Someday ...

[Byllie]

It was maybe seven years ago, at least, when I realized I enjoyed wearing feminine clothing and makeup. I joined, sort of, a local crossdressers group, but found that was not me. I wasn't looking to become someone else, or present a different persona, I simply wished to express my feminine side. And no, I also realized I did not wish to be a woman, gender-wise.

I saw I was somewhere on the transgender spectrum (or is it more like a fabric?) and most of the "groups" I've discovered fill the needs of those who are at the extremes, or near to them. Folks like me fall in the cracks. We're hard to label, to pigeon-hole. We don't easily fit any of the more typical scenarios.

What I wish, I guess, is for the day when men and woman can wear whatever they like, to express who they are, and not sense the need to conform to a societal label. A day when we can just be who we are.

I'd like to be a man, who wears skirts, and sensible shoes, who may even wear some eyeshadow, or paint his nails. Why not? Do I need to also wear false breasts? I say no! Do I need to wear wigs? Well, I am slightly balding, but that's not enough of a reason. I just want to be me, and I'm tired of feeling like I do not belong.

Please, don't call me your sister. Call me your friend. I am a man, genetically, and somewhere in the middle, genderwise. And that's who I am.

[Nikki A.]

Byllie I know where you're coming from and there are times That I feel the way you do. Especially being a man wearing a skirt and polish. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to go too well so it's all or nothing.
Someday maybe we will be able to do this

[Byllie]

Nikki, I tried the "all" and it just doesn't work for me. Sigh.

[Wildaboutheels]

No need to believe anything I have to say.

But come to Tampa for a visit and I will show you that SOMEDAY is alive and well here and has been for the 14 years I have been going out "dressed" "wrong" [according to the fashion "experts/gurus" here] and never had anything close to a problem.

But am I simply LUCKY enough to live in an accepting city?

No, not at all. I simply treat people right that I come into contact with and I ALWAYS get the same in return. In other words... I PASS.

What are some of them THINKING of my presentation... I have no idea.

Some may approve and some may not.

But I realize that whatever they THINK cannot hurt me so I will continue to wear what I like.

Once you realize that your greatest enemy [like most that water here] is as close as the nearest mirror, life will become much easier for you.

[mechamoose]

HellOOOO there!

We share a desire. I'm a girl in a bull-male body. I love being frilly & pretty (and so does my wife) But I get odd looks from the 'mundanes' if I go out in a cami & skirt. I *like* them, dammit. I do it for ME, not for YOU.

It still bugs me that people get all discombobulated over my presentation. Clerks look everywhere else but at me. I get snide comments from 'butch' guys... as if how *I* dress affects THEM somehow.

Gender identification is complicated, sweetie. Be strong. Be YOU.

"Courage is Being Scared to Death But Saddling Up Anyway" - John Wayne

- MM

[Jenniferathome]

"What I wish, I guess, is for the day when men and woman can wear whatever they like, to express who they are, and not sense the need to conform to a societal label...."

Byllie, I have to call you on this one. If this were true, you would not wear women's clothing because they would have no label. You would find something that is NOT ok and do that.

[mechamoose]

Roles vs identity:


“They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.” - Eddie Izzard

- MM

[Nadine Spirit]

Society be damned. I wear what I want to. Oh, am I not supposed to be able to do that?

[Jenniferathome]

No Nadine. You haven't been tarred and feathered yet?

[Nadine Spirit]

I keep telling Jules that people are going to pull out their "pocket pitchforks and torches" (made by RonCo btw) and get me, but so far I keep encountering nice people. Go figure!

Seriously folks. I just got back from Vegas, and twice at the pool I spent the afternoon wearing a woman's bikini bottom, without tucking anything, and the only comment I even heard about was from some other guy who asked my friend if they were mine and when she told him yes, he said he really liked it. Gosh, people can be so rude!! Ha-ha!

[UNDERDRESSER]

Guy here, shaved or buzz cut head, sometimes greying facial stubble. I wear skirts around the home, spent most of the weekend away in one. (when I wasn't riding my bike a stupid distance) On top I wear t-shirts or sweaters, no forms or bras.

I like skirts. I like the way they feel, fit, look. I like the way they show off my legs. That's it.

[LelaK]

I think the only thing we CDs have in common is that we seek a feminine look to some extent. Some want to look as feminine as possible all the time. Some only want to look partly feminine some or all the time. I'd like to look as feminine as possible (at minimal expense), but other things often take priority. Although I'm bald too, and don't yet have a wig, I usually keep my head covered with a cap or stocking cap. I'd like to have boobs, but doubt if I'll get them, and they're not necessary to look feminine anyway. I doubt if I'll wear my bra much, stuffed or not. I do hope to get rid of my facial hair some day.

Anyway, join the spectrum; be yourself. Pick and choose as much or as little femininity as you want.

[stefan37]

You want to wear nail polish and eye makeup. Then do it. You just have to OWN what you do. After the initial shock of this close(strangers don't care) it becomes a non issue. Same goes for wearing a skirt. You just need to own what you are doing.

[devida]

I certainly identify with you. Actually women wearing men's clothing has been considered perfectly normal for about 75 years so there is hope for people like you and me. I don't want to pass. I don't consider myself a woman but I also don't actually consider myself a man, but something in between. I like make up and I like women's clothes. I may be a bit more femme than you since I also like boobs, though pretty small ones, or is that small pretty ones? I am impressed by the growth of non binary, genderqueer and a-gender groups on the internet although everyone is really young. Maybe that's a good thing.

I am increasingly sure of my identity as non binary. I do not understand why I should be forced into one gender or another when only social disapproval, which I don't experience much, tells me I have to. I mean I do, like moose, get some nasty looks and quite a few puzzled looks but that's okay. Everyone can just stretch their minds. Or not. I really don't care about social approval. Why would I need the approval of anyone who can't accept the way I present myself?

We are a minority here, but an accepted minority. It does mean that I don't identify with the majority of posts but there is no requirement that I should and I share enough commonality with all the other gender non conforming people here that the forum is quite a bit more active and interesting than the others I've found.

[CynthiaD]

I wear red nail polish and feminine tops in male mode all the time. Just act like it's no big deal, and no one will pay any attention. I've never tried skirts in male mode, but I've worn conspicuously feminine pants in male mode (floral prints and/or lots of embroidery), and no one pays any attention.

BTW, I live in what is considered to be a red-neck area.

[Katey888]

Byllie - I like the idea of the TG fabric rather than spectrum - another good one (not my idea) is mosaic... we are a right eclectic mix of desires, needs, perspectives and values, I find... which makes us all rather interesting - if only people realised! :D

Doesn't the feeling of not belonging almost always accompany the idea of being a complete and unique individual...?

And please don't worry about the forms, wigs, killer heels etc. - if you like raunchy nail polish and skirts, I'd say that's easily enough to get you belonging here... :hugs:

But I get what you mean about support groups - every group tends towards the median rather than the outliers... it's just the nature of groups.. so you'll just have to keep being uniquely individual, friend in a skirt... :cheer:

Katey x

[Alice Torn]

Byllie, I am one similar to you. Always a square peg in a round hole, misfit, loner, oddball, strange, never knew where or if i fit in anywhere. Considered too worldy by religious, and too religious for the non religious. Too liberal for some, too conservative for others. I suppose a little like Michael Savage! Not a group thinker, but groups have their purpose.

[sometimes_miss]

"What I wish, I guess, is for the day when men and woman can wear whatever they like, to express who they are, and not sense the need to conform to a societal label...."

Byllie, I have to call you on this one. If this were true, you would not wear women's clothing because they would have no label. You would find something that is NOT ok and do that.

Perhaps you crossdress because it's the forbidden fruit, but I don't believe that reason is the one for most of us. There are plenty of other forbidden things that we can do for thrills, rather than do something that will completely wreck all of our relationships permanently.

[Tina G]

Just be who you want to be Byllie, that's all that matters. :)

Tina

[Byllie]

Thanks, folks, perhaps there's still hope for someone like me, "stuck in the middle, again."

[Beverley Sims]

Byllie,
I wonder what challenge there will be for me when someday comes. :)

[HelenR2]

Excellent post Byllie. I often dress wig to heels, full make-up, but most of the time I mix and match. Around the home I will usually wear a man's shirt, comfortable panties and a long jersey skirt. This are my day to day clothes, the way I like to dress.

[Claire Cook]

Byllie,

You should have no worries. Someone in a recent post referred to the CD/TG/TS spectrum (or fabric, or whatever it is) as having lots of shades of gray, and as individuals we all have our place somewhere in there. Who said we have to be fully dressed, or do this or do that? As a lady once told me when I was buying a dress in drab, "Whatever floats your boat!"

[Kate Simmons]

I think that many folks on here may agree with you. Some have stated that the reason they go all out en femme and try to "pass" in public is to avoid confrontations and trouble. My reason for dressing fully is somewhat different. It's part of my showmanship to employ use of the whole presentation "package". :)