So why don't we?

[Kate Simmons]

Many of us on here seem to have it pretty much together as to who we are and what we enjoy. In the case of crossdressing it seems that some of us are into it and good at it, so why don't we just go ahead and go through the process and get the transition operation from male to female? Quite honestly I could as I'm in touch with all of my feelings and could fulfill either role in society with equal ease.In the early 1970's this is what I thought I wanted to do but for some reason changed my mind, got married and raised a family which may never have happened if I got the operation. I have never regretted that decision.

Even so, why not just get the operation? To be perfectly honest CDing is near and dear to me and close to my heart. Besides being an art form for me, I just plain enjoy doing it and what goes along with it like dancing and performing. I guess it's part of the showman in me. I actually enjoy changing back to male as well as these facets are all very much a part of me.

Couple that with the fact that I've been retired the last 12 years and can pretty much do what I want and things look pretty good from my perspective. Since retiring I have been able to concentrate on the more important things like friendships and showing compassion and empathy towards others and practicing true altruism. That being the case I am many things to many people in both modes and do what I can to help.I know I can't change the world but will do what I can with my time left here.

If I can help others understand the CDing process they experience more, that in itself is my reward. I have already transitioned more or less in mind and spirit so doing it physically would only be a formality for myself.:)

[Jenniferathome]

We don't transition because we are cross dressers, not transsexuals.

[Dianne S]

Transitioning is a life-altering decision that cannot be made lightly. Those who transition must be prepared for huge losses in terms of relationships, employment, status and even safety. "The Operation" is probably the least important decision in this process. Making the social transition to living as a woman is much more important.

[Jenny Elwood]

Jennifer I've got your broo... back. I could think of nothing worse than having to pretend to be a woman full time. I'm an "occasional woman", nothing else.

Sometimes I think of claiming to be TS so I can dress full time. This is usually tempered by the realisation that boy me has been underperforming in the bedroom stakes. Clean out the plumbing once in a while and you won't be so concerned about what plumbing you've got. The time between dressing won't be that bad either.

[Wildaboutheels]

ALL men are Humans. ALL Humans are animals.

So...ALL CDers are animals. Most all CDers are men because Evolution has decreed that every man [with few exceptions] be a VISUAL creature. Men's vision. THE impetus for most male visits to O ville. Elegantly simple and obviously effective.

It's about the VISUAL not the MENTAL for easily 99% of the CDers on the planet.

Thems the simple FACTS, easily verified by nothing more than using Google alone to search for CDers. [25 pages worth]

And even the most casual flip through this sites P&V gallery CONFIRMS this.

I'm just the messenger.

It's not complicated.

[Isabella Ross]

Simple answer: I'm a man who loves being feminine and pretty. I can do that with the parts I was born with--parts that always be important to me.

[Renee Elise]

I still love being a guy and wouldn't want to give that up to be feminine (which I don't always feel frankly...sometimes it's all guy mode) all the time. Pure and simple.

[Clodagh]

I don't claim to be a woman, or even want to be a woman - good luck to those who do. I just like pretending to be a woman from time to time.

[mariehart]

Unfortunately you make it sound like a lifestyle choice. You say you can fulfill both roles. But so could anyone.

Being TS, having GD runs a lot deeper than that.

Why not simply live full time as a woman instead?

[5150 Girl]

Even so, why not just get the operation?


In a word,,, MONEY!!! Do you know what those operations cost?!?!?!

[Kate Simmons]

I do Hon. Would you believe back in the 1970's when I originally intended to have it the average cost was $7500? Talk about inflation. :)

[Kris Avery]

Simple answer: I'm a man who loves being feminine and pretty. I can do that with the parts I was born with--parts that always be important to me.

I can agree with this statement Bridgette.

In my case, the plumbing is not up for redesign discussions.
I am very happy with the bits that I have and wouldn't consider removing them.

That said, I do wish I had most of the body hair gone (some more on the top of the head) and a slightly bigger breast area - to give me more to work with.

[bridget thronton]

If you believe gender is a continuem and not binary the operation may not be important for everyone

[DAVIDA]

Kate, for me, it is just the clothes. I do not want to be a woman and never did.
I have a wonderful wife, who has known since the day I asked her to marry me. It has never been an issue with her.:)
I am dressed every day. I very seldom wear my wigs and it has been four years since I put on makeup. That was only because I drove to Savannah to meet a friend and forum member.
I have met several forum members in person and I am close friends with a few.
I have even been to SCC before.:) Jean and I had a great time there too.
My family knows about me too.
I don't have the need or the want to get all dressed up and go out anymore. It doesn't mean that I don't like wearing the clothes though.:heehee:
Each person has their own reasons, but I don't think that the majority of crossdressers want to transition.
As others have already said, that would put them in a whole different category.
You were one of the reasons, along with Jean, that I became comfortable with who and what I am.:D
It may not have been my "choice", but it is what I actually am and I am not ashamed of that anymore.:thumbsup:
Thank you!:hugs:
PS, I don't remember what you were going b way back then.:heehee:

[NicoleScott]

The only response necessary is the first one, by Jenniferathome. That's it, in a nutshell.

Kate, you have made it known many times that you like to throw out topics for discussion, for discussion sake. In coming up with this one, you must have run out of good ideas for a good discussion. But I guess that's your right.....


If I can help others understand the CDing process ...

More than 8 years and over 17,000 posts on the forum and your OP makes me question your understanding of what you want to help others with. Why don't crossdressers transition? The answer is in the question. Disappointing, and NOT helpful.

[Emi_]

For me, transitioning provides no tangible benefits. I would look only slightly more female than I do now, but my body would remain it's same size and general shape. I would still need to do a lot of what I do now to pass. I would have to surrender large parts of my personal identity and history to conform to my new status. I already went through all that when I transitioned in my 20s and I found that it did not satisfy me thus I remain male and continue to cross-dress regular,y and openly. I am a complete person without limit in any gender so transitioning from one to another would be to limit the whole person I am.

[Brianna_H]

Why don't we? Well, some of us are. I realized very early that it was NOT just about the visual for me and that cross-dressing is just the beginning. It's like a floodgate has opened and so many new feelings and hopes are pouring out. I have my first real therapy appt. in a few weeks. At first I was really excited and enthusiastic. Now there's some fear growing regarding the changes to my social life, costs, and the possibility of never reaching a satisfactory goal.

Why don't we? It's scary, expensive, and tumultuous. Not something one should do without a lot of soul-searching, research, planning, and support.

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps you are right Nicole. maybe it's time I just moved on. If what I'm doing is not helpful to anyone, what's the point?

[Emi_]

silly notion in some peoples minds that we are all on some kind of transgender conveyor belt and that we progress naturally from one step to the next along the gender spectrum beginning as wee little cross-dressers and "graduating" to fully formed transexual women. This is just not the case. Each transgendered person fits into a unique spot along the wide range of the spectrum according to their own needs and desires and comfort. Some do move along the spectrum as they find their place but it is not a rule that you must go from A all the way to Z.

[Melissa_59]

There are so many reasons I haven't pushed forward, but chief among them these days is that I've fallen in love with a woman who accepts me, but also loves the male-me primarily. She accepts Melissa and doesn't mind me being dressed, but she fell in love with the man and I wouldn't take that away from her. I love her too much.

But if things were different, and if I were MUCH younger - change if I had the opportunity? Yes, I would have done it 30 or 40 years ago if I'd had the chance. And my life would have been completely different I imagine.

~Melissa in West Texas

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks very much for your opinions and comments everyone. Please note that this will be my last personal thread.

[Teresa]

Kate I hope you're not leaving us ? Your input and comments would be badly missed !

[RADER]

I have been a Boy for over 67 years, No reason to change now.
I just like wearing female clothes. I dress when ever I can, and enjoy
the best of both worlds. Have been doing this since I was 4 years old.
Rader

[Dolly Parton]

Amazing, 4 years old. More amazing that you remember that...

[Barbara Ella]

Posts like this give everyone the chance to discuss where they are and why. At least the ones brave enough to respond, and that in turn gives information to the more timid ones who do not feel like responding. Discussion is always a good thing and I so love hearing about where everyone is at present.

At 68 now, i have transitioned in my mind. I needed the hormones to lessen the GD, and the feminization side benefits are greatly appreciated.

The key is to develop who you are to the point that you are happy and comfortable. At that point the movement/transition can cease. Everyone's end point will be different. Thus, why don't we go further is simply answered by the realization that one is perfectly happy with what has been achieved to date.

Keep talking girls, without it no one learns.

Barbara

[Allison Chaynes]

I personally could be happy living full time as a female without the physical changes if reality was different. It's about more than just me, and my wife's needs are more important than my own. Plus, the financial costs would be huge. Then there's the whole added risk of taking the medications needed for HRT/SRS and the medical risks involved, and I'm sure my heart physically couldn't handle it.

Great topic, Kate. Thanks for bringing it up!

[Vickie_CDTV]

SRS is not necessary to dress up. It isn't even necessary to pass (if one can already pass) in 99.9% of circumstances.

Male to Female SRS is light years ahead of Female to Male SRS, but it is still far from perfect and some have complications (especially those who are older) and some end up disappointed with the results. It is not guaranteed by any means and I always tell folks who come to me to weigh the pros and cons very carefully and it is not necessary to live fulltime etc. ... and I say this as someone who, on the periphery at least, profits from the "sex change industry" (doing genital electro for those surgeons who require it.)

[CynthiaD]

Why bother? If you can live as a woman without going through the pain and suffering of surgery, why bother with it?

[paulaprimo]

kate,
you are you, and that is to say a truly beautiful and wonderful person.
your empathy for people and ability to help is amazing. i have followed and
enjoyed your posts and coments over the years. you are kind and treat people
with respect.
you have class and character and if more people were like you this world
would be a much nicer place.
now whats that crap about being your final thread??? :(
big hugs,
paula

[suchacutie]

The easy answer for me is that I need both of my gendered selves, so changing the plumbing wouldn't change my situation. I very much like my current situation :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate, At 71 and married over 50yrs.to my wonderful wife, I have the absolute best of both worlds.

[kimdl93]

We don't transition because we are cross dressers, not transsexuals.

I think this sums it up pretty well. There is certainly a broad spectrum of transgendered people out there. It's not either or. You don't have to choose from columns A or B. And there are many people who may be nearer the TS end of the spectrum who have chosen, because they could choose, to live a life that is a compromise between their birth gender and their gender identity. One of the most prominent members of Houston's Transgender community is a woman who for medical reasons can't do HRT and SRS.

And I know this wasn't the intent, but the question is kinda offensive for those who are truly TS. For them, this is seldom simply a matter of choice. It's not an act, not a matter of proficiency nor a question of having the freedom to do as they wish. Often, indeed quite the opposite.

[Donnagirl]

Because I'm mostly boy, just a little bit girl... And I'm happy for that to continue.

[Thea Pauline]

We don't transition because we are cross dressers, not transsexuals.
Yep. I have gone to Tri-Ess functions, CD groups, etc., and I do not fit in. Those who CD and can be happy with their lives as part time males, more power to you. You, at a societal level, DO have a choice.




I think this sums it up pretty well. There is certainly a broad spectrum of transgendered people out there. It's not either or. You don't have to choose from columns A or B. And there are many people who may be nearer the TS end of the spectrum who have chosen, because the could choose, to live a life that is a compromise between their birth gender and their gender identity. One of the most prominent members of Houston's Transgender community is a woman who for medical reasons can't do HRT and SRS.

And I know this wasn't the intent, but the question is kinda offensive for those who are truly TS. For them, this is seldom simply a matter of choice. It's not an act, not a matter of proficiency nor a question of having the freedom to do as they wish. Often, indeed quite the opposite.

I appreciate your comments and largely agree with what you have said. I intend to address my long, tedious lurking in another post, but felt compelled to respond to this, and the OP.

I am continuing the lifelong process of learning who I am, as I know this is a moving target. I have little to offer to the CD or SO, comfortable with their situation or not. For the questioning CD/TG/TS what I can confirm is that if you are able to move forward to tomorrow, knowing absolutely you will lose everything you know and love because you are TS... And yet, you do go forward. One more day. It gets better.
And so to the OP:

Kate, if you have achieved a 'happy equilibrium', please, share, support and keep yourself, other CDs and the rest of us happy fools from harm.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kate,

While Isha is a part of who I am and I will be the first to admit that I probably have a very mild case of GID, too much of who I am is vested in my male identities and to be honest I like them . . . a lot . . . and would be lost without them. So I have struck a compromise and spend time as Isha when she needs to be out and about and boy me when it is needed. Does that make me CD or leaning toward the TS side of the spectrum . . . can't answer that. All I know is that I am TG on some level and quite happy to travel whatever path that takes me down.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

I think for myself saying I'm TG is good enough and leave it as that Isha. There are specific strengths and skills imbued in both "Halves' that can be called upon as needed in either mode. They say we should strike a happy medium. I tried but she wasn't too happy about it.:heehee::battingeyelashes::)

[Krisi]

Transitioning is a long way from crossdressing. While it's nice to immagine having a beautiful female body, the reality for many of us is that we are tied up in our male lives and don't want to chance losing our wives, families, jobs and friends.

Crossdressing is something you can start and stop. Transitioned is for ever.

[Claire Cook]

Why bother? If you can live as a woman without going through the pain and suffering of surgery, why bother with it?


Hi Kate, At 71 and married over 50yrs.to my wonderful wife, I have the absolute best of both worlds.

Cynthia and Blue Orchid have said it for me. I am spending more and more time as Claire and am generally treated, if not accepted, as a woman when I do. My relationship with my wife of 46 years is paramount, and to remove (as Lacey Leigh put it) Bert, Ernie and Big Bird (well, maybe little bird...) or make them nonfunctional just would not be part of the deal. Absolutely the best of both worlds for me.

[Kate Simmons]

I understand what you are saying Claire but even so a few from this very Forum have transitioned and done just that. Just a topic for discussion but as with all controversial subjects (to some) they tend to retreat to their own little corner to defend it when no one is really challenging who they are or what they do.:)

[Georgina]

Do most people assume that if you wear a skirt or dress you want to be a woman? I wear complete female clothing every day, less make up and wig usually, but have no intention of being a woman. I enjoy the clothes and, occasionally wear make up and a wig, but I am a man always and want to remain so. I want the freedom, that women have, to alter their looks and wear what they want without ridicule from society.

[Amanda22]

And I know this wasn't the intent, but the question is kinda offensive for those who are truly TS. For them, this is seldom simply a matter of choice. It's not an act, not a matter of proficiency nor a question of having the freedom to do as they wish. Often, indeed quite the opposite.

Kim, thanks for making this point. Over the past few years, several aggressive members have told me I don't belong in this sub-forum because I don't celebrate my maleness. I hang out here because it's the first place I visited. I have a genuine fondness for several members here, and I respect their feelings. Please just remember that not everyone is alike. I've always wished the stuff between my legs was gone.

[Claire Cook]

Kate, I agree. This is so much a personal question, and depends on what both partners in a relationship want and can deal with. I really admire those of us who have transitioned and have somehow managed to stay with their partners. Says a lot about commitment.

... and I echo Teresa .. I hope you aren't leaving us, but after (GASP) 17,000+ posts you've been such a source of insight and perspective for us! :battingeyelashes:

[5150 Girl]

I do Hon. Would you believe back in the 1970's when I originally intended to have it the average cost was $7500? Talk about inflation. :)

Yea, now-a-days, that's about what a good boob job alone would cost!

[NicoleScott]

And I know this wasn't the intent, but the question is kinda offensive for those who are truly TS. For them, this is seldom simply a matter of choice. It's not an act, not a matter of proficiency nor a question of having the freedom to do as they wish. Often, indeed quite the opposite.

I don't know if a TS takes offense, but they must surely agree with you that it doesn't work this way, that is, choosing transition to make crossdressing "better".
My sharp criticism to the OP was from the POV of a crossdresser. I oppose the idea some have that a TS is a CDer who transitions or wants to. That idea is barely understandable for the general public to have, but we should know better. If a [M2F] CDer is a man and a TS is a woman, then one can't be farther along some scale than the other, but be fundamentally different.



...people who may be nearer the TS end of the spectrum ...


We see this all the time on the forum. It does imply that along some scale there are crossdressers and farther towards one end there are transexuals. I don't think so. What is this spectrum called, anyway?

I don't think that suggesting transition as a way to make crossdressing better, easier, etc. is very good advice for a young crossdresser trying to understand what's going on inside, as many of us struggled with long ago. For many (most?) of us, it took a long time to come to terms with this drive to crossdress.

[natcrys]

I think my main reason for not transitioning would be.. I'm very comfortable in my own body. :)


Playing what-if (which is always tricky) ... I think that if I had been born in a female body.. but with the same set of brains, I think I would have been the ultimate tom-boy. I would still be doing karate, snowboarding.. loving football, playing videogames. I'm sure growing up in this scenario.. people would probably think of me as behaving like a boy. :p


Back to reality.. would I love to have an actual female body? I would be lying if I said that this thought never popped up in my mind.. especially when I'm trying on a dress that would look amazing if I had more hips and cleavage.

But you know what? I'm actually glad I can take off my breast forms (which are of the brand Amoena.. and very very nice to wear). And I also do like wearing my jeans and t-shirts.

So, for the last 30 years, I have regularly asked myself.. how's the current situation? And I guess, fundamentally... as far as I can tell, this body matches my brains and personality.. and I'm happy with both my boy and girl side (which I just call my side :p).

And if that means I gotta add some extra padding.. and slap on a bit more make-up for the girl side to shine.. then so be it! :)

[paulaprimo]

for the life of me i don't understand why some of you get so upset with a comment or thread.
to me, communication is the key to education. i'm still kinda new to this and am still learning...
the more i learn the more questions i have. i'm pretty sure that the OP just threw this out there
as a topic of discussion. for those of you with all of the answers and stone cold in your beliefs,
just move along, nothing to see here... but for some of us, especially the newbies there is much to learn
from the responses and comments.

so no need to attack the OP when she is an asset to the site, stimulating conversation and educating
some. we are all so very different and far apart along the gender spectrum that no one answer or
opinion is the answer for all! but it does stimulate the brain and make one think...

[Kate Simmons]

Just to clear the air, I never intended to suggest that a CDer was a TS in training. I know the difference but because of my own personal experiences in life I have a different perspective than most folks of the whole TG umbrella. In the end it is what it is anyway regardless of what we believe so I've learned not to sweat the small stuff such as definitions and perceptions.Have a great day everyone.

[natcrys]

No worries here. :)

I know there are people who want to focus on the negative or perceive the bad things that could be between the lines.. but I think it's an interesting (IMHO) topic.. and I loved reading the responses (most of them anyway. :p )

And judging by the number of responses.. it was not a useless or needless thread.

[Dianne S]

It does imply that along some scale there are crossdressers and farther towards one end there are transexuals. I don't think so. What is this spectrum called, anyway?

I think there is such a spectrum (let's call it the Gender Expression Spectrum) but I don't think all crossdressers are on it. I think there are some crossdressers who have no gender dysphoria whatsoever; they dress for erotic reasons or to play-act or whatever.

However, I think most crossdressers do have some level of gender dysphoria that is relieved when they dress. Some of us only need to dress occasionally; some need to dress frequently; some need to dress almost all the time; and some with severe gender dysphoria need to transition.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

As I suggested in another thread of mine, there are thousands, maybe millions of shades of gray based on individual needs. There are those who need to transition or die. There are those who enjoy being men and occasionally or constantly present as a woman. There are those who like the feel of feminine attire. And there are those who wish to fully present as a woman and return to their male status. Then there are some of us who cannot fully transition but can find ways to at least feel good about our needs and fulfill them. Without clothes, we are also very naked.

The gray scale runs along many different shades. Our situations are all individual and not compartmentalized in boxes. No one can judge another for their feelings or choices to enhance their lives on this planet.

Cheryl