To the grave and beyond??

[Tinkerbell-GG]

This question is for those with kids, and in particular adult kids. (But anyone is free to add their opinion:) )

Have you managed to keep your crossdressing a secret from your children?
If they found out, how? (Did you tell them or did they discover it?)
If not and you plan on keeping things this way, do you have a plan for the dreaded worst case scenario where you and your wife both perish at the same time in some terrible plane accident where you fly into a mountain? (Okay, this one might be a personal fear so it doesn't need to be so specific, lol)

I only ask because my H and I both agree there's no purpose to our kids knowing of his dressing as it's very private (sexually motivated) and not a big enough part of his life to mention it. But then, what about the clothing and forms and wigs? What would they think if we both died and they found these? Should we write a note and include it with his stash saying something like 'Daddy was kinky...we both loved you all very much.'?!?

Crossdressing sure brings some curious questions to life, doesn't it? :)

[Andy66]

Not really. Ive always dressed this way. My kids look at me weird on the rare occasions when I dress like my genetic sex. Why do your husbands clothes need to be a huge issue anyway?

[DeeArel]

Ii do not worry about when I perish as I will not be around.

[Donnagirl]

Although I do wear women's jeans, underwear and heels around my kids (15, 13 and 10) they are yet to see me fully dressed... We, my SO and I, are planning on changing this soon as we would prefer they know on our terms and not by accident.

I don't think they will be to phased by it...

[Danitgirl1]

So, no my kids do not know and I do not think they need to know. Some things are private and should remain that way. If they do find out, well we will have to deal with it in a mature and responsible way...
As to the (unlikely) event of us both dying before the stash can be disposed of... Well we all have some skeletons in our closets. I recall my mother being a little amused because she discovered a rather well used copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover in her mother's stuff after she died. It 'naturally' fell open to the good bits and was not in pristine condition. None of us have ANY recollection of seeing her read ANY books and there were no other books in her possession. I don't think she even read magazines or newspapers. Do I think less of her? Nope... My Uncle died a few years ago and my aunt was obviously shocked by some of the things she found. She kept on saying that he was a very private man and she didn't know a lot about him even after nearly 60 years together! What shocked her? No idea! Maybe he was a crossdresser and she found his stash... Who knows? Who cares. If I die and my kids find out this about me do I care? Not really... I am dead. They will either go 'well duh. of course that makes sense now', OR they will be surprised and say 'wow dad was a lot more interesting than we knew but we understand why he wanted this kept private'... In any event it doesn't really matter... I may prefer to keep some things private but I dont do anything I am not prepared to deal with in person and once I am dead, well, I am dead... I believe all the other stuff I have (hopefully) given my children (unconditional love, a sense of self worth and self respect, education etc) will offset this oddity in their eyes...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I've thought the 'well, I'm dead so who cares' option, too, and then the other week I watched a show where adult kids delved into their parents lives AFTER death and were traumatised. Part of me thinks they're idiots for doing that as everyone has a skeleton or two in the closet and it's no ones business how someone lived their life. But it was the trauma these people experienced upon learning Dad was gay or having affairs or whatever and how they couldn't find any closure due to dad being dead.

My H and I really don't want to tell our kids, so keeping it covert seems the only option. That said, the kids are young and maybe as adults I'll realise they can know Dad has an 'odd' side and not care? I'm still leaning on not telling.

Still, that plane versus mountain will always scare me. I might invest in a mobile home, lol!!

[mykell]

hi tink, get us thinking again huh,
personally i like a note, maybe even update it after they grow older or reveal to him/them, was the reason the mrs. now knows, didnt want her finding a box of my "stuff" after i passed and assuming whatever, dating, hanging out at rest stops, im here to answer the questions, then not so much.....
may type one up myself.....

[Danitgirl1]

I hear you Tinkerbell-GG... Yes it could be shocking if the image they have of you is ENTIRELY at odds with who you are. So if you are homophobic, devoutly and conservatively religious attending a church that rails against anything out of the ordinairy, oppose gay marriage and beat your son for playing dolls... And then they discover you are a bisexual, fetishistic crossdresser having affairs that you kept from your wife etc... Well their world WILL be rocked and they WILL be traumatised (no matter the age)...
If however you keep your crossdressing relatively private, but tell the people that need to know (in my case my wonderful, supportive, accepting and dare I say it beautiful and sexy) wife. And as long as you are consistent in your behaviours, for example, challenge bigotry and discrimination, are NOT in fact dishonest (ie dont have affairs: with men, women or whatever) and the moral/ethical code and values that you have taught them is consistent with the way in which you have lived your life, well then I think they should be ok. Sure it will be an initial shock: who wouldnt be shocked to see how hot their dad looks in a dress and heels!) , but then they will realise how what you taught and how you lived were the same thing. They should then be ok.
Of course if your life is out of integrity because you have a facade TOTALLY at odds with the 'real' you, then address THAT while you are still alive...
Juts my 2 cents

[natalie edwards]

So the bigger question might be suppose we and our wives have this plan where she will get rid of the evidence, what happens if she dies first? Are we magically" cured" with no further desire to dress?
Or what if she is one of the rare ones who enjoyed the girlfriend and kept a few pics or other souvenirs?

[noeleena]

Hi,

There,s 18 members in our family through Jos and I, and they all know they will bury a woman and some may ? why , why was i born different , why was i not a male as they thought i was , perceived i should have been ,

my record,s will say....... noeleena edwina, and allso known as ( noel ), Loch-head,

born 11 Aug 1947, died aug ,2034. age 87. close enough,

...noeleena...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Or what if she is one of the rare ones who enjoyed the girlfriend and kept a few pics or other souvenirs?

I don't like to see my H dressed (messes with my head too much) but I dare say I'd be looking fondly at his CD photos if he were dead! :( I'm just not sure of our kids, though, and you've given me something else to ponder as right now I would be the 'stash' destroyer should he meet an untimely demise. If I meet an untimely demise I dare say our kids would find out because he's utter rubbish at keeping this covert without me around! My H is a bachelor at heart, I think, and if left to his own devices he'll just resort back to the basics and doing whatever works. The kids would always come first and I would never doubt that..but he's such a guy about details and would leave a trail of crossdressing destruction in his wake without realising! So raising open minded kids is a given in our house as I do worry about this..but I also want this anyway. Some of my best friends are bi and gay and my youngest already doesn't bat an eye at both.

Still, crossdressing for sexual reasons is one of those things that makes me feel a little 'squicky' if they found out. I just don't see the necessity. I feel like we need one of those Mission Impossible devices where things blow up if needed...we both die and the stash turns to dust.

Anyone an inventor here?? :)

[Laura912]

Tink, keep everything in a large container with acid sealed in a bottle. Have a button that must be pushed every thirty days or the whole lot will congeal into an unrecognizable lump, a.k.a. Lost.

We told our oldest son, age 44, because he was once found with pantyhose as a child and there are some faint indicators grandson may have interests. Other son, age 42, does not know.

[Erica Marie]

Im in the "kids dont know category"

To a point I feel I should tell them. But Im not really sure how to. I feel it would be worse for them to find out by accident than me just telling them. Even though they are both almost adults, daughter 21 and son almost 18, I have been their dad their whole life, just not sure if they would understand. My son might take it as being kinda strange and not sure how he would accept it, my daughter on the other hand is fairly open minded and is also a 4th year psychology major, so that would pretty much put her schooling to the test. But for now the secret will go to the grave with me and hopefully all my stuff will too.

[Jenny Elwood]

Hi Tinkerbell

My kids are still too young to absorb this (10, 9, 7, 5 & 19 months). We will try our utmost to keep it from them for the foreseeable future. Once they've grown (20+) we will reassess, but hopefully my wife will have gotten her way by then and I will be a (happy) crossdresser-no-more, and we won't have to. With regards to them scratching should we pass away concurrently, I don't have to fear that. The people at work may get a shock though when they clean out my office since my stash is kept there. On the bright side: being fired after you die is not as bad as having traumatized kids!

[stephNE]

I have three children, they are grown (youngest is 20), and they don't know about my dressing.
I have thought about this often, and one day plan to make the big purge. Right now I am hoping to go first and my wife will take care of getting rid of all the accouterments.
I sure do wish that I knew when I'll be leaving, so I could take care of this and have everything in order.

[CynthiaD]

My kids have all seen me dressed. When I go, I think the only issue will be who gets Dad's nail polish collection and who gets Dad's shoes.

[Katey888]

I'm in the "nobody knows other than you lot" category.. ;)

Tinks - I think a note is a bloody good idea! It doesn't need to explain much, just enough to satisfy the basic questions they may have about why... in fact, I think I will do one for my family, which may also serve as a coming out precis for my dear wife at some stage... probably best to be prepared... And it could probably be useful for covering other skeletons too... you know the sort of the thing: " ...and I always meant to tell you about your two half-brothers in France and half-sister in Singapore, and the outstanding arrest warrant for embezzlement in Australia..." :eek: What tangled webs we weave...

But as for this:

I've thought the 'well, I'm dead so who cares' option, too, and then the other week I watched a show where adult kids delved into their parents lives AFTER death and were traumatised. Part of me thinks they're idiots for doing that as everyone has a skeleton or two in the closet and it's no ones business how someone lived their life. But it was the trauma these people experienced upon learning Dad was gay or having affairs or whatever and how they couldn't find any closure due to dad being dead.
Now we have to be responsible for our offspring's feelings after we're pushing up the daisies...? :wtf: Yes they are idiots and if they end up traumatised by it they have no one to blame but themselves... sorry, no sympathy here on that one. Let sleeping skeletons lie... :hmph:

The letter is a top notch idea. :cheer:

Katey x

[kimdl93]

My kids learned in a rather unfortunate manner. During the first anger filled months of separation before our divorce, first wife made a point of telling my sons, along with my family, friends, co workers, and who knows who else. So, there's nothing to worry about, other than flying into a mountainside, a mid air collision, being shot down by surface to air missiles, or my personal phobia...the wings falling off the airplane.

[Allison Chaynes]

I am in the not telling them category. A thought, Tinkerbell- do you have any friends who know and could come in and "de -CD" the place if both of you were lost? Maybe it's one of your husband's CD friends, if (s)he has any?

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I have two son's 28 and 25 and I hope I can go to my grave and beyond without
them learning of Giselle.
I only came out to my wife(of then 27 yrs) a little over 3 years ago and observing
the initial damage it did to our relationship I would never again want to put anyone
I love through that again.
Thankfully my wife has tolerated my dressing and even comes to functions with
me but our relationship although still good is not the same as before

[LelaK]

If you leave CD photos of yourself behind, then a note would be appropriate. Also, in the note, tell them to read all your juicy stuff on this website. Tell them your username.

If you don't have CD photos of yourself, you don't need a note. Just label your stash of clothes etc as Rags, or Collectors' Items, or Stuff for Goodwill.


Actually, I think it's better to tell the kids your secret, in order to help get rid of the ridiculous taboo against men crossdressing. There's no taboo against women doing it. Why should there be one against "men" doing so? In the 60s and 70s there was even the taboo against men having long hair. That proves that society can change, since long hair became acceptable, at least in the west. Isn't it better to change society, than to keep secrets?

[MsVal]

My children are all grown, in the over 30 to under 50 year range. They do not know, and my wife would like it to stay that way. I think differently. There is a chance that they may find out one day. Rather than deal with hiding things for years, why not tell them now and be done with it?

My wife's feelings on the matter are stronger than mine, so the secret remains.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Teresa]

Hi Tinkerbell, I have a son and daughter both in their thirties, and both married with children. I slipped up with my daughter a while ago because I was ironing some of my clothes and forgot she was in the house, because of the style of the clothes I had to tell her they were mine. She was OK with it because has done two degrees in the medical sector. I really don't know if my son knows or not, just this year while we were on holiday he wanted to use my internet connection and did some digging around for passwords, he may have found nothing so it's difficult to say anything ! I'm going to repeat something a friend said to me a while ago when I was expressing concern over my son finding out, He said , " What makes you think your son isn't hiding something from you ?" I always think of that when I worry about my CDing. My wife knows where my stash is so if something happens to me she can do what she likes with, she may find some of the stuff nice enough to keep !

Tinkerbell you may be over sensitive to them finding out about the sexual part, it's also my problem but unless they're told they have no way of knowing. I also feel that my wife would play it down because she may feel guilty for not being more supportive with that problem !
Coming back to your question about telling kids, they grow up with their own set of problems it's not fair to burden them with yours !

[Jenniferathome]

Tink, I have not told my kids and I will not. They are all in their 20's and have no need to know as I do not dress around them nor have the need to. Like your husband, it is not a big part of my daily life. Should things come to pass that I am discovered by them, alive or dead, they will be mystified and they will move on.

[bridget thronton]

In my case both our adult children have been told and they are OK with it (my son a little less so than my daughter but still OK). There will not be a big surprise when I diem

[Krisi]

I have not told my children and see no need to tell them. When I die I will be dead and will not know or care what they think.

I do plan on being reincarnated as a "hot chick" though. A female human, not a fowl.

[Princess Grandpa]

I had no intentions of telling anyone. This was to be our little secret. However, about three weeks after I came to accept that I was a cross dresser, I was dressed up at home. My son not only dropped in unannounced, but since the front door was locked, went around to the back door and let himself in. There I was at my computer in dress, wig, and homemade forms. A month or so later, my daughter, who recently moved out but still comes home to work daily, was in my room chatting with my wife. Suddenly she notices a pair of shoes. "Those are cute. " *pause* their awfully big. Who's are they? I had a conversation with each of them about it as these incidents occurred. They both claim to be fine with it, while I still don't dress fully in front of them, my standard wardrobe is from the women's dept. All that's missing is the wig, forms and make up.

My son is comfortable enough that it occasionally comes up in our conversations. My daughter while professing to be fine, still appears uncomfortable if the conversation leans that way. We have gone shopping together and she tries really hard not to be bothered.

Not long ago my son and his family had to move in with us. I noticed a skype message on his computer from his wife. It said something like "Your mom and dad came home last night in costume while I was awake with the baby. It was quite shocking." I never intended for them to know. Sometimes I wish I had been more carefull. But it is nice not to have to be super secretive and to not have to worry about later.

Hug
Rita

[Dianne S]

I have three kids, aged 12, 16 and 20. I kept it a secret from them until a few months ago.

The reason I came out to them was that I reached a crisis point: I realized that cross-dressing for me was more than just about clothes and erotic impulses. I believe the feminine part of myself needs expression or I will become depressed.

My kids were completely accepting of me. My youngest critiques my fashion sense (rather harshly :)) and all my kids have given me gifts of jewelry. My transgender status is a non-issue to everyone except my wife. Obviously, it causes her great distress because she married a man and wants a man. My greatest sadness is the pain I've inflicted on my wife. That's my only regret.

If your husband cross-dresses just for fun or as a fetish, then I agree it's not necessary to tell your kids. However, if you think there's a chance he'll be caught, then it's probably better to tell them so you can have more control over the disclosure. You have to weigh the risks. As for what happens if you both die, you need to try to anticipate how much distress it would cause your kids to find out while they're in shock and morning, and then decide whether or not to tell them beforehand. It's a very tough question.

[Sarah Doepner]

My wife was the only person in the family that I was out to about my crossdressing. She supported and even went out to meetings and on vacation with me, but about a year and a half ago she passed away. I have 4 adult children who may have knowledge of my crossdressing, but it isn't from me telling them, I just don't know. But since I have a closet full of clothing, wigs, shoes and cosmetics and since they all have keys to the house and drop by unannounced from time to time, they may accidently discover my secret. I'm planning to tell them eventually, but not right away. So in the meantime if I drive off a cliff or hike into the desert and dry to a crispy critter, I have an envelope taped to the dresser in the closet with an invitation to read the contained letter, that maybe it will explain a little of what they see in that room.

So until I do the sit down and tell them, it's the letter that will have to do. I'm thinking of revising it and putting some contact information in there so they could talk to some of my CD friends locally who could further explain anything they didn't understand and serve as a place to get things donated when the house had to be cleaned out.

[Confucius]

My wife and I both decided not to tell our kids about my cross-dressing. The reason was because kids face enough difficulties in life, and they need a father who they can respect and make them feel secure. Personally, I feared that one may become a cross-dresser too, and I would blame myself. So for 18 years my cross-dressing completely stopped. There was no wigs, forms, or stash for them to find. Instead I found some solace in substitutes: satin bed sheets and pillow cases, men's nylon pajamas, some nylon or satin boxers. When my little daughter wanted me to play house or with her Barbies, I gladly did. When she needed someone's nails to paint, or wanted to practice her make up skills, she had an accommodating dad. We would go to neighborhood garage sales and buy some fancy gowns to play dress up. (No, I didn't dress up with her, but I have to admit that I did try some on when everyone was away.)

The children left for college and never returned. I tried to make my cross-dressing go away. I desperately wanted to be the kind of man my family would respect and honor. When my children were safely away then the wife and I had a talk, and I found that she trusted me to keep my cross-dressing limited and private. It remains, but my wife sets the boundaries - no wig, no make-up, no female alter-ego, no heels, no pads, nothing fake, just a normal man in a skirt.

[Alice B]

All mine and my wife's children know and they are adults and fully OK with it. Also my granddaughter knows. Both she and my daughter want to go out with me as Alice. But they are in Oklahoma, so not much chance.

[RebeccaLynne]

Hi Tinkerbell, and I really like your question, 'cause I'd imagine there are those here that might be concerned with "what will they think?".


This question is for those with kids, and in particular adult kids.

Two daughters, ages 27 and 29. I believe that puts me in your target group of respondents...


Have you managed to keep your crossdressing a secret from your children? If they found out, how? (Did you tell them or did they discover it?)

I've never "outed" myself directly to my girls; as in "I dress in women's clothing every chance I get" sort of thing. They've seen me dressed to the nines on Halloween more than once, as I've accompanied them trick-or-treating totally done up; we're talking undergarments, forms, wigs (before I grew my hair past my bra strap), shaved legs and underarms, full make-up, and polished nails. I'm pretty sure they know I'm not the run of the mill male parent.

My oldest daughter once remarked on the length of my fingernails... "So Dad, are you gonna cut your nails, or polish them?" I replied that they grew so fast, that it was hard to keep up with 'em, and since she'd commented, I guessed I'd better cut 'em.

In the event the "worst case" scenario unfolded as you've described, I believe they'd come over to clean out my residence and not be surprised, other than that I had amassed such a large wardrobe of clothes they'd never seen before! :eek:

[Dianne S]

kids face enough difficulties in life, and they need a father who they can respect and make them feel secure.

See, that's something I don't understand. I think my children respect me much more for saying "This is who I am and this is what I do to live an authentic life" than if I'd snuck around hiding things. Now, I do live in a liberal city and country, so my kids are unlikely to be hassled if their peers ever find out. If you live in a less tolerant area, then yes... protecting your kids from their peers is one good reason to keep it a secret.

Regarding your fear that one of your kids may become a cross-dresser: I think it's possible. There is a statistically-significant genetic component to transgender behavior. But it's pretty mild... maybe your kid has a 1/950 chance instead of 1/1000 chance. :) So I wouldn't worry about it.

I certainly don't think that coming out to your kids will have any effect on whether or not they end up on the transgender spectrum.

[Sometimes Steffi]

As far as I know, my 30 y.o. daughter does not know.

And my wife doesn't want me to tell her. If my wife goes first, telling my daughter will be one of the first things on my to do list. I would hate to have her wonder what was going on when I won't be able to answer questions.

Since my dad died, I've had questions about his military service in WWII. From some of the stories he told growing up, I imagined that he had served in combat. From his discharge papers, it woulo seem that he didn't finish basic training until the war was over and he served in Army of Occupation, Japan, based in Yokohama.

Not really a big deal, but I would just like to know.

[Kate T]

Should we write a note and include it with his stash saying something like 'Daddy was kinky...we both loved you all very much.'?!?

Crossdressing sure brings some curious questions to life, doesn't it? :)

Love it :) If my kids didn't already know I think I'd be tempted to do exactly that!
If you want a slightly comedic variation of the above scenario watch the english movie "Death at a Funeral". VERY FUNNY!!! But in a typically understated english way also rather poignant. Won't spoil the ending for you.

On a related note my wife asked me a little while ago how would I like to be dressed for my funeral (don't worry, she hasn't got the arsenic ready yet). I'm not TS or anything and probably feel more Bigendered / Transgendered / run of the mill Crossdresser but her comment was well if that is how you feel true to yourself then wouldn't you want to go out that way? As you say though, to an extent it doesn't really affect me per se what I would be dressed in at my funeral but it could affect others including loved ones. Certainly curious questions :)

[Megan b]

Hey Tinkerbell, I have two young adult children, they both know. I kept this from everyone except my (ex)wife but after 22 years of marriage, she could not deal with this side of me anymore. She wanted to make sure the kids knew why she was leaving so instead of her telling my secret, I sat the kids down and told them myself. That was hard but they still loved me and stayed with me. My son even said,( that's it), they had been led to believe Daddy was doing something awful or terrible. My daughter now lives with her mother, she knows but has never seen Megan, that's ok. My son lives with me, he has seen Megan. I do not force this on him or do this when he's home but if he's home when I come in from a day of shopping, then I just say hello and go and change clothes. He doesn't understand why I do this and I really can't explain what I don't understand myself. It's just part of me. I don't know what they will do with my stuff but they'll more than likely donate it to Goodwill and then someone else can enjoy it.

[flatlander_48]

Still, that plane versus mountain will always scare me. I might invest in a mobile home, lol!!

You realize that you'll never know?

Anyway, to answer your question...

Daughter is 39 and the son is 32. Neither of them know that I dress. They both live in other states and moved out of the house many years before I started dressing. I don't really have a compelling reason to tell them. If they were to find out after the fact, I think they could deal with it. They know that they were loved and cared for regardless and that's all that is needed.

[Sophie Yang]

Tinkerbell -

I have two sons, 24 and 26. I told both of them shortly after they graduated from college. My wife home schooled them from pre-school through high school. During the pre-high school years, I usually made it home for lunch with the wife and kids. They both have joined my wife and I at some TG events. My oldest son and I go out quite often, mostly coffee shops to do a little work. He and I just got back from WalGreens. I needed an eyeliner pencil.

I also belong to a TG group, the Rose City T-Girls. One member passed a while ago and the children discovered the stash. Shocker to say the least, but they reached out to the group. The girls who knew their father wrote back some very touching letters which helped bring closure on a positive note.

For those who wish not to disclose to their children, you may want to just leave a note with instructions for your children to let one of the moderators know that you have passed. If possible, not sure what site security issues are raised, have the moderator send your posts and responses. What you reveal here will shed light on a side of you that they never knew about.

[Kate Simmons]

My kids found my "stash" years ago when they were teenagers. it didn't alter their perception of me as their Dad except for maybe thinking it was a little "off beat". Once again it depends on the people making the discovery as to how it will affect them. Each person has to anticipate and handle their own situation in this regard.:)

[DonnaT]

My son found out by what was on my computer. He's fine with it.

I told my daughter. She hasn't said anything good or bad about it.

My son lives with us, and see's me everyday, my daughter does not, so I don't see a need to discuss it with her any further.

[MissTee]

We, too, are in the "haven't told" camp. Have a mid 30's and a mid 20's daughter, as well as an almost 20 son. No plans to share, although I think the very snoopy mid-20's daughter suspects. Wife and I have talked about the stash, and even though we keep most of it at a 2nd home, should we meet that mountain the kids inherit the properties. I'm sure they will do the math. How they may deal with it we have discussed, but can see no comfortable way for us to deal with it in this life. We've chosen to capture that as a risk and move on.

[JocelynRenee]

For those who cross dress as a fetish or strictly in private I don't see a compelling reason to share that information with their children. For that situation I love the letter idea. Honestly, I think the world would be a better place if everyone would start accepting that they are responsible for their own feelings. If I was a good parent to my children in life, then I think I'm gonna go ahead and not accept responsibility for their feelings over my private business after I'm dead.

As I was a fairly public CD when our children were young, we shared the information with them when they were in grade school. We wanted the news to come from us; not a stranger. It never entered my mind that my children would not respect me. Why? Because I earned their respect by committing to being a father, friend, and mentor to them from birth to death. We also never required them to keep it a secret and their friends thought it was awesome. Our daughter's friends, in particular, often bought me small femme gifts at Christmas.

Our children are now happy, well-adjusted adults. Neither of our sons grew up to be cross dressers, but if they did we would love and support them. Was their life made more difficult? According to them, not at all. But even if it was why would I want to teach them that it's OK to tolerate bigotry as long as it makes our own lives more comfortable?

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Tink, do you think that they cd in heaven???

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Tink, do you think that they cd in heaven???

Ha, good question. I personally hope heaven is much simpler than all that and we all wear the same thing..like Star Trek! Then, whoever you are internally, is all that matters. That, or we all look like shiny coloured orbs or something.

Would a crossdresser then covet the pink orb?? :)

[Teresa]

Tink I don't know where Scotty beamed me to , but I didn't come back looking the same way !!

[natcrys]

I don't plan on having any kids.. but if it does happen, it will be with an SO who fully accepts Tassia in our day-to-day life. And thus, my hypothetical kids will all know.. just like how now all the little (and not so little) children of my friends know me both in boy and girl mode. :)

And you know.. those little munchkins couldn't care less!

Some of them asked.. "why is he wearing high heels, a dress and lipstick?" and then my friends will say something like "because he feels like it.. and because he want to look pretty."

The kids go "well.. okay then!".. they don't make a big deal about it, their parents don't make a big deal about it, I don't make a big deal about it! :thumbsup:

[Samantha_Smile]

I wouldn't worry about it unless you family is openly and actively bigoted/prejudiced towards the TG community.

In my job, I stand shoulder to shoulder with the reaper on an all too frequent basis, and as such you gain some comforting insight into mortality.
The honest truth is, when you're gone, people remember you for the person you were whilst on earth. How you interacted with others, how you influenced their lives.
The messages you brought and the lessons you taught. The love you gave and the world you were a part of to the individual person.
Finding your 'stash' while shocking/funny/whatever the discoverer feels, it wont change their memories of you.
You will always be you, and just because you have secrets, doesn't mean people will lose respect for you when you're buried/burned.

As long as your secrets were of no harm to anyone, nobody will be hurt when they find out.

There is of course the tails side of this coin. They may discover it and be upset by the fact you never shared this side of yourself with them while you had the chance.
To allow them to support you, to allow them into your life completely. A mark of full trust and love.
I'm not trying to push you into coming out against your better judgement,
Just giving you a snack for though.

x

[Teresa]

Smile I may well be in my box before that happens! Interesting slant on coming out !!

[JustAlex]

Have you managed to keep your crossdressing a secret from your children?
Yes... at least I think I have...


If not and you plan on keeping things this way, do you have a plan for the dreaded worst case scenario...
No plan at all, what's the point?


I only ask because my H and I both agree there's no purpose to our kids knowing of his dressing
I would agree. If he hasn't make it public, I mean dressing in public, it's private. It's like going to your children and telling all about your sexual life in graphic detail. You don't want that, they don't want that.


what about the clothing and forms and wigs? What would they think if we both died and they found these?
They'll remember the parents they had and most likely respect your privacy and your secret even not knowing exactly what it was.


Should we write a note and include it with his stash saying something like 'Daddy was kinky...we both loved you all very much.'?!?
Why leave a note for this? Why not a note to let they know how much you loved them? How about showing them how much you love them now so no note is ever needed?


Crossdressing sure brings some curious questions to life, doesn't it? :)
Well, yes, indeed! But I wouldn't worry much about this question.

[Tina G]

My kids know and have dealt with it well, their older sister has a friend of hers that is transgender and wanting to be a guy so they have had experience with this.

Tina

[Laura Ottawa]

not sure when or if I can be brave enough

and I feel my life is a total lie

[ColleenA]

I only ask because my H and I both agree there's no purpose to our kids knowing of his dressing as it's very private (sexually motivated) and not a big enough part of his life to mention it.

When my middle son was about 12, he stumbled on my stash (his mother and I divorced when he was 4, and I had no SO in my life). I explained as best I could that it was something private I did by myself and for myself. I told him that without a woman in my life, and since there were ways in which I didn't always feel manly, I sort of took on the feminine role myself. He was uncomfortable with what he learned and asked if I would stop doing it ("just feel more like a man" is how I recall him phrasing it). I am sad to say that I lied to him - I said I would, merely to placate him.

Cut forward 9 years or so. When my youngest son was about 20, I decided that as all three boys were now adults, I would tell them. The main reason for this was to save them from any potential trauma of finding out after I died (or while still alive if they came upon me unexpectedly) and being unable to get direct answers. Who knows how much that might change and color their understanding of me as a person?

Another benefit of this I have come to realize, though it was not part of my motivation at the time, is that by telling them, I may have helped defuse any incorrect or skewed notions of cross-dressing in general they may have had. Too many people have way too many incorrect beliefs about us, pigeonholing every cross-dresser into one simple, judgment-worthy stereotype.

I held these conversations individually so that each could be as long or as short as needed and so that they could ask any questions in private rather than in front of their brothers. I explained to each that this was something I did only at home and that I had no intention of ever doing it in front of them. Each conversation was no more than 30 minutes, and none went into uncomfortable detail.

Since then, it has been a non-issue. My relationships with them have not changed. And the cross-dressing aspect of my life is not something that comes up in conversation, any more than does one son's bi-curious experimentation during high school or another son's maiesiophilia (attraction to pregnant women). So you see, Tinkerbell, we can know something about another and it doesn't have to be world-shattering, just another aspect of each person's three-dimensionality. (Honesty is one thing. Dwelling on, even obsessing over, private matters is something else entirely.)

[Lee Andrews]

I have a locked closet in the spare room for all of Lee's stuff. On the inside of the door in a file holder, I have a bunch of 5x8 pictures of me or me and my SO while I'm dressed. Along with it is a long explanation of why you are seeing womans shoes in size 15 and x-large clothes that would never fit my SO. I basically told my crossdressing life story in about 10 pages.

The front page is in bold letters to catch your attention.

If you are in this closet we have either died or I have left it open. Please read this. It will explain why you are seeing what you are seeing.
P.S. If I left it open and you stumbled on this, read and talk to me if you like.

[Tina_gm]

It seems to me, what I have read on here anyway that kids tend to handle the news better than the wives do. Perhaps because wives have choices to stay or go and kids don't? so they feel more of a need to accept it? Not that it is easy for them, and I am sure there are times where the wife/mother may be ok with it but the kids may not be. It just seems in general that when the talk of kids being told or somewhow learning it, they tend to be more ok with it.

Having said that, right now my kids do not know, and I am not planning on telling them. I am not going to swear to that, but there are no plans for them to know at this time.

[Dianne S]

kids tend to handle the news better than the wives do.

I think that's usually true for a bunch of reasons.

1) Your wife is your romantic and sexual partner. Unless she has lesbian or bisexual tendencies, her husband dressing as a woman (or worse, contemplating transitioning) is usually a turnoff and threatening and may even be seen as rejection. This is not a factor for kids.

2) Kids are generally more open-minded than adults.

3) If kids feel safe and loved, then cross-dressing doesn't really affect their lives.

[AllieSF]

Hey Tink,

Could you clear some inbox space for a PM and let me know (mine still has space!)?

Thanks

[carahawkwind]

As I mentioned in another thread my daughter is very young, but I feel like I'm going to have to tell her sooner or later because she'll find out on her own, she's just too smart and curious and gets into everything. I'd pretty much have to purge to stop her from finding out at some point I think. I'd rather tell her on my own terms and ease her into it than have it dumped on her all at once by surprise.

She freely switches gender in her constant pretend time and demands I put on dresses when I play with her on occasion even though I haven't told her, so for now at least she seems fine with the idea. She's been going to pride parades since before she was a year old and has a very diverse group of friends, so hopefully she'll end up a pretty open minded person. My wife and I are going to try cross gender Halloween costumes this year, so we'll see how she responds to that.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Hey Tink,

Could you clear some inbox space for a PM and let me know (mine still has space!)?

Thanks

Allie, I think I've cleared space. I may have just deleted myself entirely though. I'm now waiting for the applause, lol.

Chat soon x

[Beverley Sims]

My children may already know, but they have never said anything.

My worst case scenario is an A 380 into the Pacific or Atlantic oceans.

That's why I always ride in the back, so as I can get a longer ride. :)

Then my kids will say "yeah! I guessed as much."