Personas--all responses welcome

[FAB Forum Mods]

Some of the GGs have been curious about the way some of our members have different personas when they are dressed, while other members feel that they are one and the same person when en femme or as the male self. I am posting this question on their behalf. Responses from all members (GG, TS, CD) are welcome.

Why do some TG individuals treat this as if there is a WHOLE other person if it is suppose to be the real him (you)?

Is this for the SO to be able to process or is it for the CD to be able to process?

[Allison Chaynes]

I started seeing a therapist for issues unrelated to CDing, or so I thought. One if the things we duscussed was this exact topic. I personally am the same person in guy or girl mode. However, she told me she has had CD clients in the past who had been diagnosed as schizophrenic and were completely different when CDing. I am NOT suggesting that anyone who takes on a different persona is schizophrenic, just sharing her anecdote. If it matters, I identify as bigendered, bith male and female but one person.

[~Joanne~]

I am going to be honest....I have never felt like there is a whole other person, or prosona, trying to get out. I have never tried to do a femme voice, nor do my mannerisms change all that much. I am just more relaxed when dressed. Yes I sit like a woman when in a dress and I try to walk like a woman when in heels. This may be because I am still fairly a closet dresser and only my SO knows about my CDing (and my sister's and friends here) this could change if I went out though .

[Julie Denier]

I'm pretty much the same either way. I discovered this when I went out dressed for the first time about six weeks ago. Leading up to the evening, I kept thinking that being out in public dressed was going to unleash this inner woman, and I was worried about how I was going to talk, move, act, etc. Turns out that Julie and her dude "host" are pretty much the same - she just speaks a bit more softly, takes smaller steps and sits like a proper lady in a skirt ;)

[Nadine Spirit]

I do not have seperate personas so I suppose I am just speculating in answering this. My theory is that it helps the TG person to make sense of their internal feelings. It is quite odd having desires to do something for which you have no good logical explanation for. So, where could these weird desires come from?

It must be that you have a woman inside of you. Why? Because a man does not want these things. What things? Dresses, shaving, painting my nails, wearing jewelry, high heels, etc. A man does not want these things. Women want these things. I want these things, thus I must be a woman, or at least have a woman inside.

I think it has a lot to do with society only offering two options. You are a man, or a woman. There is nothing inbetween. It is harder existing inbetween, people have an easier time with the concept of one of the other.

[marshalynn]

I don't change any at all, now I feel normal and happy with the female me, took a long time to get here, about 60 years, will be 71 in 5 days, I dress in fem 99.9 % of the time now. I don't feel any different now than I did when I was ten years old, just more knowledge and freedom to be me.

[Persephone]

Nadine said some interesting things in her post. But I think there are additional factors for those of us who seem to have two external personas.

We live in a bigendered world of men and women and our vocabularies in nearly all of the world's languages reflect that. Therefore if one is out and about they need a gendered name and it would be shocking if they were referred to with other than appropriately gendered pronouns.

That's not a problem for those who only know the person as either male or female, but it is difficult for those, like spouses, who know them as male and female. One way to minimize the issue is to create a dichotomy -- "him" and "her." Kinda like being married to a person of one gender who has a twin of the other gender. Helps keep the mental scorecard clean.

It isn't gender schizophrenia in practically all instances, it is social convenience and comfort.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Zooey]

As I've told a number of friends, the biggest difference between me en homme and me en femme is how likely I am to be drinking through a cocktail straw in a semi-effective attempt to prolong lip color. :P

That said, I do adjust my mannerisms a bit, and I do go by a different name - largely because I aim to blend/fit-in, and it seems appropriate to adopt a female name while presenting that way (for the benefit of others as much as myself). I'm always just me - I just happen to go by one of two names, depending on what I'm wearing at the time. :) With respect to mannerisms/behaviors, I'm finding that (to the extent that they differ) my en femme and en homme behaviors are both moving towards a more unified/balanced place (probably a bit femme of center) as I make my femme side a larger part of my life. I'd like to think that this signifies me making progress towards full self-acceptance, whatever form that might eventually take, but who knows.

One thing that has me a bit perplexed is that I've joined some fantastic women's groups, and while they're very supportive/open/welcoming, they only know me as Zoe. i don't feel bad about that because - again - I'm always me, but it does give me pause on how to handle that sort of thing. I have zero interest in having "two lives" (one is hard enough, thanks), but I'm still finding my way with how to navigate that while still not being out everywhere, especially at work.

I do get curious about those who refer to their femme self by name, as if in the 3rd person... I've never really done that, and I'm never quite sure how to interpret it.

[Donnagirl]

Hi there,

I would not say I present a different persona, I think I just shed inhibitions dressed, those inhibitions that are decades built into the fabric of 'boy me'. Dressing somehow allows me to explore emotions, experiences or situations I would never 'normally'. It gives me licence to live outside the lifestyle framework I have built.

I see myself as just me in a dress, but there are subtle differences. Different likes, different preferences, differences that others notice more that I do. Boy me is a grumpy, macho control freak, no dress sense, no like of jewellery and no patience just to name a few. Donna is the antithesis of this.

I like and enjoy these differences, especially when someone points a new one out to me..

[Aprilrain]

Schizophrenia is NOT multiple personalities that is a huge misconception. When a person has Schizophrenia they tend to hallucinate people places and things that are not there and there is often a paranoid delusion component to it as well. Think "A Beautiful Mind" Glad we got that out of the way!

I can't answer from the CD perspective but I can say I've met tonnes of them and none of them struck me as feminine in anyway other than dress.

From the TS perspective I think what happens is you just drop all the male b***. I didn't start "acting" like a woman I stopped acting like I though a man was supposed to act.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi FAB4's After 67yrs. of dressing I still don't feel like two different people it's just me dressing
and trying to look as feminine as possible and seeing that lovely lady smiling at me in the mirror.

[sarahcsc]

Hello FAB,

Personality is defined as a pattern of thinking and behaviour that is enduring and predictable when exposed to certain situations. It is shaped by our conscious and unconscious thoughts although more the latter perhaps.

It is interesting to note how my behaviour and mannerisms change when I'm dressed, but that is because I look absolutely hideous walking like a man in a dress! Lol. I wonder if that represents my insecurity and my need to idolize myself (I'm very narcissistic as you can see). I wouldn't say that my personality changes when I'm dressed because that wouldn't fit with my definition of personality. I reckon it is important for crossdressers in general to keep their identity as a genetic male, intact, even when dressing, because they intend to take off that dress at some stage in order to resume their normal lives. It is however difficult sometimes to just "stop behaving like a man" when dressed especially when we have lived our entire lives as men. For example, it is almost a habit for me to burp and to walk in a haphazard fashion as a man but I have to consciously remind myself not to do that when dressed because its disgusting! But my female mannerisms are now beginning to seep into my daily life even when I'm not dressed. This was unexpected but I welcome it. :)

Being a woman is a whole lot more than just looking pretty which is probably at the forefront of a crossdresser's mind. There are things that women think about that men struggle to understand, regardless if they're in a dress or not. These are things that make up our personality and it is shaped by our temperament, physiology, culture, upbringing, beliefs and values, and our cumulative life experiences.

Some GGs found it offensive that men find comfort in dressing up, as if "being a woman was easy". I think they have mistaken the very meaning of crossdressing because crossdressing as an act alone, is not an attempt to become female but rather as an expression of a person's identity (which includes his sexuality), albeit a more hidden and forbidden part of his identity. HRT and surgical augmentation probably sends a stronger message. Dressing up makes us look like women externally, but although it makes us feel feminine internally, it can only be a close approximation of what women experience as a whole. I envy them at times because of this.

Love,
Sarah

[kimdl93]

I don't have a separate identity. I may attempt to affect somewhat more feminine voice,mannerisms or walk, simply to appear less masculine while en femme, but I don't shift personalities. What I do feel is a much greater consonance between my "self" and my appearance when I'm presenting as a woman.

[Ressie]

Playing the part can be fun, but I find that when I'm with a group of CDs we're pretty much just guys as far as persona goes, even though using feminine pronouns are used. If out in public there may be more of acting involved for some to aid in presenting as a female. And then, maybe some of us get that girly feeling inside that just can't be held in. What I find odd is how many CDs here refer to their fem name in the 3rd person. i.e. "my wife finally met Julie", "Fran needs some girl time" etc. This reference indicates a separate persona doesn't it?

[Kate Simmons]

The way I see it is that in everyday life, we ALL wear a lot of different "hats" or have a lot of different specialties for particular tasks that are not present or apparent all the time. Picture if you will that we have sections or "modules" in our brain we kind of "wheel" into when we need to utilize a particular skill or specialty. Women, for instance are homemaker, driver, nurse, caregiver, chef, housekeeper, etc. the list goes on and on but are not usually utilizing these abilities at the same time although sometimes it may seem so when multi-tasking.

For the CDer or TG person they may have to get into a certain mode to invoke feminine feelings and actions. It's kind of a feed back feed forward process in that the reaction becomes it's own driving action. It could also involve a separate set of neural wiring or "pathways" in the brain that is overlayed on the "normal" one although this has not been proven. Kind of like having a selector switch to choose two different pathways with their accompanying actions and reactions.Granted it sounds kind of convoluted but then again human beings are complex beings and TG folks seem to be more complex than others.:)

[JamieG]

I think some CDs build macho facades to hide behind. When they dress up, they can drop this facade and may seem like a whole different person. I was never particularly macho, so when I am en femme, I am still basically the same person, albeit more free to express my feminine side. I might sit more lady-like, take smaller steps when I walk, and speak in a slightly softer tone, but I'm still just as likely to order a beer, talk about football, and crack bad jokes as I am in male mode. I think the fact there are not two separate personae is one of things that makes it easier for my wife to accept my CDing. I am still fundamentally the man she married.

[Desirae]

For some I would say that, simply, by keeping the male and female sides separate, by viewing these two sides as separate personae, it is somehow easier for them to keep their masculine side masculine and their feminine side feminine. I suppose it keeps their psyche from becoming too convoluted. This is just a guess, but I would say that CDs who have this perspective are the ones who have very strong masculine sides and very strong femme sides, as well. It probably helps them keep things in perspective and keeps the "murkiness" out of their being. I would, also, say that most of this perspective is, probably, "mostly" for the benefit of the masculine side whereas the person doesn't want any feminine traits leaking over onto that side. I guess it could be described as some type of "inner defense mechanism" that some of us have.

[Lorileah]

:thinking: Was I another person? Was I really different? I guess the answer is yes. And no. The person I was before was a mask, and act, something I put on to please others around me. When I dressed that shell, that lie, went away. I didn't see this. It is hard to see something you are close to. I didn't think I changed at all, just changed clothes. But those around me could see the change. One thing that really stands out is when my wife was about in the middle of her cancer. She knew I liked the clothes, I am sure she suspected I was TS. But one night was bad. I don't even remember what was going on but I was being my surly angry self. From her bed in the living room she looked at me and said "Go put on a skirt". It helped, the rest of the evening was calm. NB, she never said I could not dress, it was my own insecurities that kept me from it. My GF knew this too. From the moment she met Lori, she knew that was who I was. She complained before she died that she didn't see Lori as much as she wanted to. It was because she enjoyed being around Lori.

So, yes I must have (had) two persona. Did I think I was two people? No, but those around me did. I know now that I did. But the old one was the mask, the fake.

[Kelley]

I could not have explained how I feel better than Lori did. My experience has been the same, my male self is the act and my female is the real deal. My wife likes my female side better because I am a little kinder, gentler and seem to express a little more compassion. I am more comfortable with my femme selfe. I like my male body just fine but don't really care to compete in the male arena.

Kelley

[Teresa]

My persona doesn't change, I just need to satisfy the constant feeling inside to dress !

[latex-steph]

I act like a different person when dressed because I think I am embracing what I desire. As I guy, I am fairly reserved and I think typical looking. As a girl, I feel pretty and bubblie. Rather than hiding in the corner, I want to be the center of attention and I want people to tell me I look good. In my case I think this is just feeling safe in a costume and allowing me embrace the attitude/mentality I never get to otherwise experience....and man do I love being that girl

[flatlander_48]

I don't think it is a different persona when I dress. Perhaps somewhat more mellow, but basically the same. However, it might be a question more accurately answered by my wife.

[Mimi]

Wow--this is a lot of great answers! Thank you to everyone who has responded so far--these are all well-thought out and informative!

From a spouse point of view--there could be ups and downs to having separate personas. The upside would be that I could see my spouse as a different person--her femme self, and when we go out, we interact as friends. Then when my spouse is in male mode, I know exactly who I am with and what to expect in terms of interactions. But at the same time, I like to be able to talk to my spouse about any topic at any time, en femme or not. I would not want to ask her a "male" question while she is dressed, and have her profess ignorance or fake disinterest. I like the fact that Eryn feels like a whole person, herself, whether or not she is dressed. The clothes don't turn her into somebody else entirely.

[Zylia]

The persona, for Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, was the social face the individual presented to the world—"a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual" (from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persona_(psychology)))

It's kind of like how I look and behave slightly different when I'm at work as opposed to when I'm with friends or family. I dress somewhat differently, use some other words or even another language, interact with people in other ways, etc. etc.

[PaulaQ]

Although it took me a while to realize it, buried within me was a solidly female identity. For a while last year, as I was coming out to myself, it felt as if I were really split in two - two different personalities, one male, and one female. And the male personality was really sick and dying. This was a really awful thing to experience. It was really hard to take. It took me awhile to not refer to "Scott" and "Paula" as if they were two separate people.

When I presented myself as a woman, I realized that the euphoria I felt was actually something very simple. I was happy. I'd just never really experienced that before in my life. Ever.

I later came to realize that my true identity was a female one - I'm a woman. I had built up walls of a deliberately masculine personality (at least as masculine as I could manage), to protect myself, but in the end, I felt I was suffocating in solitary confinement in this horrible prison inside of my mind. The walls of the edifice I constructed were almost pure fear. It was a horrible place to live, and by early last year, it was literally killing me. I had no desire to live anymore. Death was a far preferable alternative to life in that hellhole.

It's taken me a while to put the pieces together after coming out. I'm still have a sense of humor - that didn't change. I am still witty and intelligent. I present and behave in a stereotypically feminine manner - although that stereotype includes "soccer mom" as a part of it. My mannerisms are feminine. Some of my traits have surprised me. For example, I'm quite a lot more aggressive now than I ever was as a man. As a guy, I lived in fear. I was afraid of so many things, lest my awful secret be discovered. Without that holding me back, I've got a pretty strong personality. I'm mostly fearless now - I never was as a man. I have realized, thinking back on my life, that every time in my life I needed confidence, it came from someplace deep inside me. Turns out that place was my feminine identity. I'm far more confident now than I ever was before. I'm also more emotional, and I express my feelings as I never have.

I'm a different person now. Oh sure, there are common traits and history, but my family and pre-transition friends are finding it increasingly difficult to know me. I simply look, act, and think differently than the guy they knew for so long. Transsexuals frequently argue "I'm the same person after transition - just my body has changed." And perhaps that's true for most, I don't know. I can only say that as I've transitioned, I'm simply no longer the person I used to be.

[Katey888]

I think we all project slightly different personas for different situations... I know I have different work persona - there's the internal meeting persona; the face the customer persona; the stand up and present to 250 people persona; the fire the probationary employee persona... :eek: and others... But they're all just facets of the core personality

I don't think one has a persona in the closet... :thinking: Whoever meets me - Katey - for the first time will be the real judge of what that persona is like - but I would suggest it'll be close to what you get here, but softly spoken, and likely with a nice chilled chardonnay in hand.. :D

Katey x

[hope springs]

Is it for the SO or for the CD. A great question.

I am trying to operate as a woman while in femme. So mannerisms, walk and posture do change. This is necessary if we are pass in public and potentially avoid confrontation.
My femme side is trying to open up thoughts and feelings my male side simply wont allow (thanks social conditioning). In an effort to explore feelings i try not to censor myself while en femme. This has lead to some different personality traits. But the overall goal is once those feelings are explored to integrate them with my male persona. So in a way the two sides are slowly merging over time. My male side has been extremely suppressed emotionally. So my femme is simply an attempt to wake up dormant feelings. In the process i th o ught it would healthy to look into feminist issues and talk to GGs about their every day problems. The goal there was to try and be as genuine a woman as possible and not disrespect their gender by acting flamboyant or abberant ( with respect to female behavior). Its a process of self exploration which happens to involve dressing, and therefore may affect personality. I just keep it as honest as possible with the wife, and so far both she and i are doing better for it

[samantha rogers]

Lori put it very nicely. For many of us the real person has been buried behind years of wall building and assumed personality traits designed to fit into a binary world antagonistic to who we really are. As the clothes go on the walls come down and the truth begins to emerge. In the beginning the pendulum, freed finally to swing, may swing too far. But in time, with honesty, the center is hopefully found as the need to overcompensate for the years wearing the mask dissipates.
Authenticity is the goal. Some may feel like two people in the beginning, and I expect to a degree they are two people...one the mask fighting to remain in place and the other the true person fighting to get free. I would also guess that because some live in situations where circumstances will not allow them to dispense with the mask entirely, that they never get beyond the two person stage.

[Maria 60]

Well I never notice but my wife does admitted that she will ask me different question when I am dressed, telling me that I am not a different person but more relaxed when dressed. Of course I do act more like a women when dressed.

[Alice_2014_B]

I am still the same person in girl-mode, granted I try to be as passable as possible; I still have not tried a female voice yet.

[Badwolf]

For me I'm always trying to bring the two together, but I think it's sort of for social functions to process.

For some people (more on the TG side) it really feels like another person, but not because it isn't them. The person they have been feels like a lie. So starting over is key.

In all versions it kind of feels that that by trying to jump the gender divide, people have to change their behavior in many ways in order to make that happen. How easily that is integrated into the core personality really depends on A LOT o things. Why they feel they need to change it, how open they can be to the world about it, etc etc.

For me personally I've never taken a name I love en femme. I have played around with a few personas in my head, but trying to integrate the two brings me the simplicity I need on this side of my life to face a lot of other complicated things that are constantly going on.

[devida]

I just want to emphasize what Aprilrain said. Schizophrenia has nothing to do with multiple personalities and the DMS classification of multiple personality disorder is controversial because, as many here have pointed out, we all have different personas for different situations or at the very least can easily adopt them.

I am a Buddhist so I view the whole idea of self pretty suspiciously. I certainly don't have a female self but I also don't have a male self. For me these are both essentially social constructs that may refer to some kind of more inherent traits but really are more a matter of social control. I do recognize my self as the same no matter what clothes or what presentation I have. I am always pretty much me, even if I am wary of the idea that there is really any me there. I act like there is but I do not experience any kind of split based on the clothes that I wear. But I am really not trying to present as anything other than me. If you want to see that as macho, girly, femme or butch then that is what you see, not really what I am. I am me. What me is is a source of continual exploration but it is certainly much more than the social constructs of male and female.

[sometimes_miss]

Why do some TG individuals treat this as if there is a WHOLE other person if it is suppose to be the real him (you)?
Most likely because he needs to somehow distance himself from the female feelings and behavior, because 1. We're brought up to believe that for a male to be feminine in any way is the worst thing we can possibly be, easily evidenced by the use of female pronouns used by military and sports leaders (not to mention our families, our friends, and THAT SO MANY WOMEN DO IT TOO!) to insult their 'troops' ('pussy', 'sissy', 'girly' etc., commonly used as as terms to signify a guy who is reluctant to do something risky). And 2. In hopes that it will allow our female partner to convince herself that he's still 'all male' and that the female behavior isn't intrinsic, that he'll still abide by all the traditional male responsibilities, such as sacrificing our own safety for hers should it come to that.

Is this for the SO to be able to process or is it for the CD to be able to process?
Sometimes one, sometimes both. Lots of men here simply cannot accept that they prefer the female life and role, so they create a separate persona to attribute those feelings to. It's not their fault; we're all brought up this way. It's a simple psychological defense mechanism which lets them alleviate the inner turmoil that could result when his feelings contradict his beliefs which were drilled into his brain since birth.

True multiple personality disorder is simply not the case for oh, about 99.99% of us. It's just not that common.

[Laura912]

Whether slipping into the clothes for en femme, putting on a work vest for woodworking, or putting on my white lab coat, the person is the same. The clothing is associated with different behaviors by the person but not a personality change. I doubt that the clothing creates a different personna but it probably enables behaviors that might have been suppressed for whatever reasons.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I don't, that I know of, have a seperate personality. I have never fully dressed, the only lingering interest in doing so, is to see if one does emerge.
I think it has a lot to do with society only offering two options. You are a man, or a woman. There is nothing in between. It is harder existing in between, people have an easier time with the concept of one of the other.I think that there may be several reasons for the alter ego, as there are many reasons to CD. This is one that seems very likely to me. I've said before, that I believe many CDers put on the clothes because "I can't do that / behave that way as a man? Fine! I'll be a woman"
From the TS perspective I think what happens is you just drop all the male b***. I didn't start "acting" like a woman I stopped acting like I though a man was supposed to act.Again, this is hitting home.
For example, I'm quite a lot more aggressive now than I ever was as a man. As a guy, I lived in fear. I was afraid of so many things, lest my awful secret be discovered. Without that holding me back, I've got a pretty strong personality. I'm mostly fearless now - I never was as a man. Yes, me too. I don't feel like a woman, but I am beginning to accept, and blend into my life, various aspects that would have got me labelled "feminine" Some will still label me that way, but I don't accept it, and I don't feel it makes me any less. My SO is happy with me like this, the rest can go you-know-what, and the horse they rode in on.
Most likely because he needs to somehow distance himself from the female feelings and behavior, because 1. We're brought up to believe that for a male to be feminine in any way is the worst thing we can possibly be, easily evidenced by the use of female pronouns used by military and sports leaders (not to mention our families, our friends, and THAT SO MANY WOMEN DO IT TOO!) to insult their 'troops' ('pussy', 'sissy', 'girly' etc., commonly used as as terms to signify a guy who is reluctant to do something risky). And 2. In hopes that it will allow our female partner to convince herself that he's still 'all male' and that the female behavior isn't intrinsic, that he'll still abide by all the traditional male responsibilities, such as sacrificing our own safety for hers should it come to that.

Sometimes one, sometimes both. Lots of men here simply cannot accept that they prefer the female life and role, so they create a separate persona to attribute those feelings to. It's not their fault; we're all brought up this way. It's a simple psychological defense mechanism which lets them alleviate the inner turmoil that could result when his feelings contradict his beliefs which were drilled into his brain since birth.
.Lots of stuff here that I agree with, particularly the bolded bit. I am still guilty of this, it is hard to overcome 50 plus years of conditioning. We won't break that for generations.

Excellent thread, I'll be coming back to this, I will show my SO tonight and see if I can get her input.

[Valerie]

I have thought a lot about this question in its original form (I am glad the allusion to schizophrenia was flagged immediately as a distraction [I would not trust that therapist!]), and can't come up with an easy answer. It may help that the word "person" comes from a mask used by dramatic actors which also served to amplify their voices (the sound). Playing different roles, different masks... They all can be adopted, embraced, at different moments, when needed, since they are required by the play. So where do I feel happier, connected to what force, energy, spirit, style, attitude, way of living? In the feminine world. My persons (my masks) are different, and I tune into a different world, where I feel more at home. Not identical, not the same, not different. It is beyond that.
228812

[ReineD]

Because a man does not want these things. What things? Dresses, shaving, painting my nails, wearing jewelry, high heels, etc. A man does not want these things. Women want these things. I want these things, thus I must be a woman, or at least have a woman inside.

I've observed this as well, both in my SO some years back and on this forum.

My SO used to not give himself permission to do things in guy mode that he felt were too feminine ... things like enjoying the arts, ballroom dancing, being looser with body language. I don't know why, perhaps he didn't want others to know how he felt inside. At the same time, my SO did not take an interest in sports I'm guessing because in his work field there are lots of men who don't have time for such things (it was OK to not be into sports).

In any event, I think that the list of gendered things changes for everyone, according to what individuals feel are feminine and masculine behaviors, although we all know that most behaviors do span both genders, i.e. women can enjoy sports and men can enjoy ballet. My SO told me a long time ago that his feminine expression gave him permission to do these things and the most obvious of these things, of course, is having an interest in feminine fashion. The other side of this, I believe, is also adopting behaviors that don't initially come naturally and that are the individual's definition of macho (which again varies among individuals depending on personal definitions). I think this is why so many people say they are dropping male behaviors when they in fact are dropping aspects of themselves that were forced to begin with, depending on how they thought males should behave.

Again using my SO as an example, over the years the real person came out whether dressed or not, and this is why my SO is exactly the same person no matter the presentation. He even did begin to take a little interest in sports eventually, perhaps because he noticed that I was interested in hockey, football, and soccer. Still, there are some things that change subtly when my SO is out in public for obvious reasons, like softening her voice a little and not sitting with legs splayed while wearing a skirt, which is understandable.

So I suppose it boils down to having rather rigid opinions about male and female gender roles and drawing a definitive line between the two. I've noticed many men who are not trans, give themselves permission to do things that a lot of CDers don't do. This is rather ironic.

[LelaK]

I agree that the answers to this topic seem very helpful.


Why do some [MtF]TG individuals treat [opposite gender expression] as if there is a WHOLE other person, if it is suppose to be the real him (you)?

Each of us is mind, or human consciousness, and we use our bodies to express ourselves to others (and somewhat to ourselves), so our bodies are like masks (similar to Valerie's idea). I've often said that we MtF CDs dress because we have good taste. That's meant kind of kiddingly, but also seriously.

I love beauty and many aspects of femininity and have an urge to express that in many ways, but including with my body, my mask, by crossdressing. I have my pragmatic, make-a-living mask and my beauty/CD mask and I hope to combine the two increasingly. I've only been CDing more seriously for the past year, so I haven't combined the two masks very much yet, but I think I'll have opportunity for that soon.

[mechamoose]

I guess I feel mostly like the same person. Different mannerisms come to the front depending on how I present, but I dress more manly or more girly depending on how I feel that day.

Chicken => Egg? Egg => Chicken?

We are both in here, we just take turns driving. }:>

-MM

[Badwolf]

I've noticed the same as well, and while I am guilty of having hidden parts of myself, I have always tried never to really say I'm not giving myself permission. It's also why seeing myself as one complete person is so important to me.


I've noticed many men who are not trans, give themselves permission to do things that a lot of CDers don't do. This is rather ironic.

[Pink Person]

It’s difficult to maintain a singular identity when you are conflicted or in conflict with other people. Trans people are constantly invalidated by most other people and very frequently can’t resist invalidating each other and themselves.

If it is impossible for a trans person to be trans because of the hostile environment or state of mind that person would have to endure to survive then what should that person do? The most common solution is to avoid the conflict. Wear a cisgender mask or two cisgender masks (each on alternate days for good measure).

Strong and brave trans realists who have embraced the truth of their trans identities will express them in a more stable and less fragmented manner because they have synthesized the different elements of their personalities.

[Rhonda Jean]

I've given a lot of thought to this topic. I've concluded that I don't know how to answer. I think that that in itself is a point worth entering into the discussion. It's such a straightforward question, seems like it's have a straightforward answer. There's not one.

I do different things, but that doesn't make my persona different. I could give examples of how I'm different, but different persona? I don't know. I think that would have to be answered by an outside observer.

[Ally 2112]

I myself know that i do act somewhat differently when im dressed .But when im in public i try as hard as i can to be all man