"The Boys Don't Care" / 18 Day HRT Update

[dreamer_2.0]

A woman at the office got engaged recently and was showing off her ring yesterday. She went around to other women getting plenty of oooo's and ahhhh's. When she got closer to me and another guy one of the women piped up while looking at me, "Don't bother with them, the boys don't care."

Heh. This was an odd slap in the face. Kind of ironic too hearing it directed towards me. I know it shouldn't bother me but it was once again the world reaffirming my maleness and associated stereotypes. It hurt.

Strange how such small comments can cut so deep.

On one level I'm mad at her for making the comment but how could she know? She may have just been trying to be funny.

Frankly I'm more disappointed in myself for not saying anything to challenge the comment. Instead I did as I normally do and passively played along as if the offending comment were true. I never did see the ring and apparently care too much.

Later that day, after work, I went to the vet with a few coworkers to pick up one of their cat's who got neutered. The two other guys with me were extremely sympathetic to the cat who is now without his "boys". The vet commented guys often respond like this. The girl with us commented, "that's normal for guys though isn't it? I don't think any guy wants to lose his parts." The two guys (one very gay the other very straight) were both quite vocal in their agreement. I stood there in silence and merely nodded.

It's going to be very interesting when I finally come out to these people...

In other news, I've been in HRT for 18 days now (actually it's been 18 days, 451.5 hours, or 27,097 minutes. But hey, who's counting?). There is so much to report but I'll try to keep it short with a visual exercise.

Picture, if you will, an open field with the sun high in the sky and birds circling around overhead. My HRT experience thus far is represented by that dead tumbleweed rolling along in the wind....and are those birds actually buzzards?

Ok perhaps there isn't much to report. Nothing actually. Absolutely nothing. *sigh*

Now I realize in the grand scheme of things, 18 days is barely anything and I'm on what appears to be a small dose. I understand changes won't occur until perhaps a few months in. But even still I was expecting...something. Anything! Some sort of indication that my body is acknowledging the sudden decrease in testosterone and increase in estrogen.

I've come across a few accounts saying that starting HRT was like turning on the light-switch in their head. Sure hope my switch isn't broken.

The GD is as strong as ever, perhaps stronger now that I'm on HRT and have to learn to accept its limitations. I'm concerned their effect will be minimal at best (it's a crap shoot after all) and I'll end up always being a man in a dress.

This tunnel is long and dark. There is a small prick of light far off in the distance but I don't know how far or what the light will reveal.

I kind of feel like Wile E Coyote who just ran off a cliff and is just floating in mid-air before gravity takes hold and sends me plummeting down towards...something. Am I about to fall to my death or is there a tiny Acme trampoline down there that will save me and allow the hunt for the roadrunner (womanhood, I suppose) to continue?

Although come to think of it, the coyote never caught the roadrunner, right? Perhaps this wasn't the most optimistic analogy.

228762

[Cheyenne Skye]

I had a similar experience a few months ago before I came out at work. For context, I work in a restaurant as a cook and sometimes have to call out side orders to cooks on other stations. So one day I called down to the fry station that I needed a side of sweet potato fries. I got no reply. So I waited a few minutes and asked the guy if he heard my call. He said "No, you need to sound off like you've got a pair." To which I responded, "I don't have them anymore." We both laughed at the whole thing but of course I was thinking, "If you only knew". Nowadays, this same guy still talks and jokes with me but he intentionally leaves out gender references whenever possible.

People throw around stereotypes and slurs as if they are perfectly acceptable in everyday conversation. They don't think it will hurt anyone's feelings. Not until, of course, they are face to face with someone who is offended. That is when you find out a person's true colors. They can either be dismissive to you or apologize and make attempts to avoid these situations in the future. But it is still up to you how much you wish to tolerate and whether you think it is worth pursuing. Personally, I don't think that is the sort of person I would want to hang around with though.

[stefan37]

If you are presenting and working as a male. Why would you be offended if your co workers to address you as such?

[dreamer_2.0]

If you are presenting and working as a male. Why would you be offended if your co workers to address you as such?

Really? I honestly don't know if I should take this question seriously.

[stefan37]

You are not out at work. You have a male legal name. You present and work as male. You have only been on hormones for a half month. How are your co-workers supposed to know anything is any different than a week, a month, a year ago?

If you plan on transitioning in place you'll need a thick skin. It will take a very, very long time before they think of you as female. And to be honest many never will.

I ask these questions not to be flippant. Transition is a brutal process. It takes a long time for hormones to take effect. You will need to unlearn many male mannerisms you have developed over the years. You just don't take hormones and wala you are female and those around you will perceive you as such. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

[dreamer_2.0]

Fair enough, on many points.

I guess it offended me despite my male image because it was such a quick yet powerful reminder of what I currently am. I was there, happy and in the moment with everyone around the ring but then it was taken away so quickly by the fact that my external appearance says male. You're right, I have a very long road ahead. Frankly I'm not looking forward to it. Though I suppose others feel similar.

Thick skin. Heh. That is something I definitely don't have.

[arbon]

Is it an offensive? or more like you just wanting to be validated for who you are (which is very understandable)? It was harder for me once I was transitioning, HRT actually made it worse in that I was much more sensitive to those types of things. I did not have a lot of relief from GD until I was free to be myself and have my identity validated by others.

[Badtranny]

Dreamer, you look like a dude and everybody knows you as a straight dude so being "hurt" by this is just silly. I understand that you may not be ready to come out just yet but you could have simply said, "hey, not all guys are clueless, I'm totally interested" or something to that effect and no one would have been the wiser.

Instead you chose to play the macho role and you got exactly what you ordered.

Stefan is a 50+ year old transitioner who owns a construction company, and she came out and is transitioning in front of EVERYONE who knew "him". She is what I like to call a 'rugged broad' and she knows a thing or two about some pretty offensive shit. Sometimes the questions and comments get pointy in this forum, but do yourself a favor and make an effort to take what people like her say to heart. She is a valuable resource.

We are only here to help.

[dreamer_2.0]

*sheepish*

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I think being offended is not really valid. But I can see how it made you feel a slap inn the face. It's like a big ole reminder of how your gender is not ever reflected back at you

I would urge you to remember how this felt every time you doubt yourself M

[Michelle789]

Dreamer,

I feel that way too when I am presenting as male, and people refer to me as "he" or "sir". I also feel that way when I talk to my parents, and they call me by my male name and refer to me as their son. I am not out to my family, or to anyone whom I present as male in front of. It really sucks when they do that, as it invalidates who I really am, but I have learned to live with it, and I cannot possibly expect anyone who only sees me as male to accept me as female.

This is largely why I spend lots of time in the trans community, because I get that validation from my trans friends, as well as at the LGBT church that I go to - the cis gays and lesbians also gender me correctly too. I really love it, and it validates who I really am.

I completely feel your pain, and am just learning to suck it up until people start seeing me as female, which can only happen if I present as female, I allow them time, I take hormones and pass better, I feel more confident about myself

[becky77]

This stuff takes years! I'm sorry but what did you expect in 18 days? Also you need to change your mind set for them to help you.
If someone is depressed and living in a dark room, never coming out and never interacting with the world. Anti-depressants alone will not make that glum existence tolerable.
Same with hormones, they are an aid to help you with the process, not a cure in themselves.

If your going to consider transition you need to start letting your barriers down. Stop playing the stereotype, make an effort to push yourself and let your personality out. "Can I have a look at your ring please"
"Oh ok, didn't think you would be interested"
"Shows what you know about me then" and laugh.

It takes hard work and a lot of time.
First step stop being who you think you should be and start being you. Worried they might start thinking you odd? Or gay?
Well get over it I'm afraid, it will get a whole lot worse before it gets better.

[Angela Campbell]

Thick skin. Heh. That is something I definitely don't have.


You will develop this over time. You have no choice. If you think being treated as a man while living as one is hard, wait until you go full time and this happens. Especially once the hormones have fully awakened your emotions. Thick skin and a lot of patience and determination, hopefully you can get there but it isn't easy or pain free.

[Starling]

I'm not anywhere near full time right now, but I can testify that those times I have been treated as a woman have filled me with hope for the future. I've had a few weird looks too, but no one can take away the gentle smiles and caring touches I've received from friends and strangers alike. That's why it's especially hard not to be able to live as myself for real, but have to pretend to be a boy. I'd gladly suffer occasional slurs in exchange for not having to oscillate between truth and lies. Everything about passing for male sucks.

:) Lallie

[Persephone]

If you think being treated as a man while living as one is hard, wait until you go full time and this happens. Especially once the hormones have fully awakened your emotions.

Amen! That's when it really hurts.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Aprilrain]

If you were genuinely interested in your coworkers ring you should have said something. Frankly I would have been like, yawn, oh joy another breeder! But that's just me. Now I get to politely pretend that I'm interested.

As for the HRT, you can have patients or not, either way it's going to take years not months to see the changes through to fruition. Yeah you'll start to notice some things, maybe even in a couple of months but that, my friend, is just the tip of the iceberg.

[GabbiSophia]

Dreamer I can tell you first hand that waiting for that switch is setting yourself up to fail. I am 3 months in and no "switch" has been turned on that makes the mental stuff easier. My GD has gotten worse and I am in a roller coaster all the time emotionally. My wife knows fully my intentions and to hear her call me male is a slap but hey that's still what she sees. The longer I am on hormones the more I see the need to come out and move on in order to mitigate the GD. This is just what I am experiencing and just like you I was hoping the hormones would turn on a switch in my head to make me feel better. Hate to say it but they are right ... you just kinda feel better the more you except yourself and move forward... at least that is what I am experiencing even if I am fighting to go slow. Good luck with it all though

[dreamer_2.0]

Thanks for your comments everyone. Some of them are a little tough to read but as you're all much further than I am, I trust your words.

[arbon]

Dreamer don't worry about the comments here, you feel what you feel that all it is. Just feelings.
I made a similar post here (or maybe a few!) years ago and got the same responses.

It will get worse! so, yep. You'll only become more sensitive about these things as you get closer to being able to freely be yourself. You'll get tougher to though.

What Angela said, lots of patience and determination.

[Marleena]

Dreamer I didn't see anything wrong with your post. I see you moving into womanhood. Your friends see you as one of the guys still. I have a feeling finding out you are TG will be an awakening and learning experience for them. Hopefully you'll be treated with respect as a woman by them. You are just beginning your journey.

I remember many years of trying to fit in and impress "the boys". For me it was a matter of survival after losing friends for admiring the girls and their lives. I was kicked out of a friend's house when they overheard me saying how lucky girls are to be girls. We conform to what our parents and peer groups expect of us until we discover our truth. Most people don't know how to deal with a TG/TS person because they've never encountered one before.

Oh and I don't see anybody trying to be cruel, just harsh reality that you're in for a tough ride like everybody else. So try to see it for what it is.

[Rianna Humble]

I feel that way too when I am presenting as male, and people refer to me as "he" or "sir". I also feel that way when I talk to my parents, and they call me by my male name and refer to me as their son. I am not out to my family, or to anyone whom I present as male in front of. It really sucks when they do that, as it invalidates who I really am, but I have learned to live with it, and I cannot possibly expect anyone who only sees me as male to accept me as female.

The last phrase that I have quoted is the most important IMNSHO. WHy shoudl anyone to whom you are not out and to whom you are therefore presenting as a male validate you as a female? They are not the ones invalidating who you are.