorgeous. And tall women can get away with wearing more than short women can, at least this is the opinion of my therapist.

It's hard to tell sometimes what someone actually thinks. Just because someone appears dour and gives you a cold shoulder or looks nervous around you doesn't mean you've been clocked and they're transphobic. They might just be in a bad mood. They might be sexist or racist. They might just have a nervous or unfriendly disposition.

I feel like lots of people are more accepting and honest than we think. The ones who are transphobic stand out more, because they make more trouble for us. The troublemakers always stand out. The good, decent, honest, friendly people who accept us don't stand out as much, unless they're like extremely supportive of us.

And not everyone clocks us either. Many people just take what they see at face value. People are often too busy and self-absorbed to clock us. Lots of people actually don't even know what to look for. Even me being trans didn't know we can get clocked on our brow bridge (if we have one) until two months ago.

[Dianne S]

Becky,

You may be tall but you don't look "blokey" to me at all. You look like a very pretty woman to me.

[Annaliese]

All I see is a girl with her brother, relax and be your self like you are in the picture, hugs.

[Eryn]

All I see is a rather tall woman who jumped into a picture. Neither person strikes me as unusual.

[becky77]

You are so pretty:). If I could look half as pretty as you, I would start transitioning today..:).
Thanks Randi, it's a nice compliment but in a way its little insulting. I have had/have the same mental struggles as everyone here, you make it sound like its somehow easier for me when it really isn't.
I am tall and I know my face can look ok, but that brings even more scrutiny and stares, I still have to work on my voice, my mannerisms and I've had the same fear and doubt and anguish as the next person.
What I feel of myself in the mirror is probably the same how you feel and the battle is no less. It's taken a lot to get to this point.

People have said that to me a few times when seeing a picture, but a picture is just half the story.
And my story reads the same as everyones here, I don't get by on looks.

I have a wedding in September, going to wear heels. That will make me about 6'3, I know full well people will be whispering about the tall tranny. I get attention more so because I'm so tall that extra attention gets me read.
So I'm still labeled the same.

Thank you very much, I know its meant kindly but think about what you are actually saying.

[Kathryn Martin]

Becky, it is indeed the added scrutiny that our height brings that makes us readable at times. On the mannerisms though: have your ever thought to be just thoughtlessly yourself and observed what that looks like? Are you trying to behave feminine or are you? I don't mean that question in any way as a challenge, I spent much time with it. I discovered everyone around me thought I was inappropriately feminine before transition rather than after. Ultimately, I simply stopped restraining myself in how I behaved and that was enough.

I wrote about it some time ago here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?186234-How-To-or-You-have-to-do-what-You-have-to-do-%28excessively-long%29&highlight=) It's just a few things.

[becky77]

To be honest its quite minimal, mainly to put shoulders back and stop slouching, which I have done subconsciously to hide my height most of my life, but as you know this doesn't help.
It actually hurts to put them where they should be showing how badly I let me posture get. I try harder to correct this now as it can't be good for me long term.
Also I have to unlearn some stuff I did to hide my feminine mannerisms, just have to remind myself I can let go now and just be. Otherwise I'm reasonably relaxed, there is no point faking it, the whole point is to me myself?

[donnalee]

Tall girls try to make themselves smaller in many cases, particularly if they were born in an era when "petite" was considered more desirable. I always felt that a woman was most attractive when she stood tall and proud; it makes me wince when I see someone trying to hide themselves.
Taller women used to be referred to as "statuesque"; perhaps if you think of yourself as that, it may help dispel those self-doubts.
I think everyone is self critical; it's just that we pay much more attention to ourselves than others do.

[Kimberly Kael]

I have a dear friend, assigned female at birth, who is 6'3" and carries it proudly. She's lovely and does tend to attract a lot of very positive attention. Unfortunately there are few men who are confident enough to date a woman who towers over them (especially in heels!), and she doesn't seem interested in women who you'd think would be less sensitive to that sort of thing.

For a trans woman the challenges are a little different. Getting attention can certainly mean scrutiny but the usual rules apply. Relax, stand proud, and get good advice on what to wear. If you feel comfortable and look like you're used to being treated well then you will be more often than not.

[Jorja]

My advice would be to get this crazy idea out of your head that you are too tall. Right now, today, I could introduce you to six normal everyday women, GGs, who are between 6'4" and 6'8". They are not basketball players or any type of sports persons. As hard as it is to believe, there are some very tall women in this world. You are one of them. Own it and go have a ball.

[becky77]

37 years is a long time to just change so easily, I'm working on it.
My height issues are far less now but I live in flats, heels though I love them, will put me out of my comfort zone.
Rome wasn't built in a day :)

Ok I had to edit this as I am pretty sure my height wasn't an issue as a baby lol, but even so let's say 25 years.
It's like slowly removing the taint of living as a man and that's aside from height issues.

[karanne]

Becky, you look fine. Nice hair, pretty pink blouse, nice casual denim skirt, sandals ... you have the complete package! You go, girl! You've got a loving brother there with you, I don't see a real problem (well, aside from reading whatever that is in blue).

Yeah, you're thinking everyone is pointing and snickering and they're going to break out the torches and the pitchforks to hunt you down... Girl, been there, thought that. Go stroll through a shopping mall - you're just another GIRL that's shopping! Now if you were wearing furs and a ball gown in that mall, people would turn and stare - why? Because then you would be OUT OF PLACE. I'm JEALOUS of your height - I'm 5'6", Mom was 5' even. I'm short even by guy standards, but as a girl? I'm average...

[prene]

WOW
U look great and Yes I over analyse also.
But again,
If I looked as good as u I would transition.
You look great and so natural ... I am tall I am 5'-11 1/2" u look shorter.
How tall at u?

[LeaP]

But again,
If I looked as good as u I would transition.


GOD I hate that comment.

Without a doubt, looking good is the very best reason to transition. Yup, that's it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

classic crossdresser view of transsexuals... we are marginalized and sexualized all the time..its part of the deal

I recently attended a small "TG oriented" gathering that was mostly crossdressers and mostly it was a lot of fun
... however over the course of the evening I was asked "are they real?" and told things like "if I ever transition I am going EE boobs minimum"
god forbid that I don't consider myself in the same cohort as them..

[Kimberly Kael]

god forbid that I don't consider myself in the same cohort as them..

Adopting a shared designation isn't the same thing as tacit approval of everyone under the umbrella, nor is it erasure of individual variation. There are plenty of people, women, lesbians, transsexuals, Americans, and software developers I disagree with on similarly evocative subjects, but I'm definitely all of the above. In short: I don't think what you describe is a defining transsexual / crossdresser divide. There are shallow, clueless people in all walks of life.

[Badtranny]

There are shallow, clueless people in all walks of life.

Kait knows this Kimberly. She actually went to a TG event (something I do every year @Sparkle!) so she clearly doesn't mind consorting with the part-timers.

You live here in the SF Bay so I know you've encountered a goofy CD or two. Shallow and clueless would be a polite description of some of them.

Prene probably (say that 5 times) had good intentions, but as you well know, nobody who transitions thinks they look good at all, so that idea is a fallacious one.

[becky77]

Prene probably (say that 5 times) had good intentions, but as you well know, nobody who transitions thinks they look good at all, so that idea is a fallacious one.

Exactly, its a real mental struggle but most people who make these comments don't have GD.
They don't understand. Recently my confidence has taken a nose dive, I think its because the time to tell work is closing in.
I keep seeing myself how they will see me and its not good. I know (back to title) I am over analysing it but I can't help it, this is such a big deal in my life and I'm scared. Scared of being a laughing stock, scared of losing my job, the fear won't stop this happening but its still ripping me apart inside.
Yesterday when out, for the first time in ages I felt all self concious again, some guy just stared at me making it worse.
I wish I could just switch off sometimes.

[Kathryn Martin]

If I looked as good as u I would transition.

This thought is so prevalent, especially among older people. It is incredibly damaging but it is one of the stark realities for many who have suffered through years of sitting on the fence. Framed differently it is: "is it realistically possible for me to transition".

The real danger is though that the standards of appearance we set for ourselves are so beyond the pale measured against the reality of human existence that our impression of what we must achieve as we transition is plain wrong. The realization of how unreasonable we are in our expectations (and must bes and must haves) is often a first step towards gaining confidence. Anyone remember the day you stepped in front of the mirror and for the first time Kaitelyn, Misty, Lea, Kathryn etc truly looked back at you....

[stefan37]

Lol, I'm still waiting for Stephanie to look back at me!

[becky77]

Anyone remember the day you stepped in front of the mirror and for the first time Kaitelyn, Misty, Lea, Kathryn etc truly looked back at you....

Some days I have seen me, most days I just see 'him'!
Do you think it in some ways it's similar to what anorexics go through? Everyone else can see they are too thin but they see themselves as fat?

[stefan37]

We are our worst critics. Many days I only see him, but as I interact with people daily i get much different feedback. My ex once commented am I the the only one that sees you as male? The best advice I can give from my experience is just be you. There are many things out of our control, so change those you can and go about your life. You will be pleasantly surprised how comfortable you will be.

[Kathryn Martin]

Some days I have seen me, most days I just see 'him'!
Do you think it in some ways it's similar to what anorexics go through? Everyone else can see they are too thin but they see themselves as fat?

This is an interesting thing, I think there is something to what you say. However, remember that anorexia is a mental health problem of significant proportion. I did not see myself as having body image issues beyond what I consider to be normal. In my view this is more a question of emotional hygiene. Like so many other aspects of self reflection we have to discipline ourselves not to go down these paths towards emotional collapse which is inevitable if we do.

Once I saw me for the first time I decided that I would say to myself at least once a day: I am Kathryn and I am beautiful" because I had experienced it. In my view it is really important for us to be very positive about ourselves. That opens us up for the potential of who we are, rather than restrict us in our perceptions of self. It generates confidence which is the one garment we so desperately need to become fully authentic. In this sense I became very disciplined in not allowing myself to see myself as "him" at all.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kathryn
I remember the "first time" vividly...

I had lost weight, I had a professionally made wig...I took makeup lessons... one night I put the wig on, I fell just right, and I felt a very strong sensation that I didn't understand but was so strong that I actually said "Wow" out loud...

its funny because post ffs I wear a lot less makeup and have my own hair... I look at myself and I don't see a her or him, I see a me..one thing transition did for me was eliminate "gender thinking"...

i'm not saying sometimes I don't see masculine and think "ugh" or see feminine and smile... its just that I never think about it, and those moments are just passing moments in my day..

[Kathryn Martin]

Kaitelyn,

I experience the same thing. I just don't think about anymore. Even if I am unsatisfied with my appearance which sometimes happens "man" is no longer my default position, but rather "you gotta do something with your hair", "you look old today girl", "you ate too much yesterday" or some such thing but the context is me not some fictitious guy who never really existed except by biological accident.

And yes that "wow" moment when everything truly falls into place. For me it was congruence in the sense that my outside matched how I perceived myself and what a powerful emotion that is.

[Sue Too]

Just read some of the posts on here and judge for yourself

Susan in Phoenix

[Badtranny]

Well, that "first time" for me was when I first crossdressed back in 08/09. It was a mind altering experience for sure. Scary as hell too because I finally began to realize not only the 'problem' but the 'solution'. Man that resolution took a few years didn't it? LOL I came back here when I began my transition in 2010 and I have changed a lil bit since then. ;-)

The social aspect of the transition was emotionally difficult. I knew I was gonna be okay when I stopped making jokes about BEING a man and started making them about LOOKING like a man. I'm tall (5'11") I have big feet (11), a giant face and head, broad back etc. and I no longer try to minimize those characteristics. I just own them and make jokes. Me and the girls have so much fun laughing at each other and ourselves and it's extremely cathartic. As it turns out, women who have no idea about my history have the same issues with their body as I do. Four of us were nearly crying the other day when I made a comment about my hairy legs and how I had to prep for wearing sandals by shaving my toe knuckles. (toe fros, fro knuckles, etc.)

ALL women hate their bodies in some way or another, Tall women want to be shorter and short women want to be taller. Skinny girls want a bigger booty and curvy girls want to be skinnier. We are all striving for the kind of perfection that barely exists in our imaginations much less in reality. So you're tall. I have a penis. So what? ;-)

[Nicole Erin]

I read an article yesterday and it was painfully true. The world does not care who you are, it cares only about what it can get out of you. Your personality, gender, looks, etc, none of that really matters.

If one insists on worrying about looks - the only time that even matters is when it is a young, hot woman.
You think anyone notices or cares about some TS woman's masculine attributes? Not likely. Even if they do notice or "knew as soon as they saw you", people just don't care. No, all they care about is, "what does this person have to offer?"

Few TS have the chance to be a young, hot woman so what does it matter?

[Kathryn Martin]

Few TS have the chance to be a young, hot woman so what does it matter?

What about being an older hot woman. I have a great deal of problems with this notion that older transitioned persons cannot be attractive physically. I have every chance to be an older very attractive woman, and I do what I can to make it so. I am not eighteen, I sure as hell do not want to be 25 again or even 35, but as a 60 year old woman I very much like to be attractive, sexy and interesting. It is part of who I am. So it matters a great deal. Quite frankly ( and I say this with all respect) one of the worst problems that transsexed persons create for themselves is that many if not most have no idea how to dress (invariably your skirts are too short), have no idea what works for their body type (go and google it), prefer limp straight long hair (get a well respected hairdresser who has some creative sense to give you and age appropriate hair style), and use too much blue eyeshadow. It's atrocious, and not for one minute excusable.

If you over analyze, then for God's sake over analyze also in a positive, constructive way. Guys will always be satisfied with a "will do". So if you are not a guy do as women do and make sure that you turn yourself out as best you can. Over analyze your body type, your dress options, your face shape, your hair options, your make-up options. Look at women that can be your role models in this regard, not some 18 year old ditz. If you are 56 when you transition like I was, Nicole Ritchie is not your role model, but Helen Mirren can be.

[whowhatwhen]

What if your role model is KD Lang?

[Kathryn Martin]

Then KD Lang is lovely role model if you are in your late 40s but not Katie Perry.

[becky77]

My role model is my wife and she is 17 years older than me.
Looks way younger though.

[MsJulie]

Yes...I certainly over think things...My mother used to say "you sure think hard about everything" and that is certainly still the case. I do believe most people are so wrapped up in their own lives that what we do has very little effect on them. We would probably be disappointed to learn the small amount of time they spend thinking about us. You seem like a sweet girl. Milton Erickson taught how everyone is different...so being different is no different than anyone else....and in reality you are now closer to who you have always been. I agree most things are in our own mind. I certainly have my share of insecurities...but there a many lovely tall women...and you are one of them. People come in all shapes and sizes...a gg friend of mine lectured me about that recently...to not get hung up in patriarchal nonsense...

xox

julie

[Kathryn Martin]

My role model is my wife and she is 17 years older than me.
Looks way younger though.

And your wife has absolutely no body issues? And what does she do to deal with her body issues? Those are the questions that need asking. I am a strong advocate to go as far as you can without surgery, to make sure that you learn to dress the body you have not the body you dream of. If in the end there are surgical procedures that might bring you an edge that is wonderful and of such value. But to start with them is not giving yourself a real chance. And in those circumstances surgery outcomes might become very frustrating. I have gone as far as I can without surgery, and I am an attractive, beautiful 60 year old woman. Some day in the next two years I might get a BA.

[lingerieLiz]

I have two gg friends and a relative that are over 6' tall women. They went through a lot growing up and being a foot taller than their piers. Your picture looks fine. If I didn't know what to look for I would never have noticed. As for your ex ask her to not tell anyone in the future. Who cares? The other night I saw a gg that was six six and beautiful. Girls today have bigger feet. Feels nice to have a gg tell me she wished she could wear my shoes.

[LeaP]

... If you are 56 when you transition like I was, Nicole Ritchie is not your role model, but Helen Mirren can be.

At the rate things are going, I may have to start emulating Maggie Smith.

[becky77]

And your wife has absolutely no body issues? And what does she do to deal with her body issues? Those are the questions that need asking. .
Of course she does, loads. And I help reasure her like she does me as I said I need to separate what are typical female hangups from the trans ones.
As for body issues I wear clothes that accentuate my best features and avoid those that don't. Eg my waist is good so I never wear anything baggy that will make me look boxy, my legs are good but I still feel better in jeans day to day.
I especially avoid anything with those tank top type straps, the wide ones, as they really emphasis my shoulders. Capped sleeves seem ok, in fact most sleeves are ok.
A-line skirts can balance out my shoulders but I feel they are a bit prissy or too young, pencil skirt style works best for me. I look awful in shorts especially seeing as I have nothing on my hips currently.

To be fair to myself its still early days and I'm living this dual life currently, which is draining and not allowing me any regularity.
All things considered I believe I'm doing pretty well, but its good to explore my feelings on here as I learn a lot from some of the answers.
I would say about 8/9 months ago I was a total wreck, all over the place, I started dating men I believe because I needed the validation, I wasn't thinking straight my relationship was over etc etc.
I'm in a much much better place now, especially since the hormones they seem to have really balanced me out internally. I'm still married and although we are kinda split we are getting on brilliantly, its surprising just how much I have changed in the last few months alone (mainly in my thinking).

My brother said on the phone this week my voice had changed it was softer.
He thought it was the hormones but I guess working on my voice is having an effect. I said I'm still the same person just look different, he said no you are different and I was intrigued.
His answer was that I am calmer and more open and easier to talk to, most of the above I wouldn't put down to hormones except the calmness. The rest I think is a direct result of being myself, having nothing to hide and just being.

Oh and a really good thing happened in the last month, my nephew (he is 5) has accepted me.
He knows exactly who I am and can't understand why I like 'girl stuff' but he went from looking at me strange and saying nothing to now asking to speak to me on the phone and wanting to know when I'm coming around next.
I was very careful around him, not pushing it upon him but we spent some time together and like a switch going on he just decided I was ok.
I can't say he accepts me as a woman, but he accepts me as a person now.

Oh as for surgery, mainly a trachea shave and hair transplant.
SRS for me is probably about 4 years off with NHS. I think about FFS but I'd rather not if I don't have to.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Becky, You appear to be a beautiful young lady, Stop beating yourself up.

[LeaP]

OMG, body issues. Heavy legs, wide shoulders and broad back, large head, (lack of) hair, perpetual need for weight control, etc. On the other hand, I have small hands, smallish feet, hips and waist (alas, no rear to speak of), and I'm relatively short, at 5' 8.5" (174 cm).

Still ... I would prefer FFS and trach out of the gate. The rest I have to deal with.

[Nicole Erin]

If in the end there are surgical procedures that might bring you an edge that is wonderful and of such value. But to start with them is not giving yourself a real chance. And in those circumstances surgery outcomes might become very frustrating. I have gone as far as I can without surgery, and I am an attractive, beautiful 60 year old woman.

Yeah you do look decent. It is an honest look.
Oh gyod though you are not kidding about surgeries! A lot of TS who have too much money and not a lot of sense tend to go overboard. OK take Calpernia Addams. THAT is going overboard. Some TS get God knows what procedures and I always think, "THIS is an improvement?"

Another one is Taylor Dayne. She is a GG has-been singer. Cute lady back then but she got too much surgery and now looks like an over-butchered TS.

[Kathryn Martin]

A while back we posted before and after pictures in Safe Haven. The pictures of those that fully transitioned were astonishing how far people can get without massive surgery.

[becky77]

On the other hand, I have small hands, smallish feet, hips and waist (alas, no rear to speak of), and I'm relatively short, at 5' 8.5" (174 cm).


So you can buy shoes in any shop, wear heels without being a giant, have nice hands and can wear clothes with a cut to show off your waist. I'm good at being positive about other people :).


Hi Becky, You appear to be a beautiful young lady, Stop beating yourself up.
But i'm so good at it!


A while back we posted before and after pictures in Safe Haven. The pictures of those that fully transitioned were astonishing how far people can get without massive surgery.

Done that lol, however it's just makeup and hair. Going to be several years before I can show you the effects of hormones, so far the only noticable effects are in my head.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?189466-Boy-Mode-vs-Girl-Mode-V/page37

[LeaP]

So you can buy shoes in any shop, wear heels without being a giant, have nice hands and can wear clothes with a cut to show off your waist. I'm good at being positive about other people :).

I'll take it!

Yes, I can buy shoes anywhere. I don't like heels. I can usually find something that fits my feet, though most places carry primarily medium widths, which forces me up a half-size.

While my hands are small (medium glove) they are otherwise just okay. Not particularly fine or slender or anything like that. Just smaller than most people's, I guess. Skin is soft, though.

Fortunately, I like what looks best on my body, so not too much of a struggle there.

[Kathryn Martin]

I wear heels. I have size 12. There are two stores that carry over and undersizes - Naturalizer and a local store with some nice designer shoes. I love heels and wear heels daily to work. I am a regular size 16 for dresses and tops so I buy in almost any store, I wear size 12 pants and skirts, underwear medium, regular bras etc. Shoes and pants are my problem though - pants because they need to be 37" inseam. There is one online store where I buy my pants.

[LeaP]

37 inch inseam! My God. Mine is 30 - there's most of the height difference right there.

[Kathryn Martin]

I should qualify that 35 inseam is ok for flats and sandals but if I wear heels... well, 2/3 of my height is from the hips down. When I sit I am no taller than any regular woman. So legs clear to my armpits :D

[Megan G]

- pants because they need to be 37" inseam. There is one online store where I buy my pants.


37 inch inseam! My God. Mine is 30 - there's most of the height difference right there.

I feel that pain very well Kathryn, I have a 36" inseam. I am lucky though as the one store online that I buy a lot from also has a store locally so if they do not have my size I can order online and pick up in store.

Megan

[Kimberly Kael]

I should qualify that 35 inseam is ok for flats and sandals but if I wear heels... well, 2/3 of my height is from the hips down. When I sit I am no taller than any regular woman. So legs clear to my armpits :D

... whereas I'm the exact opposite. When sitting down people assume I'm at least six feet tall, but I'm actually 5'8". I'm sure it's part of the reason I prefer skirts and dresses to pants – I can more effectively create the illusion of leggier proportions when you can't tell where they end!