Just Wondering

[Amanda63]

As I grow older my desire to feel more femme seems to be becoming much stronger almost as if the woman in me is aching to show herself. I was wondering if this is something others have or are feeling?

[stephNE]

Hi Amanda, yes me too. I feel like I have been hiding this too long. And as I get older, I don't reely care what other may think and I am getting bolder about going out.

[Amanda L.]

Hi Amanda (that's a beautiful name by the way) In my post about which brain drives you I had this same thought in mind. I have an increased desire to be my feminine self more so now that I have fully accepted this side of me. My Amanda self has been repressed and hidden for so long and now that I am realising her potential almost exponentially. My female self is diametrically opposed to my male self. When in man mode I fondly think of my female side but my thinking is not influenced by it. As a female my thinking is decidedly female and I try to act as feminine as I know how. Funnily enough though it seems to come naturally, as if I have this innate nature to be this way.
its taken awhile to accept that his who I am so now I go with the flow and don't freak out about it (as much anyway). I see and accept the people on this forum as their natural selves, you just cant make this s@#t up!
So now I enjoy talking about it, sharing myself and hoping to help and make a small difference to those who are still discovering their femme selves
Amanda (I think there are a few of us on this forum....who wants to start an Amanda Club? lol)
X

[kimdl93]

I think it's a pretty common experience here and ties in to a couple of recent threads on the age of MtF beginning HRT. It's been my personal experience as well.perhaps as stated, repression, denial and confusion kept these feelings suppressed or perhaps a biological change, like lowering T stops elbowing out the latent feminine side. I suspect it's a little of both. If society had been different decades ago, I probably would have lived full time in my 20s...but who is to say. Anyway, I find I am comfortable with the revelation of my female self and have no desire to return to the shadows.

[Amy Fakley]

It feels to me like finally giving up a battle of attrition.
The older I got, the less energy I had to put into the battle, until finally ... one day, beaten and exhausted I just gave up and embraced it.
I don't know that the desire is necessarily any stronger than it ever was, but my will to fight it has definitely fallen away.

[Claire Cook]

Amanda, I think so too. I don't know if it declining due to T-levels, having more time to be me, or just what but this has been my experience. Steph, yes, nowadays I think less about what others think and am more open about being me.

[CynthiaD]

In my case it's feeling like I've paid my dues. I've done everything I was supposed to do, now if I want to wear a dress, I'm just going to.

[Annaliese]

Oh yes, stronger each day

[Joy3]

I definitely have been dressing more in my "golden" years! Having more time is a factor but an increased desire to dress is also present. I have also gone out much more. If I were single I probably would dess full-time.

[Michelle (Oz)]

I recently saw on Facebook "The older I get, the less I care about what people think, and the happier I am". Works for me.

[Ressie]

Probably because you think about it more than you used to. It seems to be a progressive condition doesn't it?

[Teresa]

Amanda63,
I think the one fact that really floored since coming to the forum is the acceptance that CDing is for life ! Now in my sixties I really can't keep hiding behind closed doors and peering round curtains, I want to enjoy the feeling it gives me when I choose to do it, as Cynthia says I've paid my dues now I want some pay back. I don't think it's overly selfish to say this is my time !
To answer your question I do desire to dress more perhaps not to be femme but more because it feels so good !

[bridget thronton]

It is true for me as well. I like the explanation that a mature brain is less susceptible to being influenced by what others think.

[Amanda63]

Thank You all for your responses I felt this to be true, but it is very comforting to be reassured by my peers.

[Lynn Marie]

Now that I'm uunattached and retired, I have hardly anyone who's butt I have to kiss! Very cool state of being. I now do as I please, go where I like, and explain nothing. Makes me wonder what would have happened if I'd felt this way right out of high school. In the service industry, there's a lot of conforming that needs to be done.

[Rachelakld]

True about the age, we care less about others opinions and start living our own lives,

But also at my kids school, it's now okay to be gay/Cd/TG or whatever, so maybe society is changing also, and us being out there in public, doing normal girl stuff, is helping push the change.

[Tinasworld2]

I think this may be age but also time. The more we do the more we want to do. If that makes any sense.

[xoMindyxo]

For myself, I definitely go along with the age aspect. I'll be 40 next year. I have struggled with this all my life up until 3 years ago, and like others have said, I too, have paid my dues as well. I spent the better part of my life being someone/something that people expected of me and put everyone else's happiness ahead of mine. While I still care about and protect those I care about from intolerant fools, the moment my family flat out said "Why don't you just come clean about it ? Why hide it ?" That made it much easier for me. I don't care what people outside of my circle of friends thinks of me or what I do any longer. I will just be the best person I can be to others, take it or leave it I say !

I agree that a lot of the younger generation are becoming more tolerant about this life. Us older girls didn't have a lot of information about crossdressing or being transgender available to us. Just parents, family, and, peers drilling it in our heads growing up that this life is wrong, that boys are boys and girls are girls. Crossdressing =being gay or wanting to transition fully. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that at all. But even 20 years ago, a lot of us didn't know that there were a lot of grey areas in the transgender spectrum.

The youngins have the internet age to be able to research the information on their own, and seek out others who live this way as well. Maybe the parents, family, and peers think it's wrong. But with the internet and endless information on the subject, an individual can do their own research and form their own opinions about it, and, also become more tolerant/open minded.

[Maria 60]

O yea, for sure, as the kids are getting older I have more time. As my wife says "Maria still has to evolve". The feeling is always growing stronger and stronger, I don't know because now the kids are older and there's no soccer practice and driving the kids here and there, I feel I have more time to think about me now that includes Maria. I think it's normal, with age come change.

[JessMe]

Absolutely! ...There are a lot of factors that prevent me from "exploring" this further, though.

[MayaMe]

Yes, I have been experiencing the same thing. The older I get the less I care about what other people think, but there are still things that hold me back in my exploration.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Hi Amanda, yes me too... And as I get older, I am getting bolder about going out.. Stephanie, I am slowly realizing this as well. Mostly at night around the house but definitely getting bolder.

@---}------

[Francine]

I don't need to wonder.. I know. I think the internet seemed to help me kick things into gear. Even though my story is like many, for me it's been the last 10 years or so of my life. And at age 60, my only regret is that I didn't do more, earlier. :confused3: But as they say..that's histotry!
Francine

[Eryn]

Ever wonder why so many of us seem to be in our 40s or 50s? I don't know what it is, but something happens to many of us around that age!

[NZ_Dawn]

Ever wonder why so many of us seem to be in our 40s or 50s? I don't know what it is, but something happens to many of us around that age!

Yes as pointed out. Seems to be True for me, why?? Age? hormones? social influences? social acceptance? Then again... I'm easily influenced in the opposite direction ;-)

[NZ_Dawn]

Ever wonder why so many of us seem to be in our 40s or 50s? I don't know what it is, but something happens to many of us around that age!

Yes as pointed out. Seems to be True for me, why?? Age? hormones? social influences? social acceptance? Then again... I'm easily influenced in the opposite direction ;-)

[LelaK]

Two years ago I only had a few articles of feminine clothing that I sometimes wore when alone in my room. Then I moved to a city and bought several nice dresses and often wore them in the house where my landlord often saw me dressed. Now I've moved to a small community in another city where I have a very small room. Before I came here I expected to be dressing often, including in the presence of others, but under the circumstances I haven't yet done any CDing here, even in my room, because it's so small. There's hardly room to move around. But, after I get more settled in here, maybe with better arrangements, I hope to feel free to dress again. And I hope to find a cheap way to get good facial hair removal etc and I want to get a wig etc.

[Amanda M]

Me too! Where HAVE all the Amandas come from?

Amanda

[JennyT3]

Its a journey, thats for sure. WE are at an age where we can say "screw it" and go with it!

[Amanda63]

I think for me I embrace my Feminine side more because after all the years of exploring it I realize now that it truly is part of me like it or not and to be honest I really like it and how it makes me feel.

[Marcelle]

Hi Amanda,

I think with age comes a certain level acceptance with who we are "boy" or "girl" and a level of maturity and self-confidence to say "what the heck I'll do what I need to do to be happy". Exploring your "femme" side probably comes to that same realization for quite a few of us. I have never been particularly concerned what people thought of me and when Isha made her sudden appearance last year I felt the same. It is kind of like that old Rick Nelson Song "Garden Party" . . . I learned long ago that you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself . . . perhaps we are all at the same garden party . . . naturally we are all stunningly dressed :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda, O'yes, Been there and done that.

[suchacutie]

Amanda, a few of us here are extreme cases of what you suggest in the we weren't able to realize we had a femme self until much later in life. For me I was 55 and my wife and I were just completely secure with each other to be able to recognize and embrace this challenging lifestyle, one that once identified as a part of out beings is very hard to deny.

[NicoleScott]

... feel more femme ...becoming much stronger ...aching to show herself...

Amanda, I can't tell from your original or subsequest posts if you mean:
1) You want to "come out", revealing yourself to others who know you;
2) You want to "go out" into the public en femme, without necessarily "coming out";
3) Express more femininity with your presentation. For example, some CDers who have been satisfied wearing a dress and shoes want to start wearing a wig and makeup, too, even if they don't go out, just for their personal satisfaction.

[Brianna_H]

In my case it's feeling like I've paid my dues. I've done everything I was supposed to do, now if I want to wear a dress, I'm just going to.

This. I've always been a good guy and taken care of business, school, family, etc. CDing has become a part of my individual creativity, which has always been a source of solace to me, away from the pull of responsibility and respectability.

[sometimes_miss]

As I grow older my desire to feel more femme seems to be becoming much stronger almost as if the woman in me is aching to show herself. I was wondering if this is something others have or are feeling?
It's probably not any stronger, just that you are wearing down under the strain of holding it back. Kind of like carrying an extra 100 pounds person on your shoulders; virtually every one of us can do that pretty easily. But try doing it for a whole day. Then all night. Then the next day. Through all the work and difficulty, the heat and the cold; slowly, it becomes harder and harder, more of a burden. Sometimes you will let them off for a few minutes, then a little longer. Then all night so you can sleep. Sure, you pick them up the next day. But the extra effort will always be there until you yearn to get rid of them. Still, your sense of responsibility makes you carry them, because you know it's what you should do. But in the back of your mind you know it would be easier to just put them down.
We carry a secret that we dearly wish we could tell someone. But we keep it to ourselves. We can not talk to anyone about it, or even when we do (like when we come here to type away our stress) we still know we have to hide it from some in the real world. Eventually it becomes too much, as we make a big deal out of something that didn't bother us much when we were half our age. Which is one reason why so many middle aged guys seem to suddenly start crossdressing or coming out. Exhaustion over holding back feelings we didn't want to let anyone else know we have.

[Stephanie47]

I've been retired for more than six years now. At first it was a kid in a candy store. With a working wife I had a lot of time to be Stephanie. Maybe it was years of pent up frustration with limited time to be Stephanie. Anyway, I spent too much time as Stephanie at the detriment of being my male self. Yes, once the pension checks are in the mailbox, one does not have to worry about losing the source of income. When I had to take a "therapy" sick day off from work due to pent up frustrations I had to plan everything. Now? I have ample time to be Stephanie. I have ample time to be my male side. I feel totally at ease in a pretty dress, heels, undergarments and wig to cover my balding head. Right now? I am wearing a pair of cut off jeans and a tee shirt, neither of which my wife would want me to be seen in public. The seat of the jeans are sort of threadbare.....very threadbare. To me my jeans are like Linus' blanket.

So, the kids are long gone from the domicile. The wife continues to work. My source of income is assured. I can and do whatever and whenever I want-either male or feminine.

I don't think it has anything to do with age in itself. It has to do with status in life.

[DanielleJean]

I noticed an increased urge to dress when I hit my mid-forties and it continued to increase. I also stopped fighting those urges as well. I started dressing in my mid-twenties when an old girlfriend had me wear a pair of her panties and a bra. I suppressed the urges for the most part after we broke up. As I aged the urges became stronger and I wanted to fully express my feminine side. I am still in the closet with this, maybe as I get older I will come out. I don't want SRS but I do love being feminine.

[allisonagain]

I have always wanted to dress more often and more "fully", like pierced ears. Having a supportive wife has kept me from having to hide it all these decades and enjoy it in many levels at different times. Our children slammed the door on Allison rather completely driving me deep into the closet for years. Now they are mostly gone, I'm mostly retired, as others said, I have paid my dues. I find myself saying more and more often "I don't care what others think". I've been able to live almost full time for a couple months last fall and again for 2 weeks this summer. When I did, I felt like a flower blossoming for the first time, it was so freeing. Mostly the more comfortable I got going out, the more I knew it was meant to be. There is always so much left to do but I'm doing it now. Electrolysis, piercing, studying real women, improving makeup and deportment skills. For me it's been clearing the decks that has let me out, not age or lack of T I don't think, but who can tell, it's all there doing something. The biggest reality is that LIFE IS SHORT and if I don't do these things I will regret it forever…. to heck with what others think. I like what someone said "If I want to wear a dress, then I'm going to!"

[Tina B.]

Oh yes, the desire seems to grow with age, but as to the cause, that I'm not so sure. At 70, I'm retired, and have no children in the house, I have more spending money than I ever had when younger.
So has the desire increased, or have the chances to dress increased? When younger, I thought about dressing all the time, but had little time to do it. Now I don't think about it all the time, when not dressed, but then I do spend a lot more time dressed. I'm still in the closet, but having an accepting wife, I still get to dress as much as I want, or need. Besides, after a life time collecting clothes, I've got a very large wardrobe now, that I didn't have when I was younger.

[ringedjohn]

Amanda63,
........................
To answer your question I do desire to dress more perhaps not to be femme but more because it feels so good !

I feel the same way - I just thoroughly enjoy the feeling of wearing nice feminine underwear :) - but I do not want to BE feminine.

[Genneva Lynn]

As I got older the feeling got stronger, but things were under control and I did not dress, but about the time ED come into effect about 65, the feeling got even stronger. I think it would be such a feeling to be able to go out in public full emfene and not worry about a thing. I love my wife too.

[Jill_cd]

Aging does play a part I think. Maybe this is my mid-life crisis. I'm not going to purchase a red convertible and start to date strippers, but I'm rebuilding my wardrobe, after my very LAST purge, and am going to head out the door more than before. Not just window shopping at midnight or to boutiques that cater to cd'ers, but to Starbucks and other stores. The last thing I want is to be 70 years old, sitting in a wheel chair at the old folks' home and look back, sigh and mumble, "I wish I had done that."

[Beverley Sims]

Amanda,
I think this is just natural progression.