Is my attitude to CD unusual?

[AnnieBL]

I finally recognized my lifelong need to be my inner woman, but my rigid repression of anything that might possibly considered feminine was such that I never had the urge to cross dress, and even now that Annie is beginning to become a physical as well as a mental reality, that urge is still lacking. Now that my wife and friend of very many years is fully on board with me and says that Annie needs her freedom, we both recognize that the physical Annie needs appropriate clothes. We have been working together to provide these, but when I finally dressed more than very partially for the very first time last week, I didn't feel that it was the clothes that did. anything for me, but the physical reality of being Annie. All my TG friends and acquaintances without exception seem to have the cross dressing urge, so I feel rather the odd woman out. Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way?

[Teresa]

Not at all Annie, we're not forced to do it apart from what some of us have driving us inside ! You wear what you feel comfortable with, just underwear or some lipstick or shoes, as long as people round you are OK with it don't worry !!

[josrphine]

Hi Annie, In ck out your profile i see that you are 74, I am 73 at our age being female is for me that my wife want's a girl friend. I am not saying that I have done it for her , just it has given me a whole new area to dress an feel female. She has helped me with my make up and worked with me to look female. Here in Florida I just about can go anywhere I want as a women. Again at your age an I am assuming that your wife is about the same age. Women I feel at this age, sex is not all that it was a little while back. My wife love's to go shopping together as we are the same size in cloths an shoes . Here in Florida I notice that in going out anywhere most of the couples are both female. This is just something that I see is a bad marriage , a death, or many of the things that can happen with old age. Men like us C D 's have a better chance of finding a women here that loves both sides there are no kids ,yes grand children , but we can live as a women and most people don't really care. Hope this helps a little. JO

[mariehart]

I suppose many of us who are TG might agree, it's not the clothes that make the woman. It's what's inside. I'm still Marie when I dress as a man. I now believe that when I'm dressed as a man, I tend to act like one or at least try to. In my mind I'm only crossdressed when I dress as a man. It's as if you dress as a policeman or a soldier you will tend to act like one. It's a costume. Mens clothes are a costume to me.

I just spent most of this weekend as myself, solely wearing female clothes or a mix of the two when unavoidable. The difference this made to my state of mind is hard to exaggerate. I feel a sort of tranquillity and ease with myself when dressed like this. They don't even have to be overtly feminine clothes. I'm sitting here wearing jogging pants and top. I can walk around outside without anyone being aware that everything I'm wearing is for women.

If you really want to let go your male side then I think you have to dress appropriately. It doesn't have to be frills and flowers. You can dress like I am now.

Recently I was sitting there dressed as a man. I considered putting on female clothes but then I thought I don't really feel like it. The hassle of it. But I said to myself 'Isn't this exactly when you should do it? When you don't feel like it. If you lived as a woman you wouldn't even think twice about it.' So I did and immediately felt better.

Annie is you whether you dress in male or female clothes. But you know deep down you can't be fully free from your old self until the external image matches the internal. Clothes help in that regard.

[Kate Simmons]

We are who we are. How we choose to express that is pretty much up to us. :)

[Beverley Sims]

It is a new experience for you, you have plenty of support out there to get you used to the situation.

[kimdl93]

I'm not quite sure what you're driving at. Do some people dress simply for the clothes...some at least think so. But there is for many of us an underlying need to be, not just dress as, a woman.

[AnnieBL]

Thank you Teresa. A down side of having never dressed is that Annie now has a great deal to learn in a hurry, but any pressure to dress comes presently mainly from my wife, because my male side for now is still to a degree alive and kicking; when I'm dressed she then knows that she is dealing with my female side. Certainly Annie doesn't need me to be fully dressed. We are both a bit mixed up at the moment but hopefully things will sort themselves out a bit as Annie comes to full life instead of just testing her wings.

Annie


Yes JO, I am 74 and my wife is 76, but we both have difficulty 'thinking old' and we have both been told that we look 10 years younger than our real age. By way of example, my wife is currently well on her way to obtaining her scuba diving certificate. While she claims to be a passive lover she is still in fact very reactive. We like doing things together and Annie will too, but we reckon that we'll probably have to move before I can go full time. Sadly we think that our present 200 year old house and large high maintenance yard that we and the family love may soon become too much for us. While I love shopping, my wife does not (except on line!). We'll just have to work it all out as we travel down this crazy road together!

Annie

[CynthiaD]

From what I've read, your attitude is typical of a lot of transsexuals. The focus seems to be on body issues rather than clothing.

[Eryn]

The first few times I dressed I couldn't shake the shame and self-loathing that I had built up over decades of denying my true nature. I took the clothes off feeling as if I had done something wrong. It took time, experience, and the help of my loving spouse to finally get comfortable with myself. You can even see the change in my forum pictures over the years. It isn't so much the clothes that I craved, but the experience of interacting with the world as a female.

[docrobbysherry]

It took me over 10 years to figure out I'm not trans, simply a CD, Annie.

But, I got a kick out of your comment that u and your SO look 10 years younger than u r. Many serious dressers would not be satisfied with that differential.

For instance, I'm 71. This is me in Vegas a few months back.

[Katey888]

Annie,

We have plenty of members here who express how they feel and what type of person they are, by dressing some way other than a full femme presentation - we're still searching for the 'why' we do this, and while that is surely going to be subtly different for everyone, the same will be true of how we choose to express that. I don't think your attitude is unique and I really believe you should not be thinking you're unusual... :D

There is always a tendency for groups to exert pressure - I suspect that's what your feeling from others that you know - we also see it here on the forum... it's the nature of people and groups, I'm afraid. You should try to have some confidence in just doing what you feel is right as an individual, not necessarily conforming to what you believe are others expectations. In the same way as some GGs can be entirely feminine in very mundane clothes, they still express themselves - you just have keep experimenting until you find what's right for you... And have fun while you're doing it! :cheer:

Katey x

[mariehart]

The first few times I dressed I couldn't shake the shame and self-loathing that I had built up over decades of denying my true nature. I took the clothes off feeling as if I had done something wrong. It took time, experience, and the help of my loving spouse to finally get comfortable with myself. You can even see the change in my forum pictures over the years. It isn't so much the clothes that I craved, but the experience of interacting with the world as a female.I complete relate to this and the line I've highlighted says it all for me. I experienced it for a time when I came out to some female friends and after that I was simply another woman to them. Yet I was never dressed in women's clothes in front of them. So you really don't have to wear the clothes all the time. On the other hand if you want to relate to the rest of the world as a woman then it's a must I'm afraid.

[AnnieBL]

Kimdl93 - I think that you previously queried something similar in a post of mine on another board. On reflection, you were right to do so. As I see it, dressing is a transgender persons expression of their transgendered personality, and although I had never dressed until a very few days ago, when I did exactly the same applied to me, and there was no difference in the kind of expression. My real question should be how did my inner women get so deeply repressed that the repression only started to crack a few years ago, and is only now finally crumbling. I have an idea, but that is another story.

Kate Simmons - As I say above, I think maybe I asked the wrong question.

Mariehart - While what you say in your posts expresses something very similar to my own feelings, I see now that I was wrong to fancy that my feelings upon dressing were any different in principle from those of other TGs.

Beverley Sims - A new experience, but I now see, not an unusual one.

Cynthia D - Well, transsexual is I suppose what I am, and I can see now that my reaction to dressing is not unusual.

Eryn - I'm fortunate that I was more ashamed of mistaken interpretations of what troubled me, my urge to dress being so deeply repressed that I never did it, and now that I finally have done, it delights rather than bothers me to be my 'inner woman'.

Dorothysherry - Well, my dressed self does look even a bit younger still, even though I'm aiming for an understated 'granny' look. It does seem, as you demonstrate, that dressing gives one the opportunity to drop a few years.

Katy888 - Yes, you are of course right - my question should have been a very different one - 'How was any urge to dress so deeply repressed?'

Annie











































Annie

[Ressie]

From your post it took me a while to realize that you're really a transexual. I'm guessing it was fear that kept you from coming out for so long?

[AnnieBL]

Bessie - It certainly wasn't concious fear because it was so deeply repressed, And once the repression cracked I was quite anxious to get things out into the open,at least with my wife. I have a theory as to the real reason, which I'll put in as new more appropriately titled thread. Annie