Slowly outing myself

[rocketscientist]

Yes, I am slowly outing myself. Even tho I'm not sure I am ready for that it seems to be happening anyway. I haven't really came out to too many people here in my little podunk town. A funny thing happened yesterday while I was rollerblading downtown. I saw a couple teenage guys. One was on a bicycle and the other was on a scooter of some kind. As I passed them on the sidewalk the one on the scooter said "heyy sexy!" with a huge sh*t eating grin. Problem is, I was in drab mode! Wondering if the kid is one of my neighbors and may have seen me entering or exiting my house after dark? I have been doing that a lot lately. I get home from work and get the urge to dress. I wait until daylight fades then sneak out my back door under the cover of darkness and walk a block or two. It's been really nice warm evenings here lately so I have been wearing some cute little outfits on my last few forays. Stuff like miniskirts and modest wedge heels, cutout shoulders top with yoga shorts while jogging, etc. I also think that many more are aware of me than I know. The strange thing is that I'm not really worried about it like I used to be. Maybe I've just become more comfortable with my alter ego. I dunno for sure. My best friends know SOMETHING is going on, but they never ask me directly. It's like the elephant in the room sometimes. I don't think I'm ever gonna transition or anything but I am sure that my femme side isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if at all. And you know what? I really don't want it too! I guess only time will tell. Is anybody else losing their fight to stay closeted?

[RenneB]

Well my dear Dr. Jekyll it appears that Ms. Hyde is making herself known...... LOL. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's generally not a matter of if we come out, it's a matter of when we come out. You know, I'm in the same spot as you on this journey, living the best of both worlds. I'd play along with the comments.

A comment from some boy kid while in drab may be responded with "come on back sweetie.. .you're a cute one" ...

Just saying.....

Renne.....

[Badwolf]

I randomly wear heels out in male mode sometimes so you could say that. I just don't see it as a fight to stay closeted. I'm winning the fight to be myself.

[kimdl93]

Hmmm, probably had more to do with them being teens that with anything they might have seen or heard in the neighborhood.

I was surprised to learn that you weren't thinking about transition. From many posts, holidays enfemme with family, outings with friends and so on, I was under the impression that you were well on your way out. Was That a mistaken impression?

[Nadya]

Really, who cares what teenaged think anyway? :P It was probably something unrelated to them knowing what you do. Being out isn't necessarily a bad thing though, is it? :)

[rocketscientist]

Kim, I can see how that conclusion could be made. I am en femme most times I am away from my home area. But I have been venturing out more locally lately, taking much more chances to be seen and branded. For better or worse. Maybe if I was twenty some years younger things might be different. But the truth is I enjoy both sides of me.

[Ressie]

Is anybody else losing their fight to stay closeted?

I don't want to be outed to family members, so I don't go out dressed where I live. The other day my uncle was across the street talking with one of my neighbors, so word will get out if even my neighbors see me sneaking out dressed. But I wonder how many people already suspect that I'm a CD. How many acquaintances have seen me in the ladies department freely looking at dresses, bras etc.? I don't seem to care if people have suspicions but I don't want to be seen dressed.

I'm more lax about it than I used to be, and if I get confronted by someone I'd probably just admit it.

[GeminaRenee]

Yeah, I think about this sometimes too. The farther I get with my dressing, the more of a pain it becomes to bother with hiding everything. So, I don't worry about it as much. For example, this week, I just decided to openly wear toenail polish when going about my day. Not a complete tell, obviously, but taken in concert with other cues like shaved legs, the informed person could certainly make a deduction.

I've also started going out more frequently, which leads to more opportunities to be seen by the neighbors. For example, the other night I left my place while is was still light out. I have a front and a back door. The front door, which I normally use, is about 50 feet from my parking space. It is also surrounded by nosy neighbors. So I thought I would be smooth and park my car on the other side, farther away. Except that there is a playground on that side, and while it's not something I usually notice, there were kids playing there on Saturday. Luckily, they bounced before I was ready to walk out the door. But I still felt stuck between a rock and a hard place for a minute.

Anyway, the bolder you are, the more inevitable it is that people will find out. Luckily, I find as I get older, I care less and less about the potential reality of that happening.

(:

[samantha rogers]

I figure it is only a matter of time before this takes care of itself. My own hair is getting longer every day. I expect soon I can begin to forgo the wig. My body is changing, and my chest is becoming obvious. My body is hair free, and this summer I am in shorts and short sleeves most days. My everyday drab hardly looks so drab anymore.
I figure a lot of people I work with must know something is up. Regardless, I no longer care. I know I need to have a talk soon with my son and daughter. Ive put that off as long as I could. Other than them, i don't honestly care what anyone else thinks. So, I guess what this means is that I am getting more and more careless....or should I say...carefree?

[StephanieDragg]

hi sweetie hope all is doing well, sounds like you are very comfortable and getting even more comfortable, I found as I let friends know there was never a downside, they seemed honored that I shared such personal information with them, although as it was probably more benefit for me as I was tired of loosing my fem time as these people close to me were around I figured they might as well know to make it easier for me to do what I enjoy doing. My oldest son has been going out with a very nice new gf and he kept asking when are you gonna tell Nicole and take her out shopping, finally he told me that he told her and of coarse she was totally fine with it, the other nite my youngest son (16) came home just after I did after being out and I was in another room, but he knew I was dressed up and finally I said, well are you ready to see me in person this way? and he said sure and he just smiled and said wow you look great! we talked a bit and of coarse that made me feel great. After a bit I guess I got to the point where I don't care either what people think as I get in and out of my car or travel where ever, I also live in a small town but usually do my shopping in city next door but have had numerous occasions literally face to face to sister in law, neighbors, etc, but figured they never recognized me at all. Well I always wish you luck and remember if these people are your good friends now, they probably still will be no matter what you wear. Take care sweetie!

[Beverley Sims]

Tonya,
I think most of us are slowly outing ourselves.

[CynthiaD]

Fight to stay closeted? Oh dear! I lost that one a long time ago. In fact, I gave up without a fight, because losing was so much more fun than winning. :)

[Pink Susan]

Some fantastic replies here

I'm getting very slack , I used to hide my true self so carefully on my home turf .. now I go out with clear nail polish . ladies boots , jeans , along with panties , pantyhose , camisole top etc (naturally). Nails are longer , hair longer , all body hair shaved every day .someone is bound to notice soon (perhaps they already have )
My daughter returns home soon after a year away , .My Pink bedspread is staying put , my panties drawer / pantyhose/stocking drawer / lingerie drawer , are staying put .
My ever increasing array of frocks , skirts , petticoats are staying in the wardrobe nicely ironed .. no longer hidden in suitcases , why should I??
Assorted creams , lotions , usually associated with GG's are staying on my bedside table


Neighbours too may well have noticed me coming and going fully dressed "en femme"

I no longer care too much ..perhaps I want people to know the real me , not the fake me