Lose my panties

[Glenda58]

The doesn't like me to dress. So the other day while I was away she found some of my fancy panties lace and satin ones and took most of them.:sad: Said I had to many( 20 ) she left all the cotton ones and the ones that matched my bras plus the ones in the wash and what I had on. :)

Don't know what she thinking if she starting to except me dressing or just knows that I'm not going to stop.

Anyway she didn't take any of my other things.

[kimdl93]

this seems to be one of those, "why don't you ask her" moments. If you're curious why she took some and left others, you could ask. And if you wonder if this reflects any change in her attitude, its a fair question.

[Eryn]

Just for argument's sake, what would her reaction be if you went through her favorite clothes and decided to take some of them away from her due to criteria of your own choosing? "You have too many pairs of jeans, so I'm going to throw away the last five pairs you wore."

Now, I don't for a moment suggest that you actually do this because it is childish and controlling, but I did want to put your wife's actions in perspective. Her actions might be justified if the person she was dealing with *was* a child, but you're an adult and she should discuss the issue with you if it bothers her.

[Deedee Skyblue]

it sounds like she may accept your dressing but excepts fancy panties.

Deedee

[Marcelle]

Hi Glenda,

I agree with Eryn on this. As you have been up front with your wife about your dressing (DADT relationship) then mutual respect should prevail in all aspects (that includes the respect of both parties). If your wife is upset because of the style of panties and seeing them, then she should have discussed this with you. Throwing away your property was not a good way to handle things. IMHO I would ask her about it and why she chose to throw them out. If it is because you have too many then I don't get the logic. If it is because she does not like seeing the frilly type because it reminds her about your CDing then that is logical and a position to compromise from.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Glenda, That's an interesting turn of events, Please do keep us informed on her next move.

One thing I wouldn't recommend is taking any of her things.

Are the panties her size , or a lot prettier than what she wears??

[Krisi]

How do you know she took them? What (if she took them) did she do with them? Did she take them for herself?

[deebra]

Eryn, you nailed it, very well said, Glenda I would suggest you go take some of your wife's items, tell her and say now let's have a talk. They were mine and you have no right to take/steal them, if you want your things back then return mine and don't ever do it again. I'm me, GOD made, I'm not your property and you don.t own or control me.

[amy101]

Take her panties tell her she has too many leve her with just the Cotten ones

[Krisi]

Taking the wife's panties because she took yours is childish and will get you nowhere. Two adults need to sit down and talk about this like adults.

[vallerie lacy]

Glenda,
I am so sorry to hear of your misfortune. I can't think of anything worse than stealing a girls panties. How outrageous can you get. Sounds like there needs to be a sit down between you two girls. Hope things work out.

[JenniferR771]

Good excuse to go shopping. New panties are better anyhow. And sometimes Victoria's Secret has some really nice ones on sale.

[Lorileah]

Just a bit passive aggressive is she?

[Leslie Langford]

"...and took most of them..." Really? ???

And did exactly WHAT with those panties of yours? Cut them up? Throw them in the garbage? Give them to Goodwill? Keep them for herself?

Here's a news flash, Glenda...your problems go beyond DADT. Your wife is a control freak and a bully. I should know; I am married to someone just like her.

The difference is that in my case, I've "grown a pair" despite my otherwise feminine inclinations and no longer put up with that type of nonsense, nor the corresponding attempts at passive-aggressive manipulation. Sure, the sparks often fly as a result, but that's the price of admission when living with a person who has a very aggressive personality.

Your wife is treating you like a child, and you're being an enabler by letting her get away with it. What's next? Is she going to make you stand in the corner wearing a dunce cap, or give you a half-hour "time out" when you do something that displeases her?

History has shown time and time again that the only way to deal with bullies (and their next-of-kin - blackmailers) is to confront them head-on and not to back down. That's the only language that they understand, as they are not wired like the rest of us.

Time to stand your ground, Glenda - either retrieve those panties or replace them with even sexier, frillier ones to let your wife know in no uncertain terms that she is not the boss of you.

And while you're at it, shake the guilt over being a crossdresser, which is likely her pretext for lording it over you. There's nothing wrong with being transgender. It's WHO we are, and not a character flaw. Your wife is a bully. That's a behavior and WHAT she is. Bad behaviors can - and should - be changed.

[Princess Grandpa]

Wow! I'm really sorry! What a hard position you find yourself in. HUG. Will you keep quiet to keep the peace, retaliate in kind, or try to initiate dialogue? No option guarantees success. No matter what you do there will be anger and hurt feelings.

If you just take it, as so many of us do, not only can you expect this to happen again in the future, but your feelings remain hurt. If you retaliate in kind there is a chance she could respect you for standing up for your rights as a human. I don't know your wife but I seriously doubt it would work that with my wife. It would however, give you a sense of revenge and cause her to feel the same violation of self she caused you. Trying to open up dialogue, my personal favorite, is probably the scariest of all. It rips life out of the comfort of DADT. The results of talking to her could be anywhere from "a new day dawning, a real turning point in your marriage leading to they lived happily ever after" to "get a real good attorney".

I have no advise to offer. I hope whatever path you follow brings some measure of peace to you both.

Hug
Rita

[celeste26]

The GG's deal with competition on the basis of femininity constantly and adding a CD boyfriend to that list maybe just too much. She may be wondering just how far you want to go with this CDing. I see leaving the "practical" ones as some sort of compromise in her mind. Think about what goes through her head if she wears frilly ones like you had.

As just about everyone here knows there is some "sitting down and talking time" coming soon. You do need to ask her what she's thinking when she edits your clothing drawer. Without asking, it really is impossible to know for sure. If you have any love for this person you owe her the time and effort to find out. When she comes to you and tells you she knows better what is good for you that is a big warning sign.

[DonnaT]

Sounds like she saw these items as being too feminine.

Apparently she can handle your dressing to a degree, but doesn't want to see you as being too feminine.

Of course, she should have discussed this viewpoint with you instead of getting rid of your things.

So, now y'all have 2 things to talk about; what she can accept/tolerate and respecting your boundaries.

[Mollyanne]

As some of the other gurls have said: ASK HER WHY SHE TOOK YOUR THINGS!!!!!!! don't become argumentative but take the position that these are your things and she shouldn't have taken them without your permission. Sounds to me like she is trying a controlling tactic., be wary!!!!!!

Molly

[EllenJo]

Glenda, DADT does not mean that she can throw away your things. It means that she knows but does not want to acknowledge. Throwing out your panites is acknowledgment. Time to talk about the boundries. She obviously wants to impose hers on you without respecting you. My wife and I were DADT for many years but she never threw out any of my things if she found them or I left them out. She is very accepting now and has gone through my panty drawer and laid out some rather ratty ones (I have a hard time throwing anything away) She had bought me some very pretty new ones that matched hers and was just making room. Even then she asked first.

You need to talk because as you know this is not going away.
Good Luck
Ellen Jo

[Kitty215]

Glenda, I wish I could offer advice that hasn't already been provided. I'm sorry to hear that she would do that to you. If I can't offer advice I can at least offer support and well wishes. I hope you can get this resolved without things getting out of hand.

[Aprilrain]

I wouldn't put up with this type of behavior, if you let it go it will only get worse. How you choose to deal with it is up to you but do not let her get away with it.

[CONSUELO]

As others have commented this is an example of very controlling behavior. How would she feel if you sorted her lingerie drawer and threw out those items you felt did not look good.
If it were me I would push back hard. I have often had complaints about the size of my collection of female clothing but we both know it will not change.

[Gigi9]

Talking is in deed where this should go. Just my 2 cents.
Gigi

[trishacd]

That would not go over well with me

[giuseppina]

I'm wary of saying too much in these situations other than respectful communication is required between the two of you. If it requires mediation by qualified and licensed counsellor to get the issue(s) resolved, so be it. That being said, your SO's behaviour is not impressive.

It's my impression there is more to the story than the vanishing panties; it's not for us to determine exactly what that might be.

[flatlander_48]

Just a bit passive aggressive is she?

In this case, Aggressive/Passive might be a better description...

[StephanieR]

I'm new here, but it seems like she just wants to slow things down a little. If she's comfortable with the plain panties, I'd settle for that and wait and see what develops later.

[Richelle423]

I think she was jealous of what you wear and wanted them for herself>

[MelanieAnne]

I'm always amazed how women feel free to rummage through their husbands things, but they are outraged if you go through any of their stuff.

[CynthiaD]

So, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why'd she take them, and what did she do with them?

[Krisi]

Lots of questions but no answers.

[Eringirl]

Hi Glenda: Very sorry to learn of your "situation". I think talking it out is always best, and not escalate things by reacting with the same type of behaviour. Although, asking her how she would feel if you did the same to her, take away some of her cloths that you feel are overly masculine, including cotton panties, would be a good question for her. If yours were more "delicate/feminine" than hers, she may have felt threatened. But you won't know unless you ask, IMHO.

Hope you get some resolution to this!! Keep us posted...?

Erin

[donnalee]

You ever hear about the mule?

"A Missouri farmer had just purchased a magnificent mule, the Blue Ribbon winner at the State Fair; just a beautiful animal. In order to augment his purchase, he hired the best mule trainer in the state. The trainer came to the farm to meet his newest pupil and to evaluate him. He looked the mule over, then walked to the lumber pile, selected a 4X4, walked back to the mule and hit him on the head as hard as he could. The mule went down on his knees; the farmer, incensed, ran over to the mule and said to the trainer 'What the hell?! I hired you to train my mule, not to kill him!!!' The trainer replied, 'Yes, but first, I need to get his attention.'"

Now the 4X4 may be a bit extreme (as is violent behavior in general), but she needs to learn that there are certain things that are inviolable, no matter how much you love her and want her to be happy. To take and dispose of someone else's personal property without their permission is totally unacceptable behavior and that needs to be thoroughly understood by her. Perhaps tit-for-tat may work, perhaps a different method, but you need to get her attention.

[Pink Susan]

"...and took most of them..." Really? ???

And did exactly WHAT with those panties of yours? Cut them up? Throw them in the garbage? Give them to Goodwill? Keep them for herself?

Here's a news flash, Glenda...your problems go beyond DADT. Your wife is a control freak and a bully. I should know; I am married to someone just like her.

The difference is that in my case, I've "grown a pair" despite my otherwise feminine inclinations and no longer put up with that type of nonsense, nor the corresponding attempts at passive-aggressive manipulation. Sure, the sparks often fly as a result, but that's the price of admission when living with a person who has a very aggressive personality.

Your wife is treating you like a child, and you're being an enabler by letting her get away with it. What's next? Is she going to make you stand in the corner wearing a dunce cap, or give you a half-hour "time out" when you do something that displeases her?

History has shown time and time again that the only way to deal with bullies (and their next-of-kin - blackmailers) is to confront them head-on and not to back down. That's the only language that they understand, as they are not wired like the rest of us.

Time to stand your ground, Glenda - either retrieve those panties or replace them with even sexier, frillier ones to let your wife know in no uncertain terms that she is not the boss of you.

And while you're at it, shake the guilt over being a crossdresser, which is likely her pretext for lording it over you. There's nothing wrong with being transgender. It's WHO we are, and not a character flaw. Your wife is a bully. That's a behavior and WHAT she is. Bad behaviors can - and should - be changed.

Brilliant post Leslie

I'm really tired of posters , almost apologising for what they (we) are , seeking approval ,pleading for understanding , hiding this , hiding that .its pathetic

We are doing nothing wrong , and most likely the Op's missus got upset because the frilly stuff was prettier and more feminine than anything she has .

I know !! , I've been down that path

[StarrOfDelite]

While I think it is outrageous for one partner to a relationship to ravage the other partner's wardrobe, I offer this possible explanation.

What is the thing that most worries genetic females when they learn that their male partners are cross-dressing? "Is he Gay? Oh, my God, he's gay!"

It certainly seems to me that fancy silk and lace panties are what trans- models on porno sites wear when they are trying to attract male viewers to part with their cash for a subscription to a bunch of videos featuring men dressed as women having sex with men.

It seems to me that if your SO is a woman who already is predisposed to dislike the idea of a cross-dressing male partner, it's not unnatural for her to make the mental jump that you selected the fancy panties because you wanted to appear attractive to other men.

I don't mean to excuse her invasion of your personal space, merely to suggest an explanation for why she did it which relies more on an intuitive, instinctive reaction on her part instead of a calculated and premediated one.