Met any admirers lately? Do you set boundries?

[Alice Torn]

I t looks like i am meeting a divorced admirer from 170 miles from me, this week, after much e mailing. IO always tell them my boundries, in my ads, and again . Mostly, they accept, but often push. Have any of you met any admirers recently, and how dso you set boundries, and how do they accept them?

[Crissy Kay]

This is one of those threads that I usually do not comment on. But It has my interest. What I want to know is why would any cd meet or want to meet an admirer in the first place? Maybe Alice or anyone else can tell me. Anyway good luck Alice, and stay safe.

[Alice Torn]

Being single with no mate, or SO, I have desire to date as a lady once in a great while. I screen out the vast majority of admirers, am very cautious, seldom meet any.

[Ressie]

So far my boundaries are we aren't gonna meet! 170 miles is close enough for someone to drive if you both want to meet in person. Where do you get all these admirers? I've had a few on one of those chat sites. I love to hear compliments but meeting an admirer in person is very unlikely.

[Alice Torn]

Various sites. I am extremely cautious , have only met three, in many years on the sites.

[Rogina B]

A genuine admirer is a rare specie. Only if he is comfortable with you at his side in public and you with him,can a relationship ever develop. Other than that,it is just sex and your person will never be validated by his orgasm. Have fun...and wash up when you are through!

[Alice Torn]

Rogina, That is why i reject so many of them, and have only met three. period. And, did not to qo all the way .

[Rogina B]

I am all for it in your case Alice...I just know that there is most usually a difference between fantasy and reality. Most admirers are fetishsizing [?] a Tgirl ,and have no plans for long term attraction and all the complexities that go with it.There are some out there,if you get lucky..

[Kate Simmons]

To be honest Admirers are usually intimidated by me because I'm too outgoing. Most of them seem to have a problem with independent women from my experience.:)

[Sara Jessica]

I'm sorry but I just don't see this ending well. First of all, chances are good it won't even happen. You might chicken out or there's a better chance that he will flake. Then there's the boundary thing.

Since you have described so many dating woes when it comes to women and your fascination with teasing men online, why not just take your experience to that next step and switch teams in order to try to find a real, lasting and loving relationship? It's not like there's anything wrong with doing so, especially when considered against the peril you put yourself in on the path you're on now.

[Crissy Kay]

Interesting answers. Thanks Alice, have fun, but play it safe is all I can really say.

[Alice Torn]

Like kate, I usually scare them off, because i am also too sharing and outgoing, and real. Most back off. I try to get them to open up about them, but they don't like that. They don't want to share anything about themselves, other than what they want. I am very strong in what i will not do,a nd most don't like that. If only there were GG's who would date older CD's. I have not found even one.

[Jenniferathome]

Calling these people admirers is like calling a stalker a fan. What you are doing is dangerous, regardless of your screening process.

[Alice Torn]

I knew i would catch a lot of flak for this thread. I have not had a single reply on here, from those who have met admirers! Are there no more who do that, on here? I know your out there.

[Beth Wilde]

Just to see if I can save your sanity Alice..... I have met admirers and always set my limits in mail to them. I take a contact number for them and I let a friend know where I am going. If there is any hint of trouble then I don't go, if they try to overstep the mark they are told that!! Serious infractions get a stiletto through the foot :)

There are some really lovely people out there who are stuck with the "admirer" label....... Have a lovely time!

[Alice Torn]

Beth, I have opted out at the last minute, with some, and some of them chickened out. I am super cautious, and hope to stop meeting them after this possible nest one. I have only met three in years of talking to many. I am adamant about not doing some things.

[PaulaQ]

Alice, ok I'll bite, despite my misgivings because so many others aren't brave enough to talk about this. So I suspect that our standards are somewhat different, because, well I'm kind of a ****.

Nevertheless, I do have standards.
1. I want an actual date - at a restaurant, not in their couch to "chill."
2. They better not write in text message speak
3. They need at least a semi-functional brain
4. No dick pics.
5. They need to be polite - I'm not going to respond to a demand arrive and service them.
6. They need to be at least kinda cute

This is really picky, as it turns out, and difficult to find.

To insure their civility and appropriate behavior, I carry a token representing one of the amendments to the US Constitution. It is my hope that their respect for are heritage will calm any prematurely boisterous behavior.

[Badtranny]

Speaking as someone who was once so deeply closeted that I would even lie to myself about my 'desires', all I can do is express my sympathy to people like Alice who are trapped in a world without color. She desperately craves male attention but she can't even begin to accept what that really means so she schemes and plots for weeks or months or even years to manifest a perfect scenario where she is in complete control, and the man is nothing but a mere prop for masturbatory fantasies when she gets back home.

The closet cases have the most dangerous lifestyles by far. They are the ones picking up strangers in the local park and having sex in bathrooms and behind dumpsters. Or meeting strangers in the next town completely alone because you couldn't possibly tell anyone where you were going or who you were going to see. Coming out is the only cure and what once seemed so normal and necessary to me, now seems unbelievable and completely unnecessary.

Maybe it's too late for Alice, but if you are an active vibrant person who wants to have a social life and friends who understand you, then please do yourself a favor and come out of the closet. I don't care if you are gay or bi or trans or queer or just a little freaky. Give yourself a fighting chance at happiness by just openly being who you are. Whoever that may be.

[Alice Torn]

Badtranny, i see what you mean, but i live in small town midwest redneck America, and if i came out, it would mean disasater for me, from the neighbors, locals, and my family of origin. I have been out about once or twice a year in other places, but, at six foot six barefoot, i get way too many OMG's,finger pointing, shouts, "Hey Look"s, laughs. I do not like bars or clubs, as my alcoholism is activated.The people i know from the church i still believe most in, would not understand, if they read me. I am not going to walk downtown with a sign, that says,"Transvestite seeks dates." I would like to go out more, but it is much more risky for some of us than for others.

[Megan Thomas]

I try to get them to open up about them, but they don't like that. They don't want to share anything about themselves, other than what they want.

There's a reason for that Alice, and it's usually because they have something to hide or no intention of anything over than a quick roll in the hay before moving on. Be warned, be careful...

[Ressie]

Alice, I just realized how tall you look in your avatar. I'd guess some men find your height to be sexy.

[Zooey]

I'm with Badtranny on this, all the way. There are nice people in all shades of wants and desires, which you can meet if you're out there, but IMO you're unlikely to find them on specialty websites (especially paid ones) or the Craigslist casual encounters list.

As someone who's been going through the process of trying to make my femme side a more "actual" part of my life, I wholeheartedly recommend it. It's come with some pain, but the net benefit to my happiness has been substantial. Having even one friend who knows and cares about you in totality is a massive improvement.

"Straight men" who aren't actually comfortable with what they want and/or what they're doing are some of the most dangerous people on earth. No matter how nice they may seem to be in day to day life, people who hate themselves have an unfortunate tendency to lash out at the closest target, especially when they are the object of the desire they hate. :(

[Rogina B]

I knew i would catch a lot of flak for this thread. I have not had a single reply on here, from those who have met admirers!

Alice,I have worked as a pro.I know the animal.

[I Am Paula]

Alice- You have a right to pursue anyone you please. You are a consenting adult, and none of us has a right to judge. Just be careful.

I've never run into an admirer on the internet, but when I used to hang out in the Gay Village, they were all over the bars.
My observations.
They were ALL adamant that they were not gay.
They did not care who they picked up. If they got shot down by a girl, they went to the next one, and used the same pickup line.
They were all bottoms. Curiously, they assumed people wearing dresses were tops...hmmm.
Most had a wedding ring tan. If asked about it, they respond 'My wife is totally cool with it'. Sure they are, let me call them and check on that, and why did you take off the ring?

Although I never saw any violence, I would have to assume that anybody that conflicted about their own sexuality has to be a potential threat. They may panic when their fantasy begins to turn into reality.

Enjoy yourself, and play safe.

[Alice Torn]

Well, I can say it here. I am 60, and a lifetime physical virgin. I simply won't
"do it". I make that clear, to men or women. Modeling, dancing, yes. I say again, I have only met three admirers, had boundries, and I think I am very cautious. I may never meet another one. I agree with all of you, that say, to be careful and safe. I am conflicted about meeting any more, as I am too prudish, and won't do what most want. I was just asking , about others on here, with admirers and the boundries they may set, but only PaulaQ is open about it so far.