Face the Music - and the Mirror.

[LelaK]

Though I still need cheap housing in my new location, I'm anticipating finally having the freedom to dress more fully, once I get a place. When I get settled, I plan to get a good wig, shave my face, and try on the wig. And it seems a little scary.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I usually am rather pleased with most of my body, but not my face. It's not that bad, but it looks male, and I'd like to see feminine instead. I'm skeptical that a wig will make me look feminine enough. I guess my long nose will be my main problem. But I'm hoping not all that bad. (I expect I'll want to apply some makeup. I'm thinking of getting organic permanent makeup.)

My question to those of you, who've already taken such measures to feminize your appearance, is: "How did you feel meeting your most feminine self in the mirror for the first time?"

I hope I won't get narcissistic. I don't imagine I would, but it's a rather awful thought. I wouldn't want to fall in love with myself. That would be so crazy. But I hope I'll feel excited to meet my hidden self. I also worry that, if I get too attractive somehow, I may attract men. I'd rather attract lesbians or accepting women.

(Another question.) To those who are like me, not having yet met your feminine self in the mirror, but hoping to, have you had thoughts and feelings like mine? Or some that are different on this issue?

[celeste26]

Wow Palo Alto? Good luck finding anything cheap there. Try San Jose?

[Miss Interpretation]

Welcome to the Bay Area!

When I first started dressing, I actually tried very hard to avoid seeing myself in the mirror, because I was embarrassed at looking at myself in women's clothing. I actually went out of my way to avoid mirrors (turning off the lights, running by mirrors, etc.). I think once I got a bit more experience and confidence in myself, I started to look at myself in the mirror. I now even take pictures of myself!

Now, I have no problem looking in the mirror, especially after makeup + wig + accessories. I won't say I pass, but I definitely am better than when I first began. I understand your concerns about all the various emotions you may feel when you first see yourself in the mirror. I think that everyone has their own unique experience, and you could feel any number of emotions, both positive and negative. The best thing to do is try!

I honestly don't think narcissism is going to be a legitimate problem. Besides, if you like the way you look, there's no reason not to feel some pride! Also, if you really do become attractive in the conventional "feminine" sense and are able to pass, I don't think you can avoid attracting men.

Anyways, good luck (and have fun).

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Lela, I'm always amazed when I look in the mirror after the final touches. But that very first time was a shock! I couldn't believe the difference in my appearance. The shock quickly turned to happiness, I was getting the results I had hoped for. Then the happiness turned to me being upset and angry with myself for not continuing to do this at a younger age, how much fun did I miss out on, and how good could I be today, if I had been doing this for the past 20 years? I've gotten past the anger, we can't relive our past. So now I focus on presenting the best that I can, being happy and having fun with it.
I hope you can find a place, Palo Alto will be tough, good luck!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Teresa]

Lelak just go for it ! I'd be quite happy to look like my avatar all the time ! It's better than looking at the face that wants a shave every morning !

I saw some makeup tips where they were using white on prominent features and then carefully blending it in ! They suggested noses, foreheads and chins, it actually worked very well !

[Kate Simmons]

For myself it wasn't as much seeing myself as feminine as it was seeing myself as myself. :battingeyelashes::)

[Katey888]

Lela,

I think we all ask ourselves these questions at some point... you must have looked at the 'Boy vs Girl' thread in the gallery? Well there are plenty of stunning transformations going on there for inspiration... :)

How did I feel? After my first few attempts at makeup, depressed - and then things start to click, you develop more and better techniques for disguising those male features and then... one day you're surprised! Hopefully pleasantly... ;)

Unfortunately I think there is a touch of narcissism about what we do - you only need to check out the Gallery threads for that... :biteme: But there's nothing wrong with liking ourselves... I think so many of us have had to deal with feelings of guilt and shame that a little bit of self-appreciation can go a long way to correcting that...

Have fun with it Lela... and a good wig will make a world of difference (and one day I plan to get one... :lol:)

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Lela,

Well I don't think you are alone when you say you look in the mirror and see "male". I believe we have all been there at some point. Indeed I have stopped even looking for feminine in the mirror because I know it is a bridge too far. However as your make-up skills improve and you learn to work with what you have, the transformation can be quite astounding.

For me when I look in the mirror now . . . I see me . . . just a different look.

Hugs

Isha

[Renee Elise]

Hi Lela, the first time I did my makeup and put on a wig I was blown away. I looked like a completely different person. And I loved seeing my inner lady on display for the first time after keeping her bottled up for so long:). Such a mix of feelings...most of all was feeling happy with a feminine look.

There are some really good tutorials on YouTube about contouring makeup to emphasize (or de-emphasize) certain features. It makes a huge difference. Good luck :).

~Renee

[CynthiaD]

Makeup and a wig, especially the wig, will make a big difference in your appearance. Try it and see how it looks, then try a few outings to see how others react.

Personally, I can barely look in the mirror after taking off my wig. The woman in the mirror is somebody I know well. As for that other person ... that can't really be me can it?

[noeleena]

Hi,

At age 10 i accepted my self just i did not like how i looked and no different now ,

yes i could hide behind my wig makeup for 11 years i did this yet i was not open faced , and i got headaches so no wig and no makeup what you see in my photo to the left is how im seen every day , oh yea i do change my clothes an all just what do you see a feminine female or maybe some one who looks very male no makeup remember . you say up to you,

Not all of us have that feminine face or even look female, i dont or another way i would never attract any man unless he were blind as,

yet i have photos of women who look ....hey he,s a male whats he doing in womens wear . 1860 photo this person was born a female 100 % all female and gave birth to her children ,

so you see many here strive for this look , yet many of us dont have it and we are all different and many would be classed as not pretty, im not, so think about it we have our own beauty just not seen thats all. Iv allso been told what im saying here , i show my beauty in other ways , Just the way it is for some of us,

...noeleena...

[Amanda L.]

Hi Lela and all the other girls on this post.
When I see my Amanda face in the mirror I am amazed at how different I look. I don't get scared, I love the fact that I can look so different, though a bit of effort goes into making it happen. I am still developing a look I am happy with and practicing make up application. I find the biggest visual comes when I put my eyelashes on. Instantly my face looses much of its maleness to become more feminine. The wig completes the image.
I like to take pictures to preserve the moment as I am proud of my handy work.
Don't over think this. Meet your beautiful inner woman. You are the one she only needs to please, what others think has no bearing.
Have fun, Hun
Amanda
I

[NicoleScott]

I find the biggest visual comes when I put my eyelashes on. Instantly my face looses much of its maleness to become more feminine. The wig completes the image.

Same here. I totally agree.

I don't know about the permanent makeup. If you haven't found a look that you're happy with, with something that you can wash off, why make it permanent at this point.? Many GG's don't do it even after finding their look because it's so.........permanent.

[donnalee]

You might try Fremont or Union City and points north for a less expensive housing.
A good way of seeing yourself in a mirror is to pass by one quickly and glance over your shoulder briefly. Too much self-examination is a certain way to find defects, both real and imagined.

[Amanda M]

I'm lucky enough to look in the mirror and think "not bad!" but there again, maybe I am biased......

[docrobbysherry]

My question to those of you, who've already taken such measures to feminize your appearance, is: "How did you feel meeting your most feminine self in the mirror for the first time?" I hope I won't get narcissistic. I don't imagine I would, but it's a rather awful thought. I wouldn't want to fall in love with myself.
In my case, if I don't fall for Sherry when I look in the mirror? I won't wear that outfit/look again!

(Another question.) To those who are like me, not having yet met your feminine self in the mirror, but hoping to, have you had thoughts and feelings like mine? Or some that are different on this issue?
I waited for over 5 years for my "feminine self" to show herself. Apparently, I don't have one. That means Sherry is NOT me. Since I'm single, we can legally "date"! How's THAT for "different"?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lela, There's one thing to keep in mind, Your mirror and camera can be your best friend or your worst enemy.:daydreaming:

[Laura Ottawa]

true...my mirror tells me I am female, which I know is true

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Often the mirror and camera do not agree with each other with me. When I finally look good in the mirror and think I'm attractive the camera shockingly adds about 20 pounds to me and for some reason makes me look very mannish. Likewise when I'm not expecting much from my appearance in the mirror the camera actually does a good job in hiding all my male facial features.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

The difference between what you see in the mirror, and what you see in your photos is not something that is 'just in your head'. It most likely comes from the fact that your eyes and your camera lens have different viewing perspectives. This effect is especially noticeable when you use focal lengths that are shorter (wider) than human vision. Photos that are shot at, or around 50mm, are supposed to look most like what human vision sees.

When using wide angles, perspective distortion becomes higher and higher, the closer you get to the subject. Wide angle lenses are NOT recommended for portraits because of this effect. Most camera phones, and/or cameras that have no zoom capability will most likely have a viewing angle that is wider than 50mm (but not necessarily a 'WIDE' angle). This makes the camera a little more capable indoors where space between you and subject is usually limited.

However, on the upper side of 50mm, (using zoom lenses, or higher length primes) the distortion becomes less offensive because it starts to 'compress' the depth of the picture (instead of features being exaggerated toward the lens, they are pushed away from the lens) This effect is actually much more flattering for portraits, and is why between 85mm~100mm is a very common range for portraits. The problem being, is that you need MUCH more distance between you and your subject to frame your shot. Especially if you want a full length shot.

If your camera has a bit of zoom capability, you should always try and take your pictures a little bit zoomed in, to help reduce the perspective distortion. In fact, I would might even say, when shooting indoors, try and get as much space between you and the camera, and still get everything you want in the frame. Now, I'm not saying go into your longest hallway and stand 30 feet from the camera, but get some distance in there. 8~12 feet usually gets some good pictures, and ones that will look MUCH closer to what you see when you look in the mirror.

Just try not to use the widest setting, unless you absolutely have to.

[Willowyone]

I was nervious about shaving and growing my hair out but no one of any value to me spoke ill of my change so my fears were for naught. Being in a liberal location probably helps. As for as relationships I found that choice is up to me. Any kind of gender partner that I want to try is possible with due respect and consideration for their sensiblities. Of course one must respect others orientations. "Off my agenda attention" from those I am not attracted to I treat as a complement. I feel good about compliments, and I just warmly indicate that I have other interests. Be postive. Relax and smile and let a relaxed feminine face come forth. A lot of feminine for me is in how the inner feminine being relaxes and shines, free from the stoic male mode at last. The makeup and attire is fun and good, but the inner has helped me a lot.