She didn't know she was sitting beside one of them....

[GenieGirl]

Well this weekend was quite interesting for me. I went over to stay with a friend Friday night as a few of us got together to have some drinks and have a good time. My friend and his girlfriend know that I am transgender and my plans with that. I also told one of their friends who was staying the night who was respectful of it and didn't think it weird or wrong for a second. The next day we went to Waffle House to eat breakfast and to get over the hangovers. On the ride home the girl who was sitting beside me (the girlfriend of the guy I told of my gender status) started a conversation about her work. She began talking about some of the women that go to her work that her and some of her female employees were wondering about. She said they were trying to figure out if they were "transvestites" because they had big breasts and deep voices. About that time her boyfriend squeezes her arm to get her to shut up. She didn't catch on and asked him why he did that for. He had to tell her to shut up. That was pretty much the end of the conversation. It got pretty awkward because she was the ONLY one in the car who didn't know about me.

I wish I would have said something at the time but it got so awkward I did not know what to say so I just let it go. The conversation didn't bother me. I was interested to hear what she had to say although I did appreciate her boyfriend trying to be respectful for my sake. The only thing that really bothered me about what she said was calling these women in question "transvestites" as it seemed that she was referring to transsexuals, that and transvestite just sounds bad imo. I wanted to tell her that she was sitting right beside one and that she could finish with her story because I was interested with where it was going. I didn't want to make her feel bad or think she hurt my feelings or anything because it didn't really. That and I really wasn't much in the mood for talking as it had been a long few days for me mentally on the whole subject and didn't really feel like having another TG go-around.....When we were getting out of the car she said to me, "You are really quite aren't you?"....If she only knew....I'm sure her BF told her the deal after we all parted ways. I wonder what her reaction was if he did?

How do you think I should deal with this as I will more than likely see her in the future again when we all hang out? Should I tell her that I am one and would like to hear the story she was interrupted on? I would like her to know that I wasn't offended but be able to educate her a little on the topic since she seemed a bit uninformed that's all.

Thanks in advance for your suggestions.

Ginger

[stefan37]

I never volunteer that I am trans or in transition. If asked I may have a discussion. I have had discussions about others with strangers without disclosing my status. We have no control over other people's opinions. I belong to a couple organizations I joined after legally changing my name. I have yet to mention to any members I am in transition. Regardless of what they may think.

[Renee Elise]

Hi Ginger, she obviously had no clue and must have assumed you were a gg (I'll admit I could easily make that mistake myself ;). If her boyfriend enlightened her as to your transitioning situation she was most likely shocked. Consider the upside vs downside of trying to educate her as to the particulars and whether or not it would be worth it in the long run. If she's going to be part if your circle of friends or not longer term would be my test. If your close friends all know and are cool with it that's what matters. You handled the situation beautifully :).

[GenieGirl]

Thanks Stephen and Renee. I still live as a guy 80% of the time. I haven't started any transitioning yet and was in guy mode at the time. If I was in girl mode i'm afraid she would have known as I am not completely passable yet.

[ArleneRaquel]

Circa the late 1970's I was watching the Chicago Gay Pride Parade from the curb. I was totally enfemme and an elderly gentlemen started a conversation with me and he was denouncing the parade and the whole idea of such a thing. Little did he know. Itried to be the voice of rason, but he still hayed the concept. Best Wishes Genie !

[Nicole Erin]

She may or may not know but either way it probably makes no difference to her what your gender status is.
I know that because I live and work full time as a woman yet I do not pass that well, however, people just treat me like a normal human.

[GenieGirl]

Thanks Nichole. It's not a question of what she would think. I don't care what she would think as I told her bf after all. While I am sure she wouldnt really care. It was more of a question of how to approach her in hopes of having a chance to maybe educate her a little on the subject.

[Rogina B]

A lot of what Nicole said...The door is wide open if you want it to be..

[kimdl93]

I think your instinct is good. Let her know you weren't offended, just curious. And I wouldn't let terminology bother you either. I personally don't like the term transvestite, probably because it's a bit archaic. But I suppose it is technically as correct as cross dresser, if one is referring to a male wearing women's clothing. If she meant TS! Then, of course,she was way off base, and I would guess she may not be familiar with the term TG either. Great opportunity for outreach and education!

[kiwidownunder]

Hi Ginger
I am with you hate the term Transvestites sounds kind of dirty for some reason
I think you handled the situation perfectly will be interesting to see what happens when you meet again?

Kiwi

[Badtranny]

To all who may be interested, when comparing people like Nicole and Ginger, one of them is living full time and one of them is not.

I know that there may be some confusion because she posted this in the TS forum, but make no mistake, Geniegirl's story is rooted in the context of her living and passing as a man. The antagonist in this story had no idea she was dealing with a transgendered individual because said TG individual was not giving any clues to their orientation.

Please do not assume that posting here has anything to do with an actual transition.

[stefan37]

The op posted in the TS Sub forum, so I assumed she was presenting as female. Living and presenting male, nobody will have any indication one would be TG. In that case you certainly could have pointed out the difference between a cross dresser and somebody that is transitioning.
And if your friend point out later to his girlfriend you are a transvestite (cross dresser is a more politically correct and benign term, but still mean the same). Then it would be her prejudices that would determine whether she accepts you or not.

Had me completely fooled.

[LeaP]

I suggest you do nothing in such circumstances, If your friend isn't close enough to this girlfriend to confide in her, why should you?

If you want to put focus where it belongs, talk to the friends that know. Their nominal discomfort on your behalf is a pretty good indication of their own.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I have been in that situation a couple times from the transitioned side...including the dreaded lets watch some "tranny porn" jokes...hardy har har...I felt like saying something to the effect of I'd rather watch your mother and a goat porn but instead
I made my lack of interest in the stupid comments being made very clear but I sure didn't say I was transsexual.

This will be the very least of your issues, get ready for lots and lots of awkward and/or emotional situations...
don't sweat it.