Name Change Anxiety

[Cheryl123]

I've never felt anxious about starting HRT, or about going to the doctor or therapist, and except for the first few occasions I've never felt anxious about going out in public. But lately I've decided to change my first name (from the dreaded "Charles" to the beautiful "Cheryl") and this has cause some unexpected anxiety. It is relatively easy to change your name in Hawaii. You need to fill out some forms, present your birth certificate and publish the name change in the newspaper.

The anxiety came on today when my birth certificate arrived in the mail. It's not going to prevent me from moving ahead, but I think the anxiety is due to the fact that by changing my name I'm announcing to the whole world that I'm transgender. I wonder if any other girls here have experienced similar feelings.

[Angela Campbell]

Hmmmm when I changed my name i didn't announce that I was transgendered, I announced that i am a woman.

[Stephania]

i think it's because even tho you can turn around at that point, it is a pretty big change. Even tho srs is a big change, it is not seen externally. Name change says this is who I am now.

[Frances]

(from the dreaded "Charles" to the beautiful "Cheryl")

This may be an off-hand comment, but if not, it matters psychologically. There is nothing intrinsincally dreadful or beautiful about either name, or genders.

As for the question, anouncing to the world that you are transitioning is super important. Whether by your words or actions. The whole idea of transition is self-affirmation, and taking irreversible steps.

[stefan37]

Transition by its very nature is a public process. I was very excited to mail the application to the court and publish in the local paper my intention to change it.

[PretzelGirl]

I am excited about going to court for my name change next Thursday. I am also a bit anxious as I have some anxiety over each "milestone" which I attribute to just wanting it badly. But one thing I did notice as I posted on Facebook that I had my date. There was a little sense of loss. And I think that is okay. After all, I have over 53 years of being me, good and bad. You don't toss that in the trash (some probably do). You just move forward to what is better.

[Persephone]

I completely understand, Cheryl. I keep looking at the forms, shuffling them around, everything but walking into the courthouse. I keep reminding myself that it doesn't change who I am, it doesn't even change what I am called in casual conversation, it just makes some paperwork more congruent with reality..

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Nicole Erin]

This may be what will happen if anything like what I had happen -
You will go to court and sit there while drunks try to get their license re-instated, a couple other name changes (due to marriage or divorce) be bored to tears, and finally get called by your male name.
YOu go up to the judge's thingamabob that he sits at, give him a couple documents when he requests, me might say some stuff, might ask a couple questions, he then signs off the legal forms, says, "congratulations, good luck" and tells you where to have the forms notorized (like the next chamber over or whatever).

At that point, you are then Cheryl. Sink or swim. At first it is weird but soon there comes a day when you do not even think about your old name, you are just Cheryl. And life goes on.

EDIT - Look, yes it is normal to have apprehension about the name change. But once it happens, it is the biggest validation experience you will ever have. For me since my name change and living in new role, I made a couple new friends, got laid by some lady I dated, got a job, been treated like a human being etc... NONE of it was as validating as seeing my new name on my DL, SS card, and all that.

You should be EXCITED. :D

[sandra-leigh]

I have been full-time "obvious" in the city I live in for two years, so my transition is no secret. On the other hand the region has on the order of 3/4 of a million people, so few of the people i used to work with have happened to notice.

Changing my name is going to be the trigger for questions from my relatives and old-time friends. I can only think of one relative whom I would bother to talk meaningfully with about the matter. The old-time friends deserve more than that though. But they don't ask my approval for what they do in their life, and I'm not going to ask their approval for what I do with my life.

I have a notable amount of angst about the effect on my mother.

What I do fret about is that the name change is going to be noticed by my professional networks, and the name and gender change is likely to affect my employment prospects, as my professional reputation is largely online.

The name change (or rather the announcement of it) becomes the point at which "it all gets out of control". The people in my city "could have" spread information about me all over the world, but no-one was going to bother. Until my name gets changed and that information becomes public beyond the city, then I have room to retreat or go slow; letting the name change be known is "jumping in".

[Cheryl123]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I see a part of myself in each one of the experiences you describe. And especially thanks to you Nicole Erin for pointing out that this will be the biggest validation experience I will ever have. Know that does make me excited. And Persephone , I keep shuffling my papers too. But the state of Hawaii has thoughtfully given me a deadline. The certification date on my birth certificate must be within the past 90 days. So it will go soon.

[Janelle_C]

Changing my name and gender was the one thing that procrastinated on. It was mostly the name change and in the end I think it had to do with the feeling that if I change it all I was not all those things that I had been before. Things like who I was to my children and who I was with my wife. But what I realized was that I will always be that person inside, and all the love I shared with my wife and children is still there. I wrote a letter to myself and it help me move forward. I am so glad I did it! And I hope you will to.

[Aprilrain]

Don't over think it. In a couple of years or less you won't even think about your old name anymore.

[I Am Paula]

I was really psyched to change name and gender. When I took the thick envelope to the post office to get it all done, I felt a sudden empty moment. In this envelope I was giving the powers that be permission to obliterate forever an identity, that I had used for 55 years, and create a new one. Kinda heavy. Eight weeks later, I opened another envelope, that contained a new me, and all those thoughts vanished. That was last May. Now my old self is just about forgotten.

[Jenessa]

I am excited about going to court for my name change next Thursday. I am also a bit anxious as I have some anxiety over each "milestone" which I attribute to just wanting it badly. But one thing I did notice as I posted on Facebook that I had my date. There was a little sense of loss. And I think that is okay. After all, I have over 53 years of being me, good and bad. You don't toss that in the trash (some probably do). You just move forward to what is better.

I filed last Tuesday (8-5-14) and am just waiting to get on the docket (clerk said usually 2 or 3 weeks to see the judge). I have major butterfly's, but they are excitement and having to wait but no real anxiety. I will go before the judge in a closed court with a few of my friends who have been with me through this whole crazy journey down the rabbit hole.