Told my best friend - An update.

[Gemma Rhodes]

Hi Girls,

As you know, I told my best friend about Gemma at the weekend and him and his wife were great.

Well earlier in the week he rang me up and invited me round tomorrow night and said that if I wanted I could go as Gemma. I have thought long and hard about this and as tempting as it is I have decided against it.

Instead I am going to take them both out for a meal to say thank you to them for being so understanding. We can have a really good chat and I can reassure them again that for me nothing has changed.

I want to show them that my dressing is not the be all and end all of our friendship and that the honesty and trust involved in this is far more important to me.

We can then possibly arrange a date in the near future when I can introduce them to Gemma. I have shown them pics of me dressed buts that all and it will be really strange for me too having known my best friend for the last 20 years.

Anyway, the signs are promising and this is another big step for me.

Gemma xx

[JoAnnDallas]

The fact that he told you you could come dressed, shows that he wants you to be comfortable when your around them. It is a good sign, but I feel you are doing the right thing and not fauniting into their face. When the time is right, then do it.

[Sweet Susan]

Instead I am going to take them both out for a meal to say thank you to them for being so understanding. We can have a really good chat and I can reassure them again that for me nothing has changed.

I want to show them that my dressing is not the be all and end all of our friendship and that the honesty and trust involved in this is far more important to me.

Anyway, the signs are promising and this is another big step for me.

Gemma xx

Yours is an outstanding response to their heartfelt invitation. I am very impressed with your strength of restraint. The ongoing and interesting discussion on another thread about gg acceptance is somewhat related to your issue. I think, and I'm not sure how to say this, that restraint goes a long way in assisting acceptance.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Gemma

Well done, You have used a lot of common sense by not leaping straight into presenting Gemma to them.

Im sure that they will be ok with your decision.
I suspect they will be happier than they will tell you, but will still want to meet Gemma.

Now you get to choose the time and place.

[Laurie Ann]

Gemma good for you take it slow.

[uknowhoo]

Hi Gemma. Well if your mate hasn't seen Gemma in the past 20 years, another week or three shouldn't matter. I look forward to the thread about that outing in the meantime.


I think, and I'm not sure how to say this, that restraint goes a long way in assisting acceptance.

Well said, Susan. Btw, nice av.

Hugs,

Tammi

[SherriePall]

Gemma --
Nice solution to your problem. I think I might have just jumped right into it all dressed up. I hope for the best for you with your friends. Keep us posted.

[Missy Anne's GG]

Hi Gemma,

That is a lovely way to show your appreciation to your friends! After all your careful thinking on this matter, I'm sure you will have a very relaxing and wonderful evening with your best friend and his wife. Good for you! Enjoy it!

Hugs,

Missy Anne's GG

[Raychel]

Hello Gemma

I also think that is the wisest thing to do. Go over and have a nice relaxing evening. Enjoy each others company, with no pressure or stress that would be caused by going dressed. That will reassure in there minds that you are still the same person and you don't want anything to come between your relationship as friends.

But do bring some fem clothes in the trunk of your car. Aftre you get there and find your best friend all dressed up pretty, then you will be wishing that you had dressed also. :D

[Nikki Dee]

Hi. Gemma...what a wonderful compromise...and wise if I might say so.....there will be so many more occasions on which to introduce them to Gemma ...and you will be so much surer then of their continuing acceptance and friendship...See you soon.
love Nikki. xxxx

[TGMarla]

That seems like a sensible approach to me. No point in pushing it too far too fast. The end reward might be worth all the waiting.

[Glenda]

Making new friends while dressed en femme is one thing. They don't know you and really don't have expectations. Our old friends are a different story. There's all of this history, respect, comaraderie, etc. You care what they think about you and you don't want to lose that respect and friendship. It is scary. The problem is that without coming out to them, you are showing a lack of trust in the friendship. Your admission and their initial acceptance indicates that these are friends that you feel you can trust and you both want and need their acceptance.

I didn't start crossdressing until after my kids were grown so I didn't have a long history of hiding my crossdressing. I didn't even know that I had the urge to crossdress when I formed my oldest friendships. I moved from the suburbs to the inner city when my kids finished school so I had a natural barrier between my "new life" and my older friends. I was free to dress as I wanted without being apprehensive. They lived in the burbs and never came to town. I dressed as Glen when I visited them.

One evening I got a call from a couple of friends. I thought they probably wanted to play golf the next day and answered their call with enthusiasm. To my shock and surprise they were in town and decided to buy some beer and pay me a visit. They knew I was home since I had answered the phone and would be there in about five minutes. Just wanted to give me a heads up in case I had a girlfriend there so we would have time to get decent.

I had become a master of converting from Glenda to Glen in 15 or 20 minutes but 5 minutes....no way. I could lie and say that I was busy. I could say I was just headed out the door. I could say I was sick and didn't feel like company. I didn't like hiding from my best friends. I didn't like feeling as though I was doing something wrong when this was a part of who I am. I said come over.

I was shaking like a leaf, dressed from head to toe in full make-up with a wig and painted nails. When the doorbell rang I mustered my courage, opened the door and said "Surprise." Needless to say, they were shocked and I was embarassed. They smiled but they didn't laugh. They had questions but it wasn't the only thing we talked about that night. They got to meet Glenda, we had to go out for more beer, we talked about our friends and how they were doing, partied and had a great time.

They realize that I am the same person regardless of how I'm dressed. They like me for who I am, how I think and treat people, etc. That doesn't change just because I wear make-up and dress like a girl. But, I have found that the secret will not be kept. Other friends will find out. If we want acceptance we cannot hide. We have to be seen to be accepted.

Accept their invitation and have faith in their friendship. If you want to be out of the closet, then get out of the closet.