Do you think it's easier being a girl?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Yes, Tink is still here :). Given a common thread I read here at the moment, I had to ask a couple of questions that have been bugging me:

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl?
2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?

I won't bother refuting why things are not easier for girls as the list would be a novella and I'm pretty sure most here do understand how hard things can be for women. So I guess that's my third question:

3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)

Thanks for reading. :)

[ReluctantDebutant]

I doubt it would be easier to be a girl. But you have to remember we are cross-dressers and we have an innate desire to dress and look like a girl. To do this it would seem to be easier just to be a girl. This would seem to alleviate a lot of stress in our lives. But Yes it causes us to view female lives through rose colored glasses. Take it for what it is, just fantasy.

[LaurenS]

Those are good questions.

1) I don't think so. Men pretty much run society in the west, and women are at best second-class citizens everywhere else.
2) I don't know why I started dressing, but the clothes, hair, and other beauty aspects are certainly fun. The confirmation might come from the objectification of women? I don't know, but it is fun!
3) no one in particular, it just seemed I was predisposed to the lifestyle somehow. Although I did not know it at the time, even when I was 5, I identified with girls really we'll. not that I didn't identify with boys either. I wasn't one of those that didn't play with fire trucks and baseball, it's just that both seemed okay. Never felt like I was trapped in the wrong body either, although I certainly am envious of a pretty girls/woman's body.

Oh my! It's too early to ponder these things!


Take it for what it is, just fantasy.

Maybe this answer would have been simpler! :battingeyelashes:

[Kitty215]

I don't think it is any easier to be a girl. I would say some aspects of life would be much more difficult while others may be easier. As far as crossdressing goes it would be nice if girl life was easier. Unfortunately I think being a girl is much more difficult for crossdressrs.

[mariehart]

1. No absolutely not in sense of women's place in society. When you crossdress you get a small insight into some of the compromises women are forced to make sometimes. Like not walking alone at night. But even to the extent of buying clothes, make up etc, relationships, career decisions. All of these I believe are more complicated for women.

On the other hand if you were to ask if it would be easier for me to BE a girl then the answer is yes. Trying to behave like a man I find difficult.

2. Well dressing as a girls frees me from my difficulty in being a man. But is it easier?

3. I can't think of anyone who influenced me. Do I think women are superior? Sometimes. To me women are the base model humans. Men are a kind of variation who are needed on occasion. But I don't want to be unkind to men either. I like women more than men but I do like some men.

[Katey888]

Tinks' Weekend Puzzler.. always look forward to these... :D

1) I think it is far easier being male in ANY society, other than exclusively matriarchal ones, which I don't think exist anywhere...

2) On the basis I started at a very young age and had absolutely no concept of what gender really was, no - I don't believe it's had any impact whatsoever...

3) Can't think of a particular female, and as for being superior in some way - yes, you have superior choice in available fashions... and what a wonderful superiority that is for CDers to be able to dip into and pillage a little... :cheer:

Katey x

[Laura912]

Not easier, not the reason and no one.

[AnnieMac]

1) Yes, very much so!
2) No, not related at all
3) Yes, all females.

If you want hear my more detailed take on it, just shoot me an PM. Good questions Tinkerbell. I enjoy your thoughtful posts.

[hope springs]

1. No, of course its not easier being a girl. I would match your novella with an epic trilogy on why. The feminist literature ive read illucidates GGs struggles clearly.

2. The relative difficulty of being a woman never crossed my mind when accepting i was a CD. But ive had long discussions with GGs about whatever unique challenges they face as a woman.

3. 100% of the women ive known go out of their way to explain why life for women is more difficult. All of them say men have it better. Some even said if they had a choice they would rather been born a man.


All your questions stem from the tacit assumption we think women have it easier. Other than radical feminists, we may be the one group most sympathetic to GG problems. I may not always act like it, but i do understand your unique problems

[Lee Andrews]

1. No way, no how, is it easier being a girl. There is still a glass ceiling, second hand citizen attitude in our society for women. The only thing I see easier is the options they have in appearance, anything goes and no one bats an eye.
2. I love the feel of the clothes, way more comfortable and I wish we had the options to wear whatever we wanted and not be looked down upon. I guess this in part is why I do what I do. I admire the feminine form. I love how my wife can go from a good looking tomboy around the house to a stunning beauty when we go out.
3. I can't remember any females in my life that have said they have it easier. A bunch have said they are superior than us and I believe it ;) . I watch my wife juggle a thousand things at once and watch her pull it off every time. Sometimes I wonder how she does it and I'd be lost without her. LOL

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell,
I was going to say without doubt it's easier being a guy ! I'm now beginning to struggle with the image because it's worn me out trying to live up to it and prove I'm a man. So in that sense it's easier for a girl because she doesn't have to live with that. Maybe that aspect is attractive and is possibly something we try to escape into !
The physical side of being a boy was more appealing than being a girl , even when my CDing started because it was purely sexual, once it was over, the clothes were discarded and I got on with climbing trees or playing rugby.
I don't remember having a female who influenced me, and I don't see a GG's way of life superior, it's just different. It looks more enjoyable simply because we want to dress to sample it.

[Ally 2112]

When i was younger i thought being a girl would be be so much better .But as i have gotten older and seeing how society still treats women (for the most part ) i realise that we are still not all equal and that is sad !(just my opin )

[Marcelle]

Hi Tink . . . again very interesting take on things given the other threads that have popped up. So in response:

Do I think it is easier being a girl?

I really don't know as I have no perspective to judge from. I may dress like a girl from time to time, interact with the world in a manner which I deem "girl-like" but I am not a girl, have not lived as a girl so, I have no frame of reference. What I can say is that it is not easy being a person on this planet regardless of gender when we deal with day to day reality. We all have the stressors of family drama, we all worry about money (well at least most of us do), we all worry about our own mortality and we all worry about our careers. That is part of being human and we all experience our own trials and tribulations regardless of gender.

However, if I had to go with a purely academic response based on observation then "no" I do not think it would be easier being a girl especially if we (CDers) were to accept all the current sexist and misogynistic issues associated with being a woman full time. You have to remember, many of us dress part-time, go out and then return to being guys . . . easy peasy lemon squeezy. What we forget is that being a woman is not just putting on a dress, make-up and heels for a few hours and voila "June Cleaver" all my woes and miseries as a guy taken care of . . . that I am afraid is escapism. Nothing wrong with that if it helps you cope with your day to day stressors. However, to equate this "mayfly existence en femme" to "being a woman" in the world, IMHO is short sighted. Women in society have to deal with a lot of crap that guys don't have to. I have personally seen very qualified and competent women have to fight tooth and nail to gain credibility which is automatically given to most men. Sure it is slowly changing (snail's pace) as more and more women fight their way through the glass ceiling but it is still a hard fight.

Was it one of the reasons I started dressing?

Nope

Was there any one women who lead me to believe it was easier to be a woman?

No. I grew up in a household of women and with the exception of two manly men uncles spent most of my time around women and girls. I never saw them as superior or inferior to me. I viewed women/girls the same way I view people. We all have good points and we all have flaws. Some people are good and some are bad (gender does not change that).

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

1. If you want to give birth to a child, feeling her grow within your body, it's pretty much required that you be a girl. Some of us have wanted this badly. I realize not all genetic women are able to become pregnant - I think they often find that to be a cruel twist of fate, too - at least if they wanted children.

If you want to wear clothes and shoes designed for women, it's generally easier to do this if you are a genetic woman, although the apparel and footwear industry are horrible about supporting women who's sizes or dimensions vary too much from a "norm" that actually applies to a minority of modern women.

In general, if you feel you are a woman, it's a LOT easier to be one if you have a woman's body. It's heaps easier to be cisgender than transgender, particularly for MtF's.

But socially in many other circumstances, men have huge and unfair advantages over women. If nothing else, you pay a 21%+ "tax" on your earning capacity for having a uterus, whether you use it or not.

2. No, quite the opposite. The mismatch between my body and my gender made me feel my situation was hopeless, and that while growing up, I was alone, and had no support of any sort to try to live an authentic life. Crossdressing in secret was as close as I dared hope to come to escaping the waking nightmare that was my life as a man. It's not that, in abstract I had a particularly bad life. But it was a lie, and every single move I made or word I said was calculated to hide who I really was. I lived in fear, hated myself, and those few stolen moments of CDing were like a temporary furlough from prison.

I never really believed I could find peace and freedom in my life until last year. I didn't even know for sure I'd get those things, only that I was so miserable that death was preferable to the private hell I lived in.

3. Yes, I have been blessed to know a number of strong women in my life, and they influenced me greatly. In particular my great Aunt Minnie. She showed me that women could be strong in ways that men just aren't. That women can succeed in doing things men think are impossible. That even in a society that was totally biased against women, that actively tried to keep them DOWN, that women could have undeniable strength and power, and that women could command respect. That men run the game by cheating - stacking the deck so they almost always win, and were it not so, some of these remarkable women could've ruled the world, making it a helluva lot kinder and more sensible place.

If I can be 10% of the woman that these women in my life were, I'll consider my transition a success beyond my wildest expectations.

[Ineke Vashon]

Tinkerbell - When you joined this forum gained a valuable contributor.

1) No, I don't think it's easier being a girl. Questions number one and two do not seem to 'compute' for me. I.e. I don't dress because I think it is easier to be a girl. However, women have certain advantages that I sometimes envy. They can touch each other, like combing each other's hair, go "powder your nose?" socializing, cry on each other's shoulder and so on, while men, real men, are supposed to suck it up and be a man and take care of it by yourself. Then society wonders why suddenly meek mannered little Joey blows up. Or puts on a dress.

Perhaps I envy the female years between twenty and ??? when many women have enormous sexual powers.

As for myself, I neither hunt nor fish, have never owned a gun, do not watch sports unless I am engaged in them, mostly outdoors sports like cycling or boating. I prefer a tearoom over a bar. Yet I am a normal heterosexual man attracted to women. Except for, as Frédérique once pointed out: "I am not a crossdresser, I just like to dress in women's clothes." Why, I haven't the foggiest idea.

As for your question #3, perhaps the answer lies somewhere hidden in this post, even if I can't find it.

Thanks for posting the thread.

Ineke

[CynthiaD]

No, it's easier to be a man, which answers all three questions.

Is it better to be a woman?

Unquestionably, YES! It's worth all the trouble to make the transformation. Sometimes I think what it would be like to give it all up and just live as a man for the rest of my life. The prospect is so bleak and depressing that I couldn't even contemplate doing such a thing.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

All of them say men have it better. Some even said if they had a choice they would rather been born a man.


Yep, I'd agree with this. Throughout my life and through all the groups of friends I've had, there's always been (many!) a conversation about how much easier life must be as a man! My married friends are the worst - they see firsthand, I guess, how much simpler a man's life looks from ours. I'm not saying it is, either. But it sure can look that way when you're juggling as many work hours as your husband AND juggling the children AND keeping up with the family AND...I won't go on. I know many are married here and likely hear this all the time, lol.

Anyway, just wanted to mention that we can also think the grass is greener, whether this is real or imagined. We humans are an unsatisfied lot, aren't we? :)

It also seems that, so far, the influence has been less about thinking we girls have it easier and more just preferring our company...am I right? And when I say company, I mean the broad range of just enjoying being around femininity because you're men and crossdressing is fairly convenient there...all the way to feeling like you're one of us. Does this make sense??

See? This is why I stay here and annoy you all - great answers like these! It might seem like some of us GG's are just here to wind everyone up - truth is, some of us don't get the answers from our partners that satisfy our endless thoughts and concerns but every question answered here is like this little notch in the road to acceptance. I can't explain it well enough ...but I can say this helps. I know it's helped some others here, too, so thanks.

And thanks Ineke, for the kind words and for answering my thread :) x

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell your last paragraph says it all, we get answers here that we should be getting from our partners ! I wish I could turn my brain off to the continual stream of thoughts and questions !
My wife asked is Cding all I think about ? I answered it's all I try not to think about !!
Yes you're right GGs were put on this planet to wind up the male of the species ! My wife is in the top ten !!

[Badwolf]

I'm going to break a little from the most common threads here.

1. I do think it CAN be easier. I never would make the argument that ALL types of life would be easier, but if there are certain things you want to do there are things that women get to do a lot easier. A few of the most obvious ones have been presented already, being able to be feminine (in many ways), and giving birth are a lot easier if you were born a GG. Many of these though are similar in reverse (FTM's etc) and are conditional upon WANTED behavior. Some of these become a sort of need in Trans individuals, and therefore discussions can be skewed in conversation. A strong want/need that has existed for all of ones natural life, can mean all the other complications seem incomparable, especially when society at large won't even accept them as problems.

2. In that context, there are parts of that that play into my drive to cross dress. But again the original reason along this track, was certain behaviors and expressions, not the perceived "ease", even though we can go into a chicken or the egg argument here.

3. I made so many female friends and was surrounded by so many female older relatives, I can't particularly finger one of them, but either way I don't think I could separate the two completely.

Now to add my own little grain of salt to the super oriented questions, I don't think any of these things exist in a vacuum. The difficulties in being a cross dresser, are also pretty big in many ways. Doing it well can be a financial burden (even more so for TS individuals), potential consequences can be pretty large, and it complicates ones love life (as half the threads here can attest). I really doubt most cross dressers, or even most transexuals would argue that the original drive is the perceived ease in the other sex to do EVERYTHING there is in the world, but in many cases it is the ease to express THEMSELVES that divides the perception.

[deebra]

If most folks think it's harder being female then why would we/CD's choose to go from secure dominate male to the lesser female with the chance of being outed, embarrassed and more vunerable???????

[Felicia Dee]

1) Easier?!? LOL. Not by a longshot. But it's not any easier being a man, either. Just different. I suppose it depends on what you mean by “easier.” In the limiting, binary view of gender, each has it's strengths and weaknesses – depending on an individual's point of view, the aspirations they have and the choices they do or do not make.

Gender aside, life is challenging and often times confounding. The point is to live your life as best as you can. And, if you can get through it learning through adversity and savoring happiness where you find it and do so without harming others along the way – that's a good life, indeed.

2 & 3) I began crossdressing as an unconscious reaction to the physical and psychological/emotional abuse I endured throughout my childhood. (It's complicated and I'm still figuring it out) None-the-less, I feel safer and more free to express myself honestly in the company of women, than I do around men.

[LelaK]

I hope to read everyone's answers later, but I only have a little time to respond right now.

1&2. Many aspects of life are probably easier for women, but that's not why I crossdress or identify with femininity. I say things are often easier for women, because women are more free to express their emotions and to be close to each other, comfort each other, support each other and so on. I suppose I may have chosen at an early age to identify with femininity, because my Mom was much more appealing to me than Dad.

3. In my family my sisters probably had a much easier life than we boys did, especially we older boys. Dad was very authoritarian and abusive, mostly verbally, but often physically too. Both my parents tried to reinforce the stereotype of male behavior in me. No crying. No acting girly. I succumbed while I lived with them, but chucked it when I left home.

[flatlander_48]

1) No it isn't. It is just a different set of challenges. There are a number of issues that pull both genders in many different directions.
2) No
3) I don't believe that it is easier or not. But, it could be that women's challenges are biased more towards the emotional and men's more towards the physical. If this is the case, it may be related to society's view of the traditional gender roles.

[bridget thronton]

Having raised a daughter, I do not believe it is easier to be a woman. The grass does appear greener until you get there.

[mariehart]

I would just add that saying men have it easier doesn't really tell the full story. It's more of a case that it's less complicated for men in many ways but that only works if you as a man have your life well sorted. Men generally have a higher suicide rate than women. This clearly indicates men's problems can overwhelm them.

So there are many men who are comfortable in their shoes but even they cannot always express their softer side. I see this a lot actually as for some reason people see me as someone they can open up to. This includes some men. One is a holy terror, tough and ruthless and in the company of others can come across as a boor. One to one with him I have had the most intimate conversations. The difference is astonishing. Another guy is tough too, would have been a soldier or cop except for health issues. In the group he's dominant, one to one a different person. I suppose in some ways GG would see this too in their men. The man they sit at home with being quite different to the street fighter outside.

But even then there's a pressure to be a man. When I told my wife she did say she wished I was more masculine. I can't be and one of the reasons I told her was because I was fed up trying to be someone I'm not. All men feel that pressure even if they're mild mannered and timid.

But of course most men wear that lightly. It's not difficult for them to be men, be masculine. Particularly if they are successful in their career but when it goes wrong. Well we all know what can happen, drink, depression and even violence.

None of this means I think men have it as tough as women. But we need to keep perspective.

I think all of us here in this forum understand that, if not directly then instinctively.

Maybe we sometimes look at crossdressing from the entirely wrong perspective. We don't really become a woman when we crossdress but stop being a man for a while. You cannot be masculine in a pretty dress and high heels. Isn't that the reason many of us don't wear trousers and anything that could be male or female. You have to leave the man behind entirely?

[NicoleScott]

Wednesday has the best response so far. Men and women are different, and our evolved society has blessed and cursed us with privileges and responsibilities that seem to come with the territory. That's the way it is. Deal with it.

[BethanyAnn]

Definitely not easier, but it is more rewarding...richer I think. My mother and sisters spent a lot of time primping when I was growing up and I just followed in the same way. In my late teens and 20's...I could get by with some powder, blush and mascara, but in my mid 30's it takes ALOT more time and effort, something I don't have to do when going to work as a guy. :(
Bethany

[Nadine Spirit]

Hi Tink,

1 - No I do not think life is easier for girls. Personally I think lots of people think others have it easier than them. The whole grass is always greener argument. I see the same generalizations made by both genders. It would be easier if ...

2 - Your question makes the assumption that what we do is a thought out choice and I don't think it is a choice to desire to be somewhere within the trans umbrella.

3 - No.

I find it so interesting in trying to wrap one's head around transgenderism that it brings up and challenges so many of societies notions about ourselves.

[AmandaM]

No I think it's harder being a girl.

[Lorileah]

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl? Oh hell no. It is harder in many ways, more time to get ready, more choices to get ready, more men who think you are easy, more men who treat you like an 8 year old. Shall I go on?

2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing? No I thought it would be different but not easier. In my case it was just who I was



3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?) no just the opposite

Thanks for reading. :)[/QUOTE]

[Nadya]

I don't believe that by being a girl, life will be easier. That's different from if I were a girl my life would be easier in terms of trying to pass. I think women are far superior to men but that doesn't mean that I thought they had an easier life. I don't know about others on here but presenting myself as a woman has been enlightening to what women go through day-to-day (at least a very small taste of what it's like). If every man had to do it, I'm sure the world would be a different place.

[Amy R Lynn]

Interesting question....

It really depends on which part of being easier you are talking about. Physically, bodily, etc...

I would say for me, being a man is much easier. I don't have to shave anything unless I want to. I don't have to worry about my mens clothes looking cute or anything. I grab a t-shirt and jeans and I'm done. If I'm dressing up as a man then nice pants and a good ol button up shirt.

When Amy comes out to play it takes a LOT longer to get ready. I have to shave (I swear I share DNA with Sasquatch) and that can take a while depending on how I have been able to maintain it. Then I have to fret over which clothes work better together and make me look cute. Then I have to spend 45 mins - 1 hour putting on makeup.

So for me, being a man is definitely easier.

Now, I know some GG's that don't wear any makeup, don't get dressed up very often. They brush their hair, put something in to hold it in place, put on jeans and a t-shirt and they are all set. And they look GREAT! So.... for them being a girl seems pretty easy.

Now if you take the body into consideration.. I would say Men have it a WHOLE lot easier. When men go through puberty we don't develop boobs (much to my chagrin), which I've heard can be uncomfortable. Men don't have these huge weights stuck to our chests that create back problems and can get sore if you don't have a proper fitting bra. Men don't have to go through PMS, and Men don't have to give birth to have children. Men also don't have all of the medical complications that come with having a natural vagina. There are all kinds of cancers and other issues going on with women's reproductive systems. Bodily..... Men have it way easier.

[MatildaJ.]

It is not easy being a person on this planet regardless of gender.

My feelings exactly.



It really depends on which part of being easier you are talking about....I know some GG's that don't wear any makeup, don't get dressed up very often. They brush their hair, put something in to hold it in place, put on jeans and a t-shirt and they are all set. And they look GREAT! So.... for them being a girl seems pretty easy.

But only if one focuses on trying to attract attention. Many women want less attention paid to their bodies, and figuring out how to minimize attention to one's breasts or hips can be challenging. Also, women bear more responsibility for helping their colleagues get along and thrive and helping family members get through during childhood, illness and old age.

I wish people who were unhappy with the male roles worked harder to bring about the social change they want to see. Feminists changed society's expectations for women (somewhat), and men need to demand a similar flexibility for themselves.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tink, No on ever said that being a lady was going to be easy , But it sure is fun getting all dressed up
in so many soft and pretty fashions, wigs and Hi-Heels and emulating the real ladies.
I like to think that I now have the best of both worlds.

I have been in this program at least 67yrs. now that would put me around 4 yrs. old back then.

As for a roll model I guess that it would've been my mother.

[Michelle789]

1. It is not easier being a girl. I believe that men and women have different sets of challenges. When I started college, I remember one of my academic advisors told me that if I want to take 12 credits in a semester, I have two choices.
a. I can take four 3-credit classes
b. I can take three 4-credit classes

My advisor told me that taking three 4-credit classes is the easier option. I feel like the differences between being male and female can be summed up in that fashion. Being a woman is like taking four 3-credit classes - there are more things to juggle, but each one is light weight. Being a man is like taking three 4-credit classes - there are fewer things to juggle, but each one is more weight to carry around.

I think that women have more things to worry about than men do, and while most of them are lighter weight than what men have to worry about, there are some heavy weight consequences - namely unwanted pregnancy if you are a cis-gendered woman. On the other hand, men have fewer things to worry about, but there is tremendous pressure put on men to perform, succeed, and financially support the wife and kids.

It's called male privilege and male responsibility. I have no doubt in my mind that male privilege exists in all cultures. I have debated this issue many times on this forum, only to discover that the real debate isn't male privilege. It's whether or not there is male responsibility that comes along with male privilege, and how much responsibility to men have to take to get their male privileges. Male privilege is definitely true. Male responsibility is questionable.

While many men do take responsibility, work very hard, and financially support their wife and kids, there are deadbeat men out there who actually dodge their male responsibilities. Children of single moms who's father walked out on them as a kid, refuses to pay child support or alimony, and the mom had to play both mommy and daddy, will testify that being a woman is MUCH harder than being a man. Children of stay at home mom's will testify that both men and women have different challenges, and that while daddy has male privilege he also takes on a huge responsibility.

Men also have to sign up for the draft in all cultures, and risk dying in war. Women (GG's) do not have to worry about dying in war. War sucks, and is a huge price men pay to be men. We might not think much of war, because we have had no draft since the 1970's, and all of our recent wars have been fought overseas, with minimal casualties compared to earlier wars. But I think had we grown up during World War II or the Civil War, we might be thinking very differently about this question. I think lots of people who suffered through World War II or the Civil War would argue that girls have it easier since they didn't have to fight in the war against their will. War is the biggest curse of being a man, and whether or not you risk dying in war depends on whether or not you are of draft age during a major war where there is a draft - once again something that all of us born after 1955 did not have to worry about, although all of us born after 1955 have had to still sign up for the selective service - it's just that in the USA they haven't used the draft for 40 years.

On the other hand, if you want to fight in a war, it is easier to be a man. Like Paula said, if you want to bear children, you have to be a girl.

Being a girl also requires more time to get ready, more clothing choices, doing hair and makeup, and competition with other females over the body. Men also have an easier time making friends with other men than do women with other women. Women, especially the really pretty girls, may only have one friend, and that is the boyfriend or husband, and that is if he is a companion - many men do not make good companions and are emotionally closed off.

Women have gone from being second class citizens to having double duty. I also believe this double duty is the reason many women feel that we need both equality and chivalry. Equality without chivalry is not equality, and chivalry without equality is not equality.

Walking alone at night, or even during the day, can be dangerous for women. It is freightening to be approached by a man, especially when he starts chasing you for 20 minutes. It just happened to me today, I was walking down the street around my neighborhood today, in broad daylight, and this guy follows me for 20 minutes and sexually harasses me on and off. I finally got away from him. This experience can happen to GG's, to transwomen, and yes, even to CDers out and en femme. So far, my experience with unwanted male attention is in indoor places like the supermarket or Target or the mall, I get little attention, but when walking out on the streets alone I get far more male attention. Today it nearly turned into a disaster.

Even going on a date or being around your own boyfriend or husband can result in rape or sexual assault for a woman. In fact, 80% of rapes are date rapes - committed by a boyfriend or husband. Your own SO can be your own worst enemy if you are a woman.

2. I knew I identified as female since age 5, and I repressed it. I CDed as a way to express the girl within me. Sometimes my perception that girls have it easier was really because, like Paula said, if you wish to be a girl, it is easier to be a girl if you have a girl's body. It is easier for me to be a girl, because I am one, and pretending to be a man was painful and extremely difficult for me - especially in the dating department. I do have some male habits that I will need to unlearn as I transition.

I do give that ciswomen have it FAR easier than transwomen. If you are a transwoman, than GG's do have it easier than us. And keep in mind that transwomen cannot bear children even if we wanted to, and unless you transition really young, everyone one of us had to sign up for the selective service and risk being drafted.

3. There was no female in particular that caused me to believe that women have it easier than men. I never truly believed that women had it easier than men. But I never believed that men had it easier than women. I believed that men and women just had different problems to deal with - and all of us deal with problems because that is part of life.

Finally, I think the ultimate challenge for all of us is having to live inside of boxes, even if we could pick the box, but it's even worse because we don't pick the box, we are assigned a box at birth to live in. I think the world would be a better place if society would let go of the boxes that we have imposed on all of us to live within.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Interesting questions - these are my own personal observations and opinions. They are not necessarily universal truths or even things I find true all the time...

There are things that are easier for women. For people in my generation, growing up in the 50s and 60s, it was usually MUCH easier for a woman to find a casual sex partner than for a guy. We had to struggle, all most of them had to do was ask... Men willingly and happily do things for women that they would only do grudgingly at best for other men. In conversations, men chuckle at things women say that they would challenge loudly if another man had said it. I always thought my father was MUCH tougher and stricter with his sons than with his daughters.

BUT, there are a lot of things that are much easier for men. Just walking down a street near a construction site can be an ordeal for a woman. Being approached by someone asking for money can be a scary experience. Getting paid less than men is no picnic. There is NOTHING a guy can go through that compares to giving birth - if guys had babies, the human race would have died out long ago, because very few men would ever go through something like that twice!

I have no desire to be a woman. But I do enjoy wearing woman's clothes. It started as a sexual thing, but these days, it is just more comfortable. I wish I could wear a skirt and heels to work - as a guy. Maybe that is becoming more acceptable, but again, my generation has a lot of habits to break!

When I have on really nice clothes and walk gracefully in 4" heels (well, I don't actually see myself, so maybe not so much, but it IS my fantasy) I feel very close to my mother. She was a classy lady, and I like to try to look classy.

Deedee

[Darlylong]

I have too manly of a face to go out in public, but I think differently and enjoy life more as a woman.

[grace7777]

1. I am not sure as to who has it easier.

2. My dressing has never had anything to do with the idea that women have it easier. When I started dressing it just seemed something that I was led to do. I thought I could it at home initially and that would be enough, but it was not. Eventually I started going out and spending more and more time presenting as a woman. Now it seems I feel more natural presenting as a woman. Whether I am TS or not is something I need to discuss with a therapist. Also, I believe I have had feminine traits since childhood, which I had repressed for so many years.

3. There has been no specific woman who has influenced me on whether girls have it easier.

[Robin777]

!. No I don't think it's easier being a girl. I believe society in this country still treats women sometimes as 2nd class citizens and in some societies worse than that. So the answer is no. I just wish the men in the world would treat women as equals.

2. No, this isn't the reason I started dressing. I still haven't figured out why I started and why I still dress. Maybe I am wired wrong for my gender. I know I enjoy dressing and it makes me happy when I dress.

3. No,as far as I can remember, there was no particular female that influenced me. As I said I don't believe that women have it easier. I do believe women in some situations are superior to men. I believe more women should be in positions of power in this country,as I think this country would be better run than it is. I have the highest respect for women.

#.

[LesliePinky]

way hard, girls got a lot of things to maintain, to do, to beautify, also the actions very very hard.......but oh well we all love it

[Gardener]

I am not sure we should use the word easier but different and preferable might be more appropriate. I was not the happiest of young people and I distinctly felt drawn to the idea that so many things would be better if I was a girl. I do not think this was about gender confusion but plain simply that life might be better if .....however the one thing I am sure of is that there is no one size fits all answer to this question.

[Amanda M]

Hi Tinkerbell. Easier to be a woman? I don't think so. Each gender has to face it's own challenges, and by and large, we do.

My crossdressing was not a conscious choice - as far as I know. It developed in parallel with the rest of me!

Hope you two are doing well!

[Robinsinclair]

First, is it easier being a girl? Seen from only one side, it's hard to say.

Each gender seems to have some pluses and minuses. Men have more pressure to "succeed" and more pressure to conform. They have higher suicide rates and higher death rates due to violence. There are many areas where ones role as a "man" is very tightly defined. Men are expected to "provide" and there are strong societal pressures for them to do so.

Women have longer lives, lower death rates by violence and appear to have generally better health. They have better social networks and generally better support from their peers. Women are better accepted in a "mans world" than men are in a "womans world". In some ways women have more choices than men. Women can choose to be different and will not suffer in same manner as men for their differences.

Women are protected, cared for and valued in western society in ways that men are not.

That said, women suffer because men care for them. A woman's ability to choose a path independently is more difficult. She will be protected whether she wants to be or not. In some societies womens choices are entirely taken away.

Is it easier? It looks to be vastly more work to be a woman, but the rewards appear to be larger.

= = =

Is it why I enjoy dressing? Possibly.

= = =

A particular female??? My mom and the treatment of girls generally in school.

[Claire Cook]

Tink, We always need your perspective, and that of other GG's. I think that our responses in part depend on how we see ourselves.

1. Obviously women deal with things that men don't. The whole inequality in the job market, other gender-related biases, dealing with menstrual cycles, female peer pressure, motherhood -- these are things that, unless we have transitioned, we don't experience (well, none of us deal with periods or get pregnant, do we?) Do women have it easier? I don't think so. Having said that, there other sides to this question. If you are growing up as a guy, but with female identity or leanings, that isn't easy, either.

2. I guess the above answers #2. If women don't have it easier, then that is not a reason for me to CD. If I had had my choice, I think I would have been happier had I grown up as girl -- but it certainly would not have been "easier".

3. Did any particular woman influence me? No, I just wanted to do what they did and look like they did. I'm an only kid, and I know that my mother wanted a daughter (in addition to me). I never told her about my gender confusion (I did not what it was at the time) and sometimes i wonder how she would have reacted had I been honest with her. Perhaps she would have been my strongest influence?

[Brittany CD]

No, not in the slightest

[Amanda22]

Tink, thanks for the question. I'm having trouble with the word "easier." I'm not sure what you mean by it or what anyone would mean by it without a specific example. However, here are my responses:

1) I think that genetic females and genetic males who don't need to crossdress or aren't transsexual don't have to struggle with issues most on this forum deal with. I would say life would be easier for me if I didn't have a 24 hour hour per day awareness of my gender incongruity.

2) What I said in answer 1 is definitely why I crossdress. When I wear feminine clothing, I feel the gap narrows between who I am internally and my physical body.

3) To the best of my knowledge, no female in my life has influenced me to think women have an easier path. In fact, I think women have a much more difficult path in life. I do believe females are superior to males, and I've arrived at that view by observing how men handle conflict versus women.

[Ressie]

Yes, I believe it's easier. Girls don't have to shave their faces every day or work on their feminine voice. All this girly stuff seems to come naturally to most girls. I've never heard of a girl getting kicked out of a ladie's room. Gosh, girls can even shop for girl's clothing without anyone thinking they're weird. Tucking is painful! ;)

[adrienner99]

I think men and women face different types of pressures. I wouldn't call things easier for either, just different. Men are probably still paid better (tho they are mostly aggressive, alpha male types perhaps.) Women get cheated more often by auto repair shops and contractors. If someone breaks into your home at 3:00 a.m. it's the man who goes downstairs with a baseball bat. If your child wakes up screaming at 3:00 a.m. it's usually the woman who reacts while the man snores through it. Men can be brutally cruel to each other, and to women for that matter.

I dress because the look and feel of women's clothes does something to me that nothing else in the world does.

[typhoidmary]

from the perspective of someone who feels uncomfortable and somewhat wrong being male and masculine, and to whom being female seems desirable based on it being pretty much integral at this point to who my ideal self would be for reasons I could never quite grasp, I'd say that for me personally, yes being a girl would be easier.

outside of that, I wouldn't know. depends on the individual I guess. I really hate those kind of "who has it worse" debates, I don't think they're productive at all so it's not something I really think about. I'm not saying I think this thread is one of those, don't get me wrong.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't think it's "easier" per se Tink, just more satisfying at times. I started dressing those long years ago because it just "felt right". :)

[Taylor Ray]

A super hot, sexy, and intelligent woman who always get what she wants and manipulates situations to her advantage?

Or an unattractive, overweight female born into poverty and reliant upon the government to feed her children?

Um, these generalizations are either very interesting to discuss...or very philosophically hollow.

[kimdl93]

No, No and No.

There may be some people who have highly unrealistic and idealized views of what it is to be female or male. You sometimes see references here to the 50's housewife as some sort of feminine idea.

Well, no, its not remotely true. If someone's only reference to women was 50's sitcoms, well, they were missing out on a lot of real life. My female role models, including my mother, aunts, and older sister all were hard working and hardly had time or opportunity to look like Donna Reed. Superior? Not a word choice I would have made.

But, I didn't choose to be transgendered. It seems to have chosen me. And I suspect that many CDrs were similarly chosen. They may have conjured up a variety of "explanations" based on their own vague recollections, such as "admiration for women", but most...certainly many men have admirable women in their lives, and do not choose to become CDrs.

[Tami Monroe]

I don't think for a moment that it is easier being a girl. In the summer months, I have absolutely no desire to try and stay in my en-femme character. I can see what my wife and adult stepdaughter go through in the summer months, and I have no desire to deal with that.

[Christen]

Easier being a girl? Nope, definitely not, definitely not.

[sometimes_miss]

Do you think it's easier being a girl?
In general, no. There are advantages to being either sex, but overall, I think it all works out about even. Tink, it's a case of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and neither will ever convince the other that they have it harder. The penultimate examples go something along the lines of giving birth, and being drafted and going to war. Everything else pales in comparison.

And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?
I think perhaps initially, especially for guys, it seems easier to be the one to sit back and let others put their egos on the line offering themselves up to be chosen or discarded in the dating world, especially since the vast majority of us get turned down infinitely more often than we get accepted. Same with sex; we have to PERFORM, and doing that performance is almost reliant on something of which we have no conscious control. The old saying is, initially at least, to be good at sex, a woman doesn't necessarily have to be good, she just has to be pretty, and show up. That's it. So yeah, THAT seems a whole lot easier. Yes, sword swallowing is more difficult than licking a lollipop, but it's a skill you can learn, while you can't learn to force an erection.

I won't bother refuting why things are not easier for girls as the list would be a novella
Yes, and I've heard (and every guy has heard) it all before too. As above, there's no way for either sex to experience all the things in life that the other has in order to acknowledge whether it's harder or easier. It's both, really, depending on what particular thing you are talking about.

Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)
Well, one thing that I grew up with, was that women are allowed to complain, and men are not. We're simply expected to suck it up and move on. We can't complain about pain or we're pussies, wimps; we can't complain about wages because it means we're lazy. Basically, we can't complain. About anything. Everything is assumed to be our responsibility, even when it isn't. And yes, that's one of the things that WE have to deal with.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Depending on the county.For my self yes its easy,er being a female ,why, i was born one and did not have to prove what i am , though i was percived as a male by most people i struggled with other issues not related to being who i am or what i am or how i was growing up i was given a full rein as to become my self and my Mother did not push me in ether way of to be a male or female and i did not conform to ether ,

Yet with all that and my other issues I was happy with my self over all and my life and where it has lead me and really i have been blessed in so much .

Is it easy to be female i will not say for every female and that comes from working with many who have been abused so not every female ,

The down side is we are abused from birth many of us and sexualy and after that nothing matters does it,
We are 2nd rate in so much and that covers our life and what we do or are told to ,

I know first hand and that includes my Mom and what happened to us so our start in life was coverned by men and yes not good for us ,

When you are mared for life you have to live with that and it hangs over your head ,

Even so ,I was not influanced in any way by other women or females as to my being female apart from body or other detail you are born wired as a girl ./ female its not something you can add to who you /we are its there from long before birth ,

Being born the way i am is who i am and i dont know any other way , simple ,

So a woman does not need to be good at sex and no doubt love making she just needs to be pretty and show up....OH >>>....WOW.....

What then we are not pretty and struggle with love making , we are rejected we just dont have that what would i say to be sexy to be a lovely looking female or woman what a bloody put down ,what then a good romp in bed , thats it....... no wonder we are 2nd rate,

I struggled all my life with love making i never ever thought i was good enough NEVER.....

......No wonder i had issues with men and what happened to us......

...noeleena...

[Laura J]

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl?
I guess I am an outsider in what it is like to be a girl but that doesn't stop me speculating though... And the question was 'do you think' so:
I think generally girls have it much harder in life than boys. Lower pay, higher expectations, glass ceiling and being treated like objects can't be good. Hopefully it is getting better though. Breaking the straight jacket of 'what boys do' seems to be much harder for boys than girls though. This may be because of the issues above though. Society tells us that to go from a man to a woman is a step down and thus should be frowned on. The other way is seen as desirable because she is stepping up. We understand this is not the case however.

2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?
I still haven't worked this out myself.


3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)
Maybe it was because I was brought up by a single mum. She somehow managed to keep it all together while moving around the country to escape my dad, and kept us fed and clothed at the same time.

[Athena_]

Hi Tink,

1. I don't know about easier, but I would say that being a girl is less limiting than a boy. Let me explain that. IMO there are far more diverse options for girls in life than for boys. At our point in history, it may be the best time ever for being female in the Western world (and rightly proper). Girls have full access to education and careers that were traditionally male only for most of history. Girls are currently far more accepted in roles that are traditionaly boy roles that the reverse. Girls are in our military in nearly every role, and it seems right and proper. Boys in the Nursing or elementary education fields are still regarded as an oddity, but certainly campable. IMO, women can have it all if they choose to.

Easier, I don't know; but the options of a girls life path are more potentially diverse that boys.

2. I suppose that growing up in a house with a divorced mom and two sisters, and always feeling like I had to be the man at a young age had more to do with it. I often wished to be more like the rest of my family.

3. Mom and my sisters were a strong influence. I certainly felt that female was the superior gender.

[Melissa_59]

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl?
2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?
3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)


1) Absolutely not. Even if you toss away all the incredibly rough standards that women are expected to hold themselves to, the mere fact that men are responsible for more women dying or being brutalized than any other reason on Earth - by a LONG shot. Great White Sharks don't even rate in that scale, neither do lions, tigers, bears (oh my...) gila monsters, rattlesnakes - heck, if you add most those together they don't even come close. And yet, somehow you have to say "Yes" to those men-people in order to reproduce. That's pretty brave. I could tell you about the story of my oldest daughter who was dating the preacher's son and on prom night tried to rape her, but I'm sure my oldest daughter is not the only one this has happened to. Women have it rough. Really rough - even a guy who you might think is "safe" ends up having another life you know nothing about... -wink-wink- A woman get grey hair and she's "undesirable", if you listen to the dolts on this planet. A man gets grey hair and he's "distinguished". Seriously? The double standards are rampant. Personally I find women who are not afraid of grey hair to be more interesting, simply because they're not as vain.

2) Nope, wasn't looking for a mountain to climb or a life-or-death challenge to overcome. Honestly I wish I knew why. I know I like to do it, I simply wish the world was more accepting of it.

3) N/A, see answer 1.

~Mel

[Ugly Michele]

1) not easier think of the amount of time doing make-up, nails, hair, skin care.
2)not at all, I liked the clothes so much better
3) my mom, sisters they would dress me up, and take me shopping as a young girl. Always loved it.

[Persephone]

I live in Realville with dozens (and dozens) of friends, some males, mostly females, of all ages, races, and backgrounds. And we have ongoing very intimate discussions (as women often do) about our lives, our loves, our relationships. In all that time I have never heard the kind of pity party that seems to form the majority of posts on this thread.

There are the ups and downs of husbands and family life among the married, the constant dating dramas and boyfriend dilemmas of the unmarried, lots of discussion of health issues, but never a "poor, poor pitiful me for having been born a woman."

I might also point out that in addition to being the only sex that can give birth, women also live a good bit longer than men.

Among my friends, other than the FtM's that I know, I doubt there is one who would trade her life for that of a man, even among my lesbian friends. Asked if they wished they'd been born a man there would be an eruption of laughter at the very rediculousness of the question.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Michelle789]

@Persephone,

I don't think that most men nor women would trade their lives for that of the opposite sex. Anyone, regardless of sex, who seriously is engaging in discussions like the one on this thread, likely has some gender issues going on, and falls somewhere on the gender spectrum. That doesn't mean that everyone here is a transsexual and needs to transition - far from it. But I would say that most of the people who posted on this thread have some degree of gender dysphoria, and there is a correlation (not 100%) between severe gender dysphoria and severely thinking the grass is greener on the other side. The key word is severely. Everyone sometimes thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but it doesn't cause most people such pain that they would trade their life for the one of the opposite sex. Those of us whom it causes us pain are often transsexuals, at least in most cases.

In rare cases, there may be a failed man or a failed woman who would want to trade their life for the one of the opposite sex, but they quickly find out that they are their assigned birth sex and work towards being better at their birth sex. These failed men or failed woman are rare cases. In fact, my therapist has never actually seen a "failed woman", and only one percent of her TS clients turn out to be "failed men."

I have seen many male privilege threads, and the common factor is the most vocal critics of male privilege usually are MTF TS who had a difficult time pretending to be a man. I was one of them. A year ago, I was a train wreck. I thought I was a CD. I believed that male privilege was a bunch of bunk, and that girls had it easier. I hated being a man, and wanted to die to be reincarnated as a woman. Even after a psychic told me that "being a woman sucks" and that "gender confusion comes from the devil."

Fast forward a year, I now live most of my life as a woman. I am going to start hormones in 9 days. I am finding that as I accept myself and start transition, that I now see that both sexes have it difficult in different areas. I recognize that there is definitely male privilege, and that that privilege comes with male responsibility. Men have it easier in some areas, and more difficult in other areas. Women have it easier in some areas, and more difficult in other areas. I find that as I accept myself there is no need to debate male privilege any more. To me, it doesn't matter how much male privilege there is out there, because I am not a man. I was born into the wrong body. I would never want to go back to pretending to be a man. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to transition and am prepared for every possible bump in the road.

One more thing, no matter how much male privilege there is, and even if it is "easier to be a man", having privilege or "easiness" doesn't make you happy. I have heard stories of miserable millionaires and happy beggars. I have noticed many of the people who posted on this very thread who believe that a girl's life is harder, or at least no easier than a man's, used to believe that woman were the privileged gender. This tells me about some of the pain and suffering gender dysporia is causing many people here on this forum.

Just perhaps that psychic is actually a man trapped in a woman's body. Maybe she hates being a woman so much, and would trade her life for the one of a man, because, well, she is a man. I told this story about the psychic to an FTM and an MTF in my group, and both believe the psychic might be transgender in denial.

[JessMe]

I suffer no delusions that life is somehow easier as a female... still human, still have hopes and doubts and fears, still have bills that show up uninvited, and have a day-to-day existence that you wish could be easier. ...I DO, however, think that, I personally, would be happier in spite of the same old two step that comes with being a person... if that person were female. ...just my .02$ (or 750 dollars Canadian, whichever you prefer. :p ...just kidding canucks!!)

[Zooey]

If I thought it was easier to be a woman, I'd probably be several years into transition. I think part of what keeps me from pursuing that path is that I'm absolutely terrified of giving up my White Male Privilege card when it comes to my career. :(

[Dena]

No, I don't think it's easier being a girl. The variety of styles and fabrics are what got me started.
Some dresses can be magical! I never felt any magic in guy clothes.

[Mia27]

I do not believe its easier being a girl:P But its hell of a lot more fun!!!:) i believe that my sisters and mother were a strong influence on my crossdressing. My mom was the head of the household and my sisters had close to equal power:P i had four sisters and 1 step brother. I grew up around all things girls mostly. I learned to love the clothes my sisters wore and i got pretty jealous of all the choices and fun they had with their outfits. Thats my take on it:P i dont want to be a girl full time, i love being a man and going out and being as manly as can be (i'm a fisherman). But sometimes, i just love to be Mia:)

[BethanyCross]

What an interesting question!

1. Physically, I think men have it better. No, men can't have babies but physcial strength, health, plumbing issues make it physically better to be a man, I attribute women's edge on longevity to the stress of work - an edge that is decreasing as society let's women assume traditionally male careers.
2. Mentally, women seem to have an edge on men. Fewer psychological issues, crossdressing being one. Not that crosdressing is a negative, but it is an issue men have to deal with and women don't. Additionally, most of the sexual perverts are men - rape, incest, pedophilia.
3. Place in society, I give the edge to women, although it used to be men. While men still have the lead role in the world, that is decreasing. Men earn more money, but when you go to a shopping mall it is obvious that women spend it! Women get to use the money on things for themselves to make themselves pretty, but are not functional. Men get golf clubs, powertools and cars. Frankly, I'd rather make myself pretty!

[Michelle789]

@Bethany,

Shopping for women's clothes and trying them on is WAY more fun than shopping for or trying on men's clothes.

[Rogina B]

I have a 12 yr old daughter that I firmly believe has developed positively from having a Transgender father whose thoughts blur gender lines.Like any good parents,we constantly discuss her future. I want her to be a "stand up girl"..one that is not afraid to assert herself in the male world..And not to be dependent on a male in any way,shape or form. As I watch her character develop,it is so obvious of the complexities of a female's life versus the simplistic "get it done" life of an average male.. .And having full acceptance from an extremely open minded mother whose interests crossed gender roles has made a huge difference throughout my life. Perhaps,I answered your question.

[Alice Torn]

I believe GGs have it easier socially, and they are in demand far more than males or CDs. So many men CD or not, have no close friend, period. I have envied GGs because they have a great social advantage we don't have. A problem women do have, is too much male attention they do not want. That has to be difficult, always being hit on. Many men , CD or not, have almost never had a woman "hit on" them. Many of us guys are loners, societal rejects. Males commit suicide successfully far more than GGs do. Men feel like losers, and are branded losers far more than GGs, if they are not financially "successful". Money seems a terrible way, to judge a man's worth. What about character? Some of us envy your great variety of colors, and modes of dress. How would GGs like being limited all through life, with, pants, shirt or sweater, and coats? You women have some real hardships, but also some advantages, mainly socially. Very few GG loners with few or no close friends, like many men are. I did not think my mom had it easy. She had an emotionally , and mentally torturous life, with my abusive father. She died, and he is 93 now. I saw girls in school socially blessed, and kind of envied them, know they had it easier socially than boys.

[MelanieAnne]

I don't know if women have it easier, but they can always find someone to move in with and take care of them.

[ophelia]

Women absolutely have one thing better, a supreme advantage..... They are so far ahead of the curve. Not withstanding Katherine Hepburn, Amelia Aerheart and Annie Hall, women have freely crossdressed for generations with nary a cultured soul making anything like a fuss or batting an eyelash. Although the world is changing it's not anywhere near the warp factor we need. the current democratically elected mayor of Toronto, an artistic, modern, progressive big city, refuses to march in in the pride parade or raise the rainbow flag. That's the (dwindling) majority speaking sisters, and when we show up to work with some barely overdone highlights, some eyebrow waxing or some tentative eyelash extensions their minds, if not their voices, say F-A-G. And they hide their children from you. The world turns every twenty four hours, but for us, the virtually un-liberated crossdressers of the world it's barely three o'clock.

[ReineD]

It's no easier being a girl than it is to be a boy. There is no 'best way' to be.

For 95% of the population, it's actually easier for a woman to be a girl than a boy, and it's easier for a man to be a boy than a girl.

I think the people who have it most difficult, are people whose gender identities are not aligned with their physical sex.

Crossdressers may have it difficult too, if they feel they cannot be themselves in male mode. By this, I mean showing a caring, nurturing, less competitive side of themselves perhaps. But luckily the world is changing and it is making it possible for men to show their softer sides, just as it is making it possible for women to be independent and successful in the work force.

As to presentation (adornments like makeup, jewelry, fashionable clothes) … well, honestly I think this is secondary to who we are, although I know I am speaking from the privileged position of not having any desire to appear as the opposite gender. So it's OK for me to not dress up (and please, I am not crossdressing when I wear jeans with no makeup or jewelry). I don't miss it if an occasion such as a fancy dinner or cocktail party doesn't present itself. But I do recognize that crossdressers don't feel that way, there's just something about a feminine presentation that is hugely attractive to CDers. So because our society does not condone men who wear women's clothes, in this sense it is also very difficult to be a crossdresser.

[Megalic30]

1) Depends on the girl. We all come from all walks of life some rich, some poor, some privileged and some abused. I don't think gender makes things easier or harder unless it's peeing when standing up. For the important things we are all capable of doing no matter the gender its society and self doubt that tells us we can't.

Gloria Steinem — 'We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters

((Note: Being a GG I try not to get offended by some of the things that have been said. I often realize that the idea of “Woman Hood” here is an interpretation from the parts that have been commercialized and not the always the real thing. A woman is not her clothes, she is not her makeup, she is not her ability to produce children. This is not what a woman is nor dose it make a man any less of a man to want these things. Also for those who put down pregnancy as one of the reasons for easy.... really?! Just look up “Things they do not tel you about giving birth” and let me know if you still think its easy. ))

2) Can't really answer this being a GG.

3) I have known girls/women who put up this mask of having it all because of beauty. Nice hair, nice nails, makeup, clothes, expecting a man to take care of them. But it was a mask. Underneath was someone with self doubt and fear. Underneath was someone who wanted to be loved by others and thought this was the only way how. Sometimes this drive to perfection will distract you from how wonderful imperfection is.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I think the people who have it most difficult, are people whose gender identities are not aligned with their physical sex....Crossdressers may have it difficult too, if they feel they cannot be themselves in male mode. By this, I mean showing a caring, nurturing, less competitive side of themselves perhaps.

I agree with this. I read often here (hence the thread!) about how much better life would be as a girl, as though it's all peachy cream over this side, when maybe what they mean is how much easier it would be just to feel comfortable in their own skin? That makes a lot of sense as everyone here is right - neither gender has it easier. It's just different....though I completely agree with Megalic that being able to stand and pee would be AWESOME! I also agree that we GG's can usually get laid a lot easier on a night out. Not that I'd know that personally, no, of course not....... :)

As for my H, I know from many conversations that he has always been jealous of the easy sexual appeal women hold. He's a sexual dresser and he's partly convinced it's because he was a slow starter sexually. He created his own girlfriend, or so he says. Who knows? Otherwise, he was pretty much raised by his very strong mother and sisters and definitely holds more respect for women as his father basically let them all down. This may have something to do with him crossdressing, but it may not. He can't answer that as it's so long ago. Guess it doesn't really matter. And I make sure he knows I'm superior anyway so I guess I'm reaffirming things, lol!!

As for me? I worshiped my rather abusive father until I had to see him for what he was. I struggled with self esteem for many years thanks to his treatment of me and always thought men held the power. I wanted that power for myself but couldn't ever see how to get it. I see this for what it is now - a failure on my father's part. Plenty of men don't throw their weight around women like he did, and I don't cower from authoritative men like I once did. But that took much counselling and personal effort to achieve and there are still days I don't like the company of authoritative men.

One thing I will add to this thread - to all the parents here, be the most loving, supportive and available you can be. So many of us are a product of parents who weren't. x

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell one word for your last paragraph, " Amen " !
Both my wife and I had that upbringing ! I vowed I would never follow in my father's footsteps with my children !
My wife carries more baggage from her childhood,which is why she finds it more difficult to be open with my CDing ! but she is a good caring mother !

[natcrys]

No, in general.. I don't think girls/women have it easier, especially looking at the world as a whole. In terms of women's rights, education possibilities (just going to school without someone throwing acid in a girl's face), career opportunities, equal pay, societal pressure to look good, having that monthly thing.. sheesh.. just reading this boggles my mind.

Of course, it would also be silly to deny that women have perks, but there's no question in my mind who drew the short straw.

1. So no, it should be obvious that I don't think that they have it easier.

2. I'm of the firm belief that whether we're CD/TG/TG/(whatever label suits you) is something you're born with. How that evolves and what the specific preferences are and will be, I think, are shaped by the environment and role models while growing up. Consequently, I don't think that whether one thinks women have it easier or not has ANY bearing on "starting" to crossdress.

3. Not really.. the only thing I can think of is having studied at my technical university with only 20% female students. There and then.. the women, IMHO, definitely had it easier with respect to dating and relationships. But I don't hold that against them. :p

[Claire Cook]

I agree with this. I read often here (hence the thread!) about how much better life would be as a girl, as though it's all peachy cream over this side, when maybe what they mean is how much easier it would be just to feel comfortable in their own skin? That makes a lot of sense as everyone here is right - neither gender has it easier. It's just different....though I completely agree with Megalic that being able to stand and pee would be AWESOME!

Hi Tink,

I can't speak for others, but you hit my nail on the head when you refer to being comfortable in your own skin. That's really what is about for me.

... and Oh, BTW ... I've always preferred to pee sitting down when I can ... but yes, it is handy to pee standing up when I have to.... best of both worlds?

Thanks again for all of your thoughtful posts,

Claire

[Ressie]

We CDs obviously like women's clothes and some of us would like to have more of women's physical attributes. I guess I just love femininity but don't want the problems that are exclusive to females. Although I have ideas and theories, I don't know why I had an interest in wearing fem clothes at an early age. But I think part of it was wanting to be sexy.

[Frédérique]

1)Do you think it's easier being a girl?
2)And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?
3)Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)

Well, Tinkerbell, I know a woman who has been married twice, and during both marriages she’s been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused. She’s now working two jobs to make ends meet, somehow supporting seven people all by herself. Despite this, she still manages to smile and not hate ALL men…

So, NO, I don’t think life is easier for women, if that’s what you’re getting at… :straightface:

[sometimes_miss]

I don't know if women have it easier, but they can always find someone to move in with and take care of them.

But here again, is the assumption that a woman gets to choose any guy she wants. It doesn't work out that way. Sure, she can find someone to move in with that will well, support her, but TAKE CARE of her? She doesn't get to choose exactly how he will take care of her, or how much she will have to do things that she doesn't want to do in order to be 'taken care of'. Also, yes, a woman can go out on any night and get laid; but it's probably not going to be with a guy she wants to do it with, not the way she wants to do it, and not with the end result (a relationship) that she wants. Most men ignore this. Remember, guys, that YOU TOO can have sex any time you want, as long as you aren't choosy about who it is with, or how the sex goes; just get arrested, go to prison and bend over to get the soap. Then you too can get all the sex you want, just like all those women, but it won't be with who you want to do it with, or the way you want to do it. But you can get sex.

[Persephone]

I don't think that most men nor women would trade their lives for that of the opposite sex. ...

What a great post!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[sandra-leigh]

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl?

No, never have. My first deliberate exploration of cross-dressing had to do with knowing that it was harder (in the society of that day) to be female, and my wanting to develop an appreciation for what it was like for women to have to live that way.

[MissTee]

It's not easy be a man or a woman. Same quantity of sufferings -- different genders. That's all.

[Eryn]

I'm reminded of a famous speech:


...and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win...

Getting dressed and going out isn't quite comparable to going to the moon, but it isn't easier than going out in male mode. It's a challenge, a goal, and something that is worth doing.

[im-sparkles]

girls have my utmost respect (and envy). its so easy to be a guy. since i began cross dressing i never complain to my wife about taking to long to get ready!!

[Miss Interpretation]

This is a very charged topic and the answer, I don't think, is straightforward.

But in the end, I think it depends on what you want from your life. Men have it easier in terms of career-building, independence, appearance, and leadership roles. I think if you are the ambitious type, it would be much easier to be the male. On the other hand, women have fewer societal demands and expectations, are more free to express themselves emotionally and in appearance, are generally treated with more sympathy and compassion, and can take a more "passive" role in society without being admonished for being lazy. In general, I think the male privileges are better, but maybe that's because I've only ever experienced life from one side. In my field (tech), it is without a doubt better to be male. However, the world becomes more egalitarian by the day, and soon it won't matter whether you're male or female.

If females had it better across the board I would probably have transitioned at some point, but it's never that easy! Personally, I'd love to be able to pick and choose the best qualities, and I think that summarizes my gender role perfectly. I'm more male than female, but I definitely have a female side that needs to express herself every now and then!

That being said, all the time I've spent dressing myself up have given me some SERIOUS appreciation for what women go through. You can never truly understand what the other side feels until you experience it yourself...

[JamieG]

I see a lot of good responses here, so I'll keep mine fairly short

1) No, I don't think it's easier to be a girl. There are pros and cons to both genders. One of the perks of being transgendered is you get to cherry pick the parts you like. I will say that I think I personally would have had a lot less emotional turmoil if I was born a girl. My sensitive nature would not have been a source of ridicule in school, my love of soft fabrics could have been openly expressed, I could have started ballet at a young age without fear of being labeled an outcast, etc. But I will readily admit that I benefited a lot from male privilege.

2) I did not choose to be this way.

3) I don't think anyone influenced me to crossdress. My mom taught me to treat women with respect. I have this theory that maybe I felt that it was so wrong to objectify women that at a young age I started to objectify their clothing. But, I don't think that's my complete story, because I've always been a bit effeminate. It isn't just a fetish for me.

[devida]

1)No
2)No
3)No

But I do certainly believe that women are superior, but I would not to be one. The superiority of women derives from their biological and psychological complexity and subtlety, but there are also problems with this complexity that I am sure any woman knows. About the only thing I like about being genetically male is the relative biological simplicity of the male body. I can't say the same about the psychological simplicity of men.

[Lorna]

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl? No.
2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing? No, but I wanted to find out what it was like to dress as a girl. So, is dressing as a girl "easier" than dressing as a boy (man)? Note that this is about dressing, not make-up, relationships, careers, etc.

Not necessarily. I soon found that at its simplest - panties, bra, easy dress, shoes (maybe not even the bra!) - dressing as a girl is easier and more comfortable than typical male casual dress. At the other end of the scale, choosing and getting into the right foundations (bra, girdle, shaper, etc), putting on stockings or tights, deciding on the right slip for the chosen dress and getting into the dress is definitely harder than the equivalent "smart" male clothes. Then there's the wearing of the clothes, perhaps all evening or all day..... A tight skirt can restrict movement; a loose one can blow in the wind; stockings or tights can tear or ladder; heels can slow down walking and be uncomfortable; bras and girdles can feel tight and there tends to be a more frequent need to make adjustments, for example, a slipping bra strap, wrinkled stockings, neckline out of place, etc.
I can now understand why, when I was young, girls looked forward to being allowed to wear "adult" clothes but soon found out the disadvantages, eventually, when they could, abandoning some of the more difficult clothes to make their lives easier and more comfortable. Crossdressers can experience the same contrasts whenever they like - and that is what attracted me, therefore....

3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? No.

[DanielleJean]

It is not easier being a girl. That said, I started dressing because I liked how it felt and made me look and I continued to expand my dressing and feminine expression. As I've done that I have more of an appreciation for what a woman goes through, particularly in getting ready for each day. While it is not easier it is more comforting and peaceful to me. I have no desire to transition as there are things I like about being a guy. That said I just enjoy letting my inner woman come out.

[Stephanie47]

I think you know the answer to the first question. It's only easier being whoever you are, if you accept your position and status in life.

When I first wore an article of women's clothing it was one of my mother's full nylon slips. She hanged them to dry in the sole bathroom of the apartment. I loved the feel of the fabric. I had no desire to be a girl. Back in the day girls played boring sidewalk games and played with dolls, while the guys played baseball, football, basketball, all sorts of street games lost to the times. Being a girl was absolutely boring. The women I grew up with wiped their kids' butts, washed and cooked, cleaned and baked. Guys? The men went off to boring jobs as bakers, mechanics, postal workers, cops. I'd say both lived mundane lives.

Trade my blue jeans and tee shirts for frilly dresses? No way! Except for those slips. Darn, I wish my mother wore boring cotton slips.

[Tina_gm]

I don't think either gender has it easier. both have their advantages and disadvantages.

[Lexi Moralas]

Is it easier to be a woman than. A " normal" man ? Probably not , but would it be easier to be a girl and a M to F cd ?
I think there is a strong argument for yes !
Look at it this way. Make a list of everything you like to do as a male and every thing you like to do enfemme. And cross out all the things society frowns on you doing now. Then take same lists and cross off anything you couldn't do if yo were a GG. I bet you would be a lot happier with the second list. For example. There are 2 high school girls in my town that were the subject of an artical in the town news paper. They are both on the varcity base ball team ( and damn good players ) one takes auto shop the other wood shop and both compete in beauty pagents. Just a quick summary.
Point being they can do typical " guy things " and still be girly girls and they are praised for there versatility it not condemned for it.
Well that's my 2 cents

[janetcgtv]

1. No I do not think it is easier being a girl
2. No, Because I believe it is because of prenatal development
3. No I don't think women are superior.
Women can take more pain then men because of child birth.
Men Have more muscles than women
Both sexes can die. Women in child birth and men in war as defined in physical gender roles.
Also the women can mess up the world as the men have messed up the world. Being human we all make mistakes.
AS for me, I would have preferred being born a woman.

[Beverley Sims]

After reading and considering previous replies, my own observations and experiences........ :)

No!

[Windsong]

No, personally I don't think it is easier being a girl....maybe it is the idiom "the grass always looks greener in another pasture"....both genders have challenges and joys right? As for wearing feminine/masculine clothes I do prefer wearing pants than a skirt all the time and have done so for years....and yes it is more comfortable both physically and phsychologically. I am ME not a person placed in any other category as I have always refused to be put into categories or labelled nor has anyone done so. Life is for learning and is constantly presenting lessons to us...maybe one day I shall graduate from life...but at the moment I am enjoying the learning process....time to seize the day.

[Desirae]

1) I highly doubt its easier being a female in any respect.

2) Since I don't believe its easier being female, there is no way the "easier-nest" of being female might have contributed to why I started dressing. I have no idea why I started dressing. Its just a desire I have from within.

3) I can't think of any woman who has ever suggested to me that females have it easier.

Now, if you want to talk about whether females have it better, that's another story.

[jessicapaige]

Maybe not easier, but sometimes I think it's probably more fun. Of course that could depend on a lot of things.

[Joanna Maguire]

Its not easy But I am happier as a girl and less withdrawn and happier .I come out as my real self as a girl

[charlene#2]

i have read a lot of the responses and the one that makes the most sence is from reine,i believe that she can see this subject from both sides.her mate is a very lucky person that she can be so open minded,i wish that i understood the compulsion that i have that makes me crave to wear female clothes,i know that they are just clothes but they are clothes that are designed for females,early on in my life there was a sexual feeling while wearing the clothes,i imagine there are a lot of us here on the forum that have went thru the same thing,but now when i get up and get dressed in the morning i would rather have a pretty pair of panties on,any more its mostly panties,i do have urges to wear a bra at times but but not that often.anyway thanks to reine for her insite on this subject.

[Dana3]

The answer is subjective and relative to the total and complete life experiences of the individual that is questioned. There are a lot of variables involved, which are opened to interpretation. Clearly there are advantages and disadvantages to being of either gender, or sex if you construct your reality or interpretation of such to the construct of binary thinking and logic?

As there are currently about 7 to 8 billion people on the planet? There are about the same approximate number of answers to the question? And exponentially so! As there are deviants from the statistical norm? That precludes the possible number of billions of people that have preceded us ~ now dead.

[Eryn]

After reading this thread I had the realization that, while it may not be easier being a girl than a boy, it is easier to be either a boy or girl exclusively than to assume both roles alternately.

While I look forward to presenting female it does involve work, since I have to do quite a bit more than a GG to achieve an acceptable appearance. I also have to consciously change my voice and mannerisms to match my presentation. Once female, I relish the experience of interacting with the world as female.

When the time comes when I have to go back to being male I feel a sense of loss and also one of envy for those who aren't required to go back. One could liken it to a psychological withdrawal symptom.