Looking for help

[Naulie xD]

I have no idea where to start, so I suppose I'll just jump right into it. I'll try to keep it short and simple.
First time posting on these forums :D

My name is Julian, I am 22 years old, and I was born Male, though I am very confident in my belief that I am Female at heart and soul. I don't really know what caused me to start thinking about it, but when I was 20, my desire to be a complete female started driving me mad. I was ashamed of it and hid that desire away, only telling two of my closest friends, who thankfully accepted it and I am still very close with them. Recently I decided that something must be done about it, so I've put many hours of research into the subject and I realize that I still have no idea what to do about it. I've been seriously considering going all the way into SRS, but with no money, fending for myself entirely with bills to pay, and only being a waiter, I just don't know what to do.

The entire situation has been putting extreme stress on me for the last 2 and a half years. I finally told my mother everything today. Being a very religious woman, she said I should pray about it, she would pray for me, and to talk to a Christian counselor (something I don't intend to do). Though she has never done any research into the subject, she says she wholeheartedly doesn't believe I am actually transgender.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Feel free to ask questions if you think you could give better advice depending on my answer. I'm throwing everything out there honestly to hopefully get some great info.

[Jorja]

Hi Julian,
Welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place to look for help. I don’t think any of us hold a medical degree here but most of us have covered the field looking for and finding help. Most of the ladies here have great knowledge about our condition. You do not say where you are from. That can make a difference in how you go about finding the help you need. You do not have to be specific but a US, UK, Australia or something would be helpful.

Also, do not be ashamed of who and what you may be. You are not alone. There are thousands of us around the world.

[SassySal]

Yes Naulie, welcome. You have received some excellent words of wisdom from Jorja and I agree that the first thing that you need to lose is your shame. You are experiencing a vagary of nature and it can be dealt with. There is help available.

You say you started thinking about this a couple of year ago, about when you turned 20. what do you think caused you to start thinking about it then?

[Naulie xD]

It is comforting to know I'm not alone :) I live in the US (Florida). I've noticed that SRS tends to be more expensive here, at least, that is what I've uncovered while researching.


Yes Naulie, welcome. You have received some excellent words of wisdom from Jorja and I agree that the first thing that you need to lose is your shame. You are experiencing a vagary of nature and it can be dealt with. There is help available.

You say you started thinking about this a couple of year ago, about when you turned 20. what do you think caused you to start thinking about it then?
I'm really not sure. I've been asked that question several times but I still have no answer :/

[SassySal]

How/why are you so sure that you are female?

[Naulie xD]

I don't know if i can really explain it very well lol. I just feel it. I think like a female, I would act like a female (if I wasn't male), I'm not completely sure how to expand on it.

[arbon]

If you feel it is something you need to do, if you know its who your are, then start taking steps to achieve your goal - saving money, start hair removal, see a therapist, find a doctor to start hrt, if everything is going well change your name, don't eat and keep saving whatever you can for surgery. Know that you may experience rejection from people you love, you may have problems with employment, there may be difficult times ahead but nothing you can't get through. Don't get married and have kids, that can really make things messy down the road.

[amy101]

Buy your mom the book ( mom I need to be a girl )

It may go some way to help her understand and if u need to talk pm me

[Angela Campbell]

as arbon said, begin with steps. It is way too early to think about srs seriously. Do you go out dressed as a woman? Do you have clothes and makeup, do you know how to use makeup?

I cannot tell you what is right for you but here is what I did. I began dressing as a woman. I bought makeup and searched the internet on how to use it. I found a support group where others like us are and joined. This got me a world of experience in getting out in public and learning so many things I had no clue about.

Next I went to a therapist. After a while began HRT and electrolysis and continued to go out in public getting more and more comfortable. After that I worked with my employer, came out to family and friends, and got a legal name change and FFS. I now continue on RLE until I can get SRS.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Naulie,

:welcom: to the crossdressers.com Transsexual Forum, you will find plenty of people here who know what you are going through from their own experience.

May I suggest before delving into hormones, SRS and all that you start by finding yourself a respected Gender Therapist so that you can talk through with him/her what you are thinking and feeling. The therapist won't give you answers but should help you to ask yourself the right questions to find the answers within yourself.

Once you have a clear idea where you are going and at what pace, you can start to make progress and do some of the other things that have been suggested in this thread.

By the way, it would be a good idea for you to introduce yourself in the Introductions Forum then once you have the right number of posts you could consider applying to join our young members' forum where you will be able to discuss with members who are nearer to your age than to mine

[kimdl93]

Welcome Julian. I'm glad you found your way here. You didn't mention where you live, but if it's a major US city you'll probably find a Transgender Resource Center. Ours in Houston is an excellent resource for information and advice from people who have been in your shoes. If you can find something similar where you live, do seek them out

My only other advice at this stage is not to judge your future based on where you are today. You are young. You have time to set your course and can make meaningful changes that will get you where you want to go, and you'll still be young.

[I Am Paula]

Welcome Julian, You are in company who have all been where you are now. I think before you jump into the hows and whens of transition, you have to decide who, and what, you are. I don't mean finding a label that fits, I mean a deep down understanding of the driving forces of your gender issues. It took me until I was 54 to REALLY understand where I was going. I transitioned. I wish I had listened to myself, and gotten on with it much earlier.
While there is a certain order to doing things, and all the girls here have given great advice, if I could only stress one thing...do it (whatever you decide 'it' is) now, while you are young.

[Naulie xD]

Thank you all very much for the advice. It has honestly helped me more than I thought it would. I believe the 1st step I'll be working towards is seeing a therapist, then go from there.

To answer some questions:
I've dressed up (clothes that could fit both male/female because I have no feminine clothing) and put on makeup only twice (but didnt leave the house).
I'm currently a newbie with makeup lol.
I live in a small town called Stuart, about 1.5 hours from Orlando.
I think I'll join the younger section.

Thank you everyone for the advice!!!

[celeste26]

There are ways now to fund the expenses of this whole thing. Kickstart or gofundme offer cloud funding from the internet, people see a profile and contribute funds if they want and it allows for anonymous contributions. So even if you are "only" a waiter it can be done. We all understand that waiters are hard workers. But it will tend to leave you with limited funds.

Remember not to let it get you all crazy, and stress you out because we are all here to help with that sort of thing. We have all gone through that stage and can offer our empathy.