Michelle789
08-16-2014, 07:48 PM
On Thursday, I attended my first AA meeting as my authentic self. I had communicated with several of you privately about my fears about attending AA as myself.
I am not yet out to my home group, just to two people - who happens to be very popular, well liked, very positive energy, and totally non judgmental towards anything; and my sponsor. I have been scared of coming out, but also I got tied up in some drama last week and into the early part of this week that took up my time that prevented me from coming out to anyone. I currently am living 165 - I only attend one AA meeting every two weeks in boy mode. It's 6 hours including driving, the meeting, and meeting after the meeting - divide that by 2 since I go every other Friday, and subtract from 168 - just in case you are wondering where I got 165 from. My former job re-hired me back as a part time worker, and I came out as trans and go to work as my authentic self too.
I had not gone to any other AA meetings. I actually went to allies night on Aug 1, and a birthday party for someone at my church on Aug 8, so I missed my Friday night home group twice in a row so I had been starved of AA meetings for almost three weeks. I was scared to go to any other AA meetings as myself out of fear that I would be recognized by someone who knew me as a male and be outed. I do want to come out to my home group, but I want to out myself and not be outed by someone else.
Finally, I got the courage to attend an AA meeting as myself. It took a lot to overcome my fear. I went to an LGBT AA meeting at the LGBT center, so I felt a bit safer there. I had a really amazing time and felt a million times better after going to the meeting. It was really freeing and refreshing to go to a meeting as myself, and to introduce myself as Michelle. I even spoke with a few people afterwards and traded phone numbers with someone there.
I want to say that these fears can be overcome, as they all reside in the head, but they can still feel real at times. I went to my home group last night in guy mode, and I attended a TG AA meeting on Skype this afternoon, so I got 3 back to back days of AA meetings - twice as my authentic self.
I am hoping to finish coming out to everyone else in my home group so I can go to the next meeting as myself.
I am not yet out to my home group, just to two people - who happens to be very popular, well liked, very positive energy, and totally non judgmental towards anything; and my sponsor. I have been scared of coming out, but also I got tied up in some drama last week and into the early part of this week that took up my time that prevented me from coming out to anyone. I currently am living 165 - I only attend one AA meeting every two weeks in boy mode. It's 6 hours including driving, the meeting, and meeting after the meeting - divide that by 2 since I go every other Friday, and subtract from 168 - just in case you are wondering where I got 165 from. My former job re-hired me back as a part time worker, and I came out as trans and go to work as my authentic self too.
I had not gone to any other AA meetings. I actually went to allies night on Aug 1, and a birthday party for someone at my church on Aug 8, so I missed my Friday night home group twice in a row so I had been starved of AA meetings for almost three weeks. I was scared to go to any other AA meetings as myself out of fear that I would be recognized by someone who knew me as a male and be outed. I do want to come out to my home group, but I want to out myself and not be outed by someone else.
Finally, I got the courage to attend an AA meeting as myself. It took a lot to overcome my fear. I went to an LGBT AA meeting at the LGBT center, so I felt a bit safer there. I had a really amazing time and felt a million times better after going to the meeting. It was really freeing and refreshing to go to a meeting as myself, and to introduce myself as Michelle. I even spoke with a few people afterwards and traded phone numbers with someone there.
I want to say that these fears can be overcome, as they all reside in the head, but they can still feel real at times. I went to my home group last night in guy mode, and I attended a TG AA meeting on Skype this afternoon, so I got 3 back to back days of AA meetings - twice as my authentic self.
I am hoping to finish coming out to everyone else in my home group so I can go to the next meeting as myself.