Does anyone else tire of the fractured lives we lead?

[Jenny Elwood]

It just struck me how fractured our lives as crossdressers are. All of us (well myself anyway) have two sets of photos and the people we show those photos to are rarely interchangeable (unless you're out to the world of course). We flaunt our CD'ed photos here and on Facebook et al to our CD buddies, but we'll never (well me anyway) show our "normal" photos there for fear of being recognized. On the other hand, we definitely don't want anyone in our everyday lives to see proof of our "other lives" so they only get to see "boring" us. Strange that people who are privy to the one, are not deemed acceptable to the other (for obvious reasons).

Sometimes I get tired of the charade and feel like posting in the "Boy vs. Girl mode" thread. But I don't. The other day on my "everyday" Facebook profile somebody (a GG off course) did a before/after makeover post (a girl before/after) and I was extremely tempted to do a "Here's mine" post. Luckily sanity prevailed, otherwise...

[PaulaQ]

Hon, living closeted as so many of us do, you can't live a full and authentic life as yourself. Of course you are tired of having a fragmented life! It is a miserable experience.

It feels phony, because it is.

[Lidea]

It just struck me how fractured our lives as crossdressers are. All of us (well myself anyway) have two sets of photos and the people we show those photos to are rarely interchangeable (unless you're out to the world of course).

The same goes for the SOs of CDs that are not out to the world. It feels like we have two relationships going.... the marriage between L an J, and the 'platonic friendship' between Lidea and Jenny. Me too could have gone without that 'stress', that cover up.

Just as a side note, there is a friendship between L and J as part of our marriage as well...

[CynthiaD]

I don't really feel that my life is fractured. Perhaps I felt that way before I had the courage to go out of the house en femme, but that was a long time ago, and I really don't remember. These days, I look for excuses to go places en femme. I have days where I'd just as soon lay around the house in drab. But instead, I force myself to get dressed up en femme and go out somewhere. I almost never regret doing so.

[Stephanie47]

Being Stephanie has a therapeutic effect me. She has a calming influence. As a man who would never pass on the streets as a woman, being out and about you negate her calming effect. I am content to let her be sequestered. However, there are times I wish she could come out of the closet, but, alas, a DADT marriage does have some restrictions.

[Suzanne F]

I am out as TS to almost everyone but work . It still feels like a fractured life. I have to plan around work as far as appearance. Then there are still times my wife asks me to be Brent. I guess I am trying to share that it takes a lot for our lives to not be fractured. Hang in there girls!
Suzanne

[MsVal]

Oh, there you go Jenny, giving me something else to worry about.

I really hadn't considered the stress of the dual life. I was blissfully unaware of it until now. But since you mentioned it, cripe, that's a big deal. So big a deal that I want to make a general disclosure, deal with whatever collateral damage it causes, and be done with it all.

...but I won't
...not right away anyhow

Best wishes
MsVal

[JessicaJHall]

"Here's mine".. I love it! I 'm too paranoid to even post a picture of Julie on facebook. Probably without cause. Has anyone heard of the facial recognition thing (I'm not sure how well this works or is implemented yet) "finding" their girl selves? I suspect that even if it could find us in makeup that nothing would happen, but I still don't trust facebook.. like I said... paranoid!

[Katey888]

In a word: Yes... :(

Now in more words - before anyone says 'then why don't you tell your wife..' - I wouldn't tell my wife because of what Lidea has expressed so well: I simply don't want to add to her stress, and it would do that, so I have to bear it alone... It's a choice - it may not be the best for me, but it's the best overall solution... :)

Always look on the bright side of life.... ;)

Katey x

[Carolina]

Carolina rarely comes out in the house with my wife (DODT relationship) and kids around. She only comes out one week per year, usually in the summer time when the family is off on holidays. I love those periods with the house all to myself. Sure It is a fractured life but I only feel it after the annual week of Carolina (which is right now). Otherwise life goes on and I count my blessings with my family and a wife who despite the DODT relationship keeps buying me Carolina outfits whenever is my bday or even when we go abroad.

I would not trust FB for any pics of Carolina, just this site for now

[AllieSF]

I don't consider it a fractured life. It is just one with very different complications and inconveniences than one would normally experience. I learned how to deal with my male life issues and I am learning how to deal with this transgender side of me too. If it ever gets to be too much for me, maybe like where you are now, I am confident that I will make a decision or decisions (always modifiable) to move forward. A lot has to do with attitude and the ability to deal with what life surprises us.

[grace7777]

To most people I know, I am in the closet, so it could be considered a fractured life. One solution would be to give up being Grace, and that is something I am not willing to do.

The other solution would be to be out to everyone, and that is something I am not prepared to do yet. In the present, outside of work and when in public I tend to present as a female. My goal is to live more and more of my life as a women, so my life is not as fractured.

[Beverley Sims]

I don't consider my life fractured, I just work around it. :)

[LelaK]

I think we should petition the legislature to pass a law that everyone must be accepting of LGBTs, so we don't have to conceal our identities from anyone, if we don't want to.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Lela, I personally doubt society's acceptance of crossdressing would help with this 'fractured' life you all suffer. From what I witness personally at home and reading here, the very nature of this is a fractured life. I mean, if society suddenly accepting crossdressing, would you live fulltime as your femme self? Or would you live as both? My H would choose the latter as I bet most crossdressers would so what would change? How healthy is it to live as two people?

I don't know why some men split their identities up like this, but really, isn't this what crossdressing is about? If you weren't fractured, you'd blend the two identities together and just be one person. I sadly don't see most here accomplishing this so the issue is an internal conflict - not a social one.

Just what I see, anyway. And Lidea, I agree - we live fractured lives by default, too.

[Adriana Moretti]

Hon, living closeted as so many of us do, you can't live a full and authentic life as yourself. Of course you are tired of having a fragmented life! It is a miserable experience.

It feels phony, because it is.

ouch paula.....but its true..... you get one crack at this life...make the best of it...or you will be six feet under wishing you did things differently


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMaSh20qBbg

[kimdl93]

Well, I don't flaunt...it's not my thing. But I have taken some steps to integrate the elements of my life into a whole. I'm selectively out and coming farther out with the passage of time, both in my personal and professional life.

[RenneB]

I've lived a compartmentalized life for as long as I can remember. First it was 'this' desire to dress and my other life as a kid in a family. Later in life, when I was on my own, I had friends that I worked with, another set of friends that I partied with that couldn't ever find out about the friends I worked with (and vise versa) and then this other life to dress in the comfy clothes....

To protect the way of life that I have, I have to keep the walls up between all of them. If they were to ever legalize what I party with, and change my work situation to just cause, and my family was accepting..... heck, I'd like be living free..... until then, the walls stay up..

Renne.....

[Christen]

I hate the fractured life I lead. Although fractured might not be quite the right word. I'm not a different person whether I'm wearing heels and a skirt or not. But I do wish I didn't have to hide the fact that I like dressing as a female, it does allow something deep to surface and grab some air. I do think that having to have hidden this part of me, forever, has stopped me from being really close to others, including my loved ones. I've always felt as if I'm the only person in the room with a part of me that can't be put on show. I know it's not true, lots of people deal with similar things, psychopaths, etc.:)

Christen x

[Nadine Spirit]

I don't know why some men split their identities up like this, but really, isn't this what crossdressing is about? If you weren't fractured, you'd blend the two identities together and just be one person. I sadly don't see most here accomplishing this so the issue is an internal conflict - not a social one.

Tink - I disagree that this is what cross dressing is about. For some yeah, but not the act in and of itself. I do agree with you though about just being one person.

To the op, YES I did tire of leading a fractured life. It wasn't so much though about being socially fractured, I didn't like feeling that way internally. My first attempt at dealing with it was my one and only purge about 10 - 15 years ago. Well that didn't work! Once I started dressing again I decided to own it. For me that meant working to understand that there is not two of me, just one. One that enjoys dressing in a variety of ways, some of which are gender non-conforming, one of which is cross dressing, but it is all me.

For the last few years I have become very peaceful with the idea of this one me that exists somewhere between the genders. And this self confidence and understanding has allowed me to explain who I am to many of my friends, close or not. Thus leading to an even less fractured life. In fact my life really does not feel fractured at all.

That is not to say that everyone knows everything about me, because everyone doesn't need to know everything!

[mechamoose]

We have those folks who "get it" and those who don't.

We expose our true natures only when we feel safe. We tend to avoid situations which threaten to harm us. That is a perfectly natural response.

- MM

[Renee Elise]

Not at all. Does it have to necessarily be thought of as a charade? I can be myself as a guy, as usual, (and feel a lot better frankly as a guy now) and be Renee with people that get it. Best of both worlds :).