Just came out to a long time friend

[jjmetro]

So, I've been needing to talk, and got in touch with one of my long time friends. We know each other from high school, and had a thing for a month or two, she now lives in FL and I'm in Dallas. She was the best person I could have ever hoped to be the first one to tell. Back in what I like to call my "goth days", crossdressing was kind of just part of it. We were both into clubbing/dressing up, and she's seen me dressed. In that scene, no one thinks twice, or really notices. It's common place, and I was happy then. With my divorce behind me, I'm getting back to being the me I want to, just more so than I ever was before. Talking to her was easy, with no judgements, and only a few questions. She actually wasn't even that shocked. Definitely cements my decision to eventually move back to Chicago, as that is where most of my close friends are. Most of them are like her, and I imagine most will be accepting/supportive if transitioning is in my future. My family is there too, and the only one that wouldn't be understanding, whose relationship I value is my Dad. As he is not going to make it to the time I can move back, My relationship with him will not suffer. My mother, sister and entire family on my mother's side may take a bit to accept, but I believe will.

I may be getting way ahead of myself, and in my conversation with her, I realized that. I'm seeing a therapist on the 11th to go over many things, including questioning my gender self. After talking with someone with experience in this, I may come to the conclusion that I never need to fully transition. Or it may be in my best interest to start as soon as possible. So many things up in the air right now, my head is spinning with thoughts. It's just nice to have someone I've known for 15+ years to know and accept, as that's not something anyone I know in Texas will do.

Just emptying my brain so I can sleep
Thanks for reading.
J

[bridget thronton]

Sleep well - thanks for sharing

[Katey888]

Getting that off your mind before sleeping is a Good Thing - I hope you feel rested tomorrow... :)

You're doing the right thing with the counselling - just keep an open mind about where that discussion may go and try not to have any preconceptions about the future, you'll get more out of the session if you can be open and unbounded with your thoughts and feelings (and if the therapist is any good.. ;))

Chicago's a great city - nice people, just like the song! :)

Good luck with the session...

Katey x

[mariehart]

When I first told a good friend. Her attitude was basically 'What took you so long to tell me?'. While she didn't see the crossdressing coming she was well aware of my feminine side. Not only that she accepted it completely to the point where to her I essentially became female friend to her.

I agonised about the whole thing but in the end I was kicking myself for not telling her earlier.

[jjmetro]

I have a lot of close, long time friends that I've been talking to. I've only come out to the one, but I've been asking them about my past, as most of my childhood was is a blur. Mainly, Ive been asking if they had any insight as to the teasing/picking on I've received my entire life. What made me singled out? Every answer confirms in my mind, I'm on the right path now. Their answers were that I was very sensitive, caring and not so much feminine as just not masculine/macho. My build has always been a bit on the slim/petite side, and maybe subconsciously they saw me as girlish/feminine. This has been a recurring theme throughout my life, and my true enduring friends have always been women. I'm very apprehensive about telling anyone until I see the therapist, and they help me confirm to myself this is myself. Soul searching seems to be my new hobby, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually getting to know me.

[Claire Cook]

JJ,

Your second post sounds so much like what I (and I am sure others) have gone through. Realization and self-acceptance is a big step for us, and I'm sure you will find your path. Understanding friends (and wives / SO's) are true gifts; treasure them!

[jjmetro]

I have always accepted myself, though not always willing to share all of myself with others. My parents were always very tolerant people, even though they may have their own bias/prejudices, they didn't instill any of that in me, and always reassured me that being me was more important than anything. I have not, nor will ever have any shame over how I choose to dress, or feel. That also doesn't mean I'm going to jump out of the closet and scream to the world, "look how fabulous I am!" There are negative reactions from strangers, loved ones, significant others, etc. Keeping something like this from someone who you know wouldn't be accepting is not having shame, rather avoiding needless pain. Now, on the otherhand, if I decide that I'm going to make this my life, go full time and transition, I will tell the world, and whomever has an issue with it will miss out on having me in their life.

In the past year, I have gotten divorced, lost a leg in a motorcycle accident, and earlier this evening, lost my father to brain cancer. There is so much trauma in my life right now, that I can't allow myself to make any life changing decisions without some help. My mind is telling me YES, DO THIS NOW! but before I discard my current life to begin anew, I have to thoroughly soul search, and make 110% sure this is what is right for me. I'll never give up the CD, I have more female clothing than male at this point, but changing my birth sex, to match my mind is a HUGE decision.

[Megan b]

So sorry about your Dad, hang in there. Be there for your family and allow them to be there for you, as you all go through this difficult time.

[jjmetro]

Well, the trip to Chicago, My Dad's memorial and going through his condo went as well as it could. My Father was a genius in his own right, and hid everything he had in a way that no one knew, until his passing. My sister and I thought he had used up his accumulated wealth, and we were okay with that. All we were worried about was his comfort in his last days, and he had that. To our surprise, he left us a good chunk. Not Oprah, but enough to where if full transition is in my future, (I'm really not sure how it couldn't be at this point) the associated costs won't be an issue. Saw many friends, and had the same conversation with another. Again, couldn't have gone better. I keep expecting people to be shocked and it just isn't happening. Trust me, I'm perfectly fine with the two reactions I've gotten, just was expecting something else. I think the shock will come when I finally tell a male friend, though, I may just do that in bulk letter/e-mail/facebook style. I'm not one for confrontation, or explaining myself a million times. And guys tend to have more of a problem with this sort of thing, a bit of distance and well chosen words

again, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Pouring thoughts out into the interwebs.
thanks for listening to my own meandering thoughts.

J

[CynthiaD]

Sorry about everything you've been going through. I hope you're able to get everything sorted out and get on the right path for you. Take your time.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

When you go to Chicago, make sure you call Rachel who has a beauty salon that is very open to us. Her brother was a cross dresser. He died and when her other brother found the "stuff" he freaked out. It broke up the family. That made her so sad that she is sort of dedicating her salon to her deceased brother. She finds a good business in doing work for divas in the clubs up there on Irving under the Red Line (I think) el train. You'll love her. She's so good. Rachel's Hair and Wigs.

Love your father. Come out to who you can. I know I'm bi, I don't have to be one thing or the other. The best (and worst) of both worlds. My version of getting it out is to an NA/AA "sponsor" who is gay. There's nothing he hasn't heard.

Love Chicago. It is my hometown. Wish I was back there. :hugs:

[Marcelle]

Hey there. Great story and sharing this thing we do with someone who accepts is a great boon.

Hugs

Isha

[Beverley Sims]

It can be very calming when you come out to someone for the first time.
Good luck for the future.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi JJ Metro, That last paragraph in post #7 was quite a lot for one plate full.
I sure hope that life takes a turn for the better for you.

[AnnetteC]

JJ Metro, sorry to hear about your dad. I hope things better for you soon.

On the subject of coming out, as a fairly closeted person, only a few know about me as Annette. I've been lucky to have accepting friends who didn't freak when I told them. I wish you the best in coming out.

[Jorja]

I am just now catching up on postings I have missed. Good for you that you were able to tell someone. I am sure that was a relief. Now take it slow and calmly work your way through the issues that bother you. Live, learn, understand and then move on to the next issue. You are going to be just fine.

[MelanieAnne]

I'm puzzled why some of you feel the need to come out to someone. Would you call a friend and tell them you have something to share with them, and tell them you watch porn or spanking videos, and masturbate? Crossdressing is a private part of most peoples life, and is best kept that way, unless someone is actually planning to transition. First of all, you don't know how the other person will take it, given the general lack of knowlege of the subject, even among us. And once it's out, it's out there for good. Secondly, some people, even liberal minded people, consider crossdressing to be perverted or disgusting. It's not. But that's how some people perceive it. Why take a chance? If you come out to your wife, chances are better than even it won't go well. And depending on your wife, it might be used against you in a child custody proceeding. Or it could be used against you by a mean spirited co worker, neighbor, etc. The odds are generally against it going well for you. Occasionally it it works out. But usually it doesn't. You're really taking a chance telling anyone. And be aware, if you come out to someone on Facebook, most employers and potential employers check your Facebook pages now. Some even demand your password. It's not right, but that's the way it is.

[jjmetro]

The reason I decided to tell these two people, is I believe I am on the way to transitioning. These two people I trust with my life, and talk about everything. If this was a sexual or a fetish for me, I would not have told anyone aside from maybe a SO that might be into it. As for Facebook, mine's on lockdown, and always will be. No co-workers, bosses, etc. My work life is completely independent of my social/family life. If a job ever asked for access, I would deny it, if it costs me the job, so be it. When you live alone, and 1000 miles away from close friends and any family, support from someone you care about, with whatever issues you're dealing with can be the difference between misery and living.