My SO knows...

[colleen_cd]

Ha, well, so my wife now knows. It went rather well. She was very supportive and even a bit excited about it :) I had not intended to tell her quite yet, but I slipped up and left part of a pair of nylons out. She was really puzzled by them and told me (before I said anything) "you know, if you like to wear stockings that's okay with me." Amazing woman :)

After some hemming and hawing I fessed up and we talked some more about it. She even wanted to buy me some nicer stockings! She's very familiar with the LBGT movement, but wanted to know more about CDers in general, so I provided a few links to recommended sites as well as this one.

I just want to thank everyone in this forum. It's been a great support and resource for me :)

[Teresa]

Colleen I'm glad your slip up had a good outcome, and you won some new stockings through it, might just try that one myself !
I've checked you age and see you're in your forties, it's strange but it appears to be the age when many CDers come out !
Might be interesting if it was posed as a question on the forum .
You know the advice is take it slow and check that your wife is OK about progressing, just because she doesn't comment doesn't mean she agrees with what you're doing about wanting to come out more.
I hope it goes well for you.

[colleen_cd]

Ha - thanks, Teresa! and I definitely plan on taking it slow. I've heard stories of CDers overwhelming their accepting spouses in the initial coming out period, and I do not want to be one of them.

[Julie Denier]

You are very lucky to have an accepting SO ;)

[~Joanne~]

Congratulations on finally being able to be free and explore a bit more without hiding everything. When I told my SO, things went very well and haven't changed one bit but be warned, it could at any time. Just don't be 100% CD all the time or get lost in the pink fog. Suggesting some links is a really good idea so she can do her research but make sure she understands that a lot of what she may find, may or may not pertain to you personally. I know if my SO read a lot of what is here and started thinking it all pertains to me, I would cringe. Keep communications open and be prepared for all of the questions she may have. Good luck!

[Ashley Wray]

Wow sounds like you are very fortunate to get that response. Sounds like that little accident worked out well. Congrats!

[colleen_cd]

You are very lucky to have an accepting SO ;)
Indeed I am, Julie :)

She's a pretty amazing woman and very open minded. I honestly wasn't too worried what her reaction would be - but there is always that feeling, however small, that things might not go well. I had planned to tell her in the next few weeks anyway.

Joanne, you do bring up a good point about focusing the information she does read to be inline with my personality and approach to my feminine side. I guess the best way is to make sure that we communicate and that if she has any questions or concerns she should come to me without hesitation.

[marny]

No matter how diligent you are covering your tracks....well, we always seem to miss something. And the littlest thing gives it all away. And we think we're so smart!!!!

[Requal Jo]

It sounds as if you certainly have an amazing SO. Don't forget to look after her and there will be plenty of wonderful Colleen times ahead with her company.

[Zoe B]

I would say you have a great SO and a good response, I have also been lucky in the same way. I agree with others here and say take it slow but do try and do things together. Both myself and my fiancée go shopping together all the time.

She loves knowing that I have a pretty good handle on fashion so she can get a good opinion off me, and also vice-versa (which is probably how I ended up with a lovely green dress today).

We do have some limits, ones I understand and I will not cross, with solid communication you should have a great relationship together.

Congratulations :)

[bridget thronton]

Glad it had a happy ending (ending the stress of hiding was the best reasons to share with my wife)

[Marcelle]

Hi Colleen,

I am glad to hear of your great outcome. My advice for forward momentum . . . communication about all things CDing now that the cat is out of the bag.

Hugs

Isha

[Mollyanne]

No matter how diligent you are covering your tracks....well, we always seem to miss something. And the littlest thing gives it all away. And we think we're so smart!!!!

this is why the word "caught" is used in many of our slipups!!!!!

Molly

[mariehart]

Hope it continues to go well for both of you. You really do have to be careful not to push it on her too much unless she requests it. I told my wife recently and while initially supportive the sight of some of my stuff put her off. Once reality sinks in attitudes change. Oddly enough shoes bothered her. She also didn't like to see lace trimmed underwear but said she had no problem with plainer panties.

So be prepared for ups and downs. I do think my wife will become more relaxed in time but at the moment I regret telling her. I feel bad for imposing it on her. I think even if she completely embraced it. I would feel that way.

[JamieG]

Glad to hear things have started off well. Does she know that it goes beyond just stockings for you? If not, you might want to clear that up sooner rather than later. One thing to avoid is gradually revealing a little bit at a time. If that happens, she'll wonder where it will stop. Note, my wife knew I had a thing for tights long before I confessed to being a CD, and found the latter revelation to be earth-shaking (although we eventually worked through it).

[Mia27]

Thats so awesome!! Congratulations:) i remember telling my SO, it took awhile.. But when i finally told her. She was more than supportive:) she even dressed me up a few times! ive learned make up from her too:) She has been so great! And i am so happy to hear your SO is supportive as well:) Is a GREAT feeling!!!

[colleen_cd]

Glad it had a happy ending (ending the stress of hiding was the best reasons to share with my wife)

Ah, the stress of hiding was not sustainable for me. I'm glad to have the cat out of the bag, so to speak. Obviously, I'm pretty bad at covering my tracks and I also happen to be a terrible liar. No doubt I would have slipped up sooner or later.


I would say you have a great SO and a good response, I have also been lucky in the same way. I agree with others here and say take it slow but do try and do things together. Both myself and my fiancée go shopping together all the time.

She loves knowing that I have a pretty good handle on fashion so she can get a good opinion off me, and also vice-versa (which is probably how I ended up with a lovely green dress today).

We do have some limits, ones I understand and I will not cross, with solid communication you should have a great relationship together.

Congratulations :)

Thanks :) there is a deeper discussion that needs to take place, and will soon. I don't know where things will end up going, but I feel good about it right now.


Glad to hear things have started off well. Does she know that it goes beyond just stockings for you? If not, you might want to clear that up sooner rather than later. One thing to avoid is gradually revealing a little bit at a time. If that happens, she'll wonder where it will stop. Note, my wife knew I had a thing for tights long before I confessed to being a CD, and found the latter revelation to be earth-shaking (although we eventually worked through it).

You know, Jamie, I was wondering that myself. We did get too far into the discussion of what exactly I enjoy wearing beyond stockings. I suspect she will be surprised, but not upset.

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and advice! I very much appreciate it :)

[MsVal]

I am very happy to read of your good fortune Colleen. Those kinds of discoveries often turn out bad, very bad.

There are several accounts on this forum of CDs being overcome with an intense euphoria ("Pink Fog") after their disclosure. While in this state they may say and do things that offend their wife/SO/girlfriend. Be aware of this. The general advice is to take it slowly. Try to go no faster and no further than your wife's comfort will permit.

I agree that it is important to have a full and open discussion on all matters relating to crossdressing. Get it all out in the open. Answer all questions truthfully and frankly. Even those questions that may put your relationship in a poor light. The openness and truthfulness will lead to trust and credibility.

Best wishes
MsVal

[colleen_cd]

I can honestly say that I do feel a bit of the "pink fog" creeping in. The family has been away for a few days so I've been able to dress up quite a bit and have really been enjoying myself. My wife is very open-minded and generally has a "live and let live" attitude towards most people. At the same time, you're right. I do not wish to overwhelm her and ruin a very good thing.

[Beverley Sims]

Colleen,
I am pleased it went so well for you, now just play it carefully and all should be fine.

[Walkintallnheels]

Sounds like you are off to a good start! It sure is nice to have support from the SO.

[CynthiaD]

You're very lucky. I'm glad everything went so well for you. I hope everything continues in the same vein.

[Eryn]

One thing you should do is consider the situation from your wife's point of view.

You know most everything about your TG situation. Even those things you don't know will be interesting to you to find out.

OTOH, you wife has just had this dropped on her whole cloth. She will need adjustment time. Whether she has stated it or not, she has questions and fears. She likely has nobody to confide in about this other than you. It is up to you to cushion her as she comes to grips with her new perception of you.

A few things you might consider:

1. Introduce her to this forum, with the caution that there are a wide range of TG individuals and that we all do not represent you. She can get support here both in the loved ones section and in the privacy of FAB.

2. Do you know another married TG person? If so, it might be a good idea for your two couples to spend some social time together. Eventually, your wife and the other spouse may find that they can support each other.

3. Some TG groups are couples-oriented or at least friendly to spouses. These are a great place for your spouse to meet others who are either TG or who have a TG spouse.

Whatever you do, the goal is to help your wife with the loneliness involved in having a TG spouse. People sometimes have difficulty with having a secret that they cannot tell, even to their nearest friends.