Do you compare yourself to other CDers?

[Kate Simmons]

While sitting here thinking, (yeah scary, right?) the thought occurred to me if I compare myself with other CDers? My conclusion was that I do not and my reason was that I am my own unique person, garments notwithstanding. They say that women tend to not be independent decision makers for the most part and instead prefer consensus of their female peers to make decisions. I don't know how true that is really, especially with women who wear a lot of "hats" like Mom's and bosses who make tons of decisions day in and day out. They also say women continually compare themselves to other women. I really couldn't say because I'm not one of them.:)They say men tend to be leaders and independent decision makers and will sink or swim with their own decisions :eek:. What happens, however, with folks like us who venture into the other "camp" at least temporarily to experience what we consider the feelings of women? If the premise is even true, do we tend to compare how we look, how we move and how we act to other CDers or would it be more accurate to say we compare ourselves with the women we want to emulate? I'm curious as to what some may have to say about this even it won't be on the 6 O'Clock News. :heehee::)

[Sarah Doepner]

Kate, I do find myself comparing myself to others all the time. That includes crossdressers, women, men and my own expectations. It's not always a good choice, but it isn't always bad either and depends on my motivation for the comparison. If that motivation comes as a need to look, behave or move just like a woman or one of our beautiful crossdressers or even a man 20 years younger with a different build or a full head of hair, it's leading me down the wrong road. Being based on a need that is not going to be obtainable will result in frustration. However if the motivation uses the same examples but leads me to improve what I have in place, right now, then it can be a good thing to look for good examples from others. Comparing myself to others for their attitude of fearlessness or compassion or fun can lead me in some interesting directions. I guess the key to having it be an experience that helps me grow, rather than than one that beats me down depends on recognizing the natural and real limits of my body, my life and occasionally my budget.

[Katey888]

Oh, Kate, Kate, Kate... Kontroversial Kate, perchance... ;)

Possibly 50% will admit to this most prideful of feelings, and the other half...? Well, most of them are probably fibbers... :heehee:

I can honestly and truthfully say, before last September, when I found cd.com... no. Totally, utterly, no - I had only GGs in my emulative musings...

Since then, well... I might do... I might glean some useful tips from the more experienced ladies here... (like when to run a mile from, rather than in, leggings... :eek:) and I can and do admire many of the transformations that are undertaken here... and comparative analysis yields ways to improve oneself... all very worthy and non-competitive... :)

But... (you knew there was a 'but' coming...) us GMs do have a competitive streak, and I acknowledge that some of the less worthy perspectives here are those that are tainted by that predominant - but not exclusive - male trait. I can't speak for movement as we have few videos here, but it is, after all, probably more realistic for us to make comparisons with other GMs - as we've said before, we mostly put GGs on pedestals that they deserve for being the awesome gender they are... to us... so comparison with them is going nowhere fast...

I don't think I go along with your 'men are leaders' tosh... plenty of non-independent thinkers (and quite a number of non-thinkers..) in the GM camp, imho...

At the end of it all, aren't we just trying to be the best person we can as the unique individuals we all are...? :cheer:

I think we'll need regular group hugs through this thread - so here's the first.. :bighug:

Katey x

[Stephanie47]

On occasion I venture over to one of those sites with pictures of attractive cross dressers. I check out the Adam's apple area. If it is pronounces, then I'm fairly confident the picture is of a man attired as a woman. I could not hold a candle up to them. Some are drop dead gorgeous. Me? I'm a senior guy with a build of a man. I'm never going to pass. If I would take a picture of myself, it would show a man in a dress. It's funny how a picture is dramatically different than the eye. The eye sees what the brain wants to see. I noticed that whether appearing as a man or a woman. I do my best to please my eye. On this site I see some who appear as really attractive woman, and, there are many like me who appear as the classic man in a dress. I know if I had the camera equipment and the inclination to post a picture I would appear as that man in a dress.

[Kate Simmons]

The truth is when I came out openly with this and started going to TG group meetings and clubs I tended more to compare myself to gay women.They seemed to know where it was at and more readily accepted me as a CDer. Go figure. :)

[Ricki Dove]

I being a new cross dresser have caught myself comparing myself to other cross dressers. It might be alright if your are looking for ideas on how to dress, but one should be careful not to think you look better them. We all have our own unique look and should have nothing but good to say about others! Ricki Dove

[darinyc]

Yes, I do compare as well. I have developed my own sense of style that's been inspired by some GG's I see in print but it's mostly CD's that I compare with (& admire).

[Isabella Ross]

I'm always comparing...but always with the goal of learning something from the amazingly beautiful girls I see.

[mechamoose]

What happens, however, with folks like us who venture into the other "camp" at least temporarily to experience what we consider the feelings of women?

That there is kind of the crux of things for me. I just got into a trans-flamefest on Jezebel about CD/TS being allies instead of trespassers.

We ARE women, we just didn't have the privilege of being born in the appropriate body. Why does the fact that I have fur diminish my investment in femininity or feminine issues? I'm a *girl* dammit, I don't care that I have an effin' beard. I care about 'girl' things, I'm offended at biased treatment. I'm annoyed with cat-calls and 'office-bias', even though I could hide from that just by the clothes I chose to wear. I could 'hide' as a guy, but instead I choose to paint my nails, wear funky clothes which happen to include a lot of pink & purple. I'm not gay, I have a wife of almost 30 years, though I do appreciate a nice furry man or pretty t-girl.

Feelings are feelings. They are NOT linked to genetics, as much as 'tradition' would like us to believe.

<3

- MM

[Laura28]

Oh hell yes and other GGs mostly because I want to improve my look

[Julie Denier]

I'm always comparing...but always with the goal of learning something from the amazingly beautiful girls I see.

Exactly - so many examples to aspire to ... ;)

[mechamoose]

Exactly - so many examples to aspire to ... ;)

I'm (trying really hard) not to be combative, but I have to ask... why is how you look more important than your you feel and perceive yourself?

Are you a girl or not?

- MM

[Teresa]

Kate as self employed photographer I earned my money because I had to think on my feet and go with those decisions, after thirty years I'm not going to lose that trait now no matter how I'm dressed. Sometimes you may think some of my threads are a bit doom and gloom but basically I'm a happy, jokey person. I haven't been out totally dressed but I think I would just be the way I am now.
I have always done my own thing and never copied others but many have copied me ! My dressing is personal to me and would do my own thing with it.

[Crissy Kay]

No way!! As I am only a part timer, and most of the girls here look really nice!! Besides, I am happy that I pass as a guy in the first place, LOL!!!

[SherriePall]

Without fear of being chastised, I do compare myself to other CD's. I check out how femme they look -- facially and bodily (especially waist and hip proportion). I also check out the poses. Many times I come away depressed because I don't feel I am even in the same ball park.
This comparing, in no way, reflects upon my sense of worth or on my sense of femmeness. I feel it is just a normal feeling. Ironically, I don't do this en drab (check how I compare to other guys).
But when it comes to my femme half, she is always checking things out.

[ReineD]

They also say women continually compare themselves to other women.

Everyone does, men and women even if subconsciously, although there is an age for this. I've seen guys walk into a room and eye each other to determine their places on the male pecking order, and I've seen women do the same even though the pecking orders are different for men and women. It tends to be more about power for men and looks for women. I dare say that it is about looks for CDers too since this is what it's about.

But eventually we all mature, we establish our places in our worlds and we stop comparing ourselves to others. You'll seldom see women in their 60s check each other out to see who is apt to get the most guys. LOL. Nor will you see 60 year old men walk into a room and instinctively want to dominate the other men.

[Julie Denier]

I'm (trying really hard) not to be combative, but I have to ask... why is how you look more important than your you feel and perceive yourself?

Are you a girl or not?

- MM

No, not at all -- I'm a guy who happens to enjoy dressing up as a woman now and then. I'm quite comfortable as a guy and exhibit no overtly feminine traits in my daily life. But the ritual of dressing in women's clothing, makeup and accessories gives me comfort and satisfaction, and I appreciate being able to learn from the examples set by other crossdressers like the members here.

[Wildaboutheels]

How silly that would be. I don't think even 2 people who water here would even agree on what a CDer IS or what makes one a CDer, much less TG or TS or anything else.

They ARE now and for over 50 years have been "just clothes" to me and whether 10 people at this Forum or a stadium with 100K people declare I might be TS and one day transition, won't make it true.

Even the silliest of people here would/SHOULD agree that all CDers are Human and all Humans are unique. [even identical twins] Which makes endless bickering over labels nonproductive.

And ...many who water here and [an easy guess] the vast majority of the lurkers are NOT trying to emulate females and therefor not out to compare or compete with females or other CDers.

The very popularity of the P&V, along with the type pics that are popular there should help answer your question.

[mechamoose]

But the ritual of dressing in women's clothing, makeup and accessories gives me comfort and satisfaction

Why do you think that might be?

I'm genuinely interested in your reply...

- MM

[Julie Denier]

^The answer to the question, "Why do you crossdress?" is different for all of us, and I don't think I'm alone in answering, "I wish I knew." It's something I've felt compelled to do for a long, long time. It's not the "everyday me," but for some reason, it brings me contentment when I do it.

[Gardener]

Well Kate I think you ask an interesting question and of course all we can do is to give opinions and personal anecdotes. Intellectually I suspect we would say we are individuals and That it is invidious to make comparisons with others. Why should we do that, we are different, that, is all, not better or worse in any way.

However we are also emotional and I freely confess that I read your stories, look at your pictures and sigh with a resignation that comes from knowing that I could never pass in the way that numbers of you can, nor could I lead the open and liberated lifestyle that some enjoy.

My wife knows, is unhappy but tolerates minimal dressing. I hate the occasional secrecy, there has been too much of it in the past. There is an impasse. If there is one thing that I am really happy about it is my personal comfort, not feeling bad about myself as I did for so long. Another positive could be that despite SO unhappiness it does not stop me from underdressing when I want although I try not to flaunt myself too openly. Some may say that I am wrong to antagonise or make her unhappy.

So yes I think it is the case that we do make comparisons. It feels to me like a fundamental human characteristic to check out others even if our public face is not one of comparing to rank, merely to notice difference.

[NicolaF]

I used to, but now I don't compare myself with other crossdressers any more at all because the more I read through the posts on this forum the less and less I think I have in common with the vast majority that frequent here.
I guess for me for a long time I was trying to understand who I was and so I looked to examples from others, but after a lot of deliberation I genuinely don't feel I have any similarities or connections to most I see on here and so I have realised I am my own unique self, and have lost all need for comparisons.

[mechamoose]

^The answer to the question, "Why do you crossdress?"
That isn't what I asked.

I asked why your dressing 'off gender' made you feel more comfortable.

Maybe (I'm suggesting) that you are not in the appropriate body? Maybe you feel 'safer' when wearing girl things?

Look at yourself... (no, LOOK) who *ARE* you? FFS don't *apologize* for it.

Who on god's green earth can say you don't deserve to be yourself?

- MM

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate, Whenever I see A woman or a CD that really catches my eye I like to take in the whole picture , Then dissect the whole package piece by piece
and make mental notes as to how I may be able to copy that look in part or totally:daydreaming:

[Julie Denier]

^I'm a dude who like to wears dresses sometimes. I really don't have an explanation for why I like it. Sorry if that's not philosophical enough for you, but I think you'll find I'm not the only one here who feels this way.

[mechamoose]

Then you would be mistaking my intent.

I'm a dude in a skirt. That is my undeniable outside appearance.

That has *nothing* to do with my internal identity. What does it have to do with yours?

- MM

[Kris Avery]

Hi Kate, Whenever I see A woman or a CD that really catches my eye I like to take in the whole picture , Then dissect the whole package piece by piece
and make mental notes as to how I may be able to copy that look in part or totally:daydreaming:

Absolutely learning and imitation of others can be a great way to learn quickly.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Of course, as I suspect we all do when being totally honest. My envy is of those girls with great figures . Men who cd with flattering feminine waist lines invokes respect & envy. I so dearly want to have a feminine or near feminine figure. I truly applaud all of you who present with feminine figures.

[Anna H]

I've been watching/looking/following since i first got the internet
about 18 years ago. Learning lots and admiring my sisters.

I pretty much do things my own way, but I do Love seeing
practically anything they/we do. So i wouldn't think of it as
'comparing' as much as i would 'learning' from us.

I see Fascinating and Very Cool stuff daily! ♥

:)

[Adriana Moretti]

I used to do that...compare,analize, etc....if there is one thing I learned from that, especially OUT in public with other gals...Someone will ALWAYS look better than you, some will look worse...but 99.9% of the time Girls just want to have fun and connect on a REAL level.......and after a while, you only see the inside.....i go out of my way to introduce myself to any gal/cd that has an amazing dress, or the perfect hair, her shoes are great...I stopped a girl once cause she smelled like cookies and needed to know what she was wearing....we never stop learning...and who does not love a compliment....

[visualkei]

And ...many who water here and [an easy guess] the vast majority of the lurkers are NOT trying to emulate females and therefor not out to compare or compete with females or other CDers.


I agree with this quote quite a bit. The most threatened ones in that scenario are non-CD men, and GG's in my experience. A lot of them have trouble realizing what it's about, and that whole misunderstanding is what I think leads to the dirty looks. In my last relationship when I came out about it she actually made the statement, "But I'm supposed to be the girl in this relationship." I told her she was supposed to be the woman, and she would hold that torch regardless. She never understood the idea of CDing, and I didn't have the gusto or patience to try and hold her hand through it. It really rocked her brain.

Regardless of what we may think, we're making value judgments on everything even on subconscious levels. From my own perspective I consciously make judgments on how women look for the sake of if I have an attraction, and that never mixes with the CD side. Other CD's I would definitely make comparisons with aesthetically, but never intellectually. There are a million more shades on the spectrum of mental substance than on the physical. I think the physical comparison tends to be more pronounced because we can more readily try to do something about it. And even if those attempts are in vain, there's an aspect that creates a very tangible output.
Altering perspective is something much more time-consuming and tedious. It's not nearly as innate in most people to invest that amount of effort when they can see altering physicality as more immediate and fruitful.
Luckily vanity loses in the end as we age and all accept our deterioration in strong lighting. But while you can try, you may as well. Regrets aren't exclusive to the non-materialistic, youth and beauty fade and as such those chances to preserve it are justified as you only have a moment to enjoy it.

TLDR: Why not compare aesthetic beauty? If it didn't matter, we wouldn't be trying to doll ourselves up in women's clothing. No matter which way you slice it, comparison is mostly just a level of admiration. (Unless you're an asshole that focuses on how much better you look than someone else.)

TLDR2: There will always be someone more beautiful, more ugly, taller, shorter, younger, older. But that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to aspire to something greater.

[bridget thronton]

I try and not compare

[Miss Interpretation]

Well said! I think comparing oneself to someone else does not inherently imply superiority/inferiority...In crossdressing, I definitely compare myself to other CDers and GG's. Those comparisons are made mostly as a tool for improving my own dressing. After all, there's no way to tell whether you are improving without seeing someone doing it better/worse than you.

My opinion is it's perfectly fine to compare yourself to someone else, as long as you prevent yourself from using those comparisons as a means of judging and discriminating others.


Regardless of what we may think, we're making value judgments on everything even on subconscious levels. From my own perspective I consciously make judgments on how women look for the sake of if I have an attraction, and that never mixes with the CD side. Other CD's I would definitely make comparisons with aesthetically, but never intellectually. There are a million more shades on the spectrum of mental substance than on the physical. I think the physical comparison tends to be more pronounced because we can more readily try to do something about it. And even if those attempts are in vain, there's an aspect that creates a very tangible output.
Altering perspective is something much more time-consuming and tedious. It's not nearly as innate in most people to invest that amount of effort when they can see altering physicality as more immediate and fruitful.
Luckily vanity loses in the end as we age and all accept our deterioration in strong lighting. But while you can try, you may as well. Regrets aren't exclusive to the non-materialistic, youth and beauty fade and as such those chances to preserve it are justified as you only have a moment to enjoy it.

TLDR: Why not compare aesthetic beauty? If it didn't matter, we wouldn't be trying to doll ourselves up in women's clothing. No matter which way you slice it, comparison is mostly just a level of admiration. (Unless you're an asshole that focuses on how much better you look than someone else.)

TLDR2: There will always be someone more beautiful, more ugly, taller, shorter, younger, older. But that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to aspire to something greater.

[noeleena]

Hi,

No i dont compare myself to any one regardless who they are , thats in who i am as a person how i dress and how im seen , and what am i to compare my self to any way ,

A male how can i , im not one ,to a normal born female would be wonderfull if i could, again , no.

Not much left then is there, oh and yes body wise internily what do i have left ,sexualy nothing , so male or female nothing there ,

So maybe im finding out i stand alone thats what being intersexed means,

as to clothes iv been down this road so many times its a fruitless exercise to even think to dress like other females with those gorgous clothes makes me look like a fool .or the court jester and i dont wont to go there, though even his clothes looked rather nice ..... oh heck what the hell am i saying .

Any way pretty much most women out class out dress and out look me before i even start / try and in the end why did i try any way.

I have one outfit that , i think i at the very least ,,,,and only think i look good dressed in - my garb its my Chatelaine = Lady of the Castle the other a Wench = kitchen maid well mistriss

I,ll concede to those ,the reason being iv never seen any one dressed in those styles .

Now i wont say i would look better , it only allows me the priviledge of it, i think, does not detract because of my facial features with my over all look ,

...noeleena...