Is it really about how you are dressed or is about the kind of person you are?

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Haven't gone off on an Isha rant lately and since I have some time on my hand I thought you might indulge me a bit. Sorry about the length for those who feel a good post should be a few sentences long but, a few sentences would not suffice and we all know this gal likes to babble. :blah: :battingeyelashes:

This post is predicated by the recent "age appropriate" post which kind of went in a tangential spin. So rather than pile on and circumvent the OPs desired response, I thought I would open it for greater discussion here.

Clothing is very important to people and in a way is a key factor of one's identity. It defines who we are to the world . . . "Hey world look at me I am classy gal, skateboarder dude, Goth guy, sports gal, party guy, casual Jane or whatever". End result, it is a personal choice people use to define who they are. Is personal style static? Not usually and we will all go through various wardrobe changes in our lives until we settle on one. Howerver, whereas clothes and personal style may change over time the one relatively constant is what lies below the clothing . . . the person. Are they kind or are they a jerk? Are they good or are they bad? . . . Etcetera, Etcetera.

I think we can all agree that judging a person by how they are dressed is insensitive and kind of a dorky thing to do. I have met plenty of people who are dressed in what society identifies as "Sharp, classy, upstanding" who are complete and utter jacka@@es. Conversely I have met many people who are dressed in clothes that people would equate to "clown -like, dirty, scummy" who would give you the shirt off their back. So again I think we can all agree that clothes do not make the man/woman.

When it comes to presenting as the opposite gender TG/CD/TS we will all find our own style, fashion sense, look whatever. It is our concept of who we are . . . how we identify. For me, Isha is a pragmatic dresser (jeans, tops, the odd skirt and dress) and yes while she might be pushing the big 50 she probably dresses a bit younger. I won't wear crop tops or micro miniskirts but that is me because I cannot pull that look off . . . if I could . . . who knows :battingeyelashes: In the end it is my choice and how I choose to identify while "en femme". We (the community writ large) like to say "accept yourself" "be happy with who you are" we ask/wish the Vanilla world to embrace "diversity" and "difference". Well IMHO how we dress is going to be diverse because we all have our own sense of what dressing as the opposite gender means to us. While we may not all agree on what is appropriate we also don't have the right to pass judgement on what we see as a threat to our being accepted by the Vanilla world.

You could be the most drop dead gorgeous TG gal/guy dressed to the nines (5x5 and looking good) but the minute you open your mouth and interact you come off as a jerk :devil: . . . Guess what? It still makes the community look bad. You could be sporting a costume wig and a hastily thrown together wardrobe that looks like you pulled it out of the rubbish bin but if someone takes the time to talk to you they find a lovely and kind persons . . . Guess what? She/he becomes a better ambassador for the TG community than Jane or James Bond above. Yes I agree the person who is dressed a bit odd is going to get noticed more and may get more finger points and giggles but that doesn't negate that they are a good and decent person compared to the Mr/Ms McJerky TG in great clothes. We are diverse community and to imply that only certain looks should be seen in public . . . well just saying . . . sounds really harsh.

Let's face it folks . . . except for a small percentage of us (miniscule at that) people know who we are regardless of how we are dressed. So regardless of whether you are rocking an LBD and killer heels or a micro mini, fishnets and a lime green wig . . . aspire to be a good and decent person that is all we can ask of one another. The other thing to remember is that financially we are not all the same. While some have the financial means to buy lace front human hair wigs, forms, padding, make-up from Sephora, stylish clothes (in whatever style you like) others will have to suffice with costume wigs, stuffed bras, drugstore make-up and any clothing they can scrape together. So before passing judgement on what that person means to the TG community . . . please take that into account.

So endeth the Isha rant.

Hugs

Isha

[Renee Elise]

Hi Isha,

Never babble - your posts are quite insightful :).

The old adage "Beauty is only skin deep" rings very true here. Image is highly superficial, and it is interesting how we evaluate people with an initial impression based on it. It is very difficult to get a sense of the content of one's character and heart based solely on clothing choices and style. Yet at the same time, those can often be accurate indicators of whom someone associates, and what kind of life they choose to live. I've seen both. Faces and eyes often convey a lot too, well beyond the clothing styles.

Getting a sense of someone does require more than just a few seconds ... and after all, doesn't the devil wear Prada? You are 100% correct that actions speak louder than words...and lime wigs ;).

Great post :).

~Renee

[sometimes_miss]

At some point, what people think of us goes to the subconscious mind. You know, the same one that dictates all those feelings of 'chemistry' the people say tells them whether they're attracted to someone or not....those feelings that they cannot identify, all they know is how they feel, good, bad, comfortable, suspicious, all those 'gut feelings' that everyone goes by, never knowing exactly where they come from. And men who take on feminine attributes can click on those feelings of 'something's wrong with that guy, so I don't trust him'. Yes, as they get to know us better we can ease those feelings of distrust. But to some degree, the suspician will always be there, lurking in the back of their mind; you know, the same thread of feelings about us that gives them the AHA! I KNEW IT! moment when one of us turns out to be transsexual, or gets caught dating a guy; despite all our initial declarations that 'it's just clothes', it only takes one of us to 'GO TRANSSEXUAL' or kiss one guy to make every one of us suspect for being the same. They really do believe that it's all because of the slippery slope that all the politicians always talk about.
So no matter what else we are, we're all part of a group that will always be at least just slightly suspect for not being who we say we are. Automatically guilty by association. It's a tough thing to live down.

[Jenniferathome]

Isha, when I was out the other night, Rachael and I had this very conversation: "Is it really about how you are dressed or is about the kind of person you are?"



and the answer is, it is both. The positive combination of being both thoughtful and thoughtfully dressed makes every interaction easy. You can be a great person but if dressed over the top, you will likely not get the opportunity to interact with the normals. If you are an @ss, regardless of how you are dressed, you will limit your interactions. It is undeniably both.

[kimdl93]

I have to go with both as well. Walk into Starbucks at mid day in a purple party wig, micro mini, halter top and DDs and a TG person will likely scare people away long before they meet the person underneath. And although it may not be fair to judge any book by its cover, we do. I do. I may have missed some wonderful people as a result, but so it goes.

[Jodi]

It's both. One should try hard to be dressed for the venue, and they should work to act the part. Be confident. Confidence goes a long way.

Jodi

[Bria]

Jodi, I think that you are absolutely right about the confidence factor. In a recent thread there was a post about the importance of confidence when out and about, and I beleive that I may have posted that same sentiment to another of Isha's post from many months ago.

So, confidence, approprate dress for the venue, a warm and friendly person is the reciept for success when going out and about. I'm not out nearly as much as Isha, but I am gaining in confidence, and even if I lack a little it that area I try to look as if I have plenty!!

Isha, thanks for another thoughtful thread, helps keep the gray matter active!!

Hugs, Bria

[Richelle]

Isha,

Thank you for this great post. It could not have been said any better and I agree with you. When we are out "enfem" or in drab we all need to "aspire to be a good and decent person"

Richelle

[Teresa]

Hi Isha,
In some respect you're referring to the uniform effect ! You may feel you represent your country well when wearing your uniform ! but I bet you could name some that let you and your country down !
I chose to wear a suit and clean my shoes to represent myself and treat people with respect at weddings, I also knew how far to bend the rules to achieve the best results.
Although I haven't been out dressed in the same way as you , if I had I still think would act more or less as myself because I enjoy relating with people. If judgement is made against me even though I'm being my normal amiable self then they have the problem and not me.
I learned a long time ago to never judge a book by it's cover ! I look absolutely disgusting sometimes when I'm doing heavy DIY jobs, and I've seen the look on peoples faces when they see me until I look up and smile and say good morning, then they realise the clothes are not the person ! Goodness knows what will happen if Teresa gets let loose in the unsuspecting public !!!

[Katey888]

Nice try Ish :) You keep casting those pearls.... :stirthepot:

For me - you could have stopped right here:


I think we can all agree that judging a person by how they are dressed is insensitive and kind of a dorky thing to do.
and the rest of what you said is well rationalised and spot on... for me... :)

Problem is, the whole raison d'etre of western society is to differentiate people by the value of what they wear, what they drive, where they live, where they eat and drink... I'll not go off on a totally Marxist segue here, but right now in the 'west' and our predominantly English-speaking membership, this is largely how people are valued and measured.

This is also why - when you have a subculture or segment of society that actively wants to reject those values - dress, and how you look, is one of the most often chosen ways of laying down that marker for all to see... Perhaps subconsciously (or not... :eek:) some of those CDers are just flaunting their gender rebellion by being a little outrageous... who's to say...?

Renee has it right when she says "Image is highly superficial..." Absolutely. Image is only image. But many folk in our community, undeniably find it difficult to get beyond that... It's not surprising when the whole of society is geared towards that approach too, but it's sad that people can't open up a little more to being more accepting. And to be clear, I'm not espousing the idea of wholly inappropriate dress in the sense of the CD fashion world... but can't you also see that to a lot of the muggle world, ANY male sporting ANY type of female attire is wholly inappropriate too...?

I won't be going to Starbucks in a lime green wig anytime soon, but I am feeling like we should be more prepared to hang together, for surely that is a more noble way to go... :cheer:

Katey x

[CynthiaD]

I suppose you're asking should a person be judged by the clothes they wear or by the content of their character? The answer to that question is obvious. This is an old question. I first heard it in the 1960s with regard to the hippies, but I'm sure people have been asking it a lot longer than that.

[Kate Simmons]

It's rarely, if ever, about how I'm dressed my friend. It's always about who I am as a person and having fun with it. I'm not into being too serious or morose. It's in my nature to make the positive energy flow. :battingeyelashes::)

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I think our culture just has a fetish for uniforms and crossdressing, like any other group (goth, biker, cop, hippy) has it's own distinct uniform which appears exclusive and even foreboding to those not in the know and maybe even to those who wear it 'wrong'. Humans have a tribal mentality, just look at the Gaza issue. Clothing often defines our tribes as much as behavior.

Sure, good character helps us all get along, but we're suckers for these dang uniforms, and some uniforms are just more popular than others. You wear one of these preferred uniforms at your day job, Isha, so a question for you: are you treated better as a soldier than as Isha?

[Kate Simmons]

To touch on Tink's question, I feel it's largely how you allow yourself to be treated by others, uniform notwithstanding. ;):)

[Jenniferathome]

Kate, I disagree. You do not "allow" someone to treat you certain way. They have free will, THEY treat you as they like. You can leave a situation and prevent a confrontation, but if someone chooses to think of you as a freak and NOT interact with you, you have no choice in the matter.

It does not matter how people SHOULD be, it only matters how people ARE. People, in general, judge and create an opinion within seconds of SEEING someone. This is scientific fact. It is a repeatable experiment done in Psych classes all over the world and for decades. Tink is right. See a uniform and you impart respect on that person. We are all taught that from an early age. Now, while that opinion is "soft" and can be changed through positive interactions or reinforced through bad ones, one will not get that opportunity of one is frightening to the other.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Kate, that's a good way to live life. :)

But to show the impact of our 'uniforms' and how others respond to us, check out the Carlsberg beer YouTube video below. It's actually pretty funny, but also shows just how much we judge people by their outward appearance.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS3iB47nQ6E

[noeleena]

Hi,

Do my clothes over ride my personality ...or is my personality what people see, or accept .

Does my personality come through so people come along side who i am and they wont to be around me for longer than your 5 min,s and when it comes down to it do they really wont to know me as a person

,i could dress in such a way as to blend in pass and not be known yes the latest clothes up to the moment and makeup with out a flaw the latest shoes and jewelry oh and yes must not for get a wig , well that would change how i look , yes i could afford that no issue there ,

Would that be who i am ...REALLY....no of cause not apart from feeling so very uncomfortable ,and youd know id feel a fool, stupid , and totaly out of place id ...HATE...it ,

In one of the other subjects writen was said how they admired us and went on to say even to emulate us ,
you need to define that a bit because not all of us are up there on that pedesil cat walk . or the carpet we walk on , i dont have that outer beauty and far from it ,

So i dont know wether i have much i can offer that would be taken as beautifull, of cause you are looking with male eyes and see it very differently so your how you behold us would be based on looks alone not what we are as females who are or can be different, and some of us do struggle with our selfs and how we..... should ... look ....should yet cant,......

...noeleena...

[im-sparkles]

Jennifer your very rite. well said

i know exactly who and how i am. I am a man.
sometimes i really wish i were a woman (most of the the time). However i enjoy being a man. I am not confused and i enjoy being me. i have read to many posts here from torn people who won't embrace who you are. life is short . be yourself .

[Shelly Preston]

I would have to say its about who you are for the most part.

How many different styles to men and women have from Casual to Smart, Sporty, Classy, Formal.

We all make choices about what we choose to wear the only thing that gets added here is a gender component.

I wont get into the where you are on the Gender spectrum but it does influence our choices


Sadly people always get judged on what they wear.

The youth of the 70' were judged due to having long hair ( well the guys )

The Biker uniforms (Thanks to Tinkerbell GG for a great video )

Punk Rockers with a goth look and safety pins etc.

The real sad thing is we do judge people even when we know it is wrong.

[Terrylynn]

Why do people present a particular exterior? Is it not to influence how others perceive them? I think many people would rather be judged based on their "cover" than their "content".

[Jaclyn]

We judge people by how they dress and everyone is saying it's wrong, but is it? We also dress to be judged. We want to tell people who we are by how we're dressed. The guys in the video with all the tattoos are telling the world who they are and if you got to know any of them you'd probably find that most are nice guys. When you dress en femme and take pictures and post them on here are you not wanting our opinions?

So we want to be judged, we want to be told "I love your dress", "Nice shoes" or asked "Where did you get that purse?"

It's not judged that that we're afraid of, it's being accepted for who we are. And if someone can't accept us for who we are, fine I don't expect everyone to. But they could still let us live are lives as we are. I don't need everyone to except me, I have my wife who does and I feel blessed every day that were together.

We should all live and let live. In every aspect of life. People are all different get over it.

Now if I could just as Isha said accept myself and be happy with who I am. Which I struggle with daily.

Just my opinion
Jackie

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks much for all your replies and judging from the content I think it is safe to say we can agree that judging a person based on clothes is not a good thing to do. Heck, for those of us who go out in public on a daily basis "we live that" and though people may not say so to your face, we all know that what gets said after you leave or pass through a venue is most likely different from what was or was not said.

However, part of my thread was about how "we" the community have our own opinions about our sister/fellow CDers and how they present. I find most don't really care but then again in creeps the old "Well if you stay home - out of sight, out of mind - dress as you please but . . . if you go out then you need to dress to blend, age appropriate, don't get noticed because you are doing the rest of no favors." My point was that people will dress according to how they see/view/identify with that gender and to them it is as real as anyone else's concept of that gender. Will a person get more stares, finger points, guffaws if they are dressed over the top than someone who is dressed to blend? Possibly and more likely probable. Will people choose not interact with someone who is "over the top in dress/make-up/padding/presentation than with someone dressed to blend? Possible and again probable. However, for those who dress to blend (I am one) we might think all was right as rain because people did not stare, finger point, laugh and were even nice to us . . . but then again we are not around in the wake after we depart. I conducted such an experiment which shows that while I may have thought "dress to blend" will pay dividends in acceptance . . . not always the case. If you are interested have a read http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?212499-The-Rose-Coloured-Glasses-Experiment/page2


I think our culture just has a fetish for uniforms and crossdressing, like any other group (goth, biker, cop, hippy) . . . You wear one of these preferred uniforms at your day job, Isha, so a question for you: are you treated better as a soldier than as Isha?

Hi Tink,

Sorry I have to disagree with your positing that cross dressing is just a uniform fetish. While some may be fetishistic dressers there are others that it is integral to their personality. If I were to box Isha today, the emotional damage it would cause would be hard on both me and my wife (unbearable to a degree). WRT to being treated better as a soldier than as Isha well it really depends. At one point I weight 178 pounds (working out) and at 5'6" that is quite big. My head was shaved and I had a full beard. I was taking the bus to work one day in combats wearing my typical soldier look (my wife calls it my scary look) I was not a smiling person in those days. Everyone went out of their way not to sit beside me and when one poor girl had the seat next to me as an only option, she was extremely nervous the whole time. When I am Isha on the bus, people might go out of their way not to sit next to me (men especially) but for the most part, people will just sit (I guess I am not seen as a threat). Yes, in uniform I have had people come up and say "thanks for your service" whereas nobody has come up to Isha and said "thanks for being TG". However, I also know that a lot people see soldiers as a necessary evil . . . good guys when they are doing the job they need to do but I am not inviting any over for dinner and they are definitely not dating my daughter. So to be honest I don't think I am treated any better or worse as Isha.



Why do people present a particular exterior? Is it not to influence how others perceive them? I think many people would rather be judged based on their "cover" than their "content".

Hi Terrylynn,

I agree in theory and for those who are "in your face world . . . take me or leave me" that is true. However, we should not loose track of the fact that some people are put in circumstances beyond their control. For example, this video shows a stark contrast about how a homeless person is seen and assisted in comparison to a well dressed person http://www.upworthy.com/a-man-falls-down-and-cries-for-help-twice-the-second-time-my-jaw-drops . Although this is an actor it is a factor of how a lot (not all) people react in society and homeless people do not wish be judged on their cover. When I equated my thread to CDing, my concern was that some here dress in a manner they equate to the opposite gender (whether that is right or wrong it is not for us to judge) and some people do not have the same financial safety to dress according to whatever rules some may apply. We as a community need to be cognizant of that fact and support not admonish.


Hugs all :)

Isha

[JocelynRenee]

While we may not all agree on what is appropriate we also don't have the right to pass judgement on what we see as a threat to our being accepted by the Vanilla world.

Humans are hard-wired to make instant judgements based on appearance alone. That's a feature; not a bug. The best humans, however, are willing to consider moving past their initial impression. How quickly we are willing to look beyond the initial impression seems largely to be a function of our own self-confidence. There may be a time where acting on your first impression literally saves your life, but if you are so inflexible as to never move beyond, then you are going to miss out on some of the best experiences of your life.

I think Isha was making a different point, though, in saying that it is not right to place the burden of our own public acceptance on the shoulders of another. I wholeheartedly agree.

Many of us have witnessed a cross dresser wearing ill-fitting clothing/wig, over-the-top make-up, a micro-mini and fishnets at the grocery store, etc. It is true, and fair to say, those individuals make it harder for the rest of us to be accepted in public.

So what?

It's not their responsibility to make my life easier, and it's not my conferred right to decide what is and is not appropriate dress for another person. Sure, I along with every other person on the planet, will continue to make value judgements based on first impressions. I hope that I always strive to look deeper, though, and I encourage others to do the same.

Many others have pointed out that acceptance hinges on what one wears AND one's character. Let's be honest, a man doing ANYTHING feminine is going to represent a fatal character flaw to some. Let's stop blaming the clothing choices of sisters and start holding haters accountable for their shallowness.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Isha, I don't think crossdressing is a uniform fetish - I think humans as a whole have a deep rooted need (fetish was just more descriptive) for 'uniforms' born from a tribal instinct that drives us to show the world the very core of our being via physical adornment, such as Isha is yours. We all know we could tell a muslim from a nun and a biker from a Hippy. Is this because of their character, or because of what they wear?? Are they not actively choosing to be seen this way?

If the exterior isn't important then honestly no one here would crossdress - you'd just internalise all these feelings and get on with it. But you can't do that any more than the biker can put away his bike or the Muslim her burqa. Consequently, it's natural for us all to decide who belongs where by these outfits we present, and while I sure don't think this is our best attribute, I also think it's just some biological leftover from a time when we really did live in tribes and couldn't trust who would kill us and who would share their mammoth meat - the guy with the red stripe or the guy with the yellow. For the record, I hate sharing food.

Anyway, I feel this is likely a little off topic and Jocelyn said it best before me about the TG dilemma and whether you're all responsible for some united front of public acceptance and must consequently all dress like Grandma...no fishnets allowed. Ummm...NO! That's my short answer to that. :)

Thanks for making my brain work, Isha, and for another interesting topic.

[Amy Fakley]

it's not fair to judge others by their appearance, but we all do. I think it's just a matter of how severe the judgement is. My teenaged daughter dyed her hair neon pink last week. I do not judge her harshly for it, I understand that she's exploring herself and trying on different identities, and she's otherwise a really nice and good person.

But if i didn't know her, and we were sitting next to each other on a plane, or in line at a coffee shop, would I start up a conversation with her? Probably not. I'd never even know the great person she was because her appearance would have communicated to me in an instinctive sort of way, that we weren't on compatible wavelengths.

And I warned her about this. I said "you're going to get attention, but it might be a lot harder to get the kind of attention you actually want".
But she really really wanted to try on the "rock n' roller" identity, so I said "go for it" and let her learn whatever lessons come from it.

For me, when I dress as Amy, it is most definitely an expression of the kind of person I am. I choose clothes specifically to reflect that. But then I'm a grown up, and I have a pretty strong conception of who I am, and who I want to be.

It's funny though, your clothes can make you think of yourself in a new way. For instance, the dress I'm wearing in my avatar, is not one I'd have ever picked out for myself. It's too sexy, LOL. But my wife picked it out for me and I tried it, and it did make me think of myself in a new way, and I love it (and her) for that.

[Nikki A.]

Isha, a good contribution and a welcome change of pace.
However, after reading your post and the replies, it made me think that sometimes we do the judging also. There is one gurl that I've run across, that I always seem to avoid talking to. Maybe it's her clothing or make-up neither of which I think is done well (not that I'm a fashion diva myself). Maybe next time I see her I'm gonna try to look past the clothes and try to really get to know the person under the clothes.

[MsVal]

All creatures survive through pattern matching. It's how they discriminate food from enemy. Humans are particularly adept at pattern matching. It's the basis for science, art, invention, and survival.

Some of us may not notice a Macintosh apple in a box of Cortland, but we will notice a grapefruit in that box of apples. They are all fruit, but the difference will attract attention. We will dwell on that difference. We will wonder why the odd fruit is in there. We will remember that grapefruit far more readily than any apple.

Now with regard to style of clothing, we should dress in a way that is comfortable, ever mindful that differences will attract attention, whether good or bad.

Best wishes
MsVal

[willow-the-wisp]

Tinkerbell-GG Wrote:- If the exterior isn't important then honestly no one here would crossdress- you'd just internalise all the feelings and get on with it.

I do this quite often. sometimes I just have my feminine feelings which usually last for an hour or so and then as you say I get on with it.
other times when the feelings come over me I feel compelled to c/dress the very best I can and the same feelings are much stronger.

[LelaK]

You could be the most drop dead gorgeous TG gal/guy dressed to the nines (5x5 and looking good) but the minute you open your mouth and interact you come off as a jerk . . . Guess what? It still makes the community look bad.
No, it doesn't. It only makes that person look bad. It's erroneous to judge a community that isn't organized, except to say that it's a diverse unorganized group, or something like that. Si?

[Marcelle]

Lela,

The comment was in reply to those who feel that someone who is dressed over the top makes the community look bad. I was pointing out that someone who is considered dressed perfectly can still have an adverse effect on how people view CDers. I agree that to judge a group by the actions of one is not a good thing . . . merely stressing a point.

Hugs

Isha

[samantha rogers]

Well thought out, Isha, and it brings to mind the old adage that you change the world by first changing the person next to you. As TG we all feel the sting of prejudice. We also rail against society for being close minded and reactionary in regard to us. If we are going to be close minded and judgmental about each other OURSELVES, then how in the world can we even begin to expect the rest of society to behave any better?

[Christen]

We do judge and we shouldn't, maybe that should be, I know I judge and I know I shouldn't. And it is all about the person you are, I so agree with that.

Christen x

[GretchenJ]

Hey Isha,

Your question has two parts to it , ( I think) let me take each point individually..

1.
Unfortunately the answer to your question is both, and is not limited to the tg/cd community, but everywhere.
the are many doors one has to pass through for acceptance, and the first door is physical appearance. Failing at this test will severely limit ones ability of reaching the next hurdle (but not in all cases). The old adage of you don't have a second chance to make a first impression I think is a true one.

Those that are lucky to get pass the first gate, the second gate is how you act, what you say, mannerisms, etc . This should be the true barometer, but alas it is not. It's the reason why pretty but obnoxious brats will have a better chance of going to the prom than a warm giving funny girl with below average looks. It is totally not fair, and I don't abide by it, but as we all know there are many things in life which are

2.
I think the underlying point you are trying to make is, does it matter how we look, and that it may be impossible for many to achieve optimum based upon economic or social conditions. I believe the answer to that question is also yes, but for reasons that are different than you think. My belief, and I REALLY Do not mean to offend anyone, so my apologies in advance, is that since we represent a social group that most people have a hard job understanding doing what and why we do - that it is the utmost importance that we represent ourselves in the best light possible. Those of us that can't afford a human hair wig or hundred dollar forms are not the ones that cause the "damage". It's the 40+ year old wearing the fishnets, micro mini, or midriff in the mall which sets us back.

We also have two completely divergent groups that cause us issues. We have people which are drag queens, which like to push the limits to say "look at me - notice me" , whilst others dress just to blend " look at me - but just keep walking, nothing unusual "

its ts a very fine line we cross, one that is getting less difficult to hoe, but one that I am happy to walk among all of you

Gretch

[LelaK]

Gretch:
we represent a social group that most people have a hard job understanding
Where does this idea come from? It makes no sense to me. How can I represent all CDs? Only all CDs can represent all of us. We don't elect each other to represent all of us. If I represented all of us, I'd be inclined to look and act like the worst CD imaginable, because I would want to destroy the stereotype. CDs would have to stand up and say You don't represent us. Si?

[Eringirl]

What a great question! For me it is hard to explain. I find that when I am presenting as Erin, there is a congruency with my inner and outer self. My thoughts and actions, personality match my appearance and dress. When not Erin, the mismatch between inner and outer result in "confusion" for my psyche. I think this results when I feel a certain calm when I am Erin on the outside, with more focus and confidence? So, I am not sure if this makes sense or if I am articulating this well.

Erin

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Isha, You can put lipstick on a pig and it's still a pig, All be it a cuter pig.

[Beverley Sims]

If you dress to impress you have to have to project the right personality to go with it.

Blending in, show more friendliness and empathy.

I go for the person first and then their dress sense.

[Martha G]

I prefer to dress like the person I am. Friendly, easygoing and not pompous. Also I am 71 years old.

I do look 12 to 15 years younger when dressed,so I do at times like the knee length or slightly above the knee skirts. I do also enjoy wearing longer skirts and ( thanks to Isha) maxi dresses.

I like basic accessories and makeup as well as my red lips. I generally use pumps or lower heeled shoes.

I do want to present myself as an attractive woman but nothing excessive. Just want to be the real me under the makeup and feminine clothing.

This was a good thread Isha.