Any advice right now, please

[I Am Paula]

My bff just posted a suicide note on another forum. She says she can't talk to her best friend about it (ME!). She has had a very hard time with transition, mostly about employment, and is worried she will end up homeless. I will not let this happen.
She is not home, or at least not answering me, and I'm on my way to find her. I'm a wreck, and don't know what to do, so my plan is to wing it.
I'm sorry, I just had to vent. I'm worried sick. If she's not at home I have no idea where to find her, and she lives forty miles away, in a neighborhood I don't know well.

[arbon]

Hoping and praying you find her!

[Andy66]

I certainly hope you find her too. Im sure you dont want to go to this extreme, but maybe her family members or cops could help find her?

[whowhatwhen]

Call the police, also the board should have her IP so that the cops can work with the ISP to track her down.
I hope your friend is okay :(

[Megan G]

I agree, if you cannot locate her involve family/police to assist in locating.

Thoughts and prayers are with you..

Megan

[traci_k]

Thoughts and prayers with you too.

[Starling]

You're in my thoughts, Paula.

:)

[Francine]

Good luck Paula. I hope you find her! tc.
Francine

[PaulaAnn]

Oh ,that's a terrible thing to have happen;I pray that this turns out well.I agree that the police should get involved.I find it so difficult to hear that as you,her best friend,wasn't able to talk with her;so much pain.Good luck to you both.
PaulaAnn

[Angela Campbell]

Do whatever you have to do. I really don't know what else to say, but I hope you can help her.

[kittypw GG]

Anyone who posts a suicide note publicly is wanting help and not that serious about making their threat final. This behavior could be a way of getting attention or manipulating someone. I would get police involved as this is just too much for the non-professional.

[Andy66]

I thought about that too, but I wouldnt want to take that chance.

I dont know if this lady is extra emotional because of hormones or anything, but its sad that her concerns about an employers reaction could have set all this in motion. :(

[kimdl93]

Any common contacts that might trace her? Could the police track the computer...or her cell?

[SassySal]

Anyone who posts a suicide note publicly is wanting help and not that serious about making their threat final.

I agree that this individual may be crying out for help, but I definitely feel that you are doing the right thing by taking this seriously. I had a terrible experience a few years ago when an online acquaintance (married, father of two), took his/her own life after confiding in me that he could no longer stand the pain.

I tried desperately to get his/her support group to do something. They contacted the local authorities who essentially said that they could/would do nothing. He was found dead a few days later.

[Laura912]

Many communities have full time telephone help lines that are very useful for this type of situation. Can you solicit their help?

[I Am Paula]

My friend eventually resurfaced after a rough day for her, and me. What does one say in this situation? I can't get mad.
She is worried where her next rent payment is coming from, and myriad other issues that stem from a transwoman finding employment. She has promised to keep one foot going ahead of the other, and working bad paying temp jobs, until something comes along. I have promised she will never go homeless, or miss a meal. That is my oath. I have extra bedrooms, and a bank account.
Thanks y'all for caring.

[kimdl93]

Thank you for providing this person with a measure of certainty in her time of difficulty. Even the knowledge that help is available offer a measure of relief. I'm so glad this turned out well.

[kittypw GG]

You know this is why getting the proper people involved might be the best thing. Nobody wants to cause someone else trouble but threatening suicide should be taken seriously. In the US there is a policy that when some one may be a threat to themselves or others the police can take them to a behavioral health facility/hospital where they can be assessed and held for 24-72 hrs. This may be the kind of help that your friend just might need. Please don't assume that since this crisis is over that these kinds of thoughts have stopped. Your friend is definitely in need of some profession help. Trust me it is too difficult for the average person to take on. When you have an emotional attachment to someone you are vulnerable to their manipulations. Professionals are detached emotionally and can get to the bottom of these feelings. Best of luck.

[whowhatwhen]

There are lots of social safety nets up here in Ontario.
For instance, Ontario Works might be able to provide her with a basic income until she finds employment.

[I Am Paula]

Whowhatwhen, and kittypw. You are both absolutely right. My friend is in the CAMH program, and has tons of resources, some I've never even heard of before. In a time of crisis, knowing who to call, or even thinking that someone may be able to help, becomes difficult.
Trans suicide is the biggest problem our community faces. While it will not go away, we must ALL do what we can to support each other. Therapists, and social workers may see signs that trouble is brewing, they cannot know the exact moment of a potentially fatal crisis. This is where friends, and family may be called in to be first responders.
If you have trans friends, let them know they can count on you, absolutely, and be ready to respond. After that, all we can do is keep our ears open, and our phones on, and hope for the best.

[Rachel Smith]

I am glad you found her. Having had one attempt myself I have to say the 2 weeks I spent in the physc ward along with the support of my friend Michelle saved my life. So like was said above get her some professional help and be there for her as you already are.

[Kimberly Kael]

Whew. I'm glad to hear she turned up safe. She is lucky to have a friend like you, someone who cares enough about her to worry and to give her a sense of security. We've got a long way to go as a society before transgender individuals will uniformly feel like we are accepted, loved, and have the same opportunities as everyone else.

[LeaP]

The problem is always just as you described this incident, Paula. When someone is seriously on the brink of suicide, they will NOT reach out for help and will suddenly disappear from sight. Many of us have been there and many of us also have long-term therapist relationships already. I can tell you the last time that I personally went through this, I did the same thing. The only thing that has really changed is my therapist is particularly attuned to following up closely on even small hints.

I don't know if there is any real, effective solution to the whole syndrome.

Paula – you are a real friend. Your friend is lucky to have you.

[Aly Cat]

I thought I would share what I found for your friend. Since she is in need of a new job and she needs a trans friendly work place. I found this...

http://www.canadastop100.com/diversity/

It is the top 100 diversity friendly work places in Canada. I don't know if any of them are hiring, but she's got 100 shots to nail something so her odds are good and the companies are proven to be trans friendly and LGBT supportive. Companies like these usually have LEAGUE organizations that she can join to get linked up and have the professional support she needs in the workplace.

I hope this helps!

[Eryn]

I have promised she will never go homeless, or miss a meal.

As long as she knows that you have done her a great service. One can do amazing things on the high wire with the knowledge that a safety net awaits if something goes wrong.

You should, however, follow up on the suicide threat. More stress will come her way and you don't want such threats to become her way of dealing with it.

[donnalee]

Hi Paula
I am very relieved that you have been able to contact your friend and express how concerned you are, to offer your help and let her know she's not alone. Having known those in this situation and not been far from there myself at times, I know how important having someone in your corner can be. Thank you for doing that.
Donna

[Aly Cat]

http://www.masstpc.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Employers_with_Transgender_Friendl y_Policies

Here is a list for others who might need trans friendly jobs in the US.

[traci_k]

Glad you found her - thankful for caring people like you in the world.

Brought a tear of joy to my eyes,

Hugs,