Dropping hints

[timbertv]

Just wondering if any of you have told you SO about your dressing by dropping hints.

I've told my wife that I dance around in her bra and panties when she is out of town but she never seems to take it seriously.

[Teresa]

Show her a pic !!

[Ashley Wray]

Maybe you could do a scenario in the third person say someone at work and mention that he told you he crossdresses and wants to tell his wife but isn't sure and see what your wife says to feel it out maybe.

Just a thought

[DeeArel]

If you are going to continue to drop hints, she would be more likely to take you seriously if you said you danced around in your bra and panties.

[Ressie]

First, you have to ascertain whether it's good idea for her to know or not IMHO. Read jenniferathome's blurb on 'how to tell your wife". She probably thinks you're joking at this point, but if you keep dropping hints it could turn out bad.


How long have you been married? Is she accepting of alternative lifestyles? Do you want her to know or not?

[Marcelle]

Hi there . . . to tell or not to tell. That is really up to you sweetie as many here have had their reasons to come clean (myself included) and other prefer to remain closeted from their SOs (their choice). If you truly want to let your SO know then dropping hints is probably not the way to go IMHO. It is best to sit her down and just have the talk, be open and honest and let the chips fall where they may. However, you need to be sure this is what you want to do as once that bell is rung it cannot be silenced. It will go only one of two ways (1) Acceptance as some level ; or (2) your walking papers. So think carefully before making that decision and don't get caught up in doing what everyone else tells you that you should do . . . this is a very personal choice.

Hugs

Isha

[Walkintallnheels]

I've been dropping hints for years and its achieved me some nice heels and hosiery but no dress or wigs yet. I think most women automatically don't want to face their hubby competing with them or at least that's what it seems like in my situation.

[timbertv]

You ladies have brought up some excellent points. I think my wife might be accepting but I'm not sure to what degree. As far as being acceptive of alternative life styles she has several gay relatives and is accepting and supportive of them.

[NicoleScott]

Sort of, but not exactly.
I purged before marriage, thinking she's all the excitement I needed. (Note: HA!)
My wife and I were sitting up in bed. I was watching TV and she was reading a magazine article that had some aspect of crossdressing. She told me about it, and I replied rather hum-drum, no big deal, no harm done, very common, etc. She asked if I ever did it (yes), did I like it (yes) would I ever want to do it again (yes), and we began a long discussion. I carefully considered her reactions to my opening up, but all the signals were good, so I told her my CDing history, what drove me to crossdress, etc. and answered the two big questions: gay? (no) want to be a woman? (no). The evening ended with her total approval: "SO DO IT!"
In the next few days I began to (once again) buy what I needed (everything!).
Not exactly dropping hints, more like treading carefully.

[reb.femme]

No, didn't drop hints....she just caught me, in her nightie doing the washing up :heehee:

Rebecca

[Brianna_H]

My lady is super smart, but not very observant. My legs were shaved for a week and I started parting my hair on the right and she didn't notice anything different.

Dropping hints seems like a weak plan. there's been some great advice here. Sounds like you would be better off, assessing her receptiveness and going forward. If she has gay friends, maybe she will be more understanding. I think at some point you have to bite the bullet or not.

However, the longer you go on hiding who you truly are, the worse it will be when she finds out. I think the best decision I made recently was to talk to my wife right away and include her in this part of my life. I know not everyone can do this and I feel for people who have to stay in the closet.

Bottom line, don't be deceptive or secretive if you don't absolutely have to for your own safety. Goood luck! Hugs!

[Eryn]

Hmm, you're saying that you're "dancing around in her bra and panties" and she is not taking it seriously.

The question is, are you?

To put it another way, when I'm supposed to be working and my wife inquires what I've been up to I might tell her that I spent the time "drinking wine and eating bon-bons," implying that I was doing things that are not really acceptable. She knows I'm joking. Now, what would happen if she discovered that I was actually doing what I said? Even though I was honest, the way that I said it was deceptive and that isn't right.

Being TG is a serious thing. As a defense mechanism we sometimes make light of it, but I can guarantee that it isn't something that your wife will take lightly, particularly if she discovers that you've been "hiding in plain sight" by joking about your activities. She might interpret that as you mocking her.

If this is important enough to you to continue then she really deserves a serious one-on-one discussion.

Oh, and get your own bra and panties. These garments are considered very personal and people react badly when they realize that their private things have been violated.

[Nadine Spirit]

Great response Eryn. I agree entirely!

[CynthiaD]

I don't think dropping hints is a good idea. Joking about something serious is a common defense mechanism. You're telling yourself that if the whole thing goes bad, you can pretend you were just kidding. But it's not a joke. It's something you're very serious about, and sooner or later, the truth will come out.

I never joke about CDing to any of my family members. I don't ever want them to get the idea that I'm clowning around, or doing this just to be silly. I'm serious about this, and I want it taken seriously.

Hope this helps.

[Amanda L.]

I think this post and Theresa's post on do they know how bad we feel are two must read posts of recent weeks. So much commentary gets written about this topic from people who have a great wealth and wisdom of experience to share. I for one feel that the fork in the road may be closer than I wish to admit and find the opinions expressed here, in the main, to be of great value. This thing we do is not a joke and shouldn't be treated as such. That doesn't mean we can't laugh at our selves but when we are inviting significant others to share with us the humor of what may be taken light heatedly can change. There is a fine line between love and hate as we all know.
So tact and planning and as with other cases (eg Amy Farkley....hope you don't mind being cited here) time and patience seem to be the key. Oh and above all else, total honesty. I can't tick all these boxes at the moment so my hypochrisy will betray me here but when the fork is reached we either tread the same path (thanks Isha) or choose new ones.
I have already had the thought of ending my marriage to spare my wife the truth and the agony, cowards way out I guess. But she has invested so much in me over the years and I do love her, even though I might not admit it.
Think hard about the course of action
Amanda

[Carmen]

My SO is not agreeable to my dressing...so she drops jabs whenever the opportunity arises such as a program or movie on the tube that refers to anything LGBT.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Timber, See my bottom Signature line, Be Careful.

[Tracii G]

Go buy your own bra and panties I'm sure she wouldn't want you wearing hers.Kind of disgusting to most women.

[Krisi]

The OP didn't say anything about being "TG", it was about crossdressing.

No two people are the same and no two relationships are the same. For the OP, my suggestion is, next time you tell her about dancing around in her bra and panties, ask her if she wants to see you do it. Your next move depends on her response.

And yes, some people would object to sharing underwear but remember, most of us have a washing machine.

[Dannigirl]

I tried the hint game for a long time, it didn't work. Until one night I just kept hinting, or I guess, just kept saying things. It was near Christmas and we were looking at some sort of clothing website and I would say, that's nice, you would look hot in that. Then she would say NO you would look hot in that, so I finally just said, YES, I would look hot in that and we should buy that for both of us. That started the ball rolling, next thing I know I have my entire stash out on the floor showing her and the rest is history. She isn't history, we are still together and no issues at all - which of course I know exactly how lucky I am.

[Dianne S]

I didn't hint... I just flat-out told. In my opinion, if you want your wife to know, you should tell her. If you don't want her to know, then you shouldn't drop hints. Ambiguous communication is hardly ever good for a relationship; I think clarity is best.

[Jenniferathome]

Droppig hints is not going to work. Your wife is not thinking "cross dressing." It's not part of her lexicon nor experience. Your hint dropping will be misconstrued as jokes or affairs, or other possibilities. Don't expect her to guess you are a cross dresser. Sit down with her when things are calm and start, "Sweetheart, I have something to tell you that may shock you a bit...."

[Shelly Preston]

I have not heard of anyone saying that hints really work. If your going to tell her you need to sit down with time to expalin and answer questions.

Read the link in my signature, it should help.

[Beverley Sims]

Hints can backfire on you quite awkwardly.
I avoid hints most times.

[timbertv]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm sorry if it sounded like I dropped these hints all the time or on a regular basis. I've been with my wife for four years and have only done this 2 times, once when we were dating and once a few months after we were married.

After thinking about it all weekend, I don't think I am ready for the potential fall out from telling my wife about desire to cross dress.

[MsVal]

If you're ready to disclose your crossdressing to your wife, and you haven't already scoured this forum for tips and techniques, I suggest that you postpone the disclosure while you do your research. There are ways to do this that are better for one circumstance than another, and you are the best one to choose the best approach.

I am a proponent of a full, honest, and open disclosure.

Best wishes
MsVal