So, wonderful woman but how to move to the next level

[Sophie_wales]

Hi. My So has for about 2 months been helping me dress. I get to wear dresses lingerie and shoes and my wig. But she's asked to put the sex bit on hold. I am finding it hard not to have it as part of our sex life. How do I start introducing it in.

Sophie xxx

[kimdl93]

Maybe you don't. I'm assuming you mean sex en femme. That may not be and may never be something she can get into. You could talk with her, express you desires in an undemanding way, and ask her to let you know when and if she would be willing to engage in something more adventurous.

But, here's the deal...this isn't all about you. In fact, if you're wise, you'll do what you can to keep the bedroom about her. And besides, if you want to make love as a woman, it's not about the clothes....it's about what is going on in your head, how you touch and respond to your lover. If you keep that in mind, you'll both enjoy the experience.

[bridget thronton]

I tend agree that sex is often a clothing optional affair - perhaps hugs a caresses between two females might be possible.

[Sandra]

How long has she known about your dressing? you say that she's been helping you dress for the past 2 months...well if she has only know this long I'm not surprised that she wants to keep it out of your sex life, but you want to push the issue by trying to introduce it...she has said to put it on hold why can't you just do as she asks for now. You wanting to try and introduce after all that she has said it to me seems very selfish...wait until she is happy for it to be introduced.

[Stephanie47]

I agree with Kim. You're fortunate that you have found a woman who is willing to entertain your feminine side. The vast majority of us have wives who tolerate our cross dressing. There are always going to be boundaries. I feel boundaries are essential to marital harmony. I do not like the term "SO" because it does not indicate whether or not the man is married or has a girl friend. Push for more than she is willing to give and you will not go from girl friend "SO" to wife. From what I have seen in life, and on this forum on many occasions, when you lose your male identity, she will exit the relationship. Most women want a man in their bed. If they were a lesbian they would seek out a GG. For a sexual relationship to work both partners need to be fulfilled. Think with the proper "head."

[Melodie]

Hi. My So has for about 2 months been helping me dress. I get to wear dresses lingerie and shoes and my wig. But she's asked to put the sex bit on hold. I am finding it hard not to have it as part of our sex life. How do I start introducing it in.

Sophie xxx

Hi, Sophie! I remember my ex girlfriend also was very supportive but when it came to the bedroom it was a different story.
Everybody has differences in the bedroom that please them, it seems like your SO loves you without a doubt and supports Sophie.
So this is how I dealt with it, I kept asking her and she said no no no no no,
I then understood to respect it because everyone has different kinks and that to her was not one of it.

So we had to make a compromise, what I did was I just dropped it and never brought it up again and continued to be myself around her en femme.
the more and more she saw me, she got more comfortable and then it got to a point where it didn't even matter what I was wearing as long as I was sharing an intimate moment with her. :).

[Sallee]

sounds like you have a good thing going Don't mess it up. Remember the biggest and most sensitive sex organ is in your head

[Teresa]

Sophie I can understand what you're saying, as much as you wish to share the heighten feeling you have when dressed , if it's not affecting your straight sex then give her time to think about it. You're very lucky to have the relationship you have at the moment don't go and blow it by being impatient !

[Kevyn53]

Do not push this. Let her set the boundaries.

[JennyT3]

You have to realize that two months is a very short period of time. I would venture to say that probably thinks this is a stage. Be patient and if she desires intimacy with enfemme, she'll make the first move.

[njcddresser]

My wife is very accepting of my crossdressing but draws the line when it comes to our sex life. She is ok with me wearing panties to bed or a fem nightshirt which I do most nights. My dressing isn't overly sexual for me but if she permitted it in the bedroom, I'd probably take her up on it.

I do feel that leaving Jackie at the door is a very small compromise to make giving her acceptance.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sophie,

Firstly I am glad to hear your SO is very supportive in your CDing and as many will tell you . . . very nice place to be. My wife is super supportive but when it came to all things CDing and our relationship it was about communication over a lengthy period of time (we are still discussing it is a year later). My advice is to keep your conversations about CDing related to dressing and presenting for the time being and allow her the time to digest this new revelation. Since she is supportive it appears she is processing the changes but then again, it is possible that she may have a change of heart. Bringing up topics related to sex "en femme" too quickly may be the catalyst for a reversal on her part. Remember, even though you may think it is "just clothes" your SO may see it as you wanting to engage in some sort of female/female sex fantasy and that might not be her thing. My wife and I did not broach the subject (mutually) for about six months and during that time Isha stayed out of the bedroom and it was just guy me and my lovely wife. When the subject was discussed we both agreed it would seem weird as that is one part of our lives where Isha has no place (mutually agreed). So only one lovely lady in the marital bed . . . my wife.

Now if your lovely SO brings up the subject and is willing to experiment that is a different thing (her choice). Yes, you do need to have the conversation at some point in order to set mutually agreed upon boundaries and when you have it will depend on when you believe your SO is ready to discuss it further. IMHO, once the CDing cat is out of the bag you need to be honest about your feelings on all things CDing. However don't just show up one night in the marital bed fully dressed. As she has already said to put things "on hold" for a time being, give her some breathing room. If you feel the need to broach the subject again do so with tact and diplomacy something along the lines of "Honey, I would like to continue our conversation about my CDing and our intimate relationship if you are willing to do so" At that point discourse can begin. If she says "no way" then sweetie drop the topic unless she brings it up again herself (i.e., don't push) as you have most likely reached a bridge she is not willing to cross and you will do more damage than good. If however she is willing to experiment please "take it slow" as her thoughts might be "interesting" but the end result might not meet the expectations.

Good luck

Hugs

Isha

[Beverley Sims]

I am sure it will come back as your relationship evens out.
Just follow the bouncing ball and play it by ear. :)

[HelenR2]

You sound as though you expect her to embrace sex with you presenting as a woman and I find that puzzling. Imagine that you were strictly, firmly, heterosexual and she decided that when you had sex she was going to convincingly present as a male complete with beard and strap-on and just expected you to go along with it. I hope that you find a solution that works well for both of you, and I mean both. You also seem to think that by introducing it slowly, almost by stealth, she will become compliant and even accepting. Well, good luck with that.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with Kim, that maybe you don't push sex while you're en femme. What may be a turn-on for you may be a turn-off for her.
It may be helpful to tell us what drives you to dress. Is it a strong internal feminine identity that you need to express, or is it that you find crossdressing sexually exciting? Or something else?
If you have a need to express a feminine identity, does she know that? If you are a girl inside, don't let her think you're "just crossdressing".
If you are sexually excited by crossdressing (nothing wrong with that, many of us are), it's understandable that FOR YOU crossdressing is a bedroom enhancement. Apparently it's not for her.
If she is going to warm to the idea of sex while you're en femme, it has to be at her pace. Manipulating it to be so won't work.

[Annaliese]

Be happy with what you have, if you push to hard you may loose what you have.

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno but for myself one has nothing to do with the other. That is something for the two of you to work out Hon.:)

[Amanda M]

Sophie -I have to agree with everyone who has posted so far. Push it, and you'll regret it - deeply. Give it time, it may happen, or it may not. It is HER choice, not yours, I'm afraid.

[Princess Grandpa]

Probably not the responses you were going for huh? I have to agree with the consensus here. Wife is accepting and supportive of Sophie. That's awesome! I know many here and IRL that would be so jealous of you for that type of support..I have read many posts starting with "how do I get my wife to <insert desired level of support>. One wants to be very careful? I have also read many posts starting with "remember how I said my wife supported my dressing? Well now..." (One of my biggest fears) In many of those cases I would wager the change in the wife was prompted by the behavior of the crossdresser. No matter how much we get, we seem to want more. No direct disparagement towards you. I am merely speaking from my own experience and those I have read here.

If she is aware you would like Sophie in the bedroom, I would suggest waiting for her to invite Sophie. It could easily be that one person has to "give in" to the other. Open honest communication is really hard. It is also mandatory for a healthy relationship. I hope you find a happy place for both of you.

Hug
Rita

[Jenniferathome]

You don't. Your relationship isn't just about you. If it is ever going to happen, and it is highly unlikely, you need to talk to her about it first. And even if she accommodates you one time as a kink, it does not mean she's into it at all. Tread very lightly in this area.