How much does your SO accept you?

[Kevyn53]

I've been reading a lot of posts from gals that talk about their spouse/SO accepting them or not. I have to update my status with my wife.

I have gotten such acceptance since I got to vent all the hidden feelings to her that lately she's the one suggesting days out for Kevyn, or geez your eyebrows need thinning (she's the one with the tweezers making them arch nicely). When we're in second-hand stores she continually comes up to me, whether I'm en femme or drab, and holds up a new blouse or skirt or shoes for me. She said I needed decent nylons the other day.

We had such a great day on our trip to the big city that I think she's having fun with "girl's day out." I'm learning to tell her that I appreciate her and all that she's done for me and that I'm trying to include her in all aspects of Kevyn.

One day she laid down for a nap and I got dressed while she was down. I was in my studio painting when she got up and she casually said, "Oh you're a girl!" and went about her weekend.

I am so blessed I can't express it completely.

I'd like to hear others relationships.

[kimdl93]

sounds like a lovely relationship, Kevyn. Over the years, I've felt that my wife was fairly accommodating and accepting. She even went so far as to invite a neighbor lady to join us on the patio for a glass of wine, while I was dressed. But she has been far less enthusiastic about the idea of going out, for example, or shopping or suggesting outfits. And more recently she pulled back even more, asking that I "take a break" from dressing for a while.

We went to a gender counselor - first her, then the two of us, and it really did seem to help, but we're sticking with the break for the moment. Just too many things going on in her life beside my stuff (work, kids, parents). I thought it best to let those other factors calm down before we try to reboot.

[Mistyjo]

Hi Kevyn
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your wife and thats a ture blessing
My wife is also very accepting she told me that if i wanted to dress everyday she was fine with it i dont because of work but its nice to know that i could she has also bought me makeup and we have gone shopping together both en-femme and drab. She taught me how to apply my makeup and i really like when she does my makeup for me

[biggirlsarah]

My wife is also very accepting, probably verging on encouraging, although she knew about Sarah before she ever met Colin, we got introduced by a mutual friend who's home I used to go to and get dressed (my previous wife would not accept), so my dressing was never an issue, I have said before I am truly blessed, she buys me clothes, She was out with a friend shopping and saw a top she commented to her friend "Oh that is so Sarah, she will absolutely love it ", it doesn't matter when she comes home whether I am male or female, we go shopping together, we go to the beauty parlour and have our legs waxed together, she does my hair for me, which i really enjoy, when I ask if I look alright, she says " I wouldn't let you out the house if you didn't " again I am truly blessed.

[bridget thronton]

More than I can reasonably expect. An occasional compliant on my dress or a gift of jewelry or clothing.

[stephNE]

I agree- a girl's day out with the SO makes me the happiest of all the things I do.

[Badwolf]

My SO was trying very hard at first, pulled back very hard for a long time, and after "outing" me to my mom, has become more accepting. Personally I still don't feel full support though, but part of that may be that while she's been more accepting again, we've both been very busy overall.

She has been willing to accept the fact that I like it when she takes over in bed sometimes, even though I love to drive her wild sometimes too. She's even also opened up more sexually to tell me a bit more of what she likes when I'm the one doing the work.

[Princess Grandpa]

I won the wife lottery. I broke a date to my senior prom in order to be able to go with her. This year we celebrated our 30th anniversary. Last year when I came to understand these needs in me she not only accepted it but has pushed me to stretch my comfort level. While at the same time making sure I understood that I shouldn't do anything that makes me too uneasy.

When all this started it was fine "but I don't want to give up time with my man". Well her man is gone replaced with this man woman hybrid thing I've come to realize I am. As we discuss our situation she continues to support, encourage, and push me. We have discussed the question "what if we found a cure" and she is most adamant that she would be very sad to see this part of our lives fade. She gets antsy and irritable days before I do if it goes too long between appearances of Rita.

Hug
Rita

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

You and I are SO very lucky. I probably won the wife lottery when many of us did. It's almost too good. I can do whatever I want. I do however do what it takes to protect her from any perceived embarrassment. Heck, her family knows about me and there have been no repercussions whatsoever. I just limit my CDing to only her presence.

Cheryl

[LARIE]

My wife is also accepting to a point or a "red line". After nine years of dressing probably 20/7, wig, bra, etc, the red line is toe nail polish and lipstick. Her comment is that "men don't wear lipstick". I accept her feelings even though I don't quite understand them. So I guess I'm still in the closet when it comes to my nails and lips.
We shop together for underthings, dresses, etc. She will pick out a dress or skirt that she thinks I will like. The bad part about shopping together, is that for every one item I buy, she buys three or four. That must be why she goes shopping with me. All in all, my wife is pretty good about my cding.

[traci_k]

Treasure those gals. Zero acceptance.

[Cheryl T]

I'm lucky enough to have full acceptance and assistance.
We share clothes, style advice, I do her eyebrows and suggest makeup advice (she wears little, a natural beauty) and the other day she asked me for suggestions for jewelry for an upcoming wedding we're attending. She's going to borrow mine while I get to be "drab for a day".

[Eringirl]

Interesting question. Thanks to all who have replied to date for your honesty. I many ways, I am very jealous. On the one hand, my wife is awesome. Fun to be with, we laugh a lot, have many things in common and have raised two incredibly successful and happy daughters. BUT....you know that was coming....she is not tolerant of Erin at all. I almost lost everything when I did come out to her. It frighten her too much...she didn't know what CD meant or why I did it, and didn't really want to know. She is very black and white on somethings, and this is one of them. She is extremely tolerant of lifestyle choices made by others, just not for me I guess. Her family background is military, clear roles, clear expectations, very traditional. They think they are liberal, but they aren't. I, on the other hand, blur lines easily. I do all the cooking, most of the grocery shopping, house work, work full time, plus other jobs. However, I am not a "handyman" (or should that be "handy gurl" ;) ). Power tools and me are just an insurance claim waiting to happen. But I am expected, as the "male" to mow the lawn, which I hate doing, shovel snow, which I hate doing, and other repairs, which I hate doing. Certainly not my preference for sure. I am the one that breaks down when one of our girls had issues (one broke her back when she was 11 (I was a mess), the other received death threats in high school, cops caught them though). Don't mess with me when it comes to protecting my girls - I get like a big ol' mama bear !! I get weepy when they are leaving after being home for a visit...My wife is very strong, maybe because I am not, so she does it to be strong for me???

So, it has been an interesting ride for sure. I do what I can to keep Erin's spirit alive, and try to contribute and assist other gurls when I can.

My two cents (Canadian) worth!

Erin

[LeannS]

You are so lucky to have an SO that accepts and helps you.
I could only wish that mine did.
We get along great and have a great time together and even shop for her clothes.
But not for me.

Leann

[Lady Catherine]

I don't feel she accepts 100%, but she tries and we talk and she never puts me down. She's growing with the idea instead of against it.

[devida]

My wife completely accepts me as being transgender but that does't mean she doesn't have opinions. She tells me if I wear bras, blouses, or skirts she doesn't like, or if she thinks my make up is unsubtle. She doesn't mind me having small tits but she objects to my being too busty. I actually consider her the expert at presenting non male, though to tell the truth she is sometimes so butch that I have a better idea of femininity! Her opinions aren't a problem. I am learning what it means to be non binary and so is she. It's a discussion which we both find interesting and exciting. I do, given the responses I see on this forum, feel incredibly fortunate. My wife turned 70 this year. How cool is it that she is so open and supportive?

[Dann12]

More than I accept myself.....thank you for sharing Kevyn65.

[Majella St Gerard]

totally 100%

[VAWyman]

Not one bit. If she finds any of my clothes they get thrown in a dumpster across town

[Melinda75]

I am very lucky also that my wife fully accepts Melinda. It was a little slow at first, but once we got past all the "usual questions" it has been great. She has no problem with my dressing and even encourages it. She shops for things for me and even likes to due my makeup somtimes. She even suggested and did shave my body lol.

[StephanieinSecret]

I just told my boyfriend a few weeks ago that I like to wear girls clothes sometimes, and that it can be a turn on for me. I am normally the sexually dominant one, and neither of us is in any way a stereotypical "queen", so he wasn't really excited about it. That being said, he could tell that I was feeling ashamed and embarassed and vulnerable, and he never put me down. It's just sorta "meh" to him. I haven't dressed in front of him yet. I'm probably going to start with some fairly tame panties as a sort of "come-on", and see how he feels. As a bonus, he loves the fact that he knows all of my secrets, and I know we are closer because of it.Overall, i feel good about telling him.

Much the same as the wives i'm reading about, he doesn't want to lose "his man". He has nothing to worry about when it comes to that- I just love to pretend sometimes, and I want him to come play with me. I'm optimistic about the future.

[Nadya]

I'm lucky enough to have a fiancé that takes me out for stuff like that. We've been shopping for me while I was in drab several times since I came out to her. I still have some shame to deal with since I can get embarrassed easily when she tries to pick stuff out for me (subtly) with people around. Glad to hear of your positive relationship. :)

[Laura J]

My wife seems to be slowly getting more accepting. She doesn't seem concerned with panties any more. I haven't usually done much more around her though. I'm too embarrassed.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together just after our 32nd wedding anniversary. We named her together and my wife has, literally, been teaching Tina what it is like to grow up as a girl. She treats Tina as a girlfriend at all times, really considering us two separate personalities. It couldn't be more perfect.

[Stephanie47]

When we were first married and before a child there was "bedroom play" with nylon nightgowns and garter belts & hosiery. When it became evident I was going further into cross dressing my wife was turned off. She could not understand why a guy would want to wear a bra when he has nothing to stuff into it. She was completely turned off. She was uncomfortable even watching "Tootsie." It's DADT. I don't know if she is aware of the extent of my wardrobe. She has not made any comments for many years, which is OK. But, it would be nice to have an accepting and supportive wife, but, alas, it will never be. Frankly, now.. I would probably decline any invitation to be en femme in front of her. After so many decades it would be really strange.

[Cheryl James]

Zero acceptance in my house. I am very envious of those of you who have wives that realize you are the same good person that she married. Only the wrapping paper is different sometimes.

[Brianna_H]

I just came out to my wife last night. We've been married for 10 years this coming Halloween. She's known I identify as bisexual since before we were married and she has some gender issues of her own, stemming from neglect and abuse as a child. Neither of us is the straightest arrow in the quiver, as I like to say.

I started out asking if she ever misses having a gal pal. She's pretty anti-social, with no close friends that live in the area. But she used to have a big girlfriend in high school who watched out for her. She said she didn't miss it much and asked why I wanted to know.

So, I took a deep breath and said, "Well, this is outta left field, but I've been thinking about it and doing research, and I think I'm a cross-dresser." She knew I pierced my ears, and I'm always crying at movies and sad stories, so it wasn't the biggest surprise in the world. In the end, she was ok with it as long as nothing was going to come between us. She lost her mom recently, who I loved a lot as well, and I totally reassured her that I'm not going anywhere. In fact, talking about my desires was part of making sure our relationship would stay healthy.

Later she even suggested on one of our vacations that we should go out one night with me all "dolled up" and her in a suit. My heart melted.

We talked about it off an on for the rest of the evening. I'm still going to take it slow and communicate with her about her comfort, but we're off to a great start.

I couldn't have done this without the community here and all the educational posts about talking with one's spouse. It helped me realize that I should not keep secrets. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

[MsVal]

I am blessed with a wife that wants to accept my crossdressing and tries very hard to do so. She has been accompanying me to therapy sessions, we have an open and frank dialog, she has purchased items and donated items to me, and on a recent vacation I dressed every day until it was time to go outdoors. We had breakfast, talked, and played board games exactly as if nothing was different.

The acceptance is not without conditions. MsVal is not welcome in the bedroom, nor are her hugs and kisses appreciated when enfemme. She is not to be revealed to family or anyone else except medical workers and other CDs.

My wife has known about my crossdressing since April of this year. Having this much support in merely 4 months is unimaginable. She is nothing short of incredible. I am trying very hard to match her kindness with kindness of my own and, frankly, having a hard time coming close.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Shawn_Always]

My wife and I are best friends and she has given me and shown me nothing short of unconditional love...acceptance of me is absolute, the dressing is going to take some time.

[Jenny Heals]

My wife is OK with it. I still feel a little insecure sometimes, but thats more on me than her I think

[MissTee]

Mine accepts and supports. Is perfectly comfortable with me dressed around the house. Were I to want to go out things would change.

[Shawn_Always]

My wife is also accepting to a point or a "red line". After nine years of dressing probably 20/7, wig, bra, etc, the red line is toe nail polish and lipstick. Her comment is that "men don't wear lipstick". I accept her feelings even though I don't quite understand them. So I guess I'm still in the closet when it comes to my nails and lips.
I painted my toes a very pretty shade of red a few months ago and since it was still winter she hadn't seen them. They were painted for about a week and I guess I got " too comfortable " and she spotted them. I don't think she was too happy, even though she said "oh, your toes look cute", her face said otherwise. I just think for her it was too soon.

[Eveyorkuk]

I can only hope my next attempt to be open and honest with my SO will be less painfull, for both of us, than the last. Is there a formula ?

[Eryn]

I also won the spouse lottery. Mimi is very accepting and supportive even though I suppressed this part of myself though our first 20 years of marriage. She's told me that she's in it for the long haul no matter where the path leads us.

We go out regularly. She is happy to give her opinion on my outfits and makeup. I value her advice because it keeps me grounded and at least partially out of the Pink Fog. She has encouraged me to open my horizons and try things that I otherwise wouldn't have considered.

It hasn't always been idyllic. Sometimes I've done things too fast and she's had a hard time assimilating it. We try to keep communications open and work through the rough spots.

[kymmieLorain]

My wife accepts me how ever I am. It think it is called love or something like that. Only complaint I have gotten is I buy more stuff for me than her. ( But I wear it she doesn't) but let's not open that can.

Kymmie

[Valerie Sparks]

My wife and I have sort of a "don't ask--don't tell" situation going on. She knows I under-dress every day but she doesn't want to hear about it. She doesn't go into my closet at all any more. I try to wear a male veneer every day but she doesn't say anything when my shirt has the buttons on the female side or I'm wearing hosiery instead of socks.

[Davida Kay]

I posted today on the new member forum about recently coming out to my SO in the beginning of our relationship. In response, she pledged her love and full support to my cross dressing. I know how blessed I am to have her support and acceptance. But this is new to both of us and I'm not sure how far this goes. Right now we are both comfortable in the privacy of our home, between us alone. Wherever it leads, we are determined to explore together.

[heatherdress]

My wife is 110% accepting and supportive. In fact, she is responsible for helping me discover that I was a crossdresser. I had no history of crossdressing. One day, we were shoe shopping and she asked me if I liked the high heels she was trying on. When I said yes, she asked me why. Then she asked how would I feel if I had my own pair of heels. Our discussion ended in her strongly suggesting that I buy a pair of sexy stiletto high heels for myself - to experience the feeling of wearing a pair of heels - and I nervously did. It was totally exciting. We both quickly discovered that how much I enjoyed wearing a pair of heels. She immediately added a pair of her stockings, then sexy boy shorts, a black lace top - and she started added lipstick, blush, eyeliner. She transformed me - and it was tremendous - exciting, sexy, scary, life-changing. We discovered "Heather", the name she gave her new female friend. My wife totally embrace this feminine discovery and growth. It has been fun and she knows how happy I am as Heather. Crossdressing has increased our intimacy. She loves me as Heather, buys me shoes, does my hair, shares her jewelry, participates in crossdressing events and encourages me to be Heather - every day. She goes beyond accepting my crossdressing. She likes me, enjoys me and even prefers me, as Heather.

[ringedjohn]

Heather you are really lucky.

I am an underdresser only - bra and panties every day and some of my sleepware is feminine. In winter I wear pantihose if it is really cold.

I would like to go futher than that but I choose not to push that boundary. I prefer to be accepted as just an underdresser. There are small changes for the better - such as lace and colours but a skirt or shoes would cross a line.

She is also OK with a single earring - a small stud - which I wear all the time, but more earrings would be a problem (I have three piercings in each ear).

[Samanthasmith]

She is not accepting at all. I wish I had the nerve to bring it up before we were married. Maybe she would be more accepting.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kevyn, It's a tolerated acceptance a DA/DT kind of thinggie.

My wife of 50yrs. knows all about my dressing and the three closets full of clothes
all the wigs and the 130+ pairs of shoes, BUT she just don't want to see me when I'm dressed up.
The funny thing is that she will borrow something sometimes.
I dress about three hrs. in the Morning and a couple hrs. in the Evening.
I know my boundaries and stay within them and life is great.

[JocelynRenee]

This is such a heartbreaking topic. I am so thankful forums like this exist to lend support. I wish I had all the answers, but every situation is unique. I am very blessed to have a supportive wife, and I try to remember that I have to support her in this as well. A long time ago she told me that the biggest hurdle for her was she felt she had to compete with Jocelyn. She has to compete with her for time with Charlie and she has to compete with Jocelyn's looks. Regrettably I simply didn't understand this for a long time. Time spent with Jocelyn IS time spent with Charlie. It's the same person, just different clothes. As for competing on looks, that's just silly. Right?

Thankfully I came to my senses. She didn't marry a woman and over time more and more her husband was becoming feminine through shaved legs and chest to thin, arched brows. It wasn't until we were looking through old pictures that I realized just how different her husband had come to look over the years. The most shameful part was the fact that I simply gave no thought to her concern over competing with Jocelyn on looks. It's a simple fact that she is a far better looking woman than I can ever hope to be. But emotions aren't always based on facts. For us upgrading her wardrobe did wonders for her self-confidence. It took awhile, but we have come a long way and the lines of communication are strong and open.

[mariehart]

It's early days yet. She's still coming to terms with it or at least getting used to the idea. On the one hand she said she didn't have a problem with me underdressing and keeping clothes in my drawers. But then she saw a pair of shoes, that I'd left out and it bothered her. The panties thing began to bother her too and she doesn't want to see me wearing more feminine underwear although panties that look less fem are ok.

I think time will tell whether she simply ignores it or begins to accept it. The next time we go shopping might give me an idea as I'm bound to see something I like. Her reaction will tell me something.

I'm hopeful.

[EllenJo]

My sweet wife has amazed me over the last 18 months. She knew from the beginnng and was fine with underdressing but everything else was DADT. She would even buy matching panties for us and would lay out matching pairs everyday so we could share our little secret even when we were apart. 18 months ago she suddenly told me that she did not care what I wore around the house as long as I didn't wear wigs or makeup around her. This is fine with me. She is an incredible woman and in many discussions since then she has said that when I am dressed I am more like her best friend. Much calmer and more caring. She gives me her opinions on clothes and even said she wished my male wardrobe was more colorful like my female wardrobe. I am very careful about the pink fog and have to really restrain myself. I recently purchased a darling eyelet peasant blouse with beautiful lace trim. I have not worn it for her yet since I want to match it with the perfect long tiered skirt. She thinks this is funny since she is the same way when she is putting together an outfit.

Like everything in our relationship she is amazing. She has had severe health problems for the last 2 years and our sex life is pretty much gone. She told me recently that if I wanted to have an affair she would understand. I explained to her that I had no need. We shared an incredible amount of intimacy and that I was fine being her friend, her care giver and that she is the love of my life.

I know I am one of the lucky ones here. It took a lot of time and patience but every minute of everyday I thank God for allowing me to know this incredible loving woman.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Athena_]

My wife is strictly DADT. She has referred to my cross dressing as a "curious habit", and has said that she has no interest in seeing it. While I certainly appreciate that she did not leave me after discovering my stash, I still hope for a bit more than DADT. I should have told her much earlier in our relationship, but you can't change the past.

[ginafaye]

total ..to the point if tried to give it up ,she would keep buying me "candy"

[SO1Adam12]

Once again, I hope you don't mind a SO weighing in...I was surprised (to say the least) when my SO began revealing his CDing urges to me. It was all very gradual and stayed restricted to the bedroom. We took a year off from each other an just this year when we began seeing each other again his CDing escalated. I have always been OK with it as long as it stayed in the bedroom, but he recently began having urges to go public. I took him for his first and much needed pedicure (even for a non-CDer) and he had me ask to have his toes painted the same as mine. I felt uncomfortable because the poor lady was so embarrassed. I stated in another post that he wants me to help him go public in what is a gay friendly town we visit often. This was too much for me. I'm ok with it being something between us, but going public would be way too stressful. He would count on me to fend off any negative attention (that's the man's job, btw) and I would be on edge the whole time. I've also been informed by a gay friend that gay bars are not always female friendly, so they may be OK with him but not me.

I do buy him clothes and lingerie because I know he enjoys it and helps him relax and I'm not freaked out when he dresses, although I don't believe he has adopted a female persona - yet. He wants to believe it turns me on, but really just seeing him relax is the only enjoyment I get from it. We don't live together and because we both have demanding jobs with long hours we don't usually see each other during the week so it's not something I have to deal with daily. I'm not sure how I would feel if if he dressed for dinner every night.

The truth is, when we are out I enjoy him being the man, opening the door for me, holding my chair, giving me his arm when I'm in high heels, taking my hand and guiding me through a crowd and making sure no inappropriate attention is sent my way. Thanks to the advice and support I've received from many on this site I know that is exactly what I need to tell him.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

While I certainly appreciate that she did not leave me after discovering my stash, I still hope for a bit more than DADT.

Do you mind if I ask why? My H was the same for many years, always hoping and pushing for me to join in this part of his life. Thing is, it's really not my thing AT ALL, and I actually liken it now to being forced to watch a sport I can't stand. Every day. Over and over again. I feel totally within my rights to tell my H that I don't want to watch said sport, so why is crossdressing any different?

I think many here forget that we're all individuals, wives included, and what is fun and interesting and important to you may not be for someone else. Women's clothing is actually pretty dull for many of us women, as you can imagine. Sometimes it's just healthier for spouses to have separate interests so why not just accept the acceptance she's offered and let it go??

[Betty IA]

My SO is very accepting and encouraging on the surface, but only when the issue comes up or is brought about by me, but then again she is pretty passive about most things.

[Karan]

I have a geat wife. She is more accepting, proactive and supportive of my crossdressing than I am.

[Isabella Ross]

Complete and unreserved support from my wife. I know, however, that I have to keep the balance...she loves and accepts me as a woman, but also adores me as a man...

We are the lucky ones. I'm always aware that others are far less unfortunate...please don't think for a second I'm gloating; I'm always sad for those with SOs that do not condone.

Having said that, I wonder how many closeted girls would find to their surprise that they would be accepted, if they could get over their fears of coming out to their wives.

[Mia27]

My SO accepts me completely:) i am pretty lucky:) She lets me dress in front of her whenever i'd like. But i keep it limited of course:) im not sure she would like to join me on going out in public:) but she has helped me come out to many of my friends and family:) she lends me clothes and advice and even makeup!:) on a scale 1 to 10. she supports me at a 9:)

[Kris Avery]

I won the wife lottery. I broke a date to my senior prom in order to be able to go with her. This year we celebrated our 30th anniversary. Last year when I came to understand these needs in me she not only accepted it but has pushed me to stretch my comfort level. While at the same time making sure I understood that I shouldn't do anything that makes me too uneasy.

When all this started it was fine "but I don't want to give up time with my man". Well her man is gone replaced with this man woman hybrid thing I've come to realize I am. As we discuss our situation she continues to support, encourage, and push me. We have discussed the question "what if we found a cure" and she is most adamant that she would be very sad to see this part of our lives fade. She gets antsy and irritable days before I do if it goes too long between appearances of Rita.

Hug
Rita

I also have won the wife lottery and I'm not just saying that in passing.

While she does NOT ever push me to stretch my comfort level (that would be interesting) - she is the most supportive SO I can ever imagine.
We have only been married for 7 years but it feels like forever (and in a good way).

I love your "man woman hybrid thing" comment. I like to say I'm 'deliciously different' but perhaps we are talking about the same kind of thing.

My SO actually likes to see Wendy most of the time, and about 30% of the time she actually gets turned on in the most profound way.
There is only about 20% of the time where she asks Wendy to get naked and often then the adhesive forms can stay.

Change anything and accept a 'cure'. We both say "no way". This is the absolute peak of the acceptance curve if you ask me.

[Windsong]

Yes many of us tend to forget that we are individuals. There are some sports programs on Television that I do not watch nor am I interested in them in any way shape or form....it is as if I am being pressured into accepting my partners CD-ing ... and believe me the pressure is always there and GETTING STRONGER EVERY DAY an its so uncomfortable. I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF HAVING A 'SISTER' AS A PART OF MY RELATIONSHIP....'A MENAGE A TROI' I am being dragged into this even though I do state that I do not want this to expand further than the DADT. I heartily agree with having some separate interests....being joined at the hip all the time and doing 'everything' together is not healthy. Other than this rant my relationship is wonderful. Part of me wants to get over this initial hump and move forward with our relationship stronger and part of me is kicking and silently screaming "I don't want this". Who knows what is to become of us?? Had to get this rant out as it has been building for some time....thanks for your understanding...reading your posts is helping me to understand and inform me better....many thanks

[Athena_]

Do you mind if I ask why? My H was the same for many years, always hoping and pushing for me to join in this part of his life. Thing is, it's really not my thing AT ALL, and I actually liken it now to being forced to watch a sport I can't stand. Every day. Over and over again. I feel totally within my rights to tell my H that I don't want to watch said sport, so why is crossdressing any different?

I think many here forget that we're all individuals, wives included, and what is fun and interesting and important to you may not be for someone else. Women's clothing is actually pretty dull for many of us women, as you can imagine. Sometimes it's just healthier for spouses to have separate interests so why not just accept the acceptance she's offered and let it go??

Tink,

I am grateful for all of your insights. You raise a fair point. The sport comparison is crystal clear.

I guess my response would be that this is not something that I think I can change about myself. I deeply care about my wife and I guess I just want to share this very personal part of me. Her opinion and respect is something that I treasure. I am aware that she never signed up for my "curious habit", but I am hoping for some sort of experimentation or compromise. If DADT is all she can handle, I respect that. I can just wish for more. :hugs:

[Kris Avery]

Yes many of us tend to forget that we are individuals. There are some sports programs on Television that I do not watch nor am I interested in them in any way shape or form....it is as if I am being pressured into accepting my partners CD-ing ... and believe me the pressure is always there and GETTING STRONGER EVERY DAY an its so uncomfortable. I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF HAVING A 'SISTER' AS A PART OF MY RELATIONSHIP....'A MENAGE A TROI' I am being dragged into this even though I do state that I do not want this to expand further than the DADT. I heartily agree with having some separate interests....being joined at the hip all the time and doing 'everything' together is not healthy. Other than this rant my relationship is wonderful. Part of me wants to get over this initial hump and move forward with our relationship stronger and part of me is kicking and silently screaming "I don't want this". Who knows what is to become of us?? Had to get this rant out as it has been building for some time....thanks for your understanding...reading your posts is helping me to understand and inform me better....many thanks


Windsong:
You have my complete sympathy.

I would not dare to recommend what to do in your particular case.
I will only speak in general terms of how I have worked as a CD with my SO.

I do not sit in judgment - I'm only here offering a "time out" and recommend reflection on these items.

I can tell you these items below are based on a marriage that did not work (where these items were NOT applied) and one that does work (where these items WERE applied)

There are key elements necessary for a positive, successful, and happy long-term union of two people (CD being in the picture or not - it does not matter).

-- Show respect for the other individual's needs and wishes
-- Vocalize and address boundary issues
-- Compromise - always be willing to give more than you take -- with everything
-- Do NOT put yourself first - ever (see above)
-- Be willing to accept that things are going to change over time
-- Be able/willing to adapt to these changes
-- Talk every day about your problems
-- Set mutual goals and measure your progress

In the end it's a value proposition where both people must feel blessed and that they are lucky to have each other.
If you 'make this happen' - the rest falls into place. Both must do this for it to work.

Final thought:
A wise man once told this girl "you learn little when your mouth is moving".
I have taken this to heart ever since - and I *really* hate to admit it, but it works.

Best of wishes and good luck.

[im-sparkles]

My so is cool with it. She doesn't understand it but she's fine with it. We talk about it and share our feelings . However when she wants her man she wants her man! Which is fine with me. Its works well with us. We shop together all the time ,talk about cloths ,makeup,shoes. Just like girlfriends but i give her my man side when she needs it.

[Di]

I am the S O and would say I am totally accepting :love:
Sherlyn is free to be....We go out....we just live our life We have no boundys ....we have no need for any .
BASICALLY it is just part of our life together.....just us being us.

[terrianncd]

I'm one of the lucky one's who has a completely supportive wife/partner. She understands that she loves and lives with a female trapped in the wrong body. I did not hide this from her from day one when we were first dating. We shop for each other, have fun, respect each others talents..ect. In fact, she is somewhat male in the things she likes to do, for example, Patty has her own tractor with a backhoe, is a better builder than I am, likes getting dirty while wearing old ripped up tshirts..you get to idea. We, together make a great team and do not worry so much about classic gender roles in our house. We are just who we are and if I want to work all day wearing a 50's dress and petticoat while she builds a pond in the yard, that's just us living our life. Oh, and our neighbors just love us. In fact they will come over for the fashion show that I have been known to put on....lol I wish more of us could just be happy, afterall it's just clothes.

[shelly1]

my wife is okay with it as long as I stay in the house and do not let anybody else know that I dress

[Coping2014]

I have read through all the threads and wonder what my husband thinks of my support? I like to think I'm trying on the outside it looks like I support it (I have helped him buy things and have said he can do what he needs as far a dressing but limits are no kids (his limit) and not in the bedroom(my limit) but inside I'm still completely confused and just don't get it! I wished I could understand the need of this. I am not sure how I feel about him wanting to go out in public - that scares the HECK out of me and I would NEVER want him to do it ANYWHERE around where we live (we'd need to travel 5 plus hours to be sure - we live rural and even the next towns over we all know one another and the larger ones everyone travels to when they want to get away, you always see people we know there)

In a few of the posts I hear my wife loves her new girlfriend? I know I don't want that - I can't look at him(not litteraly but figuratively) with a different persona. I married a man and I want to spend time with him and I don't mind the new him - I do like some of the changes in him - like us being able to talk about anything, him being more emotional and touchy feely with me, and I love that he trusts me with something so personal. We were talking the other day - there was a time when we BOTH said out loud that we had wished "he had never said anything to me" but now we both agree that we are in a much better place now and we both feel we love eachother more because of having to work through this so (even though I struggle with the clothing aspect) I do love him more - I just don't want that male (bit of a Neanderthol) to go away all together because if we are being complete honest - he turns me on! Sorry TMI!?! :)

Coping2014

[Vanessa5]

Although my wife seems to be more tolerant right now she is prone to throwing it in my face and insulting me.

[Ginger Jameson]

My wife accepts everything about me, whether it involves dressing or anything else. I'm a lucky SOB. :D

[Tinkerbell-GG]

- I just don't want that male (bit of a Neanderthol) to go away all together because if we are being complete honest - he turns me on! Sorry TMI!?! :)



I feel the same - I don't really understand those who say their wives have a sister and a husband and they love it. I have an actual sister and don't need another...what I don't have spare is another husband! And I'm sure not attracted to my sister either...my real one, OR my H's version!

I admire those here who can just live the life they desire with their equally content spouse. I also assume this was part of the attraction for each other? For me, my H attracted me as a MAN and this crossdressing side wasn't part of my decision. When I found out the two go together it was a disappointing moment, for sure, but like you I also felt special that he shared this with me. Doesn't help the basic reality that this isn't what I wanted in a partner, but we work around it.

Still...on the flip side of all these comments here, I too wonder what it must be like to be in a marriage with a man who doesn't crossdress and who accepts fully that I'm a heterosexual woman who has no need for extra femininity in my life, who actively appreciates the masculine balance a husband gives me. My H can't understand my problems with his dressing - he respects them but he doesn't really get my side of things any more than I get his.

I can only imagine what it's like to be completely in sync with your spouse. All I can suggest is the future generations of crossdressers and the like put their cards on the table very early in the relationship so they too can have the sort of relationship many of us crave.

[Amanda1128]

Mine doesn't know. But am pretty sure she wouldn't click the like button.