Body image?

[whowhatwhen]

My therapist is out for the month so I'll ask all of you:

Have you had issues with your body image or being upset by how it looks?
How did/do you deal with it?

Lately I've just been more self-conscious about my:
Hairline
Forehead
Weight
Shapeless figure

I don't expect to be beautiful but sometimes I just feel so down on how my body is at this point.

[Frances]

All of the above.

My hairline a biggie for me. Everyone tells me it's fine, but I am not happy with it at all. I wear bangs to kind of hide it. When I go out, I get all weird if it's windy. I even carry some kind of hat that I put on if Eolus (the god of wind) decides to have a tantrum. No wind, no problem.

Forehead goes with the above. The weight is not really an issue, unless it's male pattern weight. That takes time. Muscles were a much bigger deal than weight. For the first few years, I never stepped outside without something covering my arms. Even in summer, when wearing T-shirts, I would wear some kind of button-less open sweater to hide my arms and shoulders (I noticed Christine McGuinn doing the same thing on TV, so it's not just me). It took a good three years of HRT for me to start wearing only T-shirts, and another couple of years to actually buy a swimsuit.

Maybe I am more demanding, or maybe I don't look at my reflection through foggy pink lenses, but it took me a long time to feel comfortable with my body. It's still an ongoing process. The hairline has also gotten a little better, after 6 years of HRT, but not much. Whatever happened, it did not happen in 4 days or 4 weeks or 4 months. More like 4 years and more.

[becky77]

Yes, massively.
It's very hard to deal with hence SRS, FFS, Hormones, Hair transplants, fitness regimes etc etc.
Worse when naked and your body just looks alien to you. I think you try whatever you can to get that congruence but somewhere along the line you need to find acceptance of yourself, i'm not there yet but I have a long way to go.
It's hard but you have to be in it for the long run, keep your mind on the future but be realistic also. I can only say I share those feelings with you and await to hear other peoples methods of coping and moving on.

[whowhatwhen]

I feel your bang pain, they're so annoying but I neeeeed them!
Somehow I feel my hair looks better when it's up but I can't do anything that pulls back the bangs which is a bit limiting.

Especially trying to read and having to brush them out of the way every 30 seconds.
>(

I haven't switched to women's tees yet, their sleeves are shorter and I'm super duper self conscious of the stretchmarks I have from rapid weight fluctuations.
Well, that and nothing fit me so I went home empty handed and a bit upset.

There definitely is a problem with male weight though, I carry it entirely in my belly which apparently is one of the hardest places to lose weight.
Plus the belly makes my boobs look smaller by comparison.

Then there are those times I stare in the mirror asking what kind of work I may need done, thinking of the costs, sighing and looking away.
Maybe the estrogen makes these feelings hit a bit harder.

[LeaP]

Sure - all my life. My way of managing it was to dismiss it. I got really heavy and dressed the same way every day at work for years. Literally - a dozen identical pairs of khaki pants, a couple dozen white (all of them), button-down shirts, and black tie shoes, all the same brand, same model (for years, plain-toe Navy uniform dress shoes ... non-patent). Well, ok, I had two different blazers and a suit that I dragged out when needed. Guess what I wore on weekends? Same pants but with polo shirts. Usually the same shoes.

I had several bouts of trying the bodybuilding approach in order to feel better about myself. I had some success with fitness, weight, and shape, but it didn't do much to make me feel better about myself in the end.

When I got too thin on top, I tried to dismiss that, too, by buzz-cutting. I hated my looks even more.

I was baby-faced growing up and into my forties. As that finally changed, I stopped taking care of my skin, too.

Basically, I progressively gave up on myself. Dismissing the problem didn't work, it just took me from being unhappy to despising myself.

Since dealing with the underlying issue, I've lost a massive amount of weight, tried to address the thinning hair situation (with limited success), already spent what feels like a fortune on electrolysis, and have gone on hormones, resulting in welcome changes (to me, anyway).

So I'm better in a number of ways. But I still obsess over my weight and would like to drop more. I don't like my forehead, either. My body is masculinized in ways that won't change. But I have moved on a bit. I try to focus on what I do have and not what I don't at this point. To wit: I'm relatively short – something I always thought of as a disadvantage that turned to advantage. I'm relatively heavier in the lower body – ditto. I have hips – that always made me self-conscious growing up, but has turned to advantage now. I have small hands, smaller than my wife's, in fact. Reasonably small feet… I am at least in findable women's sizes, 10-11 depending on the particular shoe. Despite a long period of not taking care of it, my skin is in excellent condition for my age and I am usually estimated at approximately 15 years younger than my actual age.

So I try to keep perspective. Which is that I have enough to work with, and don't have any real deal killer issues.

Other than weight, I don't over stress about the appearance of my body shape much. It does distress me that I can't have real hair that works without transplants at this point. And on bad days, seeing an aging male peer back at me from the mirror is distressing. There is only one way out, however. One good one, anyway.

Oh, and my wardrobe ... I now have a couple of dozen button-down dress shirts - in colors! We have gone casual at work, so my jeans are women's jeans (though pretty androgynous ones). And I now wear loafers instead of tie shoes – even if they are still exactly the same every day. But little things matter in dampening the self-image problem.

[Kimberly Kael]

I don't know any women who are free of body image issues. None. Zilch. Nada.

In part it's an intentional consequence of being bombarded with advertising trying to sell solutions to our shortcomings, even if they have to invent the problem to make the sale. The rest is the inability to see ourselves as others see us, and conversely, to see others as they see themselves.

What do I do about it in my case? I pay a lot of attention to what other women do, emulating those who seem to be the happiest, and avoiding the approaches employed by those who are perpetually miserable. That means focusing more on what is under my control through diet and exercise as well as HRT under the watchful eye of licensed professionals, building self-confidence by learning to accept compliments, and accepting that a certain baseline of unsatisifed longing is part of human nature.

[arbon]

yes I have body issues. my body is all weird in shape - big belly, small boobs, no hips, somewhat masculine face and more.

BUT I was watching a video of me 4 years ago when I was starting down this road and thank god I don't look as bad today as I did then!! back then my body was clearly male, its not so obvious now. So I try to be grateful for that.

[Kathryn Martin]

Hairline, no issues

Forehead, It's just the size of my brain that makes my forehead larger

Weight, if I could selectively lose ten pounds from my waist and pack it into my boobs and ass that would be great

Shapeless figure, dressing in structured clothing rather than lose hanging stuff

[whowhatwhen]

I'm okay with my boobs, I was a B before starting HRT and 80% of the women on my mom's side have fairly large breasts.
Plus they have grown a bit since, one day I'll measure but for now I can't be arsed.

I think the stretch marks are more hurtful though, they weren't my fault and there is no reasonable way to fix them.
Sure the penis is annoying but I'm more upset looking down and seeing all that damaged skin I'm stuck with forever.



accepting that a certain baseline of unsatisifed longing is part of human nature.


The hardest thing to accept is what cannot be changed.

[kittypw GG]

Have you had issues with your body image or being upset by how it looks?
How did/do you deal with it?

.

Heck yeah!! I'm middle aged and everything is .........well lets just say different. I deal with it by reminding myself that my eye is the most critical eye on the planet. Nobody views you with that super focused filter. I try to keep focused on who I want to be. The person I want to be not how I might be viewed. Easier said than done. Every human on the planet has something they don't like about themselves but we ultimately decided if we make it a big issue or we just love ourselves and be the person we want to be. I must say that it does get easier with age.

[whowhatwhen]

I just measured myself and it turns out I have a 36 inch waist which is like an XXXe10 size or something, all things considered I kinda wish I didn't.

[BOBBI G.]

For the most part, I am quite happy with whatever The Big Guy and medical science are willing to give me. My forehead and hairline are one in the same and I just figured out that is where Super Dude is going to create my new, softer face and then slide it into position and bring the hairline along with it. Still waiting for this to happen.
Weight is an issue with me. I have finally isolated my causes of my problem, over-eating and over consuming liquids. I hope the find a cure someday. My BMI is where it should be, so I guess I just have to get it moved into the right areas.
Shapeless body, as long as they make Spanx in different sizes, I can create a waist, and also hide some of the "beer gut" that I am blessed with.

Bobbi

[I Am Paula]

For many years, while I was just presenting female occasionally, I was obsessed with filling out, or pinching in, padding, and starving, to get a perfect figure. As I began to realize that transition WAS in the cards, my mindset moved toward being authentic, which included losing the fake padding, and corsets, et al.
Now I look at what I am, after 14 months HRT, and I live with it. The too small boobs are being fixed, and the rest, well, that's me. I can diet, and try some other tweaks, but, it's me! I wish I had an hourglass figure, but while I'm at it I wish I had a pony. Ain't gonna happen.
When I consider that the alternative to being a funny shaped woman is being a normal shaped man, there is no argument...gimme funny shaped!
Just call me 'snake hips'.

[Aly Cat]

I have my parts that I'm uncomfortable with...

Since I started HRT, I've actually gained weight, not lost it. It's only 10 lbs but it still make me feel eww. It's in my stomach area too. :'(
My M-shaped hairline has always been an issue for me, but there is hope on the horizon. I have noticed baby hairs growing back recently.
I don't like my masculine face shape, but that is changing as well with HRT.

It seems like the things I don't like about myself are slowly changing so I just have to be patient.

[Aprilrain]

yes I've had major body issues. I used to obsess over my face, Im pretty happy with it now but it took 2 rounds of FFS to get it there. I used to look at my small chest in the mirror and just sigh with depression, BA took care of that but now I have some pretty bad scars from it. Turns out I keloid scar pretty bad on my chest, no scars from the FFS thankfully! Iv'e been pretty lucky with my butt and legs, they look really feminine but i had to GAIN weight to get there! Gaining weight also helped feminize my face somewhat. I wish I had more feminine hips, there is a little curve there but not as much as I'd like. Then there is the obvious bit between my legs that just looks really out of place on me nor does it do me much good these days but i'm getting that seen to in October!

[whowhatwhen]

FFS Ain't gonna happen for me unless I win the lottery.
o_o

[becky77]

Take away the obvious male markers and there becomes a fine line between what is a trans related hang-up and what is a typical female hang-up.
Women have lots of hang-ups brought on by comparing themselves to the same female image we compare ourselves to, there has to come a point when you realise you are experiencing normal female behaviour. (I get told this by my ex alot!)
Shapless figure and an overlarge belly is one of the most common issues and why Spanx sell so well.

Work with what you have, my waist is ok so I have to stick to clothes with a cut or structure. Anything baggy or loose around the middle makes me look boxy, takes time to find your style, takes everyone time to find there style.

So much easier advising someone else lol.

[noeleena]

Hi,

When your born with a body that is trim fit and normal for a female legs are good as Jos would say im in better shape than her, my body did not go like many males i know or females as they aged ,

weight is good at 11 stone = 154 lbs height is 5,9, skirt size 16 = 34 to 35 ins shoulders 18 in,s or size 18 to 20, breasts are bra size 16 D or 41 in bust real , hips 39 in.s . shoes 11 womens or mens 8 kiwi sizing , and i maintained my weight over 40 years at around 11 stone = 154 lb,s.

my figgure or shape is normal for a female ,

Now as to hair nothing there to be bothered aboutand no head of hair and thats even better, so no combing or washing or well yes its neat , strange you say not for this kid ,

i will say i was more than blessed with my body in so many ways . even if i lacked having my womb ,

So , so far thats all good, now the down side , do i have to ...yes. okay facial features is , well not so great , not like a normal female not feminine , though lovely skin and tones hardly any lines well for a allmost 67 year old female i count that good ,

So maybe in a strange kind of way my facial features are in fact right for myself , as my face has not aged as many i know maybe due to looking after my self over my life , so really over all it has paid off in so many ways ,

Just i knew to be prepared for my life as a normal female with in my bodys boundrys ,so im happy with my body over all , meet me and youll see why ,

...noeleena...

[whowhatwhen]

I was looking at some earlier photos and ended up feeling a bit down.
I'm not expecting to be super-duper-beautiful but damn life, at least give me something to work with.

I hate looking at clothes, why do they always get good looking models?
Where's the shapeless chubby girl of medium attractiveness showing what the clothes are actually going to look like?

[Aimee20]

I don't think that there is a single woman (trans or otherwise) that doesn't have some hang ups with their body image. For me there are a few.
1. Hair, the hair loss has stopped now being over a year on hrt and jab have had some regrowth on just e and Spiro but my doctor just prescribed finasteride so hoping this will continue to get better.
2. Muscles, back in my super butch days of trying to be as manly as possible, I lived in the gym and got disgustingly big. But ten years of leaving that behind coupled with hrt is helping.
3. Body/facial hair, again these are getting better with time.

I think so many of us have such a common desire and it's so much more attainable than what many cis-females deal with, to be able to leave the house and feel natural as a woman. Wigs, forms, and pounds of makeup are good crutches as we are starting out but it feels fantastic to start leaving these by the wayside. Right now I'm done with forms but still probably a year from pulling off no makeup and maybe two years from completely natural hair.

[DeeDee1974]

I have 3 big issues:

1. Hair line. I've always had a high forehead and nothing is going to get me to grow hair where I've never had it. On the plus side where I have hair it is decently thick and my hairdresser has found ways to conceal the shortcomings.

2.while I was small in stature for a guy and still just average height for a female, I feel like my shoulders are way too broad. This is often in evidence in a group picture with my female friends. While we are overall of the same height and weight, I look twice everyone's width.

3. My stomach which has grown since hrt. I was always thin pre hrt, but I gained a lot of weight in the first year. 40 lbs. to be exact. Then I went on a strict diet and exercise regime and list most of it. But if I stray just a bit from the plan I gain weight quickly and easily. I've been so busy the past 2 months that I've had no time to work out and as a result I'm up 12 lbs just like that. I can't get into most of my pants so it been all skirts and dresses lately.

[Jorja]

I think all of us male or female have something about our body that we don't like. There are a few ways to fix those problems but it's going to be expensive or hurt like hell for a while. For the weight and muscle problems they can be taken care of with diet and exercise, usually. What it comes down to is what is in my signature line. I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty damn awesome! Some things you just aren’t going to fix. You better get used to them.

[joeb145]

Weight! Its so hard to lose just 10 pounds! But ill keep on trying!

[GabbiSophia]

My stomach is my biggest issue. I hate it and it has grown since starting hrt. I am always hungry and i have been stress eating. After my increase i am not stress eating as much but the damage is done. I have dunlop disease for the first time in my life. Also being 6'6 doesn't help but i actually can deal with better than my weight.

[Megan G]

Also being 6'6 doesn't help but i actually can deal with better than my weight.

I can sympathise with you on this one, I am 6'4" and that is my biggest body issue but it is also the only thing that I cannot change so I try not to obsess about it.

[whowhatwhen]

Here's a curveball for ya!

Do you feel attractive? Sexy even?
Does that fall in with how you feel about your body image?

[becky77]

Do you feel attractive? Sexy even?

No, never have done. But with what I now know of myself I understand why that would be. How can you feel sexy or attractive when you know your body doesn't match your mind?
I think thats something you can only work on after you have have had the necessary procedures and learned to like yourself.
To feel sexy and attractive is often reinforced from someone else finding you sexy.
Going to be years and after SRS that I can hopefully get to that point.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Have i ever felt attractive, let alone sexy, what tree are..... you..... hiding behind ,it must be big enough so you cant see me in the open ,

I was told 3 year ago by a woman in our group i must have looked an attractive looking young man . yea maybe so depends who;s looking or who was looking , body wise yes ill go with that female shape with in reason and still is maybe a bit better in fact ,

as to my face you got, a be kidding i did not like how i looked at age 10 and now no different,

Let me put it this way...... no man..... would be interested in a female that is different ,I prefer weird at least i dont have to prove im a female i just am . just not the sexy one ,

Becky,

i have the advantage of being female = intersexed with out my womb . and yes the lady was right i did,,,,, look,,,,, as an attractive young man, because of how my body was configgered both male and female in many respects,

my body is right for myself as it is , i never had any issues there , just i do get embarrissed with how i look or seen facial wise, thats my fail point , cant help that , yet i have to say being the way i am and how i look has really been a fantastic advantage over all and the many places iv been and the doors opened for me so i ....HAVE.... to look at that as being my advantage in other ways that would not have happened had i looked as a normal female in how we should look,

I,v grown in to a woman and had surgerys along the way as well and im very happy as a normal female with in my bodys makeup , and my own hormones,

Different..... OH YES....and very very happy being this way ,

...noeleena...

[DeeDee1974]

Here's a curveball for ya!

Do you feel attractive? Sexy even?
Does that fall in with how you feel about your body image?

Rarely, but it has happened.

My ex-wife was very supportive of my transition and she was always very positive to me as far as my looks go. She would compliment my clothing (which she had usually picked out) and how I looked in them. She would initiate physical intimacy which always made me feel like I was attractive/sexy to at least her.

I also had a semi serious long term relationship with a man. The fact that he pursued me made me feel good.the fact that he wanted to be physically intimate with me made me feel sexy.

But overall I need constant positive reinforcement to feel attractive or sexy. My current long dry spell of not even a date would put my overall sexy factor to a 2 on a scale of 10.

[GabbiSophia]

I understand image is an issue for everyone in the world. I was wondering though for the ts of the world who are not models. Does this issue ever let up? I know there are many surgeons that have become rich of this but for real...when does it end?

[Aprilrain]

I don't know if it ends but it does get better with time assuming you have the means to pursue whatever it is you feel you need to transition.

[whowhatwhen]

So I just took some pics to analyze the dark circles under my eyes and for some reason everything hit me all at once.

I feel terrible.
Every. Single. Flaw. And every hint of masculinity all hit at once and now I feel like utter shit.

[stefan37]

You change the things you can. And deal with this you can't. Add April says, it does get better over time. The first year will be the most difficult and brutal. As you become more comfortable with You. You will find it much easier to go about your daily life without harassment. The longer I live full-time, I am able to live my life as any woman can without attracting undue attention of stares.