Therapist Experiences

[Melodie]

Hi everyone!!!! <3


I was wondering how many people here have gone to therapy before to discuss their issues as far as gender identity or HRT and crossdressing.
I have NEVER gone to therapy and I have never spoke to anybody about my issues on a professional level.
Sooooooooo I am starting therapy sessions on monday and....
IM SO NERVOUS :C. and a little scared too but mostly excited and happy<3

What was your experience like?
was it bad? did you have a crazy therapist?
was it awkward at first?
I can't wait to share experience too :)

[Kate Simmons]

Just talk about anything you want for 45 mins. All therapists are crazy.:heehee: They have to be analyzed themselves before opening a practice. They are a sounding board for you mostly, you make all decisions.:battingeyelashes::)

[Brianna_H]

It's such a relief to talk to someone. They will ask questions to try and understand where you are coming from and to help you better understand yourself. It's very mundane, once you cross that initial Rubicon of fear. The real "problem" is, as Kate said, you still have to make the decisions for yourself and be the arbiter of what it best for yourself. The therapist is just a guide. If you don't get along with him or her, definitely try someone else. Therapists vary widely in skill, style, and school.

[Melodie]

LOL!! Maybe I was over exaggerating a bit. To me it felt like I was going to be interrogated by the fashion police or something.
Thanks for the support :)
Also the therapist I am going to see specialized in gender identity and transgender as well.
I can't wait!!!

[PaulaQ]

My therapist is great. I think you'll find it to be a very rewarding experience. They won't judge you, they can't, by law, repeat anything you say. It's one of the few places in the world where you can be safe no matter what you say.

I think you'll find that you learn a lot about yourself if you are honest with your therapist.

Best of luck!

[Melodie]

Hi Paula!!! Thanks for your input :) I find that I've learned so much about myself since I have started being honest and it's good to hear that I can be safe and not have to worry about
people harassing me and calling me a freak. It really clouds my mind..

Thank you!!!!

[Jenelle]

I am currently seeing a gender therapist and frankly I wish I would have sooner. The first session was a bit awkward but after that it was/is very casual for me.

At first I was going once a week so there was a constant flow while she got to know me. Now we are at once a month which is cool but at times I do miss have an outside party to talk with face to face so I might be changing the sessions to every 3 weeks.

[Melodie]

HI Jenelle! I'm glad to hear that you are seeing a gender therapist! and yes!! I would have never even took the step if it wasn't for this forum to be so accepting and understanding. A huge part of it also comes from me accepting myself but although I am not sure what you mean by an outside party?

[kimdl93]

Let me submit that success I. Therapy is more about what you put into it than what skill or sanity level the therapist brings.

[Melodie]

hmm... I"ll keep that in mind..
thanks :)

[Wasia]

Not sure...
I kinda wish to do it and I kinda do not.
I wish to do talk to a therapist in a hope to resolve this whole issue one way or another.
And I feel like talking with somebody about my desires is like a commitment. To talk to a gender therapist means I would have to admit at least to one soul (other than myself) about THIS. But after that, the therapist would expect me to have that issue...

[Princess Grandpa]

I'm a firm believer in therapy. I am highly suspicious of therapists. A good therapist can assist you in changing your life. A bad therapist at best will do you know good and at the worst mess with your head something fierce. One wants to be careful they aren't talking to, taking advice from someone pushing their own agenda instead of helping you discover your truths. I hope you find a good one. Remember to think objectively about your sessions and your councilor as time goes on.
I wish you all the best and hope your councilor helps you find truth.

Hug
Rita

[Alaina R]

I went to several therapists, although not 'gender' therapists, many years ago while in my 30's. It was more for depression than specifically my distress about crossdressing although the two were certainly related. Most of the therapists were nice enough people but not terribly effective. There was one therapist, though, who had a really good sense of the human psyche and made a long term positive difference in my life. I think I saw him for 2-3 years.
In my first session with him he asked why I was there and what I wanted. I said, "I crossdress and I want to get rid of it". He looked at me, took a deep breath, and said "I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole". Though I didn't quite get it at the time, I later realized that was one of the smarter things anyone has ever said to me. We eventually did get around to the crossdressing but as part of the whole package rather than as an isolated part of me.

[MissTee]

I've been to therapist for other things, but not CD-ing. I found it very important to be able to connect with the therapist, and likewise to relate to them in a comfortable way.

I haven't ever needed to talk about my CD-ing, and so what I occasionally wear girl clothes. No big deal to me or my supportive wife. Good luck and keep us posted.

[marny]

I've been to see a therapist three times now. She doesn't see a problem with marny. My wife came for the last to sessions. it is about us both living with marny. since then my wife told our two daughters that didn't know ( the other one knew). and her sister visiting from Sweden. She is more accepting since we saw the therapist together. it helped me. I couldn't explain to her why I dress. I don't know. But i can say i am not going to stop. Our therapist wants to meet Marny. probably this fall.

[docrobbysherry]

I've had mostly good experiences in counseling sessions. The last ones were joint sessions with my daughter and I felt that therapist was mostly a waste of time and money.

My earlier ones asked enuff questions to find out what problems I had and if they could be either solved or mitigated? They quickly and easily let me find my own options and solutions.

Dealing with my dressing took less than a 1/2 hour. But, back then it was such a minute part of my life. I wonder what she would say about Sherry now?

[Melodie]

Not sure...
I kinda wish to do it and I kinda do not.
I wish to do talk to a therapist in a hope to resolve this whole issue one way or another.
And I feel like talking with somebody about my desires is like a commitment. To talk to a gender therapist means I would have to admit at least to one soul (other than myself) about THIS. But after that, the therapist would expect me to have that issue...


Hi Wasia, I just want to let you know there is no rush :).
I like to work things out on my own time when I feel I am ready with whatever it is I am doing.
For years I felt like that, I did NOT want to admit to anybody else other than myself but eventually I accepted and came to terms with the whole ordeal on my own TIME.
It took me years to finally realize that there is nothing wrong with being myself.

It's just people blow it out of proportion in my opinion and I think that tends to falter others and cloud their judgement when really
it's all gravy just be yourself :).

[Marcelle]

Hi Melodie,

I have been seeing a therapist for some time mainly because I was so confused when Isha made her appearance that I was unable to cope emotionally. Luckily I hit the therapist jack-pot and she has been a wonderful guide on this journey and beacon of light to bring order to chaos in bringing me to a place of self-acceptance. IMHO therapy is never a wasted endeavour when it comes to this thing we do.

The best advice . . . be honest with your therapist. Some of the questioning can be personal and potentially embarrassing. However, if she/he is going to help you make sense of your gender identity you have to be honest and therapy is not the place to stay in the closet. As well, many psychologists will deflect the questions you have back to you. It is not because they don't care but more a factor of them trying to get you to be introspective (so don't be put off by this approach). Last bit of advice, not all therapists are created equal, you only have to finish school, get certified and hang up a shingle. Do some background checking on this person (perhaps the local TG support community) and see if she/he is recommended.

Hugs and good luck.

Isha

[LaurenS]

Intriguing. I think talking with a therapist would a good idea, and something I would like too try, but aim at the point that I am comfortable with myself. I think therapy is what everyone around me needs! :)

[BOBBI G.]

My personal journey started about a year ago when I told my VA Prime Doctor I wanted to see a pshciatrist, concerning my feelings of transgender. My first Psyc within the first 5 minutes told me she had no expertise if this field, but would find me a gender specialist hon staff. Boy, did she. My Dr. Regan is the most helpful person I have even spilled my heart and soul to. As stated early in this thread I talk about just about anything I want to, or comes up. After just three sessions she made a statement that has changed my life, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? Someday I will be the girl I have always known I was. Shrinks are a good sounding board.

Bobbi

[KaceyR]

I'm in the mode of wanting to get out to a therapist myself...
Mainly because of what I've done with Kacey..but the problem is while I want to do a gender therapist for the Kacey side.. there are other issues I need to discuss and I've really needed to do so for decades in general (for other anxiety a,depression issues and stuff).
I've kind of stalled the process due to being unsure on who to go to to start the whole mess along with whatever insurance involvement,etc. A gender therapist or 2 I've looked up has no ties with the insurance side so I'm unsure where to go with this whole thing adding another anxiety..basically wanting to figure things out before I get too old to really do anything.
And I'm a bit limited on budget too adding more mess to deal with.
I halfway think that I'll have to go to my regular doc (which is also changing for me :/). And get a referral for psych first... Then that one will have to refer to gender specialist in order to really get any help from my United Healthcare ins... If I just went straight to the doc I want..I figure it'll be full cost to me w/o ins help. What a mess.
Overall..should've at least done therapy for my other things at least 2 decades ago..but... :/

[mariehart]

I've often considered going to a therapist. It would have done me good in the past but now I've worked a lot out for myself. But I think there's a more to be worked on. I'm really very isolated and could do with someone to talk to.

But it's unaffordable I'm afraid. Maybe one day.

[Melodie]

"The best advice . . . be honest with your therapist. Some of the questioning can be personal and potentially embarrassing,"
YES, when I called her and as soon as she said I'd love to help you transition I froze up LOL!!! followed by a series of embarrassing questions
Only because I've never heard anyone talk so openly and normal about it as if it wasn't even a big deal to her.
I feel I can be honest with her because she has experience and she is also worked with the community in the longbeach area.

Hugs thanks Isha :)


Thank you so much Isha :)
hug

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Hi Melodie,

I've been seeing a wonderful woman therapist for over 6 years. She is very knowledgeable in gender matters and I look forward to our visits and miss them when I am away with work.

That being said, this was the only therapist who dealt with TG issues anywhere close to me. I drive almost 3 hours each way to see her so it makes for a long and full day in the car. While I hit a home run with my efforts I do know of other "sisters" in the area who have not been so fortunate. As there were no Gender therapists anywhere close they took what they could get. One therapist told the sister that he was going to "cure" her. Another knew nothing about TG matters and the sister had to educate him.

In the end, you're the customer. If you are not getting what you need or want from this, try someone else. Yes, you might have to travel farther and see them less frequently but it would be worth it in the end.

GOOD LUCK!

[Melodie]

My personal journey started about a year ago when I told my VA Prime Doctor I wanted to see a pshciatrist, concerning my feelings of transgender. My first Psyc within the first 5 minutes told me she had no expertise if this field, but would find me a gender specialist hon staff. Boy, did she. My Dr. Regan is the most helpful person I have even spilled my heart and soul to. As stated early in this thread I talk about just about anything I want to, or comes up. After just three sessions she made a statement that has changed my life, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? Someday I will be the girl I have always known I was. Shrinks are a good sounding board.

Bobbi

The question WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR is what I asked myself before I called my therapist. Although I am not sure I understand the term sounding board though?

Hi Linda :)
Wow 3 hours each way for a drive!! I can't imagine... it's really sad to hear about the "sisters" who have not been so fortunate too :C.
I think now though there are more resources we can look into (at least in america).

For example Mariehart says its unaffordable but there are therapists who work on a sliding rate which is based on no income or your monthly or weekly income.
I have seldom money to spend since I run a guitar shop and I just started it and I told my therapist that.
She told me usually services would cost about 160 or 200 around my area(which is true I called several).
She gave me 80$ a session which was nothing compared to my self being.

also.. thanks for those of you who are looking for therapy or interested I do have this wonderful resource I found.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/
You can look up therapists in your area read reviews and filter search by specific issues and topics at hand.

I hope this will help some of you as it helped me a lot :).

[JenniferR771]

Read through the therapist's credentials and his Facebook and website page. If he doesn't say gender issues--assume he has no expertise in that area. Gay lesbian issues are OK, but not gender issues.

[Barbara Jo]

Just talk about anything you want for 45 mins. All therapists are crazy.:heehee: They have to be analyzed themselves before opening a practice. They are a sounding board for you mostly, you make all decisions.:battingeyelashes::)

I don't know about all therapists but it has been my experience that many do need therapy themselves for various issues.

I agree that a therapist mainly plays the roll of a sounding board but you can be your own sounding board provided you can be totally honest with yourself and have a least one foot firmly planted in reality .

[CarlaWestin]

It's such a relief to talk to someone. They will ask questions to try and understand where you are coming from and to help you better understand yourself. It's very mundane, once you cross that initial Rubicon of fear. The real "problem" is, as Kate said, you still have to make the decisions for yourself and be the arbiter of what it best for yourself. The therapist is just a guide. If you don't get along with him or her, definitely try someone else. Therapists vary widely in skill, style, and school.

Great! I can agree with two posters in one quote. My first encounter with therapy in my early twenties was actually beneficial. Because the therapist was Freudian (bogus) and felt that crossdressing was unnecessary, it was easy to declare myself as a bold gender explorer that believed crossdressing is a fabulous gift. Also, I confirmed that Freud and, for the most part all therapists, are miseducated scammers whose only purpose is to create income for themselves. My wife sees a therapist that also specializes in gender issues. She's a nice lady, the therapist, and occasionally I'm invited to a group meeting. It's amazing to me to hear the psychological cornering techniques employed in her analysis. I generally just listen along, memorizing everything that's said so I can surgically expose all of the contradictions which allows me the opportunity to question the validity of her education. Really, having someone to talk to about crossdressing is just wonderful. That's why I'm on this board. But, I have no tolerance for anyone that thinks I'm of diminished integrity because of my broad gender encompassment.

Yeah, YMMV

[kimdl93]

I would like to share another observation. Yes, some part of therapy is providing a sounding board, but there is far more involved than offering empathy. Early in therapy, after several sessions where I basically wasted time lamenting the state of my life, my psychologist asked a very pointed question: "what is the purpose of therapy?" My flippant and somewhat sarcastic response was, "to make me happy". She responded, "No, it it's to help you accept reality."

In that case the reality was a the end of a marriage and the reality of being transgendered. In the process of learning to accept those realities I was eventually able to move on, form a new and enduring relationship, and replace self loathing with self acceptance. It was work...it took several years, but in the end, it has been worth the effort.

[Dianne S]

I had a few sessions with a therapist. The goal was to help me transition, so the therapist mostly offered practical advice rather than emotional support. I recently decided to put transition plans on hold and stopped seeing my therapist; if I ever decide to press ahead again I'll probably start therapy again.

I found the overall experience fairly useful, although my therapist was very opinionated and liked to talk, which I found a bit annoying. I didn't find it awkward in the slightest; I even showed up a couple of times as Dianne and it was completely OK.

One thing you should keep in mind: You need to find the right therapist. There's no harm or shame in trying a few; if you don't feel completely comfortable with the therapist then it'll probably do more harm than good to keep seeing him/her.

[CarlaWestin]

Hmm. Let me hop back in here. My best experience from therapy was the very first minute of my very first therapy appointment.
The psychiatrist said, "What we do here is get to the heart of the matter."
The Heart Of The Matter. I've used this one singular life rule to my benefit ever since. Cut to the chase and discard the BS.
This is probably the greatest key to success a person can possess.

[LaurenS]

But, I have no tolerance for anyone that thinks I'm of diminished integrity because of my broad gender encompassment.

There is a lot of wisdom in this statement. It can be applied to so many things besides gender encompassment.

Thanks, Carla!

[Michelle (Oz)]

I successfully searched for a psychologist with gender experience when my wife threatened suicide after I talked to her about wanting to restart dressing.

The four sessions I had were very helpful. The highlight for me of the first session was being told that there was nothing wrong with me and that there was no cure or need for one. That was important to hear from a professional. Her assessment of my wife's threat and what to do proved perceptive and gave me the strategies I needed to cope and influence. Feeling comfortable and with her support, I attended the second and subsequent sessions dressed. She used the experience to educate her staff and thanked me for trusting her and her team.

So Melodie, deep breaths and relax. Use the time wisely to learn about yourself and learn to respect and enjoy your difference.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've seen several therapists and I've been very happy with them

The first one basically got me to the point where I was comfortable with myself, not just accepting, but comfortable. Oh, and every once in a while I would got to my appointment dressed.

The second one was a little unconventional. At the end of the very first session, she told me I was gay, but that there was nothing wrong with being gay. I was really taken aback by that assertion. It led me to run an experiment to assess whether I was gay or not. I determined that I wasn't. It got to the point where I wasn't getting anything more out of the sessions, so I stopped. But, after the first session, I dressed for every session.

The last one was selected to have some joint sessions with my wife. We each had some sessions separately, and then we had some jointly. My wife moved from dislike to reluctant acceptance, which allows me to go out on various CDing adventures.

While many people say a therapist is supposed to be a sounding board, my view is a little different. She (all my therapists have been she, because I feel that a woman will be less judgmental than a man) should be able to offer you ways to understand your concerns, coping strategies and politely saying BS when you're lying to yourself and her. She should ask you questions so the answers help you. She should be non-judgmental. If she says being gay or TG or CD is bad, run fast and don't return.

Also, if you're planning on having a "discussion" with your SO that might turn into an argument, use your therapist as a referee.

Make sure that the therapist has experience with TG/CD/TS or however you might want to label yourself. The therapy session should be helping you; you should not have to teach her.

[WandaRae2009]

It saved my marriage, The key is to find a therapist that is experienced with Gender issues. I picked one listed on a gender support website. She put us at ease quickly. She was very professional. For insurance purposes she said she would use the diagnosis code of depression. Not a lie, just not stating the reason for the depression.

[JenniferR771]

When you think about it. They are supposed to be non-judgemental. So...why not go to most all of your sessions dressed?
I missed some great opportunities. Sad. One counselor even convinced me to purge and read a book on sexual addiction.
Wish I had come here first. Still miss that brown human hair wig and a great picture from my first makeover.

[Allison Chaynes]

I am on my third one. I saw the first one for about a year at first for other issues but then CDing came up. She was not very familiar with gender issues and eventually I felt like she was not listening to me, always late for appointments, and rushing me out the door. The second, who I found on Psychology Today, showed up 15 minutes late to each app't and took DAYS to return messages, so I was done with her. The third, I've been to twice, and I love her. She's professional, takes notes, does research on topics between appointments, and listens. She doesn't rush me, and she has no preconceived judgments. I've gotten more out of two sessions with her than I did with over 12 from the other two. She actually has a PLAN to help me figure out what's going on and how to deal with it.

[Melodie]

Hi, everyone thanks to the calming supportive inputs, I just came back from my first therapy session and it was not a problem at all :).
Although I didn't feel as if she understood me....within the first couple minutes we were able to assess that I do want to start HRT and that it actually IS the right choice for me which is what I wanted in the first place.
WOW, that was fast and easy LOL.

But what I found weird was that if that is the case... why did she want me to come bring my guitar to the next session and play for her..?
I told her that music has helped me voice my honest self and express myself in a thought and anxiety free manner.
I also told her that I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over the depression and I am just ready to be myself and move on with my life and that the reason I want to take HRT
is because I draw the line in SRS and breast implants and surgeries. I don't want to take away my male parts because that is a part of who I am in this life also and I would not want to take that away from me.
I told her after a lot of research and talking to transgender people I am aware of the side effects and complications it CAN cause. Regardless it is the closest thing for me on my journey to transitioning without SRS or surgeries.
She tells me I'm still suffering from depression from all the bullying even though I told her I lost over 100 pounds and run over 15 miles a week and that I strive to become happy and to be a better person, and now I actually give a crap about my life, whereas before I let myself go and just never gave a **** and just did drugs for years straight.



I could really use some advice... I am not sure if my therapists understands me or not... :(

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Melodie, There are two kinds of therapist, The ones that tell you what they think
and the ones that tell you what you want to hear.

[Nadya]

While I haven't gone to therapy for gender identity issues, I've gone for other reasons. Therapy works best if its with someone you interact well with so don't feel like you have to stay with a single therapist if you don't feel a connection. To get the most out of your session, try to be as honest as you can. That should help achieve the best results. Talking with someone will really help getting all of those bottled-up emotions out which is healthier for you. Don't be surprised if you feel like a wrung out sponge at the end of the session (emotionally exhausted). That's a good thing! Good luck!

[Melodie]

Hi Ryce, thanks so much for your input :).
Although I have no bottled up emotions I will definitely look for a new therapist I can connect with.
Thank you for your advice <3

[Amanda M]

Then there are there therapists who neither tell you what they thing, or what you want to hear, but help you clarify what you do think and assist you with your choices. That's much of the way I work, anyway

[Beverley Sims]

I have spoken to therapists about a myriad of things.
Their first aim is to create a good relationship with you and then get to the root of the problem.
This can take two or three or more sessions to evolve.
I have only had therapy by practicing students at a university for supposed disorders to my psyche.

Cross dressing never was in the subject matter.

I was never cured of anything. :)

[Betty IA]

I found a fantastic therapist but she is about 1.5 hours away from me - worth the drive! I would recommend therapy with an "alternative lifestyle" friendly therapist to anyone here. If nothing else it is someone (or another someone) who can be comfortable knowing the real you.

Now if I just had the courage to show up dressed...

[Jocee]

Best thing I ever did....... I was so full of guilt and dysphoria it was killing me.

My therapist pushed me very hard to figure out who I wanted to be, and then gave me the best advise - "Give yourself permission to be happy with who you are"

Thank you Neala.....

[darinyc]

Well, it's definitely good to see all these responses. I totally avoided the "topic" with my therapist and should I ever start seeing one again, it's the 1st thing I will bring up. Anyone feedback is appreciated :)

And I don't want to be cured by any means...just need to have that feeling of expressing, discovering with someone who is empathic and no judgment.

[darinyc]

The second one was a little unconventional. At the end of the very first session, she told me I was gay, but that there was nothing wrong with being gay. I was really taken aback by that assertion. It led me to run an experiment to assess whether I was gay or not. I determined that I wasn't. It got to the point where I wasn't getting anything more out of the sessions, so I stopped.

Yeah...so sorry to hear this. There are some real duds out there...

[immike]

I wish I could speak to a therapist,but I am afraid? I have been in the closet for years,I started wearing mothers clothes at
a very early age.I would dress fully in one of her outfits,and borrow a fresh pkg of pantyhose out of her drawer&wear her heels,as well

[Nicole99]

Looking to find a therapist in NYC area.

[Michaella]

It has been a completely positive experience for me. A good therapist will not judge, will help you understand things better. There is no reason to feel anxious.

Michaella

[Eringirl]

I am fortunate and have a great therapist that I speak with about a myriad of things over the past 10 years, one of them being CD. That is the reason I first met with her over 10 years ago, and yes, I believe it saved my marriage back then. I am going to see her again next week after a very long hiatus about my recently strengthened desires to present as a woman. Very much looking forward to our conversation(s).

I strongly support the idea of speaking with a therapist, but it can take time to find one that is experienced in this realm and that you feel comfortable with. I was fortunate and was able to check both of those boxes the first time!

Hope your conversations go well for you and are beneficial.

Erin