How does bad medical news impact your outlook on CDing?

[Allison Chaynes]

Yesterday I received some bad news about a medical test for an ongoing unsolved issue. Potentially very deadly, as it is heart related. Needless to say, it got me thinking about a lot, like have I lived the way I felt was right, what if X happens, if things go south what is my plan, etc. It's got me questioning where I am as a CD and how should that part of me continue as this situation develops. So I'm curious to hear what others in this boat have experienced?

Also, if anyone here is a cardiologist, and would not mind answering questions for me since my doctor is not returning calls, please PM me.

[CynthiaD]

A few years back I had a severe crisis with blood clots. It was so bad, I literally didn't expect to survive the night. When I got to the ER, the doctors were amazed that I was still alive. I was underdressed when I got to the ER (who cares? I was dying anyway). But other than that, I can't say that it had much effect on my CDing. Except, of course, I now wear pantyhose all day every day. Doctors orders.

[AllieSF]

I think that most of us humans just try to get through life without creating too many waves and hopefully avoiding too many bumps in the road. We want to live as well as possible and experience as much as possible based on our income and interests. Naturally, as we age we also tend to realize certain things and activities have higher priorities than others do. If we are lucky, we also start worrying less about that which we can do nothing about and try to focus on that which we can do something about. Now, throw in a healthy, or is that unhealthy??, dose of real life, medical, family or whatever issues, and our focus only becomes clearer as we start getting glimpses of that unwanted light at the end of life's tunnel. That is what happens for a lot of those non-transgender beings. If you understand that, then following my logical path you start to also see a clearer picture about who we are, what we like and don't like and things like, "Better do it now versus never!". My semi-eye opener was a successful bout with prostate cancer that significantly altered my easy, healthy and uncomplicated prior lifestyle. It was because of that that I started crossdressing from zero knowledge and zero desire. Being older and ready to retire with a recent experience with a potential death causing cancer helped me to easily embrace this side of myself and experiment with it as I desired. I do all this unbeknown to my close friends, neighbors and family. No need nor reason to tell for now. So, a serious medical condition, even when it complicates and hinders our previous life, also can be beneficial in helping us take some bigger leaps forward and make different more liberating decisions than might have otherwise happened if we had stayed with the previous health status quo. So, in summary as a few sometimes over used but not always clearly understood phrases say, "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life", and "You only live once, so LIVE!"

[Tina G]

I just take care of myself, was diagnosed with Diabetes so i take pills and shots daily, plus i have major peripheral neuropathy in my feet and going up my legs. Right now I just deal with the pain and changes but it doesn't affect my dressing except for my ankles which have discoloration and i will wear hose to cover it up.

Tina

[giuseppina]

... Also, if anyone here is a cardiologist, and would not mind answering questions for me since my doctor is not returning calls, please PM me.

I've been lucky enough to avoid any serious health issues other than appendicitis, and that was solved by routine surgery, so I can't answer that part of your question.

I am not a cardiologist or even a medical doctor, but, in general, it is very difficult to give advice without actually seeing the patient. Many doctors refuse.

If you think your life is in danger, I'm sure an urgent care clinic or emergency ward, in order of cost, would give you an assessment. In the meantime, I think it's a safe bet your primary care physician and/or cardiologist instructed you to avoid strenuous physical activity and unnecessary excitement. The home run that Joe Carter (?) hit winning the Blue Jays World Series did it for my father. His heart disease was asymptomatic.

[Allison Chaynes]

I appreciate the insights and experiences. To make it short, I had a rare disease as a kid, it had a high mortality rate and was only discovered a couple years before I was diagnosed. So when the long term effects are studied, I am one of the guinea pigs because there aren't many people older than me at age 35 who survived. A lot of things as far as what to expect are not known, but anecdotally, I've read sbout major heart problems for survivors in their late 20s and 30s. Not fun... But it's making me reflect on all the What ifs? I'm not going to attempt to change who I am, but it is forcing me to further try and understand just who that is.

[Christen]

Interesting. I was diagnosed with a type of blood disorder about three years ago, it's all fine, probably won't come in to play until I'm just about past it anyway. However, it did make me think a fair bit and one of those thoughts was 'Crikey! I need to squeeze in as much CD'ing time as I can before it all goes west!. Strange reaction really.

Christen x

[donnalee]

That one I'm afraid I can't help you with, although I do know that rheumatic fever (probably called something else by now) can damage the heart seriously.
As for the circumstances, that is familiar ground, so if you;d like to talk, PM me.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My health is not that bad. But, I'm 61. When my dad was my age, he didn't know that he would be dead in 11 years. I often wonder if I can / should minimize my crossdressing to maintain my marriage, or if I should go "all in" irrespective of the effects on my marriage.

[Diane Smith]

I have been faced with potentially deadly medical emergencies twice in my life, once just a month ago. In the immediate moments of dealing with them, my gender identity became a non-issue; I presented myself to the emergency room and medical personnel dressed as I was at the time with no thought about concealing anything, and what I wore on my body was of no interest whatsoever to anyone, including myself, during my hospital stays and recovery. If they had told me that shaving my head and dressing in a burlap sack for a month would speed my recovery, I would have gladly done it.

With some perspective, though, these incidents have taught me that life is short and fragile, and that how we present ourselves is (or should be) nobody's business but our own, so the end result has been that I dress more and more openly and have made an effort to savor and enjoy my femme experiences whenever and wherever they come. I'm more relaxed and confident when dressed and in public and that, in turn, has improved my presentation and acceptance. It shouldn't take a near death experience to get to this point, but at least some good did come out of it.

- Diane

[Miss Interpretation]

I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I truly hope everything turns out well for you!

I am relatively young, so I haven't had these feelings as strongly as you, but my father passed away less than a year ago from a sudden heart attack, that very much changed my outlook on life and set me into a depressive spiral that I am only now recovering from. I have since started on a path to my philosophy of and approach to life. A big part (but not all of it) is where I view CDing in my life. As with anything important, the answer is not straightforward and I'm still very much a "work in progress."

I think you have to find out exactly how much of your life you want CDing to be, or whether you would actually like to take it a step further and transition MtF. I think I want more CDing and gender exploration in my life, but I certainly do not want it to be the driving factor in my life. I will need to make trade offs between CDing and, say, my career, relationships, and goals. The truth is, there will always be regrets and "what ifs" looking back, but I have to decide which ones would truly be a shame. CDing would probably be one of them, so I am actively seeking a better balance for myself.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Allison you are facing some terrible news that normally you wouldn't have to deal with until the ails of older age slow us down and make us think about mortality. That would be very difficult for you and very stressful wanting more information. Medical science has progressed remarkably so I hope for you.

I'm at the older end although thankfully not having to deal with serious conditions. The future does spur my attitude toward the present. How long will I be able to do my makeup (and my wife won't help)? Will arthritis and damage from DVTs stop me walking?

As a few others have said, I dress for me now and have few concerns what others might think. Thankfully that hasn't made me chose between marriage or dressing. Do what makes you happy.

[Brandie.n]

I had some life threatening medical troubles (Cancer) when i was younger.I fought it like I was rocky and by the graces of god i beat it but i live in fear of it returning.I started to live my live to the fullest with the attitude i earn the right to do what ever i feel like so i stopped hiding my other side i did lose some friends over it.BuT my real friends and girlfriends accept me and brandi for who i am.Live how ever you want we both know life is to short to worry about others opinions

[noeleena]

Hi.

How im dressed or what im doing should not really make any difference nore to who you are as a person , you put clothes on most mornings dont you if they are womens or mens whats it matter .

and its the same for myself i may wear my female clothes or work clothes overalls and boots who gives a dam , its not the clothes that make you who you are , i can be as rough as as any male and look like a muck hole after my job and my friends still talk to me they dont care ,

They know me for who i am its not about how i look at that moment . gee they,d be bloody shallow if they did and expect me to be all nicely dressed when they come to see me ,

And i have an issue or two that can drop me so quick id be in a wheel chair so i know the risk involved , im not stopping doing what i do id rather drop dead doing ........than on my bum doing nothing,

i look at my life as a whole and i do things accordingly. hey i dress in strange garb yet i still get good comments make others happy and so they to can enjoy a laugh .

Ill not be thinking about what i did not do ill be happy knowing what i did do ,

As the Sargent said carry on soldier , live life ,love life. if you dont youv missed the boat

,...noeleena...

[BLUE ORCHID]

I just take care of myself, was diagnosed with Diabetes so i take pills and shots daily, plus i have major peripheral neuropathy in my feet and going up my legs. Right now I just deal with the pain and changes but it doesn't affect my dressing except for my ankles which have discoloration and i will wear hose to cover it up.

Tina

Hi Tina, I'm just borderline Type 2 and worry about not being able to wear heels anymore because of my foot problems.:daydreaming:

[josrphine]

Hi All, well it is now 7 wks since I had my hip replaced, I saw a sister yesterday an told my self tomorrow i am going to dress. Well this morning, I did, the hardest was putting on my stockings . As i stood up I kind of wobbled but little pain. I was really proud of myself, I now am waiting for my wife to get up she loves me more as a women then a man. Jo

[Andy66]

Im sorry to hear about your condition, Allison. I almost died once not because of a disease, but an accident. Ive also had a few close friends and family members pass away. It made me focus on what is really important in life. For me it is spending quality time with family. Also it made me really curious about etherial things such as spirituality, religion, what happens after we die, etc.

[Eringirl]

Hi Allison: So sorry to learn of your current health condition. I wish a quick and speedy resolution for you! For me, presenting as Erin makes me feel more relaxed and less in a "mental fog" than when I am in drab. So it has a beneficial effect on me in that my blood pressure drops and I relax, etc. My life motto has always been, life is short and you are dead a long time. So I try to live in the present as much as possible. Provided - it does not have an immediate medical impact. So more of a quality than quantity thing for me, but that is just me.

Wishing you well,

Erin

[Donna June]

Allison, Two years ago I had an aortic dissection, had about a 20% chance of surviving. Afterwards I had thought of how the police, ambulance people and the folks at the hospital would've reacted if I had been dressed up. I was in the hospital for almost a month and lying there so long I made a pledge to myself to stop CDing. Life is too short and if I stop maybe things will be easier or less stressful. Needless to say once I started to get my strength back I dressed more and embraced femininity more than ever. Turned out opposite from what I had thought in the hospital. Life is short so do the things you enjoy and make you happy as long as you don't hurt or harm anyone....Hope and pray things work out well for you.

[Bria]

Alison, I'm sorry to hear that you are facing a life threatening situation, I wish you a speedy resolution and I will remember you in my prayers!!

Please keep us informed of your progress.

Hugs, Bria

[Cheryl T]

First of all if you're Dr is not returning calls maybe it's time for a new Dr.

Secondly, I had some heart related issues about 6 years ago and actually it never occurred to me to change my outlook with regards to dressing. I had already come out fully to my wife so that was not an issue. As for as anything else related to it, as I said, it changed nothing.
The heart issue had me rethinking my relationships with other, but that was totally unrelated to my dressing.

[Allison Chaynes]

I really, sincerely am grateful for all of you and knowing girls here care. It means a lot. I have family that know what's going on and haven't even said a word of support.

My doctor called me back this morning. I have another procedure set up for next week, and after that, we'll figure out where to go next. I've been through a lot of near death experiences in my life, but almost all were before I was married and had kids, and thought I was invincible. This is different. There 's still a good chance that the test the other day was wrong, but there is definitely an issue, so I have some hope.

As far as Allison is concerned, I am out to my wife but we agreed on some boundaries. I don't want to cross them but life is short and I don't want to look back and feel like I compromised who I am, which is a bigendered person. My wife is fairly accepting, but it's not easy on her.

I did some retail therapy this morning to help me feel better. It helped :)

[Renee Elise]

Allison,

You will be in my thoughts and prayers - that is very scary. I've been through some tough situations with my own family...my Dad survived two strokes (one massive, one minor) and I consider my time with him blessed. Learned a ton about the heart and vascular conditions and what they can cause.

Hope you get answers soon and that hopefully everything works out OK. I'm no cardiologist...but having been through these things there are a lot of tests to run and information to analyze before they ever really know anything, and even then there are no guarantees.

Xoxo,
Renee

[carhill2mn]

I had a heart attack at age 51 followed by a triple bypass. As I was recovering I decided that I would be a more active crossdresser. This news was not well received by my wife but I did do more "dressing" than I had been doing. Such incidents as this do cause one to stop and evaluate where you are and what do you want to do. The "good news" is that most heart related troubles can be fixed more easily than many other medical issues.

I have had other medical and personal problems over the years but I have survived. I am now 76 years old, living alone and spend about 90% of my time en femme.

I wish you the best!

[devida]

I had heart failure due to viral cardiomyopathy about three years ago. I had been getting sicker for years without knowing it since I was walking five miles a day and lifting weights, eating a healthy diet and meditating. Apparently I was unknowingly getting ready for a fight for my life. When I was finally correctly diagnosed I had a one in five chance of surviving and was eligable for a heart transplant. I was lucky. I survived. My heart actually rebuilt itself with some help from a few drugs. I had no surgical interventions. But I was sicker than I have ever been and, actually, dieing.

The main thing I learned from it is that dieing isn't unnatural or even unfortunate. It just is. It isn't necessary to be adverserial to the process and will power doesn't help. For me the whole idea of fighting disease was quite wrong. I survived because I taught myself to be in the moment instead of in my fear of the future. I just was. When I started to recover and life slowly started to fill me again I decided that I was no longer going to be fearful of anything any more. I certainly was not going to be fearful of expressing who I was. I mean I never actually cared that much what other people thought about my non conformity but now I think that kindness, gratitude, happiness and love are the only important things in life. Judgementalism, self deprecation, fear of censure by others, fear, in fact, of anything in the future are absolutely useless. I do not remember this all the time but I try to remember I looked through the gates of death and found nothing on the other side, so I really really need to live my life with freedom and grace.

I wish you good health and recovery Alison. I hope that what happened for me will happen for you. I do feel that accepting my likely death was the only way I could handle my terminal diagnosis. It allowed me equanimity and meant that I was not stressing my body with my mind when my body needed all its strength and ability to recover. I was at peace as my body battled for life, and, one day, I started to recover. I am not quite back to where I was before I got sick, but I am close, and I am certainly a happier, more compassionate and more aware person than I have ever been in my life.

Please do pm me if you need or if you want to discuss your illness. I do know a lot about the heart. While I was dieing I spent a lot of time studying what was the matter with me, what my prognosis was, and what I might need to do to recover, though the last was the easiest to find out, even though in the beginning I thought it would be the most difficult. I am not a doctor but any information I have discovered I would be happy to share.