Bad news

[shawna0289]

My gf texted me while I was at work the other and was all upset bc she was having a hard time grasping the fact that I cd. I love her soo much, I am confused on what to do!

[VS Fan]

Sorry :(... All you can do is let her know that you'd like to talk through it with her if she's willing. Answer all her questions / address all her fears.
-VS Fan

[hope springs]

Maybe direct her here. Theres alot of questions asked and answered and perhaps she will gain some insight from a visit. Also keep her talking, eventually you will get down to the core issue. Which is usually the GG wants to be the woman, and therefore are none too happy about our dressing

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shawna, Do what you can to keep lines of communication open on this.

[Jenniferathome]

Talking is the answer but make sure that YOU are actually listening. Let her set boundaries that allow her to be comfortable and you must respect them. Cross dressing is weird, you can't expect her to just "get it."

[Marcelle]

Hi Shawna,

As others have said "talk". It is the only way forward at this point. I don't know much about how/when you came out to your GF but she may be getting a bit confused and wanting to know where it is all going and how it will affect her. Be honest with her, answer her questions and most importantly, listen to what she is asking.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Do nothing but listen and answer briefly. She will have to work this out on her own schedule and in her own way.

[Jaylyn]

I say love will win the decision. You love her but do you love her enough to make a few confessions about when or why you dress. She might accept it and allow it to only a limited degree or she may not accept it at all then you have some decisions to make. One being just how much do you love the dressing, or do you love her more to put it on hold for a while. You do have one good thing going for you you told her up front. Just look at her and say we need to discuss this. Talk talk talk. Pour out your feelings and listen to hers also work it out.

[CynthiaD]

Let her know that you're the same person no matter how you're dressed. It's just clothes. It's completely harmless.

And most importantly, it doesn't change how you feel about her.

[MsVal]

Take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and relax. You've done the right thing by disclosing. Now you need to open up, really open up, and have those frank, candid, heartfelt talks.

You've been on the forum for a while so you already know that there is the chance that she may not accept that you are a crossdresser. She may not even understand what is going on. But you've begun the process.

You also know that there is a lot of advice here. There are tales of disclosures gone well and those gone poorly. I recommend that you take some time to look through them and find a strategy that seems to fit your situation.

I'm sure you'll be okay.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Tina B.]

Sorry your girl friend is having so much trouble with it. Not much you can do about what another person thinks, all you can do is answer questions, explain as much as you can, and hope for the best.
But while there is not much you can do, she has to decide just what is and isn't important to her, there is much you shouldn't do. Don't make any promises you can't keep, (as I'll never do it again)
be as honest with her as possible, (meaning, don't say things your not sure about, things like this is as far as it goes, because in reality you don't know, it can become progressive. Don't start sneaking around, in the end, it makes things worse.
Sorry, but at this point, the ball is in her court, she will decide if you are worth keeping or not, and all you can really do is take it all in stride. But at least you now have the chance to get an understanding, before the relationship goes any farther, which can prevent much heart ache latter.

[Beverley Sims]

Show a caring and loving nature to your girlfriend and try to work through it.
Even suspend dressing for a time and see how the situation evolves.
It does need give and take.
If you are in a long lasting relationship, some sacrifices have to be made.

[Katey888]

Shawna - you just have to keep talking and hope that she can see this part of you is just part of the whole you... :hugs:

If she's thinking about things on her own and struggling, at least she is still telling you this.... Treat this as a positive and a reason to take her out, wine and dine her, and ask her how you can help her...

It may help - but you also have to accept that it may not...

Good luck!

Katey x

[MelanieAnne]

First of all, she should have discussed it with you, calmly in person, not in a text while you were at work. She sounds kind of immature, just for starters. This isn't going to end well. If you have to talk her into accepting it, it will always be there, like a festering sore, and will be brought up every time you have an argument. Sorry to sound a little harsh, but I call them as I see them.

[Eryn]

Conversation is the only fix for this problem. The first thing you should explain is that you love her and want to help her be comfortable with all facets of you, including the CDer. Then listen and answer her questions honestly. Don't make promises you cannot keep and remember that "I don't know" is a valid answer.

Directing her here is a possibility, but caution her that there are a wide range of TG people and what one of us thinks or does should not reflect upon you. She can get a lot of help in Loved Ones and in FAB if she would rather talk it over privately with other GGs.

[docrobbysherry]

U may not like my advice. But, it's the easiest and will probably work the best for u in the LONG RUN!

Don't do anything. Don't say anything unless she asks. Then, answer honestly. And, Eryn's advice above is excellent!

I believe u r too young to form a SUCCESSFUL permanent relationship. Because u still have so much to learn about who u r and where you're going.

But, how u handle sticky issues with THIS gf, will help u when u meet the RITE girl 8+ years down the road. Be honest with this one. And, even more important? Be honest with yourself. That can often be more difficult!

[Rogina B]

I totally agree! Stay loose and grow from being so!