A visit with a new therapist - gosh, this fast on the first visit?

[Charla]

I went to a new therapist today who is well-versed on the TG community in Houston. I has one phone conversation with her and completed her client intake form prior to meeting with her. I came dressed in drab as I had just come from a urologist visit for that most probing exam! After the cordial greetings, she asked me, "so how do you see your transition happening?" I was stunned - no intake, just straight to the heart of the matter! She talked about me selling my house and splitting up my family to follow my lifestyle choice. I guess in retrospect I could have seen these questions on visit 3 or 4. ...but the first visit?There was much more but too much to go into here.

What do others think?

[celeste26]

Not enough information to know for sure. But based upon reports from others here it seems rather unusual. Are you truly ready? Then go for it. Have you even been on HRT yet?

[LeaP]

I think I'd find another therapist. This one apparently doesn't practice therapy.

[visualkei]

Holy crap, those are some extreme solutions to your situation. Granted I don't know jack about your situation, but if it's really that bad and threatens your ability to live happily, then shit... Maybe it's time to GTFO of Dodge.

Though, it sounds more like she's crazy.

[Aimee20]

lifestyle choice.

I don't know if those are her words or yours but I would be suspect of a therapist referring to transition as a lifestyle choice.

[Charla]

Celeste,
No, I have not Benny on HRT yet. In fact, I wanted to get counseling to get some low level HRT.

LeaP,
My thoughts exactly! If I followed her advice, I would start transitioning tomorrow! I felt pressured!

Visualkei,
I wondered if her approach was to see how truly desperate I was.

Aimee,
I just didn't know what to say by that point.


I guess I am out looking again for another therapist. She did suggest that I look for a support group.

[visualkei]

I don't think a test of desperation would benefit her in any way. You're not in a position to prove to her that your situation is genuine. If anything she has to prove to you that she will take you seriously. Playing a mind game and seeing how desperate you might be can only serve one purpose and that would be to show her it isn't a joke.

I doubt that's the case here. Like Aimee said about her use of the words "LIFESTYLE CHOICE":

I don't know if those are her words or yours but I would be suspect of a therapist referring to transition as a lifestyle choice.

[Amanda M]

My view (as a therapist myself) is the this is NOT the person for you at all!

[donnalee]

That's pretty abrupt. Are you sure that she had the proper file with the correct info in it? I had this happen to me the other day; someone stuck something in my file that was untrue and had nothing to do with me; turned out that a Dr. of the same name as mine had sent over a referral for a 3rd party and one of the staff stuck it in my folder. It could have seriously affected my medical treatment and I could see the Dr. believed it more than my denials; luckily he checked with staff who actually read the damn thing.
Dr.s rely on information provided by 3rd parties and when they screw up, the patient pays. Personally, I have an absolute horror of false accusations and have suffered from them for years as have family members. Many are malicious, so this sort of thing just burns me up. When a Dr. uses their staff as a barrier between you, it may be time for a change.

[stefan37]

She may or may not be right. I have no info on her qualifications. You say you want low level Hrt. Well Hrt at any level dose has the potential to blow up the marriage. These are questions you might want to seriously think about if your goal is hrt at any level dose. I would certainly check her credentials and level of experience. Maybe in her experience the majority (and most likely true) of this seeking gender counseling are there for one reason hormone referral letter. She may have given you pause and allow you to explore what it is you expect from therapy.

Transition is a brutal experience, not without it's rewards, but in many cases the largest loss is the marriage and home.

[LeaP]

"Low level HRT" ...

"Just a -little- please!"

Hormones aren't like other drugs. They work (primarily) by changing which genes are activated and how cells grow and respond. Low dosages will eventually get to the same place, just more slowly, or you are taking so little, absolutely nothing (except raising certain risks).

Don't screw around with hormones. You either need them or you don't.

[stefan37]

C'mon, you haven't heard of transition light?

[Angela Campbell]

I would think it depends on what was told on the forms you filled out. Did you say you wanted to transition or get hormones? Did she really refer to this as a lifestyle choice? If so that shows complete ignorance of the entire subject.

[Cheryl123]

Get another therapist. Your transition should be done at your pace. A therapist's job is to help you along that path, one step at a time. If your intent was to receive counseling about starting HRT at a minimal level, then that's exactly what your therapist should address. You should be told about the risks and consequences of using hormones and about the benefits you might receive from them. Many transwomen go no further than HRT. Whether or not hormones alone is the answer for you is something your therapist should help you discover. If your therapist actually used the phrase "lifestyle choice" that's reason enough for never returning. Transition is not a life style and for most is it's never a choice but a necessity. I wish you well, Charla, on your path of discovery.

[LeaP]

C'mon, you haven't heard of transition light?

Oh, that's right! Full time except work. Just the breast growth hormones. I'm a woman but love my male life. It's almost enough to make me believe in the spectrum!

[Ressie]

That's a very open ended question which could take more than an hour to answer. Maybe she just wanted find out how serious you are or where your at? She seems to want you to understand the worse case scenario and sacrifices that may incur.

[Bryn]

Maybe she wanted to see if you had a realistic expectation of what would happen if you started HRT?
My therapist wasn't as blunt and didn't bring up transition until I mentioned it, but she did seem to want me to confront the risks first. Namely, if I would be able to support myself and finance my transition if my parents didn't approve and kicked me out (the worst-case scenario).

Did she know or think that you want to transition? Was the goal of going to therapy getting an HRT letter and if so did she know that?

[kimdl93]

Well, it seems abrupt based on what you shared above, but was all that addressed in your intake questionnaire?

[Charla]

Dear all, I seem to have created quite a discussion with my thread!

Generally, when I go into a meeting with anybody, I have an agenda to get things started. If that agenda gets changed along the way because of persuasive arguments, so much the better. What I wrote in the intake information was that I have been struggling with this feeling for some time, and I wanted to discuss options, repeat, options, to mitigate or deal with the situation. I wanted to use her experience in dealing with similar clients to come to a solution. Mind you, in the phone conversation that I had with her, I did find out that she had substantial experience (at least in my opinion) working with crossdressers and transgender clients. Maybe, as some of you have said, she wanted to to try to smoke me out right away and see what my level of commitment was. I definitely was not prepared for that. I was expecting a discussion, not what she came up with.

In the end, to say that I did gain some good points out of the counseling. She urged me to find a support group. She urged me to write a diary about my feelings so I can objectively track them.

And I appreciate everybody's comments about the situation. Thank you kindly!

[Kimberly Kael]

I'm not as concerned as some by the way your new therapist chose to engage. If it's a way of gauging what your expectations are, then I think it can be a really effective shortcut for a lot of preliminaries. I'd only be concerned if every single discussion felt like it was full speed ahead with a rubber stamp mentality. She should challenge you and make you face uncomfortable truths, but that's not the same thing as making you jump through hoops or acting as a speed bump.

In the end, it's about having a connection that enables a lot of reflection on your part. Her role isn't to decide what's right for you, it's to help you come to those conclusions on your own.

[LeaP]

My God – really?! How anyone can think that is it is an appropriate thing for a mental health practitioner to challenge somebody on an intake interview or "smoke them out," is beyond me. The reality is that a practitioner has no idea what they are dealing with when you walk in that door for the first time. You could be anyone. You could be suffering from almost anything. I am amazed at the spectacle of members blasting a psychic in one thread for figuratively (and perhaps literally) reading tea leaves and engaging in complete bullshit, yet not seeing much the same thing going down here.

Psychotherapy is not a game! It's not baffle the bullshitter! Or guess the syndrome. Nor did they go to school to learn clever tricks. There are really only two possibilities here: either we are not getting quite the straight story, or the therapist is a complete incompetent.

[Charla]

Dear LeaP,
I have told as much as is convenient in the time I have. There was more to this 50 minutes with her than I care to share but upon reflection, none of it negates my impression that I should find someone else. Well, maybe asking if I was wearing a bra seemed a little forward. I have made a few comments just trying to rationalize the therapist 's approach. I came to this group for feedback on their impressions and I'm appreciative for everyone's insights.

[LeaP]

Please don't misunderstand. "Not getting quite the straight story" can be as simple as inapt wording, unintended implications, etc.

[NancyJ]

Seems like she is going too fast and maybe responding to her own agenda, not yours. I would Reccomend going for a second appointment and directly discussing your concerns and feelings about the first appt. If she is defensive or just doesn't get it, then bail. Perhaps she thought that you were coming in to discuss transitioning. Nancy

[Charla]

Dear Nancy,
Thanks! I was thinking the same thing. I want to leave with a clean heart about the encounter.

[stefan37]

If you mentioned you were exploring hormones she certainly thought your agenda would be transition. So many people have this fantasy of taking hormones to magically transform your body and become a woman. It doesn't work that way and her brutal questions up front would definitely give you pause. Allow you to start self-exploration to help determine what your agenda is.

There is a big difference from the fantasy of transitioning to female vs the reality of transitioning. Transition tends to get real very fast and without realizing or anticipating the consequences can lead to a ruined life very quickly. Not to say that recovery from it won't happen. But the recovery most certainly take much longer because contingencies have not been put in place.