SO new to this and needing advice

[SO1Adam12]

Hello everyone,

For 3 of the last 4 years (we took a year off for reasons not related to his cross dressing) I have been dating a man who has gradually increased his need to cross dress. Or maybe he's gradually revealed his need to cross dress to me would be more accurate. At first it was just during sex when he would want to wear some of my lingerie. From that it increased to wearing panties under his pants when we went out, then to stockings. He has a strong fetish for high heels and eventually I got him a pair and some lingerie of his own as well as a skirt. He drops hints now of other things he wants to wear but makes it look like I make his do it - this comes from his attraction toward a submissive sex life. On a recent weekend away he showed me a corset and another pair of high heels he bought and stayed in them the entire time we were in our room. He's also expressed interest in being more public. I took him for a much needed pedicure and he had his toe nails painted to match mine after he had me ask the the gal to do it for him. He kept it on for a month until he got another one. He indicated that he is considering shaving off his beard and asked several times (under the influence of alcohol, but seemed genuine) if I would get him a wig, dress, make-up and stick on nails and take him to bar. Hmmm....this may go a bit further than I am able to go. I understand his need to for this helps him relax - and I truly see how it does, but to be honest beyond that it doesn't really turn me on. We have a satisfying sex life but the clothes don't do it for me, it's seeing him relax. Frankly there are times when keeping up with his fantasies is exhausting to me as it constantly challenges my imagination. He has many fetishes beyond cross dressing and I wonder how do I tell him that even asking the nail lady to paint his toe nails caused me tremendous anxiety because the poor lady was very embarrassed doing it. I absolutely appreciate that amount of trust it took for him to share this with me and I would never betray that trust, but it would be nice if we could have a night together when the only one wearing high heels and lingerie were me. :o

Thanks for listening!

[Jamie Lynn]

Good Morning, SO.......

There is a desperate need for some sit down communication here between you and your BF. Relationships are two people that are equal. Both may need to compromise in certain aspects of their lives to be acceptable to their partners. The story of your relationship shows none of that on the part of your BF. Hard as it may be, you need to corral him and either agree to an acceptable level of his dressing or decide if this relationship is worth saving. Tell him what you told us. He needs to hear it. He's lost in the fog and is being completely selfish.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

[hope springs]

Hello SO,

i understand your anxiety. Your wondering just how far is he going with this? Boundaries are a common subject here. And you guys need to establish some. It sounds as if he is pushing the envelope. He should be very appreciative of what he has so far. So let him know to pump the brakes a little, and that you need more "man" time. Knowing my motivations for dressing has helped me keep it within my wifes boundaries. Ask him to be honest with himself about his reasons. Is it a fetish? Or does he truly feel like a woman inside? Does he strongly identify with woman and want to emulate them or is this a fantasy he is living out? He has to be comfortable enough to express himself, and you have to know from him 80% of your time together isnt going to be en femme mode. Moderation. I dress up about twice a week for a few hours. It doesnt go into the bedroom.
Also ask him what you (the SO) is geting from this. If you are accepting of his dressing what, if anything, is the payoff for you?
Please keep posting. We are all here to support each other. And that includes telling fellow dressers to pump the brakes.

[NicoleScott]

It sounds to me like he is revealing himself to you a little at a time, and as you accept one little thing, it moves to another little thing. Now all those little things have become one big thing. It may be time for a serious discussion. You should know "Where is this going?"
My crossdressing is fetish-driven, but they are MY fetishes, and I satisfy my urge to crossdress in private. She's rather indifferent about it, and she may be home and maybe not. At times when I'm not in a crossdressing session, I'm the man she married. That may be a critical question you need answered: "Are you a man who likes to crossdress occasionally, or do you see yourself as a woman and want to dress to express that femininity?"

[DonnaT]

He's taken that boulder he's been carrying around, and put it on your shoulders. He wants things he's too afraid to get/do on his own, and uses you to get them for him. Maybe to ease his guilt?

What does he want? Tell him to write it all down in a list.

If it's not on the list, it will never happen.

Even if it's on the list, it won't happen if you aren't comfortable with it, but y'all can revisit the list later.

A revisit to the list will not mean something new can be added to the list.

Give him a week.

[CONSUELO]

Dear So-,
Both of you need to do a lot of learning and talking about Fetishistic Crossdressing. He needs to be very open with you about his desires and needs. He needs to confront who he is and let you know about it and not reveal these desires to you one step at a time. While having his toe nails painted is OK, doing it in the way he did put you in a difficult place and probably embarrassed you.
In these situations, I always believe in doing a lot of "research" and this is a good site for that. You will find many resources here. I would also advise you find a good and experienced counsellor to help you communicate and help your boyfriend discover everything he can about his sexuality.
There is nothing wrong in what he feels and wants but it cannot be imposed upon you without your full knowledge and subsequent agreement. Whatever he is desiring now will not go away or diminish except for relatively short intervals. He may honestly say that he can contain his desires and keep them controlled to certain times and places but in reality he may find that impossible to do at some later time.

[amy101]

Tell him how u feel set some boundaries

[Kate Simmons]

As others have said you need to have a serious talk and let him know what your boundries are. :)

[SO1Adam12]

You are all AWESOME! I knew I'd find the advice I needed here. All of you have made very valid points and given me food for thought. Consuelo, I wasn't aware of Fetishistic Cross-dressing, that will be what I google next. :) Donna T, you touched a nerve as prior to our break up he was very non-committal in our relationship and that was one of the reasons we stopped seeing each other. When we took up again and his cross-dressing became more aggressive and I complied with helping him fulfill some of those needs he seemed much more interested in spending time with me. I asked myself the question, if I was not helping him pursue some of his needs, would he be as interested in me?

You are also very correct in that we need to have a discussion. I tried to broach the subject of when did he become aware of this need and he avoided the question completely. I let it drop because it was not the time or place to have a discussion that is apparently going to be like pulling teeth.

I do need to grow a backbone on this subject. It's funny because in all other areas of our relationship I have no problem telling how I feel in a very "straightforward" manner. :)

Thank you again. I will keep in touch.

[ptp009]

He needs to back off, you are giving him alot of leway on the whole matter. He needs to undesrtand and respect your bounderies and if he dosen't the relationship is just not going to work out. Asking him to not dress during sex is a reasonable request and he should respect it. The more serious matter here is what does he expect in the relationship and what are his future plans for dressing and how much furter it may go. The Talk is what you need to have, maybe he's expecting you to gradually accept this, if that the case you should know up front. Good Luck. Jenn

[Charla McBee]

There needs to be complete honesty on both sides if things are going to work out long-term. You need to let him know how you feel about things and he needs to open up about what's going on inside his head. It could be just a fetish in which case things could slow down or it could be a lot more than that.

[kimdl93]

Welcome. Your SO seems to be afflicted by one of the most common banes of transgendered people....self loathing. We are so acculturated to find CDing aberrant that some how it seems less wrong if we are "forced" or " encouraged" by a partner to do it. See how that works? It's a kind of denial...in that instead of saying yes, I like, want, need this, he is saying...me, not,that's not my thing, it's just that my gf gets off on it, etc.

We have all done it at some time...tried to externalize the need or desire. Really, it gets way easier and more honest if one can say, yes, may name Is Kimberly and I am transgendered!

[Jenniferathome]

Adam12, welcome to this forum. You are great to be reaching out. You are not a door mat. A relationship takes two. Where are you in all of this? Express your needs. You can not live for his cross dressing.

Best of luck

[Nadya]

It sounds like he needs some boundaries. If this is his first time coming out to someone, he could feel like a kid in a candy store. The tremendous weight of hiding this from someone he cares about has been lifted. For me, it kind of feels like being reborn and there are so many new things to try and experience. Maybe he needs some time to find out who he is?

Sitting down and talking with him that he needs to compromise is important. It's a two-way street and he needs to be willing to satisfy your needs as well. This can be tough as well. For example, I love it when my body hair is removed but my fiancé loves my chest hair. Our compromise is that I won't shave all the time and let it grow back for her. I don't like it, but she has been so amazing to me that it really would be unfair not to do it. He's also very lucky that he has someone that will not betray his trust. Relationships can turn very ugly if the the person turns out to not respect a cross dresser's privacy not understanding how much they had put themselves out there for honesty's sake. I hope it goes well for you.

[donnalee]

There is so little perceived hope of finding someone who accepts us for what we are that there is a tendency to go overboard when it happens and to take things further than SOs can comprehend or tolerate (too much, too soon). This sort of thing is pretty common. You need to let him know what you're comfortable with now, what you may want to explore in the future and what you're not comfortable with. He sounds like he's confused about what he wants and feels very guilty to be wanting it; if he can overcome the perceived guilt, then he can deal with it more rationally and communicate better with you.

[SO1Adam12]

I appreciate his need for this and I agree that, at least from my experience, it is a sexual fetish. It's funny, I never really have a problem with him dressing in the bedroom, but going public is a level I don't believe I can get used to. I've always thought of, and appreciated that his CDing is something just between he and I, and I think that in and of itself has made it easier for me to accept. He is an INCREDIBLY private man in all parts of his life so his sharing this with me is something I take seriously. And don't get me wrong, I am not a doormat. I have tried to venture into a more public level with the pedicure, but I now know it's too much for me and I know I will have to let him know that this is my limit. Your confirmation of those feeling has helped give me the confidence to let him know.

[hope springs]

Good luck with the discussion SO. I personally LOVE it when SO's post here. We get the other side of the coin. A chance to see how our dressing impacts those we love. Your perspective is valuable ( to us all really). IF your ok with this in the bedroom and not in publc, then thats valid. My wife is the exact opposite. It takes all kinds. Know your limits, explore them together and insist he repsect whatever limits you find.
I get the distinct feeling from your posts he hasnt looked into this very deeply. He knows what he likes but is uncomfortable ( to say the least) with why. The why isnt critical, but it can be very helpful in understanding other area of his life. Like WHY is he such a private person. What does that mean by the way? I assume unwilling to share personal information? Doesnt open up to people? If so, its probably an indicator of latent guilt or shame. I common thing with dressers.
Hang in there girl, keep us updated

[lpjamey]

I think that I I can truly appreciate your feelings and I totally understand why you have reservations as to your so and his intent to your relationship. I have tried to make light of my fetishes to my wife and she finds it to be very annoying. She knows that I wear breast forms and I love sexey under things and high heels just drive me crazy but we have limits. I would like more freedom with my dressing but I respect her feelings also.

[SO1Adam12]

Jamey, my SO would LOVE your profile pic! :) Once again I am so grateful for all of your responses. They help me tremendously and I feel like I have found my own support group. :battingeyelashes: from a group that is intended to support my SO. I use terms generically like "incredibly private" and complicated....when I met his parents for the first time I mentioned that he was an incredibly complicated man and they couldn't agree more. As I said, we took a year off. Prior to that our relationship was very loose - I was taking care of my dying mother and a committed relationship was not a priority. When my mom passed and I was ready to move forward, he was happy with status quo. After a year of very limited communication we started seeing each other and over the course of a few months our relationship escalated as did the cross dressing he revealed to me. We live a good 40 miles apart and he works very extended hours so seeing each other during the week is not n option and trust me, I am ok with that). I don't know if he indulges in CDing during the week. I know his home wardrobe has increased since I introduced him to online shopping these last few months and he has coversively managed to leave with some of the items we have kept at my place. I'm really OK with that. If it helps him relax....go for it. My attitude toward CDing or any other fetish/compulsion/obsession is, as long as your not hurting anyone and all involved parties are in agreement, then go for it! I don't know where his CDing stems from and I'm not sure I'll ever know. His past and his future a re very much a question but thanks to you all, I have help dealing with the present.

[lpjamey]

They are my favorite! The very fact that you responded to my post makes me think that I'm closer to your feelings then you think . I feel that I'm a fetish dresser and I want my SO to embrace it or at least help me with it. I could never ask her to help me go public with my dressing nor would I want to. I'm the one with the inferior female and even more inferior male problems and it's not far to put it on her.my dressing is to relive my stress and crap, I could go on all night! Sorry

[im-sparkles]

same here! learning a lot but still much to learn! loving every minute of it!!

[Amanda M]

Hi - above all, keep talking! Once you have ten posts on here, you can (I understand) become a member of the Genetic Girls group, where you will find that all the ladies there have been more or less where you are now. They will be a great help to you. Lovely to see you here,

Amanda

[sometimes_miss]

Most of the problems lie in that the vast majority of people have absolutely no idea why they are attracted to someone. The most common answer you get is 'chemistry'. But no one can tell you what that is, why one person has 'it', or why another does not. The ultimate example is why women don't go for 'nice guys', or tell you that a guy is 'too nice'. That's as far as it goes. Really. How can someone be too nice? Or do women really like being treated badly? I don't think so. So I researched this. We are attracted to someone based on what we know about them, and we form an image with that information and are attracted to that image. It might take two seconds, such as the love at first sight phenomenon, or it may take months. S01Adam12, you fell in love with what you knew and saw of your SO. He has not changed. What you know of him has changed, as you see him doing things that he has always felt and wanted to do; this didn't just drop into his brain yesterday. You're leaning things that are incongruent with what you are attracted to in a male. But he's the same guy you've always known. All the things you knew about him before, are still there. Try to remember that. Much like a guy who's local baseball team is finally winning, his enthusiasm for what he's always liked is just more open and frequent. Every single one of us wishes every day, that we will find a woman who can see past the guy who likes to play dress up, and love us anyway. Everyone likes to try on roles they don't get to play in our lives; paintball wars are a perfect example; lots of guys like to play soldier, but don't want to really get shot at with real bullets. Crossdressing is similar; we like to dress up, play the girl, but at the end of the day (or week or month, remember there are hard core paintballers who go to camps to do this for days on end too). we go back to being our 'normal' selves. The biggest problem is, MTF crossdressers have to keep this desire pent up inside ourselves for our entire lives. When we finally find an outlet for it, as your SO has with you, it all comes rushing out, and it feels so good to let it all go, we just want that feeling to continue as long as possible until the 'rush' of relief is over.
One of the downsides to this is, unless we actually live in female mode long enough, we don't get to experience any of the downsides to being girls, so the female life continues to appear much better than the male boring day to day living stays, where as we get to have fun while dressed up as females.
Give him some slack. Let him dress up as long as he ends up as a guy at the end.

[mykell]

ill second what amanda has suggested, also i would suggest that you stop enabling him by making him buy his own "stuff" and see how he will slow down some and think more about you and your needs.
you have shown your support and now its his turn, relationships do have two sides, he has to meet your needs of where his dressing goes, its great that he was able share this side to you but its a two way street, if you want it to be private than it should be.....

[SO1Adam12]

:) Yes I think he is very similar.

Thank you Mikell for that. You are correct, if he wants to go public he will have to figure out how to do that on his own.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel that refusing to go along with everything is in order here.
Tell him of your feelings and ask him to consider yours.
I realise that you have deep affection for him but it could be better if you were able to share experiences instead of going his way all the time.
Be gentle though. I am sure you will.

[SO1Adam12]

After some reading of comments and investigation about fetish CDing it has occurred to me that I am a safety net for my SO and that may be the only connection we have. I think he may associate me with his CDing and when he needs that, he needs me, but when he feels shame about his need to CD, he may associate me with that shame.

I think I need to spend some time evaluating his attraction to me and the basis of our relationship. Thankfully he is gone for the next month dealing with a family matter and it will give me time to think and reflects.

Remember Meatloaf singing "Two Outta Three Ain't Bad"....

[LelaK]

I wonder how do I tell him that even asking the nail lady to paint his toe nails caused me tremendous anxiety because the poor lady was very embarrassed doing it.
Let him/her do the asking, but don't feel sorry for the nail lady. It's her job. If she's embarrassed painting his/her toenails, she should get another job. Or let her get used to it. Society needs to learn more tolerance. That's how it happens, I suppose. My hometown barber used to say he wouldn't accept a black man as a patron. The situation with the nail lady is quite similar.

[mechamoose]

It sounds to me like you care about him [her]. She [he] is exposing a vulnerability to you.

I'm quite certain that He [She] isn't at peace with this. He [She] is trusting you to be an ally in working this out.

This is a major 'effin deal in most people's lives. Your guy [girl] is trusting you to care. Trusting you with a 'weakness'.

Find a way, hon. It is just as difficult for him [her] a it is for you. Maybe more so, as you came into this knowing your role. He [she] is still trying to work that out. He [she] wants YOU or they wouldn't have bothered to share that.

<3

- MM

[Walkintallnheels]

Let the good times roll!

[Lucy_Bella]

Adam12,

You have been given some very encouraging advice , I have been a member of this site for several years and I must admit the support given was inspiring .. Your S.O. may fit the signs of being a fetish dresser but then again he/she may not , I would recommend having an open discussion on what direction your S.O. wants to take his/her dressing to and also what level..There really isn't a one dresser fits all type .Your S.O. may also have a form of Gender Identity( GID) or may even wish to be a full time female but from what you have expressed in your short introduction it appears that with sex being involved a fetish does fit the scenario, but a fetish dresser also tends to keep his dressing very private ..

The urge to get out isn't uncommon for a fetish dresser but many fight the urges to protect their masculinity, being seen by someone you know has a cost.. I say the urge isn't uncommon because of the thrill ( it can be sexual ) that drives it .. I wouldn't count out GID yet until you talk with your S.O. because Fetish dressing and mild GID can be very similar in behavior but for but for completely different reasons..

[SO1Adam12]

Thank you Lucy Bella....I so appreciate the support from all but it does give me a lot to think about. I care about him deeply and want to support him, but yes, I can't sacrifice my own needs and limits. A long discussion is in order. It will be a bit before that can happen as family obligations are taking priority right now but, certainly won't be avoided. Thank you for your advice - and the advice from all who responded. I appreciate you all.

[GenieGirl]

IMO if you are not comfortable with it in the bedroom then you should let him know and either stop it or maybe leave it to rare occasions. It could just be a fetish for him, but from what you describe it might be more than just a fetish...it's not the same for all. Me and my ex tried it a few times at her request in bed to see if she liked it. She didn't, we left it at that and that was fine with me :). I suggest setting clear boundaries between the two of you. Let him know when it is ok for him to do it AROUND you ie weekends etc. And progress with your comfort level whether you can handle more or need more of a break. The important thing is to not overwhelm yourself with it because that can definitely cause problems. Find the perfect balance that keeps the both of you happy.

Good Luck!

Ginger

[SO1Adam12]

Actually Ginger, I am fine with it in the bedroom. The original purpose of the post was him expressing a need to go public. That is just to much for me. As log as it was something between us I could handle it, but even him wanting his nails painted during a pedicure caused me some anxiety...asking me to help him go out to a TG friendly bar was the basis for my original post. You are right though, I need to set boundaries and let him know that sometime I just need a break and for him to be in male mode.

[Vickie_CDTV]

He has many fetishes beyond cross dressing and I wonder how do I tell him that even asking the nail lady to paint his toe nails caused me tremendous anxiety because the poor lady was very embarrassed doing it.

This is in no way a flip answer, you say it by saying what you just said to us, that is, "Asking the nail lady to paint your toes embarrassed me and caused me undue anxiety, please don't do that again when we are together, ok?" You have a right to set limits, and you must be assertive about them, not mean or rude, but assertive. You could opt to go to a known trans-friendly salon (ask your local support group, or look in your local alternative newspapers) where the nail technicians have no issue painting a man's toes, if you are comfortable with that scenario.

I agree on a professional level the lady should be professional and do the toes male or female, but it is about causing the SO embarrassment in this case.

[GenieGirl]

I understand SOAdam. I suggest maybe him or you both finding a support group like Vickie suggests. Find a CD meetup group in the area that he or you both can go to and can go out in a safe environment with other CDs...it can be hard to find but if you search the forums or post asking of places I'm sure the other girls can help you out finding something. That or try yahoo groups or meetups website to find a group with this interest. Gay clubs are always a good choice too. Not everyone who goes to gay bars have to be gay. I hope that might help. You might not be able to go out with him and he might have to do it alone. If you can't handle it now or ever then that's ok don't beat yourself up about it. My ex got to the point where she didn't want to go out with me anymore be she felt embarrassed, felt like a lesbian. I was fine and understood and was ok going out with others or alone. She is much more comfortable going out as friends now though.

Wish you the best.

Ginger

[SO1Adam12]

This is in no way a flip answer, you say it by saying what you just said to us, that is, "Asking the nail lady to paint your toes embarrassed me and caused me undue anxiety, please don't do that again when we are together, ok?" You have a right to set limits, and you must be assertive about them, not mean or rude, but assertive. You could opt to go to a known trans-friendly salon (ask your local support group, or look in your local alternative newspapers) where the nail technicians have no issue painting a man's toes, if you are comfortable with that scenario.

I agree on a professional level the lady should be professional and do the toes male or female, but it is about causing the SO embarrassment in this case.

I really want to be supportive and helpful...I think I deluded myself into thinking I could handle it, but as the event came closer I got more and more anxious and then when reality came about it was more difficult than I expected.

I will say we went to a different nail salon the next time and although I do believe the pedicurist would have been OK with it, there was a woman sitting in the chair on the other side of me who kept looking over at us (the shiny finish on his nails) throwing him very dirty looks and just speaking in a very trashy way that made me think "She's got a big mouth and will probably say something stupid" that my gut told me - paint his nails when we're alone. Not worth a potentially ugly situation with this woman." So I didn't give the pedicurist the "hint" and painted his nails when we were alone. Truthfully, I think he looks forward to that "public humiliation" thing - (I'm learning that is one of his fetishes) and he was disappointed...

[GenieGirl]

I think he might have to try harder than getting his nails done if he's looking for humiliation. I know plenty of CDs who go to the salon and never been a big deal. Heck I had to go get some heels this weekend for a party i was going to with my nails painted as a guy all pink and gold. No one ever said a thing, had 2 SAs help me too, although I was there trying on heels they probably thought I was just a drag queen no big deal. They were super friendly as always no matter what they might have thought in their head. The next day post party I went out to lunch before going home in guy mode with fingernails still painted. Still no single comment...not even a compliment. I find that no matter how weird most people either don't care or do and just keep their comments to themselves. I think the thing that might have been weirdest for the women is that your husband was doing this while sporting a beard which might have thrown an odd signal at them. Manly beard getting pedicure is much more odd than just a guy getting a pedi. Just like a guy in drag with a beard would be a lot weirder than a clean shaven one.

As far as him getting off to the humiliation...I'd say the beard probably adds to the effect/reaction he'd get from others...

[charlenesomeone]

Adam12,
I second all the replies about talking and setting
some ground rules. I love my SO, and want her comfortable
with anything.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi SO1, My wife of 50+ yrs. and I have worked it out, She was once accepting but it's now a DA/DT
she tolerates it she just don't want to see me when I'm dressed she knows about everything.
I know my boundaries and stay with them and life is wonderful.

[GenieGirl]

Well today I was leaving the grocery store and saw this nail salon beside it that had on the window that they offer full nail services to ladies and gentlemen in big letters on the glass window. I thought about this thread when I saw it. Just thought I would share that.

Ginger

[SO1Adam12]

Wouldn't that solve a few problems. Truthfully, I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now with everything. Our relationship, his crossdressing, the advice I've been given here, my job, etc, etc...

[kimdl93]

Welcome. And I appreciate your perspective on your boy friend's growing needs. Without psychoanalyzing him, I would guess that your expressions of tolerance have encouraged him to go farther as time goes on. And if he has a number of other fetishes, then apparently he has come to associate CDing with sex. Fine...that's ok. But, he needs to hear just what you share with us and you're entitled to some accommodation of your needs, just as you have sought to accommodate his.

[Laura Ottawa]

for me being CD is who I am, but I admit I think about having sex en femme

[sandra-leigh]

I am running low on time so I will only respond to part of the thread (somehow I missed it before today):

In the city I live in (Winnipeg Manitoba Canada), for at least the last 4 years, I have had zero problem getting my nails painted in any of several shops. One in particular is consistently welcoming, and if I see the owners at the grocery store they scold me for not having been in for a while.

Oh wait: there was one difficulty. In that shop that has actively welcomed me for years, there was one time when a woman came in late on a Saturday, without an appointment, and wanted her nails done. She was pushy right from the beginning. She was upset that I was being served, that the people working on my nails did not go over and start on hers instead, leaving me waiting mid-service. In response, the owner took her own sweet time getting to her, non-verbally making it clear that I was more favoured than the woman was; the woman glared at me a bit, not paying attention to the other customers. The other customers were fine with me; when I am in that shop it is not uncommon for me to discuss polishes and patterns with the other customers.

The next time I was in, I spoke to the owner about the situation; the owner said that some customers try to treat the workers like servants, and that the shop doesn't need that kind of customer, that the owner is fine with losing the business of customers who are not respectful.

I have encountered multiple shops where the owners or sales assistants have said that on the whole they prefer dealing with the customers who are cross-dressers, transgender, or transsexual, as such customers appreciate the service instead of treating the staff badly.