Boy's Night Out

[Dana]

Ok! Regardless of how you, as a GG came to find yourself involved in a relationship with a TG males (all inclusive term) and despite your level of tolerance, acceptance ~ what may have you ~ to me the fact remains that most GG, are just excatlly that GG, and they want to be GG, treated like GG, wined and dined and romanced like GG etc.

The point of this thread ~ is that I belive that from time to time we all need to put our girly things away, step up to the plate and play the role as a husband, father, men, provider, protector, etc. They give us our time and space, but what are we giving them in return? What are we doing to light their fire as women? Giving them what they want, and need as genuine women.

And, I'm not talking about physical or sexual intimacy, nor "Well! I've got a good job!" or "I bought her a house!" or "I just bought her a Lexus!" But, mentally, emotionally, to make her feel wanted, needed, whole, loved not just as a human being ~ but as a GG?

So when I say "Boys Night Out!" I don't mean going down to the local sports bar to Ooooraaah with the boys over a couple of beers, while the NFL playoffs are playing while shooting a game of pool!" I'm talking about a "Boy's Night Out" with her as a male.

One of the things that I've read about Tri-Ess is that the last night of any event is in "DRAB" for those whose wives are in attendance. I think that's a good idea!

Just throwing things out here for discussion ~ and consideration! Not trying to PO anyone!

[TGMarla]

I agree with you. And frankly, I think it's more important to one's relationship than any aspect of acceptance of one's crossdressing. She's your wife. You are her husband. Do your duty to her and yourself.

I married my wife with the intention of being her husband. Part of that includes taking her out to places as a husband and wife. Go to dinner, go have a drink now and then, attend a show. Now, admittedly, I'd like to do those things with her while en femme, but that's not going to happen any time soon, I think. But even if it did, she deserves her man now and then. One cannot get so caught up in one's femme self that it obscures the person she married to the point she no longer has him. It's wrong. She married a man. Now if she would only get to know the woman as well, she might find a treasure that she's been denying herself for some time now. But my bottom line is this: I won't allow my femme self to compromise my homme self when it relates to my wife. She has a right to her opinions, and I sprang all this on her well after we married. I am her husband, and I'm damn glad to be that.

[SherriePall]

I think being a guy is very important if we want to keep our wives (or girlfriends) happy to have us around. My wife hasn't seen me yet, but I still maintain my male side for her -- doing those male things around the house, being a father to our children. This helps for when I "sneak" off to become me.
Love,

[Christina Nicole]

I tend to believe that most cross dressers go out maybe once a month. Figure an evening out is four hours, plus some get ready and some clean-up time for a total of maybe seven hours en-femme. There are roughly 30 days in a month or 720 hours. Seven hours of 720 is 0.97% of the month. In my particular case, that's more than what I spend en-femme. We go out to dinner at least once a week, and quite often two or three times a week. We have a pretty busy social life, as I expect most people do. I think this thread is a bit off base.

I suppose there are those men who are obsessive about sports and ignore their wives during football/baseball/basketcase/hockey and whatever other nonsense there is. Those guys, as well as those cross dressers who are obsessive about cross-dressing do need to change. But I doubt that the problem is that widespread.

On the other hand, I spoke to a woman who runs a transformation service for cross dressers. One of the things she talks about was the tri-ess group. The group I asked her about she commented about thusly:

They are mostly older retirement aged cross dressers and spouses. The cross dresser comes out to his wife and says "I have can't hide it anymore. I must be true to my real self." He starts cross-dressing, going to tri-ess meetings, etc. His wife, who usually has minimal job skills after 30+ years of being a homemaker, goes along with it. She has no job prospects, no money of her own, and as a couple they don't have enough to enable her to survive independently if a nasty divorce ensues. Those guys have a problem, IMHO.

She also mentioned that the particular chapter I asked about has a lot of cross dressers who suddenly become involved in homosexual sex, without the wife's knowledge. They too, IMHO, have a serious problem.

I have no idea how widespread those issues are. My personal experience with other CDs whom I have met indicates those types of individuals are aberrations.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[AprilMae]

That was one of the first things we discussed. that she isn't interested in any type of "lesbian" relationship, that she still expects to come home to a man the majority of the time. Which is fine by me. I have no intention of abandoning that part of me. Although she scolded me last night, we went into the city to see a show on Broadway, and I did too much window shopping at shoe stores and spent too much time commenting on what women were wearing at the restaurant we were in.

[jamie_44]

You are right on Dana, if the Queen of the Castle isn't happy nobodys happy!

[Dragster]

I agree with you 95% TGMarla, but I think my wife deserves me as a man a lot more than "now and then". I accept that our SO's are different, and it's up to us to ask them what proportion of our time they need us as the men in their life, and stick to it gratefully. I'm still at the point where ANY acceptance would be a plus, but when we've talked it through, I want to know how much CD time she's comfortable with (and it may vary with time), and that's what I'll stick to. If we respect our wives, they deserve nothing less, most of them didn't buy into this at the beginning did they?

Tony

[Petrina CD]

I agree with the general feeling that most of us need to be there as men for our wives.I have noticed that it seems a few lucky guys have SOs that like them to dress for sex and ......... I am not one of them . I too must play the part of the gender I was born with. It aint so bad . We are members of H.O.G.(harley owners group) and we go on alot of group rides. Only one cd I know of in this group,Me. Being the male , I get to be one who allways sits in front and drives. Never an argument over who is going to drive. It's allways me Im' ,the male. I like it and she likes it. I am very lucky in that I don't have to run and hide if she comes home while I'm dressed , but out of courtesy to her I do retreat to my personal den and change. She just doesn't like to see me that way. She will however get millitant with the sales clerk at a store to help me find my size in the girlie dept. to the point where one day I had to say " honey ,it's only a play suit ,we don't need it ,I just want it,It's OK dear" but no she beat up on the sales clerk till I got my black vinyl jacket at the sale price.

Well she no longer rides with me any more. She rides next to me on her own bike now. So yes you can see I definitly have my male side well intact, but my girlie side is to . Petrina knows when to revert to Peter.(OOps used my real name) As long as I show her this respect ,she shows the same for Petrina.

Live To Ride/Ride To Live

Petrina cd

[Dana]

I wasn't just refereing to to the day to day of being a husband, a father, (grandfather) provider ~ I was referring also to "dating your mate and keeping the spark alive!"

That is to say, "What it takes to get her, is what it takes to keep her ~ in daily demonstrating and re-eforcing in her mind that she made the right choice in you.

It seems to me that if we give the GG's in our lives more of what they want, need, and desire, and strive to fulfill their fantasies as GG, that would be willing to go the extra step in doing so for us ~ in making our wishes, wants, needs and desires more of a reality.

I'm currently reaading a book about re-enforcement pyschololgy ~ in which if you desire "A" do "B". If "A" is a good thing ~ a likeable or desirable thing ~ then it will be rewarded, and desired.

In the book, (by Dr. Phl ~ no less) he speaks of a woman ~ who felt the fire had gone out of their marriage. So, she went and bought a French Maid outfit, put it on, and begin doing the chores around the house ~ eventually doing a strip tease. The husband meanwhile is watching the football game on TV. The husband, is doing everything that he can do to look around his wife, to see the game.

The wife writes the Dr. Phil show ~ and he has them on the show. He asked them where they were from and they responded ~ Chicago. He then asked who was playing to which the husband responded ~ The Bears, 4th Quarter, with 2:59 minutes left the play, and the score and game is such that its a knuckle biter. This is the time that the wife choose to dress in the French Maid outfit.

So, therefore ~ timing is everything. But, he brought out something else ~ in that men's thinkning tends to be liner ~ and compartmentised. Not that men aren't capable of doing more than one thing at a time ~ but when one thing captures the attention and all the more their passion ~ they become consumed by it. This can be anything! Football, sports, cars, motorcycles, baseball ~ crossdessing ~ at which time they compartmize their thinking and setting everything else to the side.

I think that that an imporatant thing to understand. Granted ~ we may be crossdressers, and men who are in touch and / or trying to get in touch with out feminine sides ~ and find ways of expressing that ~ but in many, many ways we're still men! And, I for one can attest that I can become passionate about crossdressing ~ especially if I attemtpt to purge or deny myself the experience for prolonged periods of time.

I've spoken with many women ~ and I've heard it in one variiation or the other ~ in that they want to be put up on a "emotional pedestal" which is to say that most women want and need to know that they are No.# 1 first and foremost in their men's lives.

I believe that its very important that we give reassurance to the women in our lives that we're still the "guy" they married, and fell in love with.