Age appropriate dressing?

[ophelia]

Ladies, Is your look age-appropriate? When dressed do you aim for older or younger? I have seen here in Ottawa many dressers in their forties trying to look 25 and it just looks stupid. That said, I've had some stylists do my hair and it makes me look ten years older than I am and I end up brushing it out a bit in the ladies' room.
So are you concerned with looking age-appropriate. Do you look and dress as a woman of your real age?

[Marcelle]

Hi Ophelia,

That is a hard one to answer . . . Specifically, what is age appropriate? I am just shy of the big 50 and for the most part dress conservatively (jeans, tops, sandals sweater or skirt/top or a dress - maxi for the most part) Now I have seen women in their 20s dressed similarly so I am not sure if I am emulating a younger woman or just they (young women) can wear whatever they choose. However, while I may wear skinny jeans, suffice it to say, I won't be sporting any crop tops or micro mini skirts if that is what you mean. I would say I dress to blend and believe that age appropriate dressing is really a matter of how you feel and what makes you happy.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Yes, I want to be age appropriate, but what's acceptable for a fit and attractive woman at 40 can also be acceptable for a woman of 50 or 60 and beyond.

[Kevyn53]

I just turned 61, but en femme I HOPE I read more like 50. I agree with Isha that I'm not doing any miniskirts or crop tops. Blending is my goal. I don't think even in my way younger years I was ever going to look sexy. I'm settling for cute from my wife right now.

[MsVal]

In my opinion, all people should dress in a way that makes them comfortable.

Remember, this *IS* a forum where we talk about wearing unconventional apparel.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Donnagirl]

Age appropriate, body shape compatible, coordinated colour and style, weather/season suitable, accessorized, makeup just right... Someone should have told me it would be this hard. Is there a manual???

[Thrymr's Bane]

I probably dress a bit conservative for someone in their late 20's; lots of dark office clothes and such. I've been meaning to play around with some more age appropriate styles that I might be able to pull off.

[Ineke Vashon]

If I were to dress age appropriate, I'd have to put on a granny dress, a short grey wig that would look like I'm wearing a dead cat on my head, and sport a cane. Advantage - as Julie Gaum mentioned, in granny mode one could go out and about and no one would give you a second glance.

T'ain't going to happen. If and when I venture forth it will be in a nice top, a medium long skirt, and nice shiny long hair to cover the tape hiding my ample turkey wobble.

Some years ago I met a delightful couple, he 85, she mid 70's (he called her his child bride). They acted like two young lovers. She was not pretty, a bit worn face and she looked her age. But she had her long grey hair in two braids, wore sporty clothes and had such a wonderful and delightful personality that she was beautiful and looked young. She would be my inspiration.

Ineke

[suchacutie]

When Tina is home, she has a range of dress. The problem with presenting in public in dress that is obviously outside of the local norms, be it age or any other norm, is that it attracts a second or third look. It's hard enough putting across a coherent feminine presence with clothes that match local norms, so staying "appropriate" is always on my mind.

[Eryn]

I always do my best to look good, but I have to live with the reality that I'm no longer smooth-skinned and my body has a few curves that I'm not proud of. I have a few things that are probably a bit "younger" than I am, but I save those for CDing events where they are appropriate. Horses for courses.

[ophelia]

Isha's got it right. Micro mini's and fishnets don't sell so well in public with someone entering their sixth decade. So I'm fifty plus, and most would say that I don't look it in guy mode. I think I'm passing better shooting for 45 as a lady. I think age-appropriate goes within a ten years range? I think what really looks out of whack is some wigs I've seen dressers in. Really, how many good looking GG's in their forties or fifties do you see with perfect, shiny real hair past their shoulders? My favorite make-up hair team in Kingston, Ontario (Serenity Spa..totally excellent and cool) mentioned that I could dress a little younger..One in Ottawa, "It's a Wrap"...got it just age-right with the makeup.
Some GG's make the mistake of not updating their look with time, keeping hairstyles and fashions way past their best before dates. I think it's something we should consider if we want to pass well.
That said, I recently tried on a black "band-aid" mini skirt with a flowery chiffon blousy thing and it totally rocked! (Felt pretty good to with stretch on the bottom and total freedom on the top)

[Cara Lacey]

No, I do not dress age appropriate. I dress the way I like, which is probably 35 years younger than I am. If others don't like it they can kiss my padded butt.

[Lucy_Bella]

Who dresses for the public? Women ...Perhaps? I do not I dress for myself only and have no urge to be seen in public..I have to get a image of looking sexy and that would be a magnet for the public's eyes. i understand that.. But why dress if I can't look sexy :)

[Wildaboutheels]

When I go out in public "dressed", I am in no way trying to imitate or "pass" as a female of any age. I wear whatever I want regardless of what age female would be most likely to wear something similar.

How else is JD Public going to learn anything?

[heatherdress]

Age-appropriate? A subjective and perhaps judgmental term.

Dress the way you want to dress.

[chelyann]

if and when i do get out i usually dress casual , jeans , bra & forms , simple top, sandals,hair in a pony tail, earrings. try not to draw attention and go about my business.
LIFE is GOOD then :)

[bridget thronton]

I wear what a like if it looks good on me (clothing tends to be colorful, modest, and comfortable)

[Lynn Marie]

I'm fully aware of what it takes to "pass" these days. Pretty much frumpy. I'm a classy old broad with a killer wardrobe and a ton of self confidence. Of course I dress age appropriate. Just tell me what age I am and I'll show you all the style you can handle. Check out my Flickr site then you tell me how appropriate I am!

[Barbara Maria]

Depends on my mood at the time.When I'm blonde Barbie,I dress younger than I am.After all,nobody sees it but me.When I'm redhead Barbara,as I am right now,I dress more age appropriate.

[Katey888]

Age-appropriate? A subjective and perhaps judgmental term.
Dress the way you want to dress.


No, I do not dress age appropriate. I dress the way I like, which is probably 35 years younger than I am. If others don't like it they can kiss my padded butt.

Heather, Cara - YES! :cheer: Let's actively keep the judgments down... and why...?


In my opinion, all people should dress in a way that makes them comfortable.
Remember, this *IS* a forum where we talk about wearing unconventional apparel.

^^^ This is why. And at moments like this it's why I like this forum... How easily we forget that we are all just fellas in frocks...

We all do this for different motivations, in different ways, different places and to different degrees of... blendability...?

But - you only need to take a look at more youthfully-minded GGs of any age to realise that 'age-appropriateness' is just another box to be constrained by... Of course, don't go out looking a clown, but be comfortable and be you!

Katey x

[Oh Stella]

I didnt get the memo! I dress as I want guy or girl. My wife says I have stripper style! Sounds great to me, I love strippers!

[Erica Marie]

When you are at home, I say dress as you please. Wear what makes you happy. As far as going out dressed, I would say its more of a "venue appropriate" thing. You sure wouldnt wear the same thing to a mall as you would to a nice dinner venue or to a dance club. Also I say wear what flatters your figure, sure if junior cloths fit you, great just pick a color and style that suits. If its misses or petites or womens dept there is no set of rules. Look around at ggs that are about your age and body shape and see what they are wearing. Try a few things till you find what you like.

[VAWyman]

Age appropriate, body shape compatible, coordinated colour and style, weather/season suitable, accessorized, makeup just right... Someone should have told me it would be this hard. Is there a manual???

Ha! Love that. If you do find that manual let us all know. The author would make a fortune. But it needs a cover of a bicycler and a title like "Crossing America the hard way"

[Krisi]

Age appropriate. You don't have to wear a "granny dress" if you are a senior but miniskirts and 6" heels look silly on someone who is obviously old enough to have grandchildren.

Older women dress like older women for a reason.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ophelia, I'm 71 and I like to dress as a 50ish lady, It's amazing
how the right outfit can dress you back 10 to 20 years.

[sherri]

I inwardly bristle a bit at the "age appropriate" pc attitude. Granted, someone my age doesn't need to be shopping at Abercrombie, but I love it when I see a mature gg dialing up the stylish and sexy a bit.

[Chari]

Always try to dress in a classic elegant feminine style for the event or season, but always be comfortable and confident in whatever I choose to wear! Enjoy.

[Michelle (Oz)]

This theme seems to role around too regularly. I keep telling myself not to get upset at those who should be supportive telling me that I don't dress age appropriately.

Thanks to all the ladies here that recognise we are already breaking society's golden rule, men must not wear dresses. What's one more broken rule after that? Dress for enjoyment, show some leg, hold age at bay, be different, be noticed, live life. Hasn't stopped me making some really good GG friends.

For those that know what is happening beyond their country border, go the Aussies!!

[NicoleScott]

For those who are offended by CDers who don't dress age-appropriate, I have a solution: don't look.

[Jenny Elwood]

Age appropriate dressing? Yes, how sensible for a man in a dress. Now if only I could stop dreaming of those infernal bandage dresses...

[Tina B.]

I always dress age appropriate, I never shop in the children's section, or the Juniors, section, but always in the women's section.
Beyond that, no I don't wear 70's style pant suits, even though it is common, among 70 year old women.

[Jenniferathome]

We know it when we see it.

These threads kill me as they ALWAYS divide into three general areas:
1) "there are no rules, dress as I like"
2) "I've seen 70 years olds with killer legs."
3) "I try to be age appropriate."

First, inherent in this question is that the cross dresser is going out in public. If you are a stay home cross dresser, this is not about you. Second, older does not equal frumpy. That is is a misguided thought at best. And third, "age" is not a number but a range.

Contrary to the "no rules" crowd, we all know there ARE rules. We see it daily. So, if you choose to flaunt the rules and genetic women sometimes do as well, then you must accept the consequences. The consequence being that most people will think of you as pathetic. That's really it. There will be no violence, no screams, no more pointing or laughing, just people thinking poorly of you. THAT is the consequence. We seem to care about this in our daily lives, why not care about it in our cross dressing lives?

[Stephanie47]

There's age appropriate from the rear view and age appropriate from the front view. I have encountered many lovely rear views at the mall, nice legs in a short skirt or dress, and, nice looking rump, but, alas, when the gorgeous creature turns around, the front view just does not go with the rear view. Again societal expectations arise. Society says that short mid thigh dress belongs on my teenage granddaughter and not my wife with a BMI of 30+.

Me? I keep the dresses at knee length +/- an inch or two. Style of the dress? I check out the models showing off the dresses on websites. It's easy to see what society feels I should wear. One thing I have notice about myself is the fact a camera lens really shows what I really look like, and, not the vision I see in the mirror. That's in guy or girl mode.

But wear what you want. Only you have to bear the consequences.

[heatherdress]

Age-appropriate rules?

Maybe in the fashion industry, or business world, or school, or the military - there may be dress rules to follow. Maybe there are customary rules of dress for special occasions (weddings and funerals). Maybe there are seasonal rules to address summer heat or winter snow. Maybe it might help to think there are rules to follow and you will "pass" if you follow the rules. Maybe it is helpful to have rules, age-approipriate rules, if you enjoy being a critic of others. But reality is - people dress as they want to and should dress the way they want to dress. If you want to be noticed, you dress to be noticed. If you do not want to be noticed, you dress accordingly.

It's really a combination of where you are going, who you are with, what you look good wearing and what makes you feel good. The older I get, the more important it is for me to dress for myself and enjoy life. I really do not care what other people think, especially if I don't know them.

If you want to live your life by the dress rules and opinions of others, go ahead.

[Lorileah]

just last week I was in the 20 year old department when the SA told me I should be in the 40 year old department. Is there age appropriate? Someone tell Cher

[Debra Russell]

Always age appropriate ... I hope (69)

229243

....casual but I think every day appropriate.....................Debra

[Oh Stella]

I missed out on crossdressing when I was 20 so Im making up for lost time! Hahaha

[SherriePall]

If I dressed age appropriate, my go-to accessory would be a walker. Actually, when I go out I dress body-appropriate. I try to make do the best I can with the body I have at this age. No mini-skirts and bare middles. Sometimes, a skirt slightly above the knee. Sometimes, one almost to the ankles. Did I answer the question?

[Leslie Langford]

...Contrary to the "no rules" crowd, we all know there ARE rules. We see it daily. So, if you choose to flaunt the rules and genetic women sometimes do as well, then you must accept the consequences. The consequence being that most people will think of you as pathetic. That's really it. There will be no violence, no screams, no more pointing or laughing, just people thinking poorly of you. THAT is the consequence. We seem to care about this in our daily lives, why not care about it in our cross dressing lives?...

What Jennifer said...

The reality is that while every CDer has the right to "speak their own truth" as they see fit, they do not live in a vacuum, and their behavior - good or bad - ulimately reflects on all of us, not to mention the way in which we are perceived by the general public. While this may not necessarily be fair, it is what it is. And frankly, I don't want to be lumped in with the "fetish" crossdressers when they strut their stuff in public, and then be looked down upon as being just another "one of those..." (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) when I go out en femme myself.

When I go out in public as "Leslie", I always dress in an elegant (and I like to think) polished and sophisticated manner and in a way that is not out of place with wherever I might find myself. In fact, I typically dress a bit better than the GG's that I am surrounded by at any given time, and by raising the bar somewhat that way, I give them little ground on which to criticize me should they be so inclined.

This approach has always worked for me, and I have never had a bad experience in public as a result. If anything, it has led to compliments from GG's from time to time, not to mention some delightful conversations and sometimes even an exchange of fashion tips.

As Aretha Franklin once put it: "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"...

[Wildaboutheels]

Hmmmm. Vedddddy interesting. People that wear the wrong clothes telling others WHICH wrong clothes to wear.

I drive a Honda.

Is that an acceptable vehicle for a CDer to drive?

And my current bike is a Kawasaki...?

[Oh Stella]

Maybe I will have to start hanging out on the street corners downtown. I may have stripper style but its classy stripper style!!!! I will be the best dressed for sure! Yay! Hahaha

Just joking btw! Im just taking the other side to have some fun here!

[Leslie Langford]

No, Wild, it's not - unless it's a "Chickmobile" like a Honda Insight... ;)

And do you really want to be riding a Kawasaki when you could just as easily be tooling around on a Vespa? :eek:

[Mishell]

So many variable with this question I don't think there really is an age appropriate style. I've seen 65-70 year old women rock a mini skirt and heels that put younger girls to shame. I think it's more body appropriate in my opinion. I've seen 20yrolds wearing crop tops and daisy dukes that shouldn't be.

[Cara Lacey]

According to my wife, who can spot a Cd a mile away, ressing un-appropriately for one's age does not stick out as much as someone who is way over dressed for the current situation.
"It's always easy to spot the cross-dresser, they're the ones wearing the gown at the supermarket or the cocktail dress at a rollerskating party."

[Tracii G]

No, I do not dress age appropriate. I dress the way I like, which is probably 35 years younger than I am. If others don't like it they can kiss my padded butt.

This quote exactly.

[Kate Simmons]

I dress in a way that lets me feel comfortable being myself. I'm really not interested in dressing to please others, be it "age appropriate" to "blend" or whatever. This is my time and my aim is to enjoy it my way. End of story.:battingeyelashes::)

[Zooey]

I'm with Jennifer and Leslie on this one... If I'm going out, I personally choose to dress age-appropriately. I do so because I prefer to make myself appear as "normal" as possible, so that I can go about my day without having to feel self-conscious or potentially making somebody any more uncomfortable than necessary. In exchange, I expect people to treat me with that same respect, by dealing with me like a human being. I've been in the ladies room with women taking care of their children a number of times - our limited interactions give me hope that they appreciate me sparing them the majority of a conversation they didn't want to have with the child yet.

Ultimately, do what you like, especially in your home or at private events. GGs that dress age inappropriately or overly provocatively are ALSO the recipients of a lot of unwanted attention, usually negative (and sometime dangerous). If you're making a conscious choice about it, then own it, deal with the attention, and keep being a badass! If you just don't know how to dress appropriately, then make an effort to learn. THEN you can make a conscious choice not to do so, and THAT'S fashion.

I've met a number of girls who make the choice to dress inappropriately for their age (or the location, event, or...) and get huffy when people are staring or treating them inconsiderately. Respect in public goes both ways, and don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

[darla_g]

What a ridiculous notion! If I can pretend to be a woman I can also pretend I am 25.

[docrobbysherry]

Der Rules are der Rules! I'm 70 and I KNOW it's important to certain folks that I dress my age. So, I do. See?

However, Sherry is only 17. And, much like my daughter, doesn't give a crap how I or "they" feel.

If u think presenting as dowdy old maid is cool? Do it! But, us girls just want to have fun:devil:

[JennyT3]

I try to dress according to my surroundings. If I go to a movie as Jenny, comphy skirt , blouse and sandals. Going to a club I dress a little sexier. But I always wear some type of skirt, mostly above the no matter where I'm going asJenny. Just have fun!

[Ann-Marie]

Hi, I'm 61, I do not go out dressed and hence do not try to pass or blend in. I mainly dress many many years younger with the clothes and shoes I enjoy.
If I did venture out I guess I would be much more conservative, but overall I think u should dress in whatever makes u feel good

[Krisi]

Everytime this subject comes up, people seem to get defensive about what they choose to wear. If you're on social security and wearing mini skirts and six inch heels, ask yourself this question: Would I approve of my wife wearing this outfit in public?

If you want to pass or blend, you have to dress for your age and for the occasion and time of day. If your intent is to shock people, wear the mini skirt and six inch heels. Make sure people know you are a crossdresser.

[samantha rogers]

Lol...I am sure this will offend someone, but lets make this omelet anyway...
:heehee:
I sort of think this whole discussion is a little silly. It reminds me of being in High School and arguing about which music group was the best. Lol
First, how you dress is a matter of personal taste and what you think looks good on you, according to what you like and what you think, isn't it? It is expression of self, right?
Or are we somehow imprisoned in a cage of other people's expectations?
Does it matter what anyone else thinks? I guess some people care, but I have never been among them (old hippy and rebel that I...lol).
When I dress in drab it is in clothing I like, that makes me feel good. Do some men my age look down their noses at me because I am not in their uniform of a suit or a polo and chinos? Most likely. Do some see my long hair, and skinny jeans and sneer inappropriate remarks about my probable sexual orientation at me under their breath? I expect that happens sometimes, too. Do I care? Why would I?
Are there others who look and think...wow that dude is cool? Yeah, that possibly happens, too. Do I care about that either? No. I dress the way I do because it is my life and I dress to make myself feel good. Life is way too short for anything else.
Lots of times when I see a gaggle of ggs cackling about the way another gg is dressed I really pay attention.
Sometimes, yes, the offending gg is dressed in a manner that she cannot pull off (Spandex pants on the wrong body come to mind...tee hee).
Or she is dressed in a way that is out of place for the occasion. Halter top and cutoffs at a funeral, etc. Sure.
I get that!
There are occasions that deserve respect, and there are bodily limitations.
But sometimes I see a woman who really rocks a particular style and looks really hot in it. Yeah, by the books it may be too young for her, but she looks great to me. She makes it work. And then I turn around and hear people clucking because she is trampy or dressed too young for her chronological years. Usually when I look at the people doing the clucking I see people who could never in their wildest dreams be able to pull off such a look. Can we say green eyed monster? C'mon, now...you know there is a lot of this about? Be honest.
I'm not saying wear whatever you want and look ridiculous. Don't wear that LBD and heels to the mall. What I am saying is be tasteful according to what you like. Be critical of yourself and choose according to what works for you. If you really can pull off a younger look, go for it. Enjoy it. If you can't then wear something better suited to your age. Look the way you like and look as good as you can.
Whatever looks you have are not going to last forever, so enjoy them while you can.

To quote from Captain Barbossa:
“And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call “guidelines” than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner”

LOL

Hugs

[NicoleScott]

Samantha (post #53), nobody should be offended at your expressing your opinion. I agree with your post. Look at this:


The reality is that while every CDer has the right to "speak their own truth" as they see fit, they do not live in a vacuum, and their behavior - good or bad - ulimately reflects on all of us, not to mention the way in which we are perceived by the general public. While this may not necessarily be fair, it is what it is. And frankly, I don't want to be lumped in with the "fetish" crossdressers when they strut their stuff in public, and then be looked down upon as being just another "one of those..." (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) when I go out en femme myself.

This is representative of how many CDers think. For those who have a strong feminine identity and want to blend in public and mix with others in public, there are rules about age-appropriate, place-appropriate, time-appropriate, and event-appropriate dressing. But notice that Leslie's concern was not for how others might perceive ME, but how my inappropriate-in-her-eyes dressing might affect HER. And her fear of "being looked down upon" is indicative that she herself looks down upon those who don't follow her rules. While most everyone says there is no right or wrong way to crossdress, you have to wonder if they really believe it.

For the cause of public acceptance, many CDers encourage others to get out there. But if your presentation doesn't conform to their standards, tell you to STAY HOME!

I will go out in the en femme presentation I choose, and if it reflects negatively on other CDers, to quote Leslie "While this may not necessarily be fair, it is what it is."

[Kay Fora]

Cara, chiming in with my own little 2 cents - you are exactly right! I aspire to fit in with who I am inside showing on the outside. That means wearing comfy and flattering clothes. From my lil' part of the world, it seems that some (not all, some) CDers just want to dress trashy (call it "hooker chic") and think they pass. When I've been complimented for my style, nails, or hairstyle, that makes me feel that everything I had on just worked!

[samantha rogers]

Quite right, Kay, but, again, that goes to dressing appropriately for the occsion rather than age. There are clubs and parties and special events where a little "trashy" is not only appropriate but fun. On the other hand there are lots of occasions where it would be just stupid crazy rude to dress that way. But my point was its not about actual age, but rather whether you still have the looks and the figure to pull off a particular style. And that is a matter of personal judgement, at least as far as I am concerned...lol

[Katey888]

I said earlier I like this forum for it's diversity, and although it's unlikely we'll ever get complete agreement on any subject - :lol: - I do think it's cool when a predominantly 'at-home pleasure-dresser' like Nicole (if you'll allow that description, or provide a better one... :)) and an 'out-and-about' TG dresser, like Samantha, are able to agree in principle that a lot of the time this is about self-expression and not necessarily meeting 'expectations' of.... who, exactly...? :confused:

Yes - the OP implied that this was about going out... but even if someone here chooses to be a bit age-inappropriate or even venue-inappropriate (and bear in mind we do have a few folks who present as males in dresses here too...) I'm missing how this is reflecting on someone badly in Canada (or elsewhere), if I do this here in the UK... or someone else does it in Mississippi... Or Oz...? Is there some conspiracy of CD sightings and evaluation that goes on in the world of muggles that we're not aware of...? Some global network that passes on any CD fashion faux pas that doesn't align with these unwritten rules...? I don't really get that...

I don't expect many of the provincial places I see on member' locations here to be well recognised as particular bell weathers of fashion, either GG or CD, so I'm not as keen at receiving fashion tips from there as I might be from CDs in Paris or Milan - even NY! :)

I am curious as to why some folk always pop up as the self-elected arbiters of all that's 'best' in a community, even one that is as staggeringly weird to the world of normal folk as this one...! Awesome... I guess that's just people for you... :facepalm:

I'm changing my avatar to a more inappropriate one now - just to see if I can shave a few points off the Global CD Index today... I don't suppose anyone will really notice...

Katey x

[samantha rogers]

Katey, you crack me up, girlfriend! LOL
Hugs, sweetheart
(still laughing...tee hee)

[natcrys]

Dress the way you want! Just make sure it looks good. ;)

I'm almost pushing 40... and if I'd dress and wear make-up like most of the Dutch GG's in my age range... shopping would be very boring.. and I'd only need mascara and bit of lipgloss. :p

Having said that though... if you do go out in public, please try to dress for the occassion. I will support anyone's right to dress the way they want, but does not mean I won't be joining my friends in cracking jokes about those people wearing a mini-skirt and stilettos at the supermarket or a full length evening dress at the take-a-way pizzeria, whether they're GG or CD/TG. Because.. just because something is possible.. doesn't mean it can't look ridiculous. :p

[Lorileah]

I'm changing my avatar to a more inappropriate one now - just to see if I can shave a few points off the Global CD Index today... I don't suppose anyone will really notice...


and you wonder why we can't keep anything nice around here? How can I show my face in public today now?


. Don't wear that LBD and heels to the mall.


I do...frequently and someone better NOTICE otherwise I am doing it wrong

[Oh Stella]

I allways look at girls wearing a lbd and heels at the grocery store. Thats why they wear that! I dont care if she is 18 or 80 crippled, blind or crazy! I dont care if she's a cd,ts or tg! Im still going to look and Im still going to like it! I might even invite her to dinner! Yeah Im not what you might consider normal but I work with a bunch of guys and I know every one of them would also look and half of them would want to ask her out and probably a few would ask her out!

[ArleneRaquel]

An online test that I took today says that I'm a female in her mid 40's. I have dress that age for many years now, even thought I'm well over sixty.

[Jaymees22]

If I'm not dressing gender appropriate then being age appropriate is irrelevant. I'll try anything at home but if venturing out I go with a more conservative approach.

[ophelia]

Wow, what a great forum. Remember, I reconsidered my "dressing age" as younger after some helpful advice from my favorite hairstylist and makeup artists in Kingston after my first visit with them. I took their advice and dressed a little younger for my second visit and my day shopping was much more enjoyable, with many more compliments. For example, as much as I though I enjoyed a having a head full of curls from a roller set (just google blonde roller set) she said that technique made me look older than I needed to. A softer flowing style with a bit of a flip worked so much better. Advice is not a rule, it's a guide.
All to say that I am not suggesting at all that there are R_U_L_E_S but merely that after getting some pro advice we can focus our look and have more successful presentation in public, and with that success comes the joy of freedom.
After all, aren't the gajillion fashion and beauty choices GG's have the reason we want to play in their sandbox?

[Leslie Langford]

Nicole, much as I respect your laissez-faire and "do your own thang" philosophy, I have to ask you this question:

"Are you married and/or in a committed relationship and do you have children - and especially minor ones? If so, can you truthfully say that there was never an incident where you, your better half or your children crossed the line in some manner and caused you or your family some type embarrassment?"

Or conversely, are you the type of individual who subscribes to the philosophy that there is no such thing as bad publicity, as many of our "celebrities" and politicians (e.g. Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, former Congressman Anthony Weiner and Canada's answer - Toronto Mayor Rob Ford) seem to think? In other words, that "shame" and personal accountability are outmoded concepts?

For most people, a family is a cohesive and mutually supportive unit, and bad behavior on the part of any one of them has the potential to reflect badly on the rest - even if there are adults involved who are acting of their own free will and cannot be "controlled" by the others any more.

Sure, we can hide behind the excuse that they were acting according to their own life choices in those instances, that it was out of our hands, and should therefore be no reflection on us personally. Great in theory, but sadly though, the rest of the world will still judge us by our failure to intervene in such instances, even if the only tools left at our disposal by then were moral suasion.

It's that type of interconnectedness that defines the essence of a family, and I would argue that because of the shared commonality of our crossdressing, by default we also constitute a sort of "family" as well - dysfunctional though we may be from time to time. And "real" families don't let each other down or willingly bring shame upon themselves.

Which brings me back to my original point that that I am not too keen to have the "fetish" crossdressers reinforce all the negative stereotypes still held by the general public about our community (not to mention the over-the-top and b*tchy drag queens whom we are often lumped in with) when they are out and about, and thus be judged according to the same yardstick...


...I am curious as to why some folk always pop up as the self-elected arbiters of all that's 'best' in a community, even one that is as staggeringly weird to the world of normal folk as this one...! Awesome... I guess that's just people for you... :facepalm:...

Ummm...in a word, Katey: "Transphobia"

Are you familiar with the statistics showing how many members of our community have been either assaulted or killed by "haters" who had issues with what we were (and how we conducted ourselves) because of our gender variance?

If so, do you really think it is in our best interests to provoke a pit-bull by poking it repeatedly with a sharp stick? Somehow, I don't aspire to end up like the motorist who had the words "He had the right of way" inscribed on his tombstone.

[NicoleScott]

Leslie, from your first post on the topic:


When I go out in public as "Leslie", I always dress in an elegant (and I like to think) polished and sophisticated manner and in a way that is not out of place with wherever I might find myself. In fact, I typically dress a bit better than the GG's that I am surrounded by at any given time, and by raising the bar somewhat that way, I give them little ground on which to criticize me should they be so inclined.

This approach has always worked for me, and I have never had a bad experience in public as a result. If anything, it has led to compliments from GG's from time to time, not to mention some delightful conversations and sometimes even an exchange of fashion tips.

I have no doubt that this is true, and I see no way that the folks who know you as Leslie would think you are a fetish dresser. By the way, fetish is not a style as sophisticated, polished, and elegant may be. It's what's behind the drive to crossdress, for those it applies to. While I am a fetish-driven crossdresser, my style is over-the-top, and I like to go out. Any sexual component to my crossdressing is not exercised in public but in private. I'm just a crossdresser with a style that's different than yours and I like to go out to enjoy the evening, as you do.
I can't buy into your family analogy. It's a stretch to think that what I do in Mississippi affects you in Ontario. I'm sure you are able to explain, should the need arise, that what I do has no connection to what you do.
Many GG's go over-the-top when they go out, with all the things that are in some way "inappropriate". Others may snicker, but I don't hear other GG's telling them to tone it down or stay home because they are making other GG's look bad.

[CynthiaD]

I think that classy is ageless. If you dress classy, then it is by definition, age appropriate. When I go casual, I prefer a denim skirt with a cowl-neck top. This sort of an outfit is also ageless: it looks good on anyone. (To me, at least.) I've tried dressing like some teenager's dream girl, but it didn't look good on me. So I go with what does look good.

[Oh Stella]

I dont like the same style of music as any of you on here and I dont like the cars that you drive. Does that mean that I should leave the radio off or that I should not be alowed to drive? I do admit that if all of us crossdressers listened to bluegrass music and drove a Ford Focus that we would be looked down upon by some people but some people love that music and some might even drive a Focus and that might just make us cool/awesome/sexy/smart or even just normal!

Above all else please remember, just as with my immediate family, I love every one of my crossdressing family( even if you dress funny!).

[natcrys]

I drive a Ford Focus! :D

[Katey888]

Leslie - I agree with you that in some ways we're altogether in the same, very large, oil-tanker-sized boat - whether we be at the fetish end or not (and I place myself somewhere in the middle, probably migrating from fetishy...) but there are a couple of things which I think you should reconsider as they come across just a little judgmental...


It's that type of interconnectedness that defines the essence of a family, and I would argue that because of the shared commonality of our crossdressing, by default we also constitute a sort of "family" as well - dysfunctional though we may be from time to time. And "real" families don't let each other down or willingly bring shame upon themselves.

Which brings me back to my original point that that I am not too keen to have the "fetish" crossdressers reinforce all the negative stereotypes still held by the general public about our community (not to mention the over-the-top and b*tchy drag queens whom we are often lumped in with) when they are out and about, and thus be judged according to the same yardstick...
Words like 'shame' and 'negative' and 'embarrassment' all seem a touch too pejorative for my tastes...

If you think about the position that we - including Nicole and others like her - collectively take on this forum, and compare that with the dozens and dozens of less - shall we say - cerebral, CD websites out there, our opinions, perspectives and examples are totally overwhelmed by what Joe Public will see on those sites... and I'm not sure that's an even-sided battle we stand a chance of winning...

Now I totally agree that is not the same as presenting in public, but seriously, there is an enormous spectrum of what is acceptable for GGs, as well as what is the norm amongst GGs. Across major cities there may be some similarities, but contrast a lot of provincial places in any of our countries and there will be some significant differences in what it would take to blend in, say, a daytime shopping mall in Texas versus a night-time pub in Sheffield... :eek: It may seem odd, but I'd bet good odds that Nicole would look totally at home in the north of England... in certain circumstances and places... Or at least not very out of place... :D

We are a real plurality and diversity - I don't think we should actively try to stifle that creativity it's so costly for most of us to embrace! :cheer:



Ummm...in a word, Katey: "Transphobia"

Are you familiar with the statistics showing how many members of our community have been either assaulted or killed by "haters" who had issues with what we were (and how we conducted ourselves) because of our gender variance?

If so, do you really think it is in our best interests to provoke a pit-bull by poking it repeatedly with a sharp stick? Somehow, I don't aspire to end up like the motorist who had the words "He had the right of way" inscribed on his tombstone.

And if you're saying that by trying to blend more you're removing the danger of hate crime against TG folk, that's OK, but... counter-intuitively perhaps... you're putting yourself into an even more 'at risk' group of people - that of regular GGs.... whose statistics in absolute terms far outweigh crimes against TG folk... I'm not sure what would be worse, quite honestly... as a quick search throws up a staggering 1.2m rapes in the USA each year and 6.6m sexual assaults... That's probably all a good reason to stay at home or at least, stick to LGBT friendly venues....

I'd support your's and others point about not being inappropriate for time and place though - but it does make you think more about those among us who do have a mixed mode of presentation... brave folk... :)

Katey x

[Michelle (Oz)]

Katey888 you are too subtle - sorry I'm not. I guess that is why you are a moderator.

The subject heading of the OP is "Age appropriate dressing?". I don't understand how the thread has become stuck on fetish dressing something I don't do but my views extend to however a person wishes to present.

Not ONE person will change their presentation to be more age appropriate (or less fetishistic) because of the polerising opinions of others!! What I know is that my view of a number of CDers on this forum has changed. I cannot stand anyone who is intolerant of difference whatever form it takes. Even worse, that the intolerance comes from people who themselves are so very different smacks of hypocrisy.

Thankfully so many people in the real world are far more tolerant of difference than some on this forum. The many friends I have made are proof - so many more than in male mode. What they say about me does matter to me. It matters that they think I'm a decent person. That I'm interested in them. That I care about them. That I'm infectiously happy.

Most of the few posts that I make in this forum are in response to please help me threads. I must get a thicker skin and ignore hypocrits.

[Donnagirl]

I'm changing my avatar to a more inappropriate one now - just to see if I can shave a few points off the Global CD Index today... I don't suppose anyone will really notice...

Katey x

Love it... I'm joining in the movement!!!

[Michelle789]

Not ONE person will change their presentation to be more age appropriate (or less fetishistic) because of the polerising opinions of others!!

And no one should change how they dress because of what someone on this forum says. I'm at a point where I am learning to trust my own intuition on how to live my life, and not giving power to others.


Thankfully so many people in the real world are far more tolerant of difference than some on this forum

I think sometimes other TG can our harshest critics. We are so concerned about passing that we are willing to become sellouts and robots and clones so that we don't get clocked. My experience is that in general there will be people who like the way we dress and people who don't. And I honestly don't care. I say screw the fashion police and use your own eyes, sense of feel, and intuition to decide what to wear. These three senses are your best guide. Even when I was trying on clothes with other people to help me out last week, or when I was trying on wigs with the help of a sales associate, in all cases their reactions matched mine. My eyes, feel, and intuition told me whether or not an item of clothing or wig looked good on me, and the person helping me out sensed that and usually agreed with me.


And if you're saying that by trying to blend more you're removing the danger of hate crime against TG folk, that's OK, but... counter-intuitively perhaps... you're putting yourself into an even more 'at risk' group of people - that of regular GGs.... whose statistics in absolute terms far outweigh crimes against TG folk... I'm not sure what would be worse, quite honestly... as a quick search throws up a staggering 1.2m rapes in the USA each year and 6.6m sexual assaults.

I agree but I disagree. The number of rapes and sexual assaults against GGs are higher than hate crimes against TG because there's far more GG's than TG folk. 50% of the population is GG, and counting all TSes, out CDers, and other gender variants who present publicly, is 1% of the population, maybe less. So we would have to scale down those rape and sexual assault statistics by 50, and compare against the number of hate crimes against TG. And any CDer or transwomen who ventures out publicly not only risks becoming the target of a hate crime but risks becoming the target of rape or sexual assault like a GG.

In either case we can't live our life worrying about things like this. I would just say to avoid places that any GG would avoid. No dark alleys, stay in well lit public places where there's other people present. Minimize going out at night and if you do go only in places like a supermarket or drug store or crowded restaurant where other GGs hang out. Go in groups if you can, even in the daytime. Definitely don't go to gangland in either day or night.

[Cheryl T]

I dress for myself, but I feel that I am sort of "age appropriate". By that I mean the my spouse tells me I look younger than my actual age (makeup helps a lot as does a nice wig) and I feel that I dress nicely for that age group.
So while I don't dress my age I do dress somewhat for the age I appear to be. I don't actually do this intentionally, it's just that my tastes fall that way.

[Majella St Gerard]

I wear what looks good for the environment I will be in. You should aim for dressing correctly for your size.

[grace7777]

One of my goals in dressing is to blend in, or to not attract attention. Wearing a mini or micro skirt is not a good way to do that. I tend to dress modestly in that most of my skirts and dresses tend to be knee length or below. Also, I try to dress appropriately for the occasion.

[Chiana]

I don't go out when I am dressed so I am free to do as I please. I do have age appropriate clothes. But much of the time, I do not wear age appropriate clothing. I do what feels good to me.

[Miss Interpretation]

When I first started dressing, I went over the top and dressed in everything from early-teens to middle-aged! Now that I've started to "mature" in my tastes, I find that I'm starting to gravitate toward clothing that women my age wear (maybe slightly younger). I guess I get my inspiration from people around me that are my age, so I think I will naturally gravitate toward clothing that is targeted toward my age group.

That being said, I think that you should dress how you feel. As many have already mentioned, it is much easier to "out" people when they do not dress at or close-to their age. However, if your goal isn't to blend in, then you should just dress however you like! I'd be more concerned with "fit" than "style."

[dpastra]

That is a hard one to answer. I tend to be a fairly trim person and I like to wear form fitting clothing. However in my mind I keep thinking its a little too young. But others have told me I dress like an old librarian. So not sure what age appropriate really is. I just go for whatever makes me feel good and I think I'd look good In.

[amanrich]

It all depends upon the situation. If you are going out, and want to "blend in" then definitely age appropriate.. no granny dresses though :). If you are going to a club, or doing photos or whatever wear whatever you want. HAVE FUN!!

[jillishy]

i'm a long way from going out and my choices are still limited since i hide everything...i'm just happy to dress when i can
however, if i was going out and had to choose...i'd say dress with what makes you feel your best inside...we are all different

[AprilMayy<3]

For the most part it is. At 18, I dress how I see other 18 year olds, but a bit more conservatively. I don't dress in booty shorts/short shirts, as I can't get away with it haha. Skater skirts and tanks/v-necks work for me.

[Leslie Langford]

Leslie, from your first post on the topic:...I have no doubt that this is true, and I see no way that the folks who know you as Leslie would think you are a fetish dresser. By the way, fetish is not a style as sophisticated, polished, and elegant may be. It's what's behind the drive to crossdress, for those it applies to. While I am a fetish-driven crossdresser, my style is over-the-top, and I like to go out. Any sexual component to my crossdressing is not exercised in public but in private. I'm just a crossdresser with a style that's different than yours and I like to go out to enjoy the evening, as you do.
I can't buy into your family analogy. It's a stretch to think that what I do in Mississippi affects you in Ontario. I'm sure you are able to explain, should the need arise, that what I do has no connection to what you do.
Many GG's go over-the-top when they go out, with all the things that are in some way "inappropriate". Others may snicker, but I don't hear other GG's telling them to tone it down or stay home because they are making other GG's look bad.

Nicole, I appreciate your spin on his topic but ultimately, we may have to agree to disagree here.

Far be it from me to aspire to the role of "fashion police" and tell you what you should - or shouldn't - wear when out in public. I do, however, have my opinions on that subject insofar as what other crossdressers do when out in public and the extent to which this may impact on my life as a fellow crossdresser. In short, I am a firm subscriber to the philosophy that another person's right to swing their arms ends where my nose begins.

You raise the point that what you might be wearing in Mississippi can hardly have any bearing on how I am perceived as a crossdresser here in Ontario. Fair enough, but let me tell you a little story here:

A few years back, I was in a local shopping mall (in drab) during the height of the pre-Christmas shopping season when an odd-looking person whom I was approaching from the back happened to catch my eye. As I got closer, I realized that this was definitely a middle-aged M-T-F crossdresser who was dressed in a style best described as "Mrs. Claus meets one of Santa's little elves", topped off with a cheap jet-black wig resembling Prince Valliant's favorite hairstyle, page-boy bangs and all.

This individual had taken it upon themselves to engage a young GG who was staffing one of the kiosks in the middle of the mall in a conversation, and judging by her body language, it was evident that she was very uncomfortable with this encounter. And yet, she soldiered on, the customer always being right, and all that.

Like others here, my "CD-radar" is pretty finely tuned and I can usually spot a "sister" a mile away, but this person was so blatant in their presentation that s/he had caught the attention of some of the other "muggles" as well. And needless to say, snickers and surreptitious finger-pointing behind her back had already started even before I came upon the scene.

I had posted about this encounter on this forum at the time as part of a thread on a similar topic, but here is where it gets interesting:

kathy-gg, who used to post here and lives in a community adjacent to mine subsequently responded to that thread as it had struck a chord with her, and she proceeded to fill in some of the blanks here. It should be noted that kathy's husband is also a crossdresser, she is very supportive of our community, and for a time actually ran an escorted shopping service geared towards our sisters who are too shy to appear in public en femme by themselves. And based on my description and this individual's modus operandi, she quickly identified them as a former client of hers whose fetishistic aspirations had made even her uncomfortable in the end. Imagine, then, what that poor girl behind the counter of that kiosk must have been going through...

So yes, I was a bit p*ssed off as well at the antics of this fetishistic crossdresser and how she had taken it upon herself to get in the faces of unwilling/unwitting "accomplices" just to selfishly get her own jollies, rather than keeping it indoors or amongst others of a similar mindset. Even worse, I felt embarrassed on her behalf (even if she didn't), and couldn't help but think of what kind of a negative impression of crossdressing she had left behind, and how that might impact on me personally some day when I was out en femme and trying my best to blend in.

There are some posters here who have commented on the fact that the trajectory of this thread has started to veer of into "fetish dressing" territory" as opposed to the original discussion of age appropriate dressing. And yes - guilty as charged - I'm probably the one who started us going off on this tangent.

But the fact of the matter is that you really can't separate "true" fetish crossdressing in public with crossdressers wearing age-inappropriate female clothing. The underlying principle here is that in both cases, it is males wearing over-the-top female garb, and we are judged as creepy male transvestites first and foremost, and not just as potential candidates for the reality TV show "What Not to Wear".

Sure, GG's can have an abysmal fashion sense, but that's all they run the risk of being judged on and having the Riot Act read to them by Stacy and Clinton. Unfortunately, the stakes are higher for us crossdressers because we have that gender/sexual orientation/fetish component to deal with as well in the eyes of the public.

All that said, I remain steadfast in my stated opinion that we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard when going out in public en femme if we ever hope to achieve more widespread mainstream acceptance. Not only that, but we must also respect the feelings of our loved ones whom we have corralled into joining us in our journey of self-discovery (sometimes kicking and screaming, unfortunately).

We as individuals may not care about what snickers or other negativity we may be attracting when we are out in public "doing our own thing", but what about our wives, SO's, children, parents etc. who might be mortified if the neighbor lady happened to mention one day that she saw a family member over at the local grocery store wearing a Harpo Marx wig, a pink tutu, and 6-inch stilettos, smiling all the while like the proverbial Cheshire cat...?

[sometimes_miss]

I am not too keen to have the "fetish" crossdressers reinforce all the negative stereotypes still held by the general public about our community <snip>
I hate to bring this up, but the general public thinks we're nuts, and it has little to do with whether we wear age appropriate clothes, and all to do with that it's the clothes of the opposite sex. An 80 year old man can get away with wearing a rapper's t shirt, a backwards baseball cap and torn jeans hanging around his butt much easier than he can wearing an old lady dress.
Besides, if we really cared about what people think of us, we wouldn't crossdress at all.

[Cara Lacey]

I hate to bring this up, but the general public thinks we're nuts, and it has little to do with whether we wear age appropriate clothes, and all to do with that it's the clothes of the opposite sex. An 80 year old man can get away with wearing a rapper's t shirt, a backwards baseball cap and torn jeans hanging around his butt much easier than he can wearing an old lady dress.
Besides, if we really cared about what people think of us, we wouldn't crossdress at all.

I agree 100%.
They may be all compliments to our face, but they are laughing behind our backs.

[Michelle (Oz)]

In short, I am a firm subscriber to the philosophy that another person's right to swing their arms ends where my nose begins. <snip>

There are some posters here who have commented on the fact that the trajectory of this thread has started to veer of into "fetish dressing" territory" as opposed to the original discussion of age appropriate dressing. And yes - guilty as charged - I'm probably the one who started us going off on this tangent. <snip>

But the fact of the matter is that you really can't separate "true" fetish crossdressing in public with crossdressers wearing age-inappropriate female clothing. The underlying principle here is that in both cases, it is males wearing over-the-top female garb, and we are judged as creepy male transvestites first and foremost, and not just as potential candidates for the reality TV show "What Not to Wear".
Now I have a bloodied nose:Angry3: You have lost the plot Leslie and marginalised yourself. Surprisingly for the amount of time you have spent out femme, you must have a severe lack of confidence.

Thankfully real people don't live in a blinkered one dimensional world where a short skirt, for example, would categorise me as "creepy" rather than as interesting and personable.

[NicoleScott]

...we may have to agree to disagree here.

OK. We see the other's POV and aren't likely to change ours. But about that page boy wig with bangs comment......

[Leslie Langford]

Crikey, Michelle, my confidence level in going out in public en femme is just fine, thank you very much. In fact, it is better than ever, and as I pile up good experiences one on top of another, it just gets easier and easier and more and more satisfying.

But in the process, I've also cultivated a certain image with GG's that I've gotten to know personally (make-up artists, nail techs, consignment store owners, among others) aside from interacting with the general public, and they have a very positive view of what I am and what I do at this time. But being open-minded as they are, they are also bound to encounter other crossdressers along the way. And I truly fear that somewhere along the line, that positive view may be diminished if they meet other members of our tribe who don't respect the same types of boundaries in the way they present themselves and wind up creeping them out.

[xoMindyxo]

Leslie, your comment really hit the nail on the head and I couldn't agree with you more ! It has been something I've been trying to explain to others for a while now.

I'm not out to judge anybody on how they express themselves, that's where I agree fully on needing to hold ourselves to a higher standard. I think it's more about "occasion appropriate" attire than "age appropriate". Sometimes, I may dress a little younger than my age, such as skinny jeans ,form fitting tops, and boots, but I dress in outfits I think are not only fun, but it's sensible when interacting in public. I certainly wouldn't be wearing a skimpy club dress and stiletto heels in Barnes And Noble !

Dressing "fetish" in a public setting for all the world to see I feel hurts the rest of us who just want to go about our business as best as we can. We get enough flak as it is, I don't need the "sexual deviant" "pervert" label tossed at me.

[Zooey]

Far be it from me to aspire to the role of "fashion police" and tell you what you should - or shouldn't - wear when out in public. I do, however, have my opinions on that subject insofar as what other crossdressers do when out in public and the extent to which this may impact on my life as a fellow crossdresser. In short, I am a firm subscriber to the philosophy that another person's right to swing their arms ends where my nose begins.

<snip>


Yet again, I'm in complete agreement with Leslie, especially on the cultural ramifications.

You catch more flies with honey...
You get what you give...
Etc, etc...

We talk a lot about the importance of compromising with SOs, and I don't see compromising with the public to be any less worthwhile. I don't have children yet, but I wouldn't want my child around a GG wearing what some of us prefer either. I would also love to wear pajamas everywhere, but the compromises we all make every day mean I'm unlikely to show up at the office in them anytime soon.

Again though, if something makes you happy, then do it and OWN it. I do feel like fashion should be a conscious choice though. I've met a lot of folks who just honestly don't know how to dress appropriately for a situation, for their body type/size, or whatever. If you do, and you choose not to, then go for it girlfriend! You'll have to deal with the consequences, but I think most folks can tell when somebody's made a choice out of freedom rather than ignorance.

[Michelle789]

@Cara_Lacey and @sometimes_miss

I don't think that everybody out there thinks we're nuts. I think that most people are too busy minding their own business to even care what we're wearing, and that the majority of people when we interact with them, like with a cashier or sales associate, likely they don't have opinions on us and will be swayed by our behavior.

With that said, there is real transphobia out there. But I think the people who are truly transphobic are in the minority, and it's just that when they do something to us, whether it's misgender us, call us tranny or dude in a dress, laugh at us, give us the cold shoulder, fire us from our jobs, and murder us, their actions leave a long lasting impression on us emotionally, not to mention can ruin us financially or end our lives.

But I honestly think that most people don't really care either way. I think that the level of transphobia also varies from place to place.

I do think that people who are transphobic will sometimes try to show social etiquette, political correctness, and abide by laws to protect us, even though they secretly hate us. But I honestly don't think that most people think we're nuts and are talking behind our backs all the time. I honestly think there are more people who think the Southern Baptists are nuts and talk behind their backs all time. My family consists of three of them (well, two of them more often). There are people who think that if you speak in tongues - yes even born again Christians - who think you're nuts or even possessed by the devil. I'm not kidding you here. I think more people think Christian fundamentalists are nuts than think we're nuts. There are probably some who think both Christian fundamentalists and TG people are nuts.

In general, a few ignorant people are the ones who create all the trouble. Not just with the TG community, but in life in general. Even if you go to a crime ridden neighborhood, most people aren't going to shoot you. Most people there probably are non violent. A few are and they can end your life if you are unlucky enough to cross their path, and this is why we avoid those kind of neighborhoods. But I don't think that most people who live there are criminals, but rather economically underprivileged people who cannot afford to live anywhere better.

I think we pass way too much judgment on the cis-gendered world. Not everyone hates us. I don't even think that most hate us. The few that do hate us cause most of the damage to us. Remember, it takes only one person to laugh and say "look at that dude in a dress" to potentially ruin our day, if we let it ruin our day. We don't have to let it ruin our day. It takes one idiot to murder a TG, and one idiot to fire you from your job. If you lost your job because of being TG, that doesn't mean that everyone there hates you. It was probably one or two people who hate you.

@Nicole_Scott and @Zooey

There is a difference between going over the top and dressing inappropriately. I believe that the only truly inappropriate clothes are those which make you uncomfortable (too hot, too cold, too tight, struggling to walk in stiletto heels), and those clothes that are too skimpy and show the private parts or too much cleavage. Showing a little cleavage is okay. Wearing knee length dresses and skirts, and those dresses or skirts that go 3-5 inches above the knee are okay too. If you wish to go shorter, than that's your perogative. Wearing stockings is okay too, as it is okay to go bare legged, to wear ankle length dresses, or to wear jeans.

I agree with what Nicole said about how GG's do the same thing and wear "inappropriate" clothing and it doesn't make other GG's look bad. I think the same applies to CDers or TSes. I would err on the side of dressing more conservatively if going on a job interview or to work (if TS or full time CDer).


I'm just a crossdresser with a style that's different than yours and I like to go out to enjoy the evening, as you do.

I am a TS who happens to wear a different style than yours, and I get complimented on my outfits all the time.

I believe that whatever you wear, wear it with confidence, and behave with dignity. If you do so than you are setting a good example for the TG community.

@Leslie - It is not just about wearing any particular items of clothing, but also how well put together your outfit is. I agree that wearing a good quality wig that looks like natural hair will look drastically better than wearing some cheap wig that looks too wiggy, or some wig that might look well on someone else but not on you. This is why I overemphasize trying on wigs in person before you buy. Because a good quality wig will cost you $200 plus tax. While if you make a mistake buying a top or a skirt or a dress for $10-20 from Target or Ross, you've wasted less money on your mistake. Also I think it is important to know the return policy and be prepared to return your item, if it is returnable, if it doesn't look good or fit you.

I don't believe in just wearing any old item off the racks. When I buy clothes, I try them on and try to get a sense of how well they might look on me. Now that I shop en femme (I am full time TS, so I am biased, but any CDer who has a working wardrobe can venture out en femme, go shopping, and try on clothes with your wig and makeup to see how they look.) I try on clothes to see how they look on me before I buy them. I use my eyes, feel, and intuition to decide if something looks good on me or not. When I am mixing and matching clothes and accessories at home, I use the same three senses to decide if an outfit works or not.

Fashion sense doesn't come over night. But practice makes perfect, and you can develop it. If you learn to follow your own intuition, you will discover what looks and feels great on you. And if you are happy with what you see in the mirror, and how the clothes feel on you, than you have an outfit that works and are ready to go wear it with confidence.

As for fetishes, I agree that wearing skimpy outfits, sissy maid outfits, or Santa's elf outfits, are generally out of place outside of a fetish ball. Save dressing like a hooker for the tranny bar. But I believe that we can still dress pretty and stylish, and yes that includes wearing the holy grails of crossdressing - dresses/skirts, stockings, heels, and makeup - and still put together an outfit very nicely and go make a good impression in public. Skinny jeans can work too. There is no need to limit yourself to jeans and t-shirt just because you think everyone else is wearing that. You heard me, I said because "you think" everyone else is wearing that. If you take a good look around you there is a wide variety of styles in which GGs dress, and include pants or jeans, skirts or dresses, heels, sneakers, flats. Makeup, no makeup. Stockings, bare legs. Long dresses, short dresses. You name it, some GG is wearing every style out there. Just own it, and be confident, and you'll be fine.

[JocelynRenee]

As someone who aspires to "pass" I dress to blend in an age-appropriate style...by MY definition. In my male workday I generally wear suits while my colleagues favor business casual. While I don't strictly blend I don't think most would think me to be out of bounds. While Jocelyn is not likely to wear flip-flops to pick up a loaf of bread, I'm not going to wear a gown either.

As for the question of age, who sets that standard? At age 52 you won't see me in a micro-mini, but I've seem a whole lot of 50 year-olds dressing like conservative grannies.

Where I get a little uncomfortable is how the discussion has turned on the fetish dressing question. I'm not a fetish dresser and I don't really "get it". Honestly, when I see a fetish dresser in public (CD or GG) I think it's goofy and inappropriate. BUT...I bet a whole lot of men would say that cross dressers diminish all men - ALL cross dressers, even us "normal" ones. I've actually had white people tell me that they like me because I don't dress like a regular black guy. Some of the concerns about fetish dressing feel very much the same to me.

I get that people are influenced by stereotypical impressions and that I have been affected in a very real way because a bunch of uptight white people saw some gangster rap videos and just assumed that somehow gives them insight into me. I just reject the correlation. If someone has seen 10 wildly over-the-top fetish cross dressers in their lifetime their opinion is bound to be informed by that experience. But when they meet me and I don't fit that preconceived notion, they're going to recognize that I'm different. I really don't feel all that negatively impacted by how another human chooses to present themselves, and if someone really can't grasp the difference I'm probably not going to be too interested in them to care.

In the end isn't it really just a matter of degree? Non-trans men don't get vanilla CDs so they are rejected. Vanilla CDs don't get fetish CDs so they are rejected. It's all wrong and this type of thinking diminishes us all.

[Zooey]

There is a difference between going over the top and dressing inappropriately. I believe that the only truly inappropriate clothes are those which make you uncomfortable (too hot, too cold, too tight, struggling to walk in stiletto heels), and those clothes that are too skimpy and show the private parts or too much cleavage. Showing a little cleavage is okay. Wearing knee length dresses and skirts, and those dresses or skirts that go 3-5 inches above the knee are okay too. If you wish to go shorter, than that's your perogative. Wearing stockings is okay too, as it is okay to go bare legged, to wear ankle length dresses, or to wear jeans.


As for fetishes, I agree that wearing skimpy outfits, sissy maid outfits, or Santa's elf outfits, are generally out of place outside of a fetish ball. Save dressing like a hooker for the tranny bar. But I believe that we can still dress pretty and stylish, and yes that includes wearing the holy grails of crossdressing - dresses/skirts, stockings, heels, and makeup - and still put together an outfit very nicely and go make a good impression in public. Skinny jeans can work too. There is no need to limit yourself to jeans and t-shirt just because you think everyone else is wearing that. You heard me, I said because "you think" everyone else is wearing that. If you take a good look around you there is a wide variety of styles in which GGs dress, and include pants or jeans, skirts or dresses, heels, sneakers, flats. Makeup, no makeup. Stockings, bare legs. Long dresses, short dresses. You name it, some GG is wearing every style out there. Just own it, and be confident, and you'll be fine.

Just to be clear, I completely agree with you here. I've worn all of those things, but it's all about the overall look. I wear dresses/skirts that hit well above the knee all the time, but might balance them for casual outings with a pair of cute flats and/or a neutral cardi. Alternatively, I'll dress up dark skinny jeans with a cool top, a black blazer, a chunky necklace, and the baddest black pumps my feet can manage for the occasion, because that's a perfectly good look too. Nobody needs to wear mom jeans and plain tops to blend - you just need to make active choices that work for you.

...and preferably avoid skirts that show your butt cheeks and any heels that could be sold at a sex shop, at least outside of some very specific venues. :P

I was using the term "inappropriate" a little more broadly (certainly not just age inappropriate). There's a time and a place for everything, and things can be balanced. i see GGs at the mall all the time in skirts that I think are more than a bit short for the venue, but they balance it out with SOMETHING, like a flouncy top with a bit more coverage, and they're usually not ALSO wearing 6" fetish heels and "hooker makeup". I see lots of girls rocking club night eyes in the daytime, but balancing that by going for good jeans and a cool graphic tee that's bold, but tones down the look for contrast while keeping it edgy. There are millions of outfits out there that are all fine, and it's about composition and balance.

That's what I mean by making it a conscious choice - learn how to style yourself, and then make bold choices. You can wear almost any single piece so long as you know how to balance it. :)

[Michelle789]

@Zooey - Thank you so much. Yes, I agree it's all about balance.

[sometimes_miss]

likely they don't have opinions on us and will be swayed by our behavior.


Wow the pink fog is thick in here. Everyone has an opinion. Just because they don't tell you doesn't mean instant approval and/or endorsement. Let me tell you something, if a guy walks into a store wearing dynamite, just because he acts sweet as pie isn't going to change what people think of him. Same with us. We may be treated as NICE crazy men, but people still think we've got something very wrong with us. I'm not out, and as such I get to hear other people's thoughts on this subject often enough to know that. Kind of like walking around in Boston wearing a Yankees cap. You might not hear a nasty word all day, but that doesn't mean everyone loves you, thinks you're great, or even want's you around.....ever.

[samantha rogers]

Lol...you know, I dont do fetish stuff...lol, and I do think what I wear is well put together and tasteful. I admit it is usually a younger look than many would expect a woman my age to wear, but here is the thing...style and what is acceptable is very different in say Peoria or Battle Creek, than it is in New York, Los Angeles or Paris. Forgive me here, but I am not interested in blending in with the housewives of Des Moines. No offense to Des Moines, a lovely city I am sure. Lol.

Appropriate for place and time. Yes.

Dowdy and boring...heck no.

There is a way of achieving a cosmopolitan and stylish look, which probably would be seen as not age appropriate by clucking hens in suburbia but would not raise an eyebrow in a more sophisticated city.
That look is my goal and what I look for ways to achieve. And yes, sometimes it may involve a ripped graphic tshirt and a short skirt. Or something else equally likely to produce clucking.
I work hard to keep a trim figure. I study fashion magazines. I work at this. I have a pretty good eye, at least I think I do, and if I like a look, and think I can pull it off and make a look work you better believe I am going to, and that goes for whatever age I attain.

Now read that back.

It could have been written by any woman.

Correct?

That's my standard.

I am not concerned with the impression I give as a cd. I am concerned with the impression I give as a woman.

I find it ironic that so many of us spend years afraid to come out because of what other people may think, only to turn around and tell each other how to think. Whatever.
I don't expect to change anyone else's mind and I don't expect any of this to change mine. Lol

Have fun out there, girls.

Hugs

Sammie

[Tinasworld2]

I think the beauty of dressing is all the looks I try to come up with. So I believe at times that would fall in the age appropriate category and other times not so much:o

[Beverley Sims]

I do prefer to look younger but I do not go overboard, I shave about ten years off and can get away with that.

[HelenR2]

I am 58 and I dress like a 58 year old trying to look 48. So.... pretty much what most women my age are after. Though, saying that, I work in a shop and some women come in who are obviously in their late fifties and sixties wearing the slightly conservative but very attractive clothes that you might normally expect to see on a forty or even thirty year old and they really pull it off. It's all in the face and, sadly, I have the features of a scrapyard German Shepherd.

[JillyJones]

Yes, I tend to dress age appropriate. I tend not to go out every day so I don't wear 'everyday' clothes. If I go out to an event I wear something elegant, if it's a night out on the town I wear something a little sexier, but generally age appropriate.

[Anna H]

I ~Always~ dress my age. On the days I think i'm 25...i dress
like i'm 25. On the days I think i'm 45...same.

On the days i think i'm +55....i mow the lawn.

lol!

[Kris Avery]

I have found that as time goes on - I dress more appropriate to my age...the key word is..'more'.
Perhaps this is nothing other than maturity in style and at the same time - an evolution from CD being a different experience than it once was now that I involve my SO much more.

[Tiffany Jane]

Saying something isn't age appropriate is like saying men shouldn't wear womens' clothes. I have just started expanding my wardrobe (everything was black) so I guess I was dressing for a funeral. Fit and style are the two things I look for more than age. There are things my wife wear that drive me crazy. Floral patterned shoes remind me of my grandmother. Thin sweaters over her blouse seems to put on ten years. But she likes them and they do look good on her, so I have let it go. We are both 38 so I may have to watch a little more Project Runway to expand my knowledge of fashion and people watch a little to see what age appropriate in my area would be.

[JusRosCD49]

There has always been a part of me that wanted to wear those cute and fashionable things but I found it cought too much attention simply because I was an old broad in a young girl's outfit. I have mellowed a lot in the past few years and now I feel so comfortable in clothes that BLEND IN rather than somethng that STANDS OUT. When I wanna wear something really sexy I Keep in here in the house.

[SO1Adam12]

Little bit of GG input (disclaimer - I am not posting this as an advocate for the acceptance of CDing in public - just giving some practical advice). If your goal is to "pass" or be accepted then age/occasion appropriate dressing is a must. If you don't really give a sh#$ what others think, wear whatever floats your boat. Now when I say "age appropriate" I'm going to pass on an observation, which is based solely on posted pictures and may not be a realistic reflection of how many of you dress. I see many of you dress "era" inappropriately. I understand wigs are expensive, but the hairstyles I see are extremely outdated in many of the pics...as are some of the dresses and shoes.

I know you all love stockings/hose, but guess what? Most women don't wear them anymore, except maybe on really cold days. Try a spray tan or self tanner! If your influence is from your mother or the era of your childhood (NOT drawing conclusions, just referring to several comments I have seen) then you will draw more attention to yourself and likely not pass. Many shop at Goodwill/thrift stores. Good option but understand much of their stuff is dated.

From the other end of the spectrum, you would not wear a club dress to a funeral or vice versa. Please think about the occasion. Most women don't "dress up" for a shopping trip. If the GG's are in a dress, it is usually very casual, with sandals. I happen to be approaching 50 and wear the same size as my 21 year old daughter. I would not borrow a dress from her to wear to either a club or a funeral. We do actually share clothes, but it's jeans and t-shirts and sometimes a cute tops.

I have no idea if CDing will ever be completely accepted, especially in public. The truth is, most men and women can spot a CDer at 100 yards...sorry but it's true. I'll admit, I usually do a double take, but I think that's human nature. It's not just your choice in clothing, it's facial features, body shape, hand size, foot size, the way you walk, the voice....and don't forget the Adam's Apple. I look at the struggles the gay/lesbian community is still having to be accepted and I think CDing has a way to go. Many more people are seeing g/l as being "born that way" but probably not the minority. CDing runs a whole different line-especially when the fetish aspect is thrown in. TG will probably get more recognition, especially with the laws regarding public restrooms, etc, but even that is still facing a fight. Most of the GG I know refuse to use non-gendered restrooms. They just feel awkward. I can't really guess how the men feel.

[Jenniferathome]

Little bit of GG input ....l.

BA DA BING! Great input! You couldn't have written this better coving so many issues. With that this thread should be closed.

[Adriana Moretti]

I ~Always~ dress my age. On the days I think i'm 25...i dress
like i'm 25.

lol!

I am with Kate . And i love the comment from SOAdam12 about women not wearing stockings...its so true !!! actually all of it is pretty dead on.

[SO1Adam12]

Jennifer, your comments always bring a grin. I tend to be very upfront and sometimes sarcastic/blunt. Your "dude in a dress" comment still always comes to mind. :)

[Jenniferathome]

As Sammy Davis Jr sang, "I gotta be me.":)

[Zooey]

Little bit of GG input...

Love it! All of it. :)

Interestingly enough, I hate non-gendered restrooms too... All it usually means is no urinals and guy pee on the toilet seat. :(

[Zylia]

Great observation indeed, if not somewhat US-centric, but that's to be expected. In Western Europe, you can get away with a more formal style. For one thing, hosiery is still pretty common in a lot of age groups including teenagers, spray tan not so much. What many consider 'office looks' on this forum are relatively save street looks over here to a certain degree. You're not going to see many people in patent pumps, nude hose and a formal skirt, but a more toned-down version of that or a combination with more informal items is not that out of the ordinary. Context, even within the outfit itself, is everything.

Anyway, yes, I try to dress appropriately in regard to age, weather, occasion, etc. but that's a personal choice. I'm a dude in a dress as much as the next guy here, but I surely can do it my way if I want to.

[suzanne]

I definitely get into that quandary sometimes. I am in my mid 50's and totally don't want to be seen dressing like a teenager. Some months ago, I went to my favorite dress shop. I wore a knee length patterned pencil skirt, neutral top, black cardigan and low heeled sandals. (BTW, no wig or makeup. I do "guy in a dress" normally). I was met by the 20 year old SA who said, "I just love your skirt. I wore mine everywhere until it literally fell apart." I thanked her but thought "OMG, I dress like a 20 year old." I related the story to an older SA, including my grave misgivings about dressing too young. "Don't worry about it. We sell clothes that are not age specific. They work on anybody. And you know we'd tell you if you were making a mistake.". Whew, good thing, because I love that skirt, too!

[Amanda M]

Joceylyn - what has black or white got to do with it? I do certainly take your point about gangsta rap though. If that is the way some black youngsters want to portray themselves, that does reflect on the rest of the community. And there in a nutshell is the answer. If you are out there, crossdressed and looking like a perverted creep, exactly the same logic will apply, and all crossdressers will be tarred with the same brush. Dress how you like in private or at a party, , but please, don't make like any harder for the rest of us

[Martha G]

Being into costuming I can dress any age I want to be.

I will be 72 next birthday but prefer to dress younger in good taste!

[ArleneRaquel]

Martha,
You Go Girl. MUAH !

[darinyc]

Age-appropriate? A subjective and perhaps judgmental term.
Dress the way you want to dress.

I concur...be creative & imaginative as you want. Or simple. Whatever the case, as long as what you are wearing makes you feel good, is my motto.