Beware What You Wish For

[StephanieC]

In 2010, I stood in front of the Trevi Fountains and wished the next time I was there I'd be fully transitioned. Many times, I've wondered about starting over again. I may have that chance.

Today, I received a job offer on the west coast, relocating me halfway across the continent. I alone would move. It would mean moving away from friends and family. And the climate (and culture) would be quite different.

On one hand, I am excited: I have a chance to be who I want to be without any history, without preconceptions. No one will be be seeing someone who "has changed".

On the other hand, I am fearful. In part because I have (at least the illusion of) security. People accept me here, both in and without the LBGT community. I think I understand what I should fear and what I should not.

I am conflicted because I know a choice into the unknown may finally set me free but that also means I can never come back.

I have 11 days to decide.

If you had such a choice, what would be your reasoning?

[STACY B]

-------------------------------------------- SLAM-------------------------CRANK--CRANK--------------ZOOM----------SEE YAAAAAAAAA

Hows that for an answer ?

[Rachel Smith]

Hey Stacy wait for me!

I can understand your dilemma though Steph. Leaving a familiar place for parts unknown is always difficult but hasn't each one of us already done that?

[samantha rogers]

I expect that is a very hard choice, Stephanie. As appealing as it would be to have that clean start, abandoning the support of those who know you and the familiarity of home must be difficult, too. I can't honestly answer. I hope you find the right answer for you. That, of course, is all that really matters.

[PretzelGirl]

Hmmm variables. If you don't have a job, having a job is big.

Then between pure stealth and being around the people you love and who support you? It would depend on what is important. I myself would stay with those I love. Stealth has a nice ring to it, but there never is total stealth. And stealth without your love ones means no one knows who you are and there aren't any who care. To me that is loneliness.

[Starling]

I understand your hesitation, Stephanie. It's hard to leave friends and family who know and love you--but what an opportunity this is to experience everything anew! You don't say exactly where on the West Coast, but if you're coming to Southern California, there are rich community resources available here for LGBTQ folk, and a general public quite accepting of us in every walk of life. Just bring some rain with you, please.

Whatever you decide, may it all evolve for the greatest happiness.

:) Lallie

[StephanieC]

Thanks for the comments guys. I have my choice between Sonoma area and LA area.

[Ineke Vashon]

In 2010,

On one hand, I am excited: I have a chance to be who I want to be without any history, without preconceptions. No one will be be seeing someone who "has changed".

If you had such a choice, what would be your reasoning?

Having known both Wisconsin and most of the West Coast my reasoning would be to go where I'd have a chance to be who I want to be. Even more so if the job offer was good and offered a future I'd like. But, at my senior age, my second motivation would be No-More-Snow and icy roads.

Ineke

[KellyJameson]

History is something that is difficult to entirely escape from. You make new friends but with friendship comes the questions as that getting a sense of who you are. The older you are at transitioning the more difficult it is to lose your history because it is so much more a part of you.

Starting over can be a great adventure if it is not running away from something but instead running toward something.

I love to travel and have seen most of North and South America along with large parts of Asia and Europe and people are pretty much the same everywhere even when they are very different.

Moving, similar to traveling alone, tests you because it forces you to rely on yourself. Both in my opinion are excellant at character building and in the end you will find and develop strengths you may not have now if you can push past the natural anxiety that building self reliance requires one to experience.

Our minds are like molten metal that must be heated and beaten into a more useful form by the life tests we are challenged by.

[CDAshleyAnne]

I would say that you should reach out to those in Sonoma and whichever part of LA you are considering. I know that there are many up in the WeHo, Hollywood and Long Beach areas who would tell you that you will be just fine in LA. In Orange County, it might be a tad less friendly, just because of the more conservative nature of OC. I don't know much about Sonoma but I have found larger cities to be more accepting, if only because no one has the time or energy to deal with someone else's decisions.

[I Am Paula]

AshleyAnne. I think you missed that Stephanie would be stealth. Accepting neighborhoods no longer matter when no one knows your history.

[Jamie2]

Having known both Wisconsin and most of the West Coast my reasoning would be to go where I'd have a chance to be who I want to be. Even more so if the job offer was good and offered a future I'd like. But, at my senior age, my second motivation would be No-More-Snow and icy roads.

Ineke

I would try to find out all I could about the job offer first !!!
Then make sure that it's true, and not all hype.
Starting over is hard enuff,,, Without any other curve ball thrown at you to make it harder to fit in.

Stay safe above ALL else !!!

[Inna]

if those you call friends and family love you with unconditional love, despite your departure to seek further the freedom of self, they will always welcome you back, always!
Those who wouldn't had never truly loved you at all......

[Jorja]

Flip a coin. Heads = Sonoma, tails = LA. Go and become the person you are. Those left behind will still love you no matter what. And if they don't, well, that is their problem.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Here's how you have to look at it..

You are a woman...you have an opportunity...you have a lot to leave behind but the opportunity is exciting... there is risk to go but there are reasons to leave...
but in the end...you are JUST A WOMAN making a choice..that choice is totally personal.

every second of trans this or acceptance that put into your decision has a big risk to come back and bite you... don't do this for "trans" reasons... do this because its right for StephanieC..

Don't get me wrong. I think the idea of meeting people that only know you as Steph is really exciting... but I just don't think that can be the reason to move..
if you find that your transness is upfront in your mind, and that you are thinking of this as a "trans" opportunity, I would suggest that you don't control what you find there...acceptance is not guaranteed...stealth is a fantasy..
(btw...this very thing happened to a friend of mine...she got an opportunity to move from a stable job she had years before transition ..when the offer came, she was told by all her buddies to go for it!! she thought that after FFS with Dr Oesterhaut she passed wonderfully....well she didn't...you need more than a new face for that....she went to Houston to start over and was fired on her second day..they said it wasn't discrimination but that she and her references "lied"......rather than fight, she left and ended up in another town because she didn't want to go back to Wash DC where she started.....she is doing great in her new town though, so it ended happily)

[Michelle789]

Steph,

A lot of things to consider. How do you really feel about leaving everyone you know behind? Do they generally accept you as a woman, or did they have trouble accepting you? Do you currently have a job and got offered a better job, or do you not have a job and desperately need a job? If you have a job, is it a long term stable job?

If you choose to move, I hope you come to L.A.

I agree that WeHo, Hollywood, NoHo/Studio City, and Long Beach are very accepting areas.

Even if people figure out you're trans, I think there's a difference between people knowing you're trans who only knew you as a woman, versus people who knew you as a man. If all they ever knew you as is a woman, even if they see you're trans, they're first impression of you is as a woman. People who knew you as a man have their first impression of you as a man, and that can be hard to change. First impressions really do mean a lot.

Sometimes, you can never second guess things. You could leave a stable job behind, and start a new job and get fired in a few days. You can stay with what was a stable job for the past 20 years, and suddenly get laid off. You really never know what's going to happen.

[Starling]

Stephanie, there is a big difference between Sonoma and SoCal. Sonoma--and Marin County--are semi-rural, expensive and somewhat Bohemian. Though it's within commute distance of SF, small-town attitudes can prevail, including a certain resistance to newcomers. Southern California is huge, sprawling and mostly indifferent to things which are outside their "normal." As has been said, nobody always passes perfectly, and in SoCal almost nobody will care, as long as it doesn't inconvenience them. You won't make friends right off the plane, but there are zillions of opportunities to meet; and West Hollywood, for instance, is like a big, accepting sponge that won't automatically brand you as trans. You can breathe easy there, without being pigeonholed.


Michelle, I couldn't agree more that "...there's a difference between people knowing you're trans who only knew you as a woman, versus people who knew you as a man. If all they ever knew you as is a woman, even if they see you're trans, they're first impression of you is as a woman..."

I'm not full time now, but there are people I know only as a woman, and I'm scrupulous about keeping those friendships "pure," even though they know I was born with male sex organs. It was actually amazing to discover how easily they related to me as a woman.

:) Lallie

[Eryn]

...I have my choice between Sonoma area and LA area.

Sonoma is a relatively small upscale town in the Wine Country. It is demographically more like Wisconsin than LA.

The LA (SoCal) area is huge and contains many different styles of communities. You can even find communities that are somewhat like Sonoma within the LA area.


I would say that you should reach out to those in Sonoma and whichever part of LA you are considering. I know that there are many up in the WeHo, Hollywood and Long Beach areas who would tell you that you will be just fine in LA. In Orange County, it might be a tad less friendly, just because of the more conservative nature of OC.

A lot of my TG friends live in OC! I live in a community that is just as conservative as OC but is in LA county! :)

I don't see a transitioned woman having any problems in SoCal, the Central Coast, or the Bay Area. I'm not nearly as passable or polished and I've had very few and very minor negative experiences in LA, Ventura, Orange, or Santa Barbara counties. There's even a lot to be said for living outside of the "LGBT-friendly" core as one is more likely to be pegged as TS in a core community.

My suggestion is to concentrate on the community and lifestyle that you want to lead.

Whether to go or not is another choice. All I can offer is the observation that people are more often sorry for something they didn't do than for something they did do. Wisconsin will still be there if you find California not to you liking.

[celeste26]

On the other hand the LA area will tend to stretch the budget. Even if you rent. Sonoma is the lower cost alternative with the bay area not that far away.

[Starling]

Cost of living is relative, Stephanie. Would you be earning the same in both areas? Would you be living in a basic house or apartment, or a nice, big one in a prime area? How far would you want to travel to shop, feed and entertain yourself with the greatest range of choices? If you want to live in a stimulating environment, that usually means more expense, but there are savings as well. We've got many, many ethnic markets and restaurants in LA that are inexpensive, and Trader Joe's and Costcos galore.

Do I sound like I'm with the LA Junior Transchamber of Commerce?

:) Lallie

[Eryn]

On the other hand the LA area will tend to stretch the budget. Even if you rent. Sonoma is the lower cost alternative with the bay area not that far away.

Sonoma may be lower cost than San Francisco, but it is about 10% more costly than LA!:

http://www.areavibes.com/cost-of-living-calculator/sonoma,+ca-vs-los+angeles,+ca/

[Aprilrain]

I am conflicted because I know a choice into the unknown may finally set me free but that also means I can never come back.

I don't understand this statement.

First of all total stealth for late transitioners is a fantasy and secondly, why would you never be able to go back to Wisconsin?

Sure you will be "stealth" to everyone who is a casual acquaintance or less but if you want to be friends with someone or if you want a romantic partner your going to have the same issues in CA that you would have in WI. Unless you live in a really small town you could just as easily achieve this level of "stealth" in WI as you could in CA. You can't have a close relationship with another person without disclosing your past to them unless you plan on lying to people and then a 2 minute google search into your name will likely reveal the truth.

Again, why would you not be able to go back to WI if you move to CA??

[Michelle.M]

First of all total stealth for late transitioners is a fantasy

All generalities are false. Stealth is as one experiences it. Just because it ain't so for one doesn't mean it ain't so for any.

[Aprilrain]

Yeah, like I said if you don't want to have any intimate relationships like say, friends or a life partner then you can be as stealth as you please. If you choose not to share your past with a life partner (ie lie) your probably just a crumby person.

I'm not talking about passing I'm talking about interacting with people on more than just a superficial level.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

"All generalities are false"....

False
This statement of course cannot be true..

And stealth for late transitioners is a fantasy.

[StephanieC]

I really appreciate all your comments. And Eryn, I am impressed by your homework!

My apologies for being somewhat obtuse on this. Let me be more specific:
1. I have a job offer that allows me to choose one of two locations in California. I've topped out at my current job (but I don't really care) but for a number of reasons, that job is devoid of passion....I want to feel the passion again. The new job offers a chance to get in on the ground level and build a group (and the company). I didn't seek this opportunity out...they came to me.
2. My wife has stated that she will not move nor temporarily relocate. She says this is because she just found a new full-time job after 2.5 years doiing temping. She may reconsider in a year. My kids are on their own (though they do not have families), 1 2 hrs away, and one 7 hrs. I am not selling my house at this time (for a number of reasons).
3. I currently live in a small suburb of a fairly large city. My current commute is about 10 min (if I obey the speed limit). It's about 10 minutes to my Mom and 15 to the nearby large city. I can walk to farmer's markets, grocery, and restaurants.
4. I am not the best with crowds nor heat
5. For this move, I've considered a strategy of "live one day at a time". Most of my live has been heavily planned but I'm afraid trying to do that will severely stress me. Besides...it's good practice for retirement.
6. I don't feel the need to be stealth with this move. There will be no one to tell me that my boobs show through my top and no one to try in vain to convince the waitress that I'm not a woman every time she comes to ask how "you ladies" are doing. The job is one exception...my reputation is as a guy so that's how I was hired: at least for the beginning, the job will need to be stealth. My wife considers me "a he/she". She is convinced I will go "off the deepend" and will meet another girfriend or "he/she". She says this "matter of factly".
7. There are lots of interesting coincidences in conjunction with the timing of this opportunity and related things in my life. It's almost like I'm being guided. Or maybe I'm interpreting that.

So yes, perhaps there is some fantasy in this. But I think this is much more complicated than a trivial assessment. I say I am not running away, that I am attracted to opportunities...but the truth is probably a mix of both. I do feel this is an opportunity I should not pass up.

I really appreciate all the comments, suggestions, and challenges. This can be life-changing so any input is welcome.

-stephani

[Michelle.M]

"All generalities are false"....

False

This statement of course cannot be true..

oh, my brain is already hurting! :)



And stealth for late transitioners is a fantasy.

Sorry to hear that. Reality must suck!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

yes reality does kind of suck..

[Jorja]

yes reality does kind of suck..

Lucky for us your reality is not necessarily our reality. Life is what you make it.

[Suzanne F]

Stephani
Good luck deciding. I live about 30 minutes from Sonoma. I don't think you could imagine a more beautiful life and culture. Plus you would be very close to our favorite place in the world, San Francisco. You can join us in our adventures as we find our place out in the big world!
Suzanne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I yi yi yi

You know jorja what a condescending and careless thing to say...what a clichéd, easy and lazy thing to say...
where do you see the idea of "me" or "I" in anything we are talking about? we are talking in generalities

Reality sucks because no matter what I have made of my life(which is pretty darn good), my kid can have a debilitating disease, or my mom can be dead, or my ex can have lyme disease..or people die in wars, or starve..
I guess that's their fault because hey, life is what you make of it

I'm glad that you are such a strong person that has made a wonderful life for yourself... so you are right, your reality is just awesome

[celeste26]

Too bad there is no job offer for the Pacific Northwest, because it is paradise here.

[Kimberly Kael]

Reality sucks and is amazingly wonderful in ways beyond measure. We choose what to focus on in life, and that makes a huge difference in how we perceive the world around us. I've been told over and over again by friends that I am the luckiest person they know. I tend to believe that has a lot to do with the choices I make, and not some cosmic conspiracy against everyone else. Sure, there is such a thing as good fortune, but it tends to offer a helping hand rather than being absolutely determinative.


Too bad there is no job offer for the Pacific Northwest, because it is paradise here.

Following opportunity makes far more sense than lamenting that it isn't exactly the opportunity you hoped for. The Pacific Northwest is nice enough, but California isn't bad either. I've lived in and loved both.

[Michelle.M]

You know jorja what a condescending and careless thing to say...what a clichéd, easy and lazy thing to say...

No. What is condescending and careless is the assertion that what is true for one person is true for everyone.

We all have similar struggles but we do not all experience them in the same way or to the same degree. And while it is unrealistic (and possibly harmful to their expectations of the realities of transition) to let someone think that they'll have no issues with transition it is equally unrealistic to say something like "Passing for late transitioners is a fantasy".

On the one hand, it's an unreachable fantasy goal. On the other hand, transition becomes a hopeless endeavor without a decent future. And this, when the reality of one's presentability is yet to be known!

This generalization, this "If it's true for me then it must be true for everyone" mentality does nothing except validate the speaker's own challenges or problems. And anyone who challenges that assertion is regarded with suspicion and is either deluded, misguided, in denial or in collusion with whatever imaginary forces are against us.

And you know what? Nowhere do I see this mentality more readily expressed than in the trans community. It's counterproductive. It's not helpful, and probably harmful.

[Aprilrain]

"Passing for late transitioners is a fantasy".

No one said "passing for late transitioners was a fantasy."

What I said and what Kaitlyn reiterated was "STEALTH for late transitioners is a fantasy."

It doesn't matter how well you pass, eventually you're going to have to disclose your past to someone, Most likely a close friend or a significant other then your "stealth" goes out the window.

Even Jorja has had to deal with this issue. She posted a thread a couple of years ago about a guy who was interested in her, I believe he was a local politician? Anyway the thread was about how she had invited him over to tell him about her past. How'd that turn out Jorja? I never did hear.

[Michelle.M]

No one said "passing for late transitioners was a fantasy."

What I said and what Kaitlyn reiterated was "STEALTH for late transitioners is a fantasy."

OK, I see the distinction, but we’re starting to split hairs. If one is not passable then there is no stealth. If one is passable then surrendering one’s own stealth is not necessarily an imperative.

My issue is with the statement of opinion as an absolute fact. The statement “stealth for late transitioners is a fantasy." is an example. It just isn’t so. It is for some, but not for others.

People live in stealth all the time at every stage of life. But you wouldn’t know it - because they’re living in stealth! It’s kinda like the statement about the validity of a conspiracy theory - that you can’t prove it is evidence that it exists. (I know, a weird analogy, but you get the idea of the circular argument)

You don’t have to be here very long to see the common use of absolutes presented as reality. I’ve been here a few years and over that time I’ve seen one generalization after another espoused on this site, and every time with near prophetic authority. Here are just a few of the hits we all love -

“You can’t possibly know your gender identity until you begin RLE.”

“There’s something wrong with a man who wants to date a trans woman.” (usually referring to pre-op, but occasionally applied to ANY trans woman)

“There’s something wrong with a trans woman who wants to date men.”

“There’s something wrong with a trans woman who wants to date.”

And about our bodies (including this passability thing, which we needn’t revisit at this moment) -

“There’s something wrong with anyone who wants FFS (or BA or any type of improvement not earned by hormones alone).”

“Your gender transition is not valid unless (or until) you undergo GRS.” and related to “If you don’t want GRS, then you’re not really trans.”

And my all-time favorite -

“You pre-op girls simply have no clue as to what transition is all about. Transition doesn’t REALLY begin until after GRS.”

What a toxic line of BS that is!

You know what these statements all have in common?

They have all been promoted on this site, some more often than others.

They’re all true - for someone. But they are treated as if they are true for everyone.

They are all STATEMENTS and not opinions. They’d be much more useful if they began with phrases such as “In my opinion . . .” or “Well, this is only true for me, but . . .” or “Here’s something I’ve thought / felt / experienced that you might find helpful . . .”

But no! These things get thrown out as if they were written in stone by the very hand of God, and woe be unto her who challenges these facts!

Rubbish.

[Jorja]

Kaitlyn,
Condescending, careless, and lazy? Hardly! While transition is nothing I would want to put my worst enemy through, for anyone who needes to go through it, I would gladly help them through.

While reality does suck for almost every person alive Trans or Cis gendered, those of us that do go through transition need to understand that life is going to go on with or without us. As long as there are people, there are going to be wars. There is going to be death. As long as there is disease, people are going to die from disease. As long as there is life, there is going to be death. Just because you are transsexual does not exclude or include you from anything. It is totally up to YOU to make your life work for you. No one is going to do it for you. Now you can sit on the couch and cry that life isn’t fair but guess what? Life doesn’t care!

[Starling]

Am I alone in fearing this thread has taken a turn into Kafkaland?

:) Lallie

[Michelle.M]

am i alone in fearing this thread has taken a turn into kafkaland?

rotflmao :doh:

[Valerie]

rotflmao indeed!
But back to StephanieC...
I have been thinking about you for a few days. I know from experience that a move such as you describe can be exciting, but also distressing. It has always helped me to recognize that it is not a choice between good and bad, but options for different lives about which one cannot predict much. Two tricks have helped me, and I pass them along for what they may be worth: 1) Tune in to what I deeply want [where there is passion] and then make a mental list of all the good sides of that choice [I was taught this one by a high school music teacher years ago]; and 2) jump in and don't ever look back.
Cheers,
Valerie

[LeaP]

...
You don’t have to be here very long to see the common use of absolutes presented as reality. I’ve been here a few years and over that time I’ve seen one generalization after another espoused on this site, and every time with near prophetic authority. Here are just a few of the hits we all love -

“You can’t possibly know your gender identity until you begin RLE.”

“There’s something wrong with a man who wants to date a trans woman.” (usually referring to pre-op, but occasionally applied to ANY trans woman)

“There’s something wrong with a trans woman who wants to date men.”

“There’s something wrong with a trans woman who wants to date.”

And about our bodies (including this passability thing, which we needn’t revisit at this moment) -

“There’s something wrong with anyone who wants FFS (or BA or any type of improvement not earned by hormones alone).”

“Your gender transition is not valid unless (or until) you undergo GRS.” and related to “If you don’t want GRS, then you’re not really trans.”

And my all-time favorite -

“You pre-op girls simply have no clue as to what transition is all about. Transition doesn’t REALLY begin until after GRS.”

What a toxic line of BS that is!

You know what these statements all have in common?

They have all been promoted on this site, some more often than others.

They’re all true - for someone. But they are treated as if they are true for everyone.

They are all STATEMENTS and not opinions. They’d be much more useful if they began ...

it's a good list and it illustrates your point well. I think it's too bad that people can't see generalities for what they are, though, and to keep them in proper context. Attacking a generality is a debating technique that's vastly overused. The poorest use of all is to simply use it as a trigger to discuss exceptions. There are always exceptions to generalities. The only thing accomplished is sidetracking the discussion into rhetoric. (Definitions anyone?)

Your point is, of course, that many of the statements you cite are not meant as generalities. To that I say sometimes yes, sometimes no. There are versions of even your favorite, for instance, that I can accept - minimally as a hypothetical. The wording with this one often hangs people up. I reject the notion outright that transition itself begins after SRS, for example. But I don't believe that is what is meant. I think the usual meaning is that there are aspects of transition which are not invoked until SRS. As a fundamental theme of the entire exercise is congruence, it is not a stretch for me to believe that there might be something psychological going on here. So someone makes a statement like that… What shall I do? Protest the language? Beg the exception? What (and whose) interest is being served by this? If the generality is true (i.e., as a generality), the largest portion of the readership is best served leaving it as it is. And perhaps everyone would be better served by taking the few exceptions off-line, as it is the discussion of exceptions that is splitting hairs, not additional commentary on the generality itself.

Naturally, when the context is insufficient to clarify intent, all bets are off. If someone wants to make a generalized statement about men who like to date pre-op trans women and the context is fetishists and the risk of being dropped like a stone, the generalization gets no argument from me. The discussion about online dating sites is often about precisely this. Someone who issues the generalization in response to an innocent dating question out of nowhere is perhaps being preachy.

I find I have to over-caveat my writing here. There are too many hypersensitivities. They are not one-sided.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kaitlyn,
Condescending, careless, and lazy? Hardly! While transition is nothing I would want to put my worst enemy through, for anyone who needes to go through it, I would gladly help them through.

While reality does suck for almost every person alive Trans or Cis gendered, those of us that do go through transition need to understand that life is going to go on with or without us. As long as there are people, there are going to be wars. There is going to be death. As long as there is disease, people are going to die from disease. As long as there is life, there is going to be death. Just because you are transsexual does not exclude or include you from anything. It is totally up to YOU to make your life work for you. No one is going to do it for you. Now you can sit on the couch and cry that life isn’t fair but guess what? Life doesn’t care!

so how does this jibe with "life is what you make of it"?? so you agree now that life generally sucks? (and doesn't even care!!) I couldn't have said that better myself...

You said my reality (the one that sucks) is different than yours (the one that doesn't apparently)...
now its preaching about how life is not fair and it doesn't care ......how wonderful!! it turns out that you agree life pretty much sucks..

If you ever read any of my posts you'd know that i am highly focused on personal responsibility and ownership of one's actions

...but life isn't just what you make of it, there is so much more to it than that...and much of our time ends up being about dealing with what life makes for you..
and that's why I found your comment (especially in the context of this thread) lazy, careless and condescending....

[Michelle.M]

Lea, thank you for your thoughtful comments. I like it when I get to let my mind process others' thoughts on how I see things.


I reject the notion outright that transition itself begins after SRS, for example. But I don't believe that is what is meant.

Actually that is a direct quote from a former member, and she was not the only one who has endorsed that notion. Yes, she actually said that transition doesn't really begin until you're post-op, and told pre-op girls that they didn't know anything about transition until then.

Perhaps true for her, but definitely not true for anyone who's getting her money's worth in a constructive RLE. I should hope that would describe most of us.

[ronny0]

As a child I wish we had not moved, though not often it was enough that I never formed long term contacts.
As an adult, I stayed in a area that I have grown to hate. Now trying to get up the courage to move to a more normal area.
My advice would be, if you have REALLY STRONG connections with friends and family, you will really miss that in a new location
But if it is easy for you to make new friends and you have no major connections MOVE!
The ability to move and have a fresh start is something most would want.
The loss of close friends is something most would not want.
For me, I 'wish' I had lived in the same town all my life, where everyone knows and accepts you for who you are.
Naturally that is only a wish....

[LeaP]

Lea, thank you for your thoughtful comments. I like it when I get to let my mind process others' thoughts on how I see things.

Actually that is a direct quote from a former member ...

Yikes, and YOUR brain is hurting? That opener is delightfully ambiguous. I'm completely knocked off balance! Congratulations!

Yeah, I know some of them mean it. The only point I can plead is these aren't trading in generalities that require the caveats you suggest to account for exceptions. Rather, they are dictums that require additional absolutist language so as not to confuse the rest of us into thinking they are generalities!

There … I believe with that, I have saved rhetorical face. Back to your brain…

[Inna]

I hate to intervene in otherwise heated debate of what and how life sucks or otherwise doesn't. HOWEVER, and this is no longer anyone's opinion but a science fact....well sort of because even science is baffled, as with quantum observations, reality is only as real as the attempt of the observer to measure or decipher the reality at hand, the minute the observer stops observing the reality known by observation no longer exist!!

So in layman terms, reality is quite what we make it to be.

[Kimberly Kael]

The ability to move and have a fresh start is something most would want.

So true! I moved 2000 miles away to another country when I was 21 and it was an incredibly empowering experience. I didn't care for the city, mind you, but learning that I really could simply pack up and move meant everything. I've moved four times since then, usually pursuing job opportunities that happened to be somewhere interesting. Every time I got better at making new connections and researching what I was getting into before I made the jump, but the most important aspect was the sense of self-sufficiency I gained as a result of taking that chance.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I hate to intervene in otherwise heated debate of what and how life sucks or otherwise doesn't. HOWEVER, and this is no longer anyone's opinion but a science fact....well sort of because even science is baffled, as with quantum observations, reality is only as real as the attempt of the observer to measure or decipher the reality at hand, the minute the observer stops observing the reality known by observation no longer exist!!

So in layman terms, reality is quite what we make it to be.

uh oh... sounds like my cousins quantum physics

does not our mere observation cause the reality we are observing to change?

what about all the other realities that coexist with our supposed current reality?? time for some meds

[Inna]

what meds, you mean my friendly friends who visit me in white lab coats and those candy they give me.......